00:09 okay let's let's try to let's try to say
00:11 some nice things about
00:31 have you ever wanted something so badly
00:34 because you felt like it would make your
00:43 better I don't want to be that girl in
00:46 college that none of the guys
00:49 like but now when the guys at my school
00:52 and they look at me I don't really
00:54 probably find me as attractive anymore
00:57 which I don't really care but again it's
01:01 indicator that my appearance has
01:05 changed I didn't always look like this
01:08 just a few months ago things were so
01:10 different back then the boy I was in
01:12 love with liked me back people were nice
01:15 to me and life just felt
01:17 exciting but now people treated me
01:20 differently and that
01:23 hurt ow I just need to get it to the
01:27 point where people can still look at me
01:29 and not bother it I could no longer
01:31 enjoy the simple things that I used to
01:34 with you know gaining weight I have to
01:37 always wear big sweaters always black
01:40 pants so many restrictions you know the
01:44 thing that hurt the most for me was that
01:46 the boy I was in love with stopped
01:48 talking to me and suddenly We Were
01:52 again you would think that the answer to
01:55 a problem like this would be to glow up
01:57 and that's what I thought too I thought
01:59 it would make make me happy and it did
02:02 but it also ruined my
02:09 life the first day is always the
02:13 hardest about two more miles to walk so
02:17 I'm putting on this solstic acid think
02:20 about the guys in college like do you
02:22 want to be that girl that the guys don't
02:25 want to talk to I'mma change you I'mma
02:30 the journey was taking longer than
02:32 expected because I was struggling with
02:35 loss that's really unfortunate anyway
02:38 it's okay don't lose Faith you're going
02:39 to get right back on track and you'll
02:41 lose weight you know I'm consistent in a
02:44 lot of things but when it comes to
02:46 weight loss it is so hard the more I
02:48 struggled the more I craved my dream
02:51 self I'm starting to picture this person
02:54 I could look like who I can
02:56 be and she looks amazing and and seems
03:00 amazing and it it's just like everything
03:03 I want to do is being held back by one
03:13 weight my efforts to lose weight weren't
03:16 exactly working I was getting further
03:18 away from my dream self and that made me
03:20 even more insecure I just remembered
03:23 part of me actually doesn't want to go
03:24 to dance class the teacher was really
03:26 judgmental towards me and like neglected
03:30 I felt really uncomfortable with myself
03:32 and started to develop unhealthy
03:34 patterns you know like what I did in the
03:36 past is I would actually just cancel
03:38 plans and not even go hang out with
03:40 people I don't take Instagram photos if
03:43 I've gained weight you know
03:45 because it's like I don't even want to
03:47 go out to this party anymore because I
03:49 just look terrible and yeah like I don't
03:53 look good in any of my clothes when I
03:54 was walking to my hair salon in my head
03:57 I just wanted to go around and buy a
03:59 bunch of different food why am I
04:00 thinking this way why am I thinking this
04:02 way like why do I want to go and buy a
04:03 bunch of food when I'm like not even
04:05 that hungry why would I want to sabotage
04:07 everything like but if I stay strong
04:08 today tomorrow should be
04:14 easier I don't know what to do I I just
04:17 can't meet up with him looking like this
04:18 like this is just not
04:35 people were getting tired of watching my
04:37 repetitive failures I stopped posting on
04:40 YouTube and decided I would come back to
04:42 complete my story once I figured
04:44 everything out and finally glowed
04:55 up and then today I was in the room it
04:57 was just laughing at me
05:01 and they're like what cuz you ate too
05:10 just I just and I don't know why I'm
05:13 crying about it but it's probably
05:15 because I've struggled with it for so
05:44 during this time I got help from a
05:46 therapist and a celebrity fitness
05:49 trainer but none of that worked it only
05:53 gave me more reasons to be ashamed of
06:00 you know you may Wonder like how could
06:02 you let yourself get to this
06:04 point and it's because I didn't care I
06:09 guess cuz I understand it's like a
06:13 deeper rooted issue it's like who I am
06:16 inside and who I am on the inside is
06:21 weak it was hard not to dislike
06:35 sometimes the world insults you in a way
06:38 that makes you feel like you just can't
06:42 anymore I did not come this far just to
06:47 far the humiliation pushed me to such a
06:50 low point that I thought I'd rather die
07:06 when your feelings get hurt this much
07:10 you can't help but become consumed by
07:14 Darkness I wanted to destroy my old self
07:17 and bury her so deep into the ground
07:19 that she never comes back to make me
07:21 feel ashamed or humiliated ever again I
07:25 was extremely angry and fed up with
07:27 being this version of myself
07:29 so I started pushing past my limits
07:32 because I wanted to get to my dream self
07:34 as fast as possible I needed to succeed
07:37 because succeeding meant that all my
07:40 problems would go away and I would
07:47 happy I'm like looking at someone
08:30 I went back on YouTube to complete my
08:32 story and I didn't expect that many
08:34 people to watch it and when you've gone
08:36 so long not feeling good about yourself
08:39 the effects of success truly make you
08:41 feel valued and appreciated you get
08:43 hooked on the high of the wind's inv
08:46 validation and you almost feel like you
08:49 can't live without it like if I failed
08:53 now there was really no point in living
08:56 anymore oh my gosh people are going to
08:59 see this and they're probably going to
09:01 expect me to be perfect afterwards I was
09:04 like wow if I do something in the future
09:06 and I do something wrong people are just
09:08 going to think oh she's just like her
09:09 old self when the external validation
09:11 feels too good there's usually another
09:15 side to it I was live streaming and then
09:17 someone commented and then people were
09:19 like asking they were like why do you
09:21 not look as good as your Instagram photo
09:24 like because my lifestyle is out of
09:27 whack and yes I have gained a little bit
09:30 of weight back you start to feel like
09:32 the world is watching your every move
09:34 like you cannot be less than this
09:36 standard I became really self-conscious
09:38 and even a little bit of weight gain
09:40 made me feel insecure basically I walked
09:42 in I I was like holding myself I felt
09:44 uncomfortable in my own skin I really
09:46 understood what that meant and not only
09:48 did I feel uncomfortable I just felt
09:50 like I didn't belong I felt like it was
09:54 easy to be kind to myself when I was my
09:56 ideal standard but as soon as I wasn't
09:59 it would trigger these negative thoughts
10:01 and I would start to shame myself as I
10:03 was eating my cake I saw this woman
10:05 running and I literally saw her and I
10:08 felt bad about myself and so that's when
10:11 you realize it's not about the other
10:14 person it doesn't affect your life what
10:18 affects your life is if you're running
10:20 or not I know why I felt so bad about
10:22 myself it was because number one I was
10:25 in my pajamas number two I haven't been
10:27 eating healthy this week I thought I was
10:29 just keeping myself in check because
10:31 when you are being the best version of
10:33 yourself you just don't let yourself do
10:35 these unhealthy habits my dirty
10:37 apartment is triggering me my disgusting
10:40 outfit is triggering me the fact that I
10:43 haven't showered in a while is
10:48 like I couldn't maintain a balance in my
10:51 life and as a result I couldn't hold on
10:53 to my dream body holy I look
10:56 different I wasn't supposed to end up
10:58 like this again I was not supposed to
11:00 end up like this again what the happened
11:03 to the pain of who I used to be and I
11:04 look fat too throw me out on the streets
11:07 at this point I don't deserve this while
11:09 my life was spiraling out of control the
11:11 online pressure was getting worse coach
11:14 Greg and today I'm going to be talking
11:16 about Olivia Dandrea she recently posted
11:19 a video that essentially has gone viral
11:22 nearly we'll be looking at Olivia
11:24 Dandrea blowup diary I've never gotten
11:29 request like that video so I am other
11:32 creators were commenting on my journey
11:34 and it led to me receiving a lot of
11:42 messages I am just trying to be the best
11:45 version for me and I'm trying to make
11:47 others feel better as I share my
11:51 journey it's like it's like people I can
11:55 feel negative comments so happy with the
11:58 fact that I didn't reach this perfect
12:08 version okay let's let's try to let's
12:11 try to say some nice things about
12:27 um and that that is how glowing up
13:38 so I'm struggling to care about anything
13:43 life and then I realized I thought about
13:47 my subscribers and something like I felt
13:52 something and so I was like what about
13:55 my subscribers I care about them and all
13:59 want is for people to accept
14:03 me in any body that I am
14:06 in and the the cold heart truth is I
14:12 why I don't know why I want to be
14:18 accepted what is the purpose what is the
14:22 purpose of this entire glowup Journey
14:24 what is the purpose for why you're
14:25 trying to reach that goal in your life
14:27 when I was younger I said that I just
14:29 wanted to be happy and no one ever
14:31 questioned me I didn't even question me
14:33 because it was such a socially
14:35 acceptable goal to go glow up to chase
14:38 something that the world values but now
14:41 with the awareness that I have I
14:43 recognize that that happiness I was
14:45 after was not a good happiness the
14:48 problem with the glowup concept is that
14:50 we're only seeing these results which
14:52 can easily create the illusion that
14:53 these results is what creates the
14:55 happiness and secondly it can be easy to
14:58 follow fall into the mindset that the
14:59 before version of you is not enough or
15:02 acceptable and it starts to make you
15:04 place value on only one version of
15:06 yourself the version that has all the
15:09 external things that Society values it
15:12 ends up creating such a fake
15:13 relationship with yourself it's like a
15:15 fake friend a friend that only likes you
15:18 because you're pretty you have cool
15:19 clothes you're rich you get good grades
15:21 that's not a friend that I want I want a
15:23 friend that likes me no matter what
15:26 correction I want a friend that loves me
15:28 no matter what but there's a difference
15:29 between like and love I think it's fine
15:31 sometimes we don't like ourselves but
15:33 our love for ourselves should be such a
15:35 basic human need that you should have at
15:37 all times and it should not be dependent
15:38 on a goal watch the story later because
15:40 I'm going to talk about the difference
15:41 between like self-worth and
15:42 self-confidence and all that okay bye
15:44 those real friends are the ones that
15:46 make you feel deep fulfillment the fake
15:49 friends make you feel empty in the end I
15:51 think there's so much knowledge online
15:53 about how to chase external goals in
15:56 life but not enough about how you you
15:58 have to develop that healthy
16:00 relationship with yourself first before
16:02 going to chase those external goals in
16:04 life there's not enough information
16:06 about how to make yourself your own best
16:08 friend so anyway I hope you guys enjoy
16:11 the rest of the video and see how I end
16:14 up becoming my own best
16:20 friend what is acceptance
16:24 acceptance is an opening of your heart
16:26 to the realities of life
16:38 the thought of acceptance is painful and
16:40 scary because it makes us feel like we
16:42 have to let go of our goals and dreams
16:44 stop growing and accept our harsh
16:47 realities this is just the reality that
16:51 when I lost weight people treated me
16:56 differently the world sets a standard
16:58 and convinces us that we're not good
17:00 enough this motivates us to want to
17:03 change because we want the world to
17:05 accept us to approve of us so we try to
17:08 conform to the world's standard thinking
17:10 that it makes us better people and that
17:12 it helps us grow but chasing a goal out
17:15 of seeking the world's approval is an
17:17 insecure goal insecure goals causes
17:19 unhealthy pressure which can create
17:21 toxic patterns when we seek validation
17:24 from others to feel worthy we start to
17:26 believe that our worthiness depends on
17:28 on their approval and
17:30 acceptance this fragile mentality
17:32 mistakes happiness love and inner peace
17:35 as things that can be given or taken
17:37 away from us at any time don't limit
17:40 yourself to what society says is
17:42 successful be yourself as cheesy as that
17:46 sounds anyway I started to ask myself
17:49 what was like the purpose of all of this
17:51 right the main intent of that Journey
17:54 was for me to glow up and be happy
18:00 and here I am at the end of my journey
18:03 and I'm really really
18:08 unhappy probably more unhappy than I've
18:13 been a true Everlasting transformation
18:17 requires you to break down the very
18:19 structure of your belief system and
18:21 rebuild it in a new and improved form
18:24 and the very first step to Everlasting
18:26 Improvement is making peace with all
18:28 versions of yourself forgiving yourself
18:31 and realizing that you were worthy all
18:33 along regardless of your
18:35 standards I think I just want to forgive
18:40 myself for everything that's
18:48 happened it's like a forgiveness like
19:03 okay I think there just this part of me
19:17 hey I don't know if you can see me but I
19:19 just want to say this one thing I don't
19:21 know who you are I don't know what you
19:24 have achieved what you look like no
19:27 matter the mistakes we've
19:30 made no matter whether or not we can
19:33 reach a goal I just hope that you feel
19:37 like you are enough for
19:42 once because I know what it feels like
19:47 not self-worth is often times confused
19:50 with self-confidence self-confidence is
19:53 a feeling of trust in one's abilities it
19:55 is derived from our accomplishments and
19:57 skills s our confidence goes up and down
20:00 depending on how we're doing in various
20:02 aspects of Our Lives selfworth is a
20:05 feeling of love for yourself it is the
20:08 knowledge that we are inherently worthy
20:09 of love and care no matter the externals
20:13 your self-love should not waver this
20:15 allows us to look at self-acceptance in
20:17 a deeper way self-acceptance is not
20:20 about complacency but about
20:21 acknowledging your current reality and
20:23 not judging it when we judge ourselves
20:25 so harshly it affects our selfworth when
20:28 when our self-worth lowers it can cause
20:30 us to go seek that love on the outside
20:32 through external goals or other people
20:34 because we are not getting that love
20:35 from the inside how I broke the habit of
20:38 negatively judging myself is by saying
20:40 the words it's okay it's okay that
20:43 you're not perfect it's okay that you
20:45 were self-critical it's okay that you
20:47 weren't productive the negative
20:49 judgmental voice in our heads is learned
20:51 it is learned through all the voices you
20:53 have internalized from people parents
20:55 friends Society anyone who wants you to
20:58 conform to their ideas of what you
21:00 should be like and what you should do
21:02 self-acceptance is a way of
21:03 deprogramming from societal standards by
21:06 acknowledging our situation in a neutral
21:08 way we can remove the negative judgment
21:10 that pressures us to change when we
21:13 release negative judgment we create
21:15 space for self-awareness and compassion
21:17 we start to listen to ourselves more
21:19 become more in tune with our thoughts
21:21 and feelings and are able to stand up
21:23 for ourselves and choose what we really
21:25 want to do whether that is to change
21:27 yourself or not change yourself your
21:30 happiness does not have to make sense to
21:35 people when you accept yourself some
21:38 amazing things start to
21:41 happen you believe in your own value and
21:44 only surround yourself with people who
21:46 see it too I'm at the mall and something
21:49 just happened to me so there was a guy
21:51 that I went on a date with two years ago
21:53 during my glowup journey and at the time
21:56 I didn't really understand how much I
21:58 was lacking in self-acceptance and self
22:00 Lov and all that so I like so badly
22:03 wanted him like I was lowkey desperate I
22:06 literally just saw him he was on a date
22:09 with another girl but it's so crazy
22:12 because of how much I've changed as a
22:14 person it's so crazy cuz like I lo I saw
22:17 him and there was just no desire for him
22:22 because I feel so whole and full on the
22:26 inside I love myself truly deep down so
22:29 much now that I don't want a guy that
22:31 doesn't want me literally I couldn't get
22:33 over that Obsession and I didn't know
22:35 why I couldn't understand why I obsessed
22:37 over him and now I see it's because I so
22:39 badly wanted validation in the past and
22:42 I didn't even understand that I was like
22:44 now I'm not the girl who wants that
22:45 stuff but I didn't realize
22:46 subconsciously I did and now I literally
22:49 just saw him with another girl and I'm
22:51 like good for you and I'm just like I'm
22:54 going to go shopping now you will
22:56 naturally start to defend yourself from
22:59 negativity and unhealthy pressure I'm at
23:01 the mall right now with my mom and my
23:04 mom loves me whatever um not at all out
23:07 of hate like she just wants the best for
23:09 me and my mom was just talking to my
23:11 aunt saying the same comment that she
23:13 said to me for so many years which is
23:15 like oh just wait and see like once
23:17 Olivia loses just a little bit of weight
23:19 she's going to look
23:21 gorgeous and in the past I always loved
23:24 to hear that comment that was like my
23:25 favorite because it just put such a high
23:28 selfworth on my thinner self and
23:32 completely disregarded who I am right
23:34 now and so now when I hear that comment
23:36 I immediately just like threw it out of
23:38 my head I was like nope I can't tell you
23:41 how much more normal my thoughts are now
23:43 now that that I've truly like learned to
23:46 love and accept who I am right
23:48 now you stop restricting yourself from
23:51 the simple joys of life because you
23:53 realize you deserve to be
23:55 happy in the past every time I came to
23:57 the mall I would say I don't want to try
24:00 on clothes I don't want to buy any
24:02 clothes because I don't want to waste
24:03 money on my current self like only my
24:06 skinny self deserves to have pretty
24:10 so and I didn't realize at the time how
24:14 toxic that was how that sends a message
24:17 to your subconscious self that hey I
24:19 don't accept you right now so you don't
24:20 even deserve nice clothes do you see
24:22 what I'm saying now it's like if I want
24:24 to make myself look nice now please do
24:28 you stop depending on other people's
24:29 validation to feel good about yourself
24:32 now I see that I really so badly wanted
24:36 people to treat me better because I
24:38 wasn't treating myself well once I
24:40 started treating myself well like I am
24:42 right now if someone's going to treat me
24:45 badly because like okay I'm not as thin
24:48 or whatever dude if you don't want to
24:50 treat me as nicely because of the way I
24:53 look then I wouldn't even want someone
24:55 in my life like that if you don't use it
24:58 you lose it self-acceptance is a daily
25:02 practice ultimately you end up with the
25:05 tools for maintaining your selfworth and
25:07 that's when you know you've glowed up
25:09 and are ready to go on that external
25:11 transformation if you want
25:18 to hi today is January 31st 2024 the
25:23 good thing is that when you have a
25:25 really good relationship with yourself
25:26 it can cause you to flourish in
25:30 relationships so I'm very excited to
25:32 announce that my next series will be
25:34 coming out and it's called The Dating
25:37 Diaries I documented the last year of my
25:40 dating Journey it was a huge roller
25:42 coaster I'm getting so excited just
25:43 thinking about it but anyway yeah so
25:45 there's lots to come on my YouTube
25:47 channel I'm just so excited to be back
25:49 and being a YouTuber oh my gosh okay
