00:00people love tommy shelby from peaky
00:01blinders he's a quiet introverted
00:03character and at the same time extremely
00:05charismatic while you don't want to be
00:06like tommy in every way there are eight
00:08habits you can learn from him to
00:09instantly command more respect from the
00:11people around you and even though peaky
00:12blinders is a scripted tv show all the
00:14psychology covered in today's video will
00:16apply to your actual life also this
00:18video has a few scenes from season 6 but
00:19no spoilers the first thing that you see
00:21from tommy is that he has slow relaxed
00:24movements when he isn't physically
00:25fighting he's almost never in a rush for
00:27example notice how slowly tommy moves in
00:30this next clip and how it instantly
00:31gives you the sense that he's above
00:39talking to you mr shelby
00:50when you move slowly and comfortably in
00:52a situation where most people would be
00:54stressed it shows that you don't feel
00:56scared or pressured along with the slow
00:58movements there's a second body language
00:59habit you saw that helps tommy appear
01:01confident tommy is comfortable holding
01:03eye contact even during conflict right
01:05he's the oldest you're the thickest i'm
01:08told the boss is called tommy and i'm
01:09guessing that's you because you're
01:11looking me up and down like i'm a tart
01:15i want to know what you want
01:17well you're gonna die
01:27we talked about this briefly in the
01:28alfie video the one mistake you could
01:30make after watching scenes like this is
01:32trying to hold eye contact all the time
01:33but holding eye contact during conflict
01:35can actually escalate the tension if
01:37neither of you is willing to break so
01:39the goal isn't to never break eye
01:40contact it's just to know what your
01:42behavior signals to other people hold if
01:44you want to show you aren't intimidated
01:46look down if your priority is to
01:47de-escalate and if you want to diffuse
01:49the situation without projecting fear or
01:51discomfort you can hold eye contact for
01:53three to five seconds and then break to
01:55the side instead of down at a high level
01:58tommy's ability to command respect in
01:59moments of conflict comes from the fact
02:01that he's not reactive to hostility
02:03notice how much confidence tommy can
02:04project without even speaking
02:11being non-reactive shows you feel
02:13confident in your ability to handle
02:15whatever is happening it's hard not to
02:17respect someone who keeps their cool in
02:18situations where most people would lose
02:20it here's another funny example of just
02:22how non-reactive tommy can be he
02:24researches his enemies
02:27that's why he's been chosen
02:37could the chosen one smoke this is
02:39obviously an extreme example and
02:41hopefully none of us will ever have to
02:42deal with trying to keep cool with a gun
02:44to our head but it's a good example of
02:46how tommy's non-reactivity projects
02:48confidence under pressure of course the
02:50goal here isn't to fake that you're okay
02:52while freaking out on the inside it's to
02:54cultivate a genuine deep internal
02:56confidence we'll talk more about how to
02:57do that at the end of this video there
02:59is one more quick body language habit
03:01you should steal from tommy if you want
03:02to command attention specifically in
03:04large groups be as big as your audience
03:07gail up your hand gestures when you're
03:08speaking to more people
03:10but the main thing is
03:14despite the provocation
03:16from the cavalry no fighting but it is
03:19you my friends who must suffer the cuts
03:24and in dignity and you must not complain
03:27because that would be unpatriotic moving
03:29beyond body language the next way you
03:31can command respect is by focusing on
03:32how you speak the first thing you notice
03:34about tommy when he speaks is that his
03:36word choice shows conviction
03:37specifically when he talks about his
03:39plans for the future he doesn't say i
03:40hope to or i want to but i will just a
03:44few more years to go
03:47and you will change your ways
03:53and i'll change the world
03:55beyond word choice you can show
03:57conviction with just your tone many
03:59people do the opposite ending in upward
04:00inflection making statements sound like
04:02questions this gives the impression that
04:04you're unsure of yourself as an example
04:06compare tommy's tone in this next clip
04:08to genus what are michael's real
04:09intentions towards me gina
04:12and if you lie i will now tell me
04:16he intends to complete the deal
04:20and then you both walk away so if you
04:21want to show conviction with just your
04:23tone end your statements in a downward
04:25inflection similar to his slow relaxed
04:27body language tommy also has a slow
04:29speaking cadence and uses pauses between
04:31words to hold attention the pause is the
04:33moment when you're not speaking but
04:34ironically it's the moment you can pull
04:37people in tommy does this by pausing
04:38when you most want to hear what he has
04:40to say you know michael when you're
04:42dealing with a very powerful enemy
04:44taking revenge sometimes requires time
04:52that moment will come you may worry that
04:54speaking slowly and pausing a lot will
04:56lead to people cutting you off the way
04:58you can prevent this isn't by rushing to
05:00finish or giving up on your thought
05:02halfway through but by continuing to
05:03speak in that same slow speaking cadence
05:06until you're at least finished your
05:07sentence watch this next clip as an
05:08example you can model for context that
05:10ticking in the background is a bomb as a
05:12member of parliament
05:16for this constituency
05:19it is my duty to take responsibility for
05:23is still ticking consumption of opium is
05:25very prejudicial now there's one more
05:27important thing to cover when talking
05:29about why tommy shelby commands so much
05:31respect he doesn't have to shout or
05:33raise his voice because either he knows
05:35what you desperately want and can give
05:36it to you or he knows what you
05:37desperately fear and can prevent it so
05:39his quiet words carry massive weight as
05:42an example let's go back to earlier in
05:44that chosen one scene when they first
05:48you were one decision away from death mr
05:56tommy projects confidence because of
05:57everything we've spoken about so far in
05:58this video but why is he able to be so
06:01calm and non-reactive under pressure
06:03because he knows he's not actually in
06:04danger watch why your name is r.e
06:08you have a son at the cherrywood road
06:10school in harbour he has arms on his
06:12legs his name is shawn he comes last in
06:18boy poor boys the race was important we
06:22touched on this in our first tommy video
06:24and it's one of his defining features he
06:25wields tremendous power over people
06:27using carrot stick motivation now
06:29obviously we don't want to be
06:30threatening to murder children so how on
06:32earth can you actually apply this to
06:33your own life well let's say you want a
06:35raise or a promotion from work a lot of
06:37people would just go in and say hey boss
06:39i've been working here a long time i
06:40would really like a raise can i have
06:41more money very focused on i not very
06:44persuasive how could instead you apply
06:47carrot stick thinking you could say hey
06:49boss i feel like i can add more value to
06:51the company and play at a higher level
06:53what would you need to see from me in
06:54the next three months to promote me work
06:56with your boss to create a concrete list
06:58then nail everything on that list at the
07:00same time go out and get other job
07:02offers in three months you can show all
07:04the value you've created for your boss
07:06carrot and if they back out from the
07:08agreement you can tell them that you
07:09want to stay but you have other offers
07:11that pay more if they're unwilling to
07:12give you a raise that's the stick
07:14no murdering of children involved now
07:16while that plan is extremely likely to
07:18work most people don't have the
07:20confidence to execute it you might think
07:22that building that kind of confidence
07:23will take you a long time or maybe you
07:25even think it's impossible for you that
07:27you could never actually build deep
07:30but building confidence is way easier
07:32than you think with the right game plan
07:33you can become significantly more
07:35confident in just a few weeks if you
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08:49click the link on screen now or in the
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08:52enjoyed this video i really appreciate
08:54you taking the time to watch it and i
08:55hope to see you in the next one
