00:00Earning respect takes time.
00:01This is something that you build over years of being honest,
having integrity, and showing your character
00:06But that said, there's a couple things that you can
do that really do create respect immediately.
00:10And that's why in this video, I want to give you seven things that you can do today
00:14to create respect right now.
00:16Now, don't think of these as replacements for actually developing stalwart character.
00:21But think of these as guidelines to help get you there.
00:24The first one is defending your time
00:27because when people don't respect your time enough to give you a heads-up
00:31when they're going to be late beforehand and this is a first interaction
00:35it means that they likely don't think very much of you
00:38and it's not gonna go well regardless so just get out of there.
00:42And this is very important in dating; defend your time —
00:44don't always be available, don't sit around waiting for someone to call...
00:48Now in friendships and work or any area where you have an ongoing relationship, of course
00:53you'll be late, people will be late and sometimes they might forget to text; it happens.
00:58But if it becomes a habitual thing, the right thing to do — even if it's someone that
01:03maybe, as a position, a little bit higher than you — is to firmly but kindly say,
01:06"Hey, listen. I noticed that you oftentimes are
running late and I totally get that life comes up.
01:11But if it happens in the future, please let me know
a little bit in advance so that we can postpone
01:16or that we can cancel and that way I don't wind up sitting here wasting my time."
01:20And when you do that, you're firmly saying to this person, "Look, I value my time.
01:23I want you to as well," and that creates respect.
01:26The second thing that we're talking about has to do with time as well, though seconds
01:30instead of minutes in this case, and it's when you give a presentation —
01:33when you're at work, you walk up, you're on a stage, whatever it is
01:37and this is something that I wish I knew the first time I did this —
01:39you get up there and you pause. You survey the audience.
01:43Take a deep breath and then you begin.
01:47Now, this is something that when you're jittery —
and I certainly felt this so this is my big regret —
01:52that you just want to get going and just get into that speech that you have to give.
01:57But when you stand up there and you make people operate just for a few seconds
02:02on your time while they pay rapt attention waiting for you to say something,
02:05it creates an air of anticipation and it makes them respect the fact that you
02:09are commanding the room.
02:12So the third thing — also able to be used in presentations in group,
interactions, or anything — is going to be
02:16gesticulating away from your body and taking up space.
02:19If you're on stage, that means you can walk back and forth.
02:22You don't have to paste the whole time but you walk to one end, you stay there
02:26for a little bit, you communicate and you walk to another you do the same thing.
02:29When you're in interaction, allow your gesticulations to open up.
02:33There is a way to exist that basically says with your body language that,
02:36"I'm not sure I have the right to be here. And I want to be as small as I can
02:41so that you don't notice me and that I'm not invading on your precious space."
02:45This isn't even anybody's space right here.
02:47There's another way to exist that says, "I have a right to be seen.
02:50I have a right to be heard. When I'm on this stage, I command it."
02:54You don't need to invade other people's space but take up the space around you;
02:58that is an instantaneous way to create this feeling of I-should-be-listening-to-this-person.
03:02So the fourth thing is going to be finishing your sentences strongly.
03:07Now, one way to mess this up is while you're speaking to someone to feel like,
03:10"Oh, shoot. I don't think what I'm saying is really
good so I'm just gonna let it trail and do nothing."
03:16The other way that is much more common is in a group interaction.
03:19And in a group interaction, understandably, people are really excited.
03:22They start interjecting, interrupting, cracking jokes, and that's totally cool.
03:26But the wrong thing to do there is, when you are interrupted,
to stop speaking immediately to just let that person run over you.
03:33And you can see it in the video, we demonstrate this, that it's a difference between
03:36Jaden Smith and Will Smith when they're both in the
same interview, actually; it's really interesting to watch.
03:41And what happens is that when other guests
interrupt Jaden, he just immediately shuts off.
03:45But when the same thing happens to Will, he allows it to happen and he allows the
03:49conversation to evolve spontaneously but first, he finishes the sentence that he is saying.
03:55And this is so important because with almost all things, respect... what is going on
03:59is that he is signalling, "I value what I have to say and so should you
04:03so I'm gonna get to the end of my sentence before you jump in and cut me off.
04:08It's totally cool that you're doing that but I'm going to finish what I have to say."
04:11And it's a subtle thing but it creates this air of, "Maybe I really
should listen to what this person has to say,"
04:16whereas allowing them to just interrupt you signals, "You know what?
They don't even care what they think why should I?"
04:21So the next thing is to be number five and this is displaying social courage —
04:27basically doing something that other people want to do but are afraid to do.
04:30And this is how our business got started; this is what we talk about in a lot of our videos
04:34but concretely, it's what really made us break through after two years of kind of
04:39trying to figure this business thing out — what happened is Ben and I were living
04:43with a couple friends and we were kind of invited to this mastermind event.
04:46It's "kind of' because we we weren't invited to the mastermind event.
04:52One of our roommates was invited to this business mastermind
04:55and Ben was able to tag along; I didn't even go and in fact, Ben had to
04:58pay his way whereas all of the other attendees were just invited to share their knowledge.
05:03And the reason is that we didn't have a lot of knowledge —
our business was fresh and we didn't know a ton.
05:07So Ben went there, by far the smallest business amongst this group of people
05:11that were internet entrepreneurs, and they were friendly and kind but
05:15they weren't really interested in Ben and I wouldn't say that they respected him;
05:19he was allowed to kind of sit in on conversations and listen
05:22but nobody was going straight to him saying, "Hey, man. What do you think about this?"
05:26That all changed in the evening and what happened was they went out to a bar and at
05:32the bar, Ben did what we have been doing; he did the Charisma on Command thing —
05:36he turned it on, he made friends with guys, he walked up to the most attractive
05:40group of women, made friends with them, brought them over to the other guys,
05:42introduced people and immediately — not just that night but the next day —
05:47every guy in that event was so much more interested in Ben.
05:51They started helping him directly with his business rather than him just having to listen
05:55in on conversations and one of the big breakthroughs for us is one of the guys there
06:00offered business coaching in exchange for been doing charisma coaching with him.
06:05And that's what put us on the map; we learned a ton from him.
06:07We started our course, Charisma University, which is the engine of our business today.
06:12If you're interested in that, it is our online course, I'm gonna put a link in the description
06:16where you can check out one of the videos that makes that course up
06:19on the 4 emotions that create an amazing first impression anytime and anywhere
06:23whether you're in the bar or the networking event or wherever you're at
06:26so if that interests you, go ahead click the link below; you can check out that video
06:29and see if the course is something that you might be interested in.
06:32But moving along now, let's go to number six and number six is
06:36sharing your values.
06:39Now this is something that I really got a visceral realization.
06:43This flips disrespect into respect
06:46And I realized it because when I quit my job and when I stopped drinking,
06:50I got a lot of criticism.
06:52People thought that I was crazy or that I was lazy for leaving my job
06:55and they thought that I was a buzzkill when I stopped drinking.
06:58This went on for a little while and I just kind of dealt with it
07:01and one day, I stumbled upon sort of explaining myself when people would bring stuff up.
07:06So they say, "Oh, you're quitting your job. I'm sorry to hear that."
07:08And I said, "You know? I'm actually kind of excited; in fact, I'm very excited because
07:12I realized that I was going to spend probably the next 60 years of my life
07:16doing work that paid well but I wasn't that passionate about. And I figured,
07:20while I'm young, I might as well take a swing at the dream and try to do something
07:26that I really, really care about so that's what I'm doing and I'm figuring it out."
07:30And people go, "Oh, wow. That's awesome."
07:32Or when it came to drinking, I'd say, "No thanks, I don't want to drink."
07:36"Oh come on, it's my birthday, man. You have to," and I go, "No, thank you."
07:39Really, what happened for me is that I realized I'd come to bar like this
07:42or a party like this and I want to be fun and social but the first thing I would do
07:46is go to the bar and drink and I realized that I was using alcohol
07:49as a social crutch — to be more fun, more outgoing, and more confident.
07:53So rather than drink and do that, I wanted to learn how to
do it myself and that's why I really don't drink anymore.
07:58And I swear, the words that people used after that would be,
"Wow, man. I really respect that. That's awesome."
08:04And not only would they not pester me to drink anymore, I felt like and I saw
08:08that they genuinely respected that decision more.
08:11So if you're not sharing your values especially in
the areas where you are doing something different,
08:15you're leaving a really golden opportunity to shine and to garner respect on the table.
08:21share your values; talk about why you do the things you do.
08:24Again, this is something that we discuss inside of Charisma University —
08:27how to work this into conversation but it's a hugely, hugely helpful thing
08:30for starting to get more respect in the moment.
08:34Now, the 7th and the last thing is probably the most counterintuitive
08:39and that is calling people out on their bad behavior.
08:43And I learned this, I remember very vividly, in 12th grade.
08:46And what had happened in 12th grade was there was a girl who was queen bee
08:50and she was very pretty; she was socially of higher status than most people,
08:56and in class that I wasn't in — I just remember
the story — she started being rude to another girl.
09:02And because of her status, even the teacher didn't really interrupt.
09:06Everyone kind of got out of her way and the class fell silent
09:08while she was just mean to this one girl.
09:11And out of the silence, my buddy said, "Wait, you can't say that to her.
09:16That's rude and she's my friend. Stop." And that was it.
09:20He really didn't have a good argument and he didn't say much more than that
09:23but now everyone was stunned; not just this side of the class but also this queen bee girl.
09:28And I remember he walked around the rest of the day feeling really nervous,
09:32"Oh my god, what's gonna happen?" but we later learned
09:34is that from that moment on, she had a huge crush on him.
09:39And it wasn't because she liked it in the moment; she was fuming in the moment.
09:43But when he said that and he held her to a higher standard of
stop-behaving-like-that-you-can't-treat-people-like-that,
09:52And that's the difference is sometimes what wins
respect isn't always what people like in the moment
09:57and that's why it can be hard but calling them out on genuinely bad behavior
10:01and holding them to a higher standard, those are the moments when they go,
10:05"You know what? This is someone who values me for my character
10:09and therefore, I want to show them the quality of my character
10:12and not just right off of my looks or my status or my wealth."
10:15And that's why it's such a powerful mindset; call people out on their bad behavior.
10:20So that is it for this video those are seven things that you can do
10:25to generate respect immediately — not a substitute for character in the long run
10:29but hopefully, a way to help you make smaller strides towards doing that —
10:33being more honest and integrate this in your day-to-day life.
10:36If you like this video, make sure to subscribe to the channel.
10:43If you want that video that I mentioned, go ahead and click the link in the description,
10:46drop your email and you'll see that preview of first impressions from Charisma University.
10:51I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.
