00:00We often think that getting respect and being aggressive go hand in hand
00:03because unfortunately, it's often the bully that gets the
most respect in the schoolyard and even in the workplace.
00:08But Jordan Peterson is an exemplar of a different way
00:12to generate massive amounts of respect so in this video,
00:15we're going to explore three main things that he does
that force people to respect you without being a bully.
00:21...but you can't force me to respect you; it's just not possible.
00:24Okay, maybe not forced.
00:25But perhaps make people much more likely to respect you so let's dive into it.
00:30The first thing that Dr. Peterson does is called "pacing your reality."
00:35So even when he doesn't share your beliefs, he shows that he
can understand why you might think the things that you do.
00:41For instance, Jordan is religious but listen to how he speaks about atheism.
00:45There's a good case to be made for atheism.
00:48I mean let's make no bones about it
00:51because you could say in some sense, there's been 300-400 years
00:55of brilliant scientists who've been doing nothing but laying the foundation for
00:59an objective empirical atheism.
01:03Jordan grants that the side that he does not
agree with has really strong points in his favor.
01:08And this might sound counterproductive if you're trying to persuade
someone but it actually makes people more open to changing their mind
01:14because in any discussion, the absolute hardest thing to do
01:18is to admit that you might be wrong and risk appearing dumb.
01:22That's why sometimes saying things like, "Hey, you raise a great point,"
01:25or "I totally see why you see things that way," is so
important if you find yourself in a heated argument.
01:30It lets the other person not feel dumb if they wind up changing their mind.
01:35This is how Dr. Peterson can get people to open up
to his views without having to push them around.
01:41You can contrast that with the standard political discussion where two sides
basically just yell their points of view at one another like in this clip.
01:47If you work hard, if you get educated,
01:51if you're an honest person — you can make it in America.
01:54If you live in a neighborhood where people are poverty is endemic,
01:58it's harder to work hard, it's harder to get an education— [Talks at the same time]
02:04No one changes their mind from a discussion like this so
02:07even though it might be tempting to quote-unquote win an argument
02:10by making really incisive points that make the other person look dumb, you have to
02:13recognize that it actually makes them less likely to change their behavior
02:17if you don't also validate something about their position.
02:21Now, interestingly, Jordan peppers in many
instances of mini-pacings into his normal speech.
02:26For instance he mentions what you might be
thinking while he's saying things. Just watch.
02:31To those who have everything, more will be given; and
from those who have nothing, everything will be taken.
02:36It's really a vicious statement but what it means is
02:39as you go downhill, you go downhill faster and faster.
02:42...for working with old people in old-aged homes, the rule is — don't do anything for
02:46the residents that they can do themselves.
02:50You think, "Well, that's pretty harsh." No it isn't.
02:52You're helping them retain their independence.
02:56...then he stretches out and he'll go fight again so antidepressants work on lobsters
03:00and you think, "Well, who cares?" It's like, "No, no, no."
03:03Jordan will even raise a hypothetical question
that you might have and then answer it.
03:07...and the idea is that if you can do that you will transcend the tragedy
03:11and it's like, "Well, could that be true?"
03:14Well, most people admire tough competent
people so you know it's at least a little bit true.
03:19What's especially fascinating is that once Dr. Peterson
has completely reversed her initial position,
03:24he's extra careful to not make you feel stupid about it.
03:28The other person needs to be able to save face so
he mentions one more time that he's not attacking.
03:33I mean I get your point and I'm not trying to
denigrate it in any sense; there's a complex issue here.
03:38That's partially why so many people have had their minds changed by Dr. Peterson.
03:42He's not trying to make them feel dumb; he's trying to help them, to educate them.
03:46Contrast that with the quote-unquote "own" compilations on YouTube
03:50where one person tries to make the opposing side and
the opposing argument seem as stupid as possible.
03:55...they're against Mexicans, they're against Jews, black people, minorities—
04:01Where are all these Nazis?
04:05Oh, let's do a quick pan and now let's see them. Oh... nope. There's one... nope.
04:10Okay, so there's none here so where are they?
04:12...which sometimes results in this —
04:16You're right. You're 100% right. It's not the same.
04:20You don't have to cry. I know it's hard. No, look. Come here, honestly.
04:24It can be tempting to laugh when your side
gets one-up on someone from the other side
04:28but when you make people feel stupid, nobody actually changes their mind
04:32and while it might feel like you're a winner, you're
actually completely ineffective at changing behavior.
04:37So if your goal is to make the world a better place, be like Dr. Peterson;
04:41do your best to understand people's perspectives
04:45and give them credit for doing their best to figure things out even if you disagree.
04:48On to the second point — Jordan is constantly telling stories
04:52and sharing interesting tidbits to keep his listeners' attention
and he flows quickly between a lot of different things.
04:58These next clips are all just taken from a span of about three minutes.
05:02...if you're competent at fighting,
05:05that actually decreases the probability that you're going to have to fight
05:10because when someone pushes you, you'll be able to respond with confidence
05:14and that's partly why Jung believed that it was
necessary for people to integrate their shadow.
05:19When you study Nazi-Germany for example or you study the Soviet Union
05:24particularly under Stalin and you're asking yourself,
05:28"Well, what are these perpetrators like?" — forget about the victims —
05:32let's talk about the perpetrators, the answer is — they're just like you.
05:36It's a matter of facing the thing you least want to face
05:39and there's this old story in King Arthur where
the knights go off to look for the Holy Grail.
05:46That's five different topics all in the span of just a few minutes
05:49and you'll notice that they're all of interest to the listener.
05:52First, you have that interesting fact about martial arts and then
05:55he takes it to a larger historical context which everyone kind of understands
05:58and then most importantly, he shows you how it applies to your life.
06:02Two main points here — first is that winding nature of his speech
06:06which keeps people on their toes and interested.
06:09Now, you may have experienced someone who does this poorly
06:12talking about every random thing that comes into
their mind and completely losing your attention.
06:16Peterson's approach works because he is constantly
relating everything back to you — the listener.
06:22Now, this focus on making things relevant to you is also the reason
06:25that he switches to the second person in so many of his stories.
06:29...you don't identify with either of those; you know that they're both necessary,
06:32you know that you have to live with both of them, but you identify with
06:37the capacity to continually transcend what you are.
06:40So far, these are pretty common charisma traits
06:43and you might have seen these before in some of our other breakdowns.
06:45But there is one that is at least on our channel completely unique to
Jordan and it's kind of his calling card — that is his use of archetypes.
06:54The basic idea of an archetype is that it's an idea that resonates across
06:58a wide swath of humanity despite differing conditions.
07:02It's kind of like a foundational human story
07:05so it's something that we intuitively understand, remember, and move towards.
07:09Archetypes are often encapsulated in fairy tales and some of the most popular
07:13stories of our age which is why you'll hear Petersen reference them all the time.
07:17...that's the witch in Hansel and Gretel who fattens up the kids and eats them.
07:21How many of you have seen Disney's Sleeping Beauty?
07:23It's very difficult to understand Jung outside of a narrative context
07:26and so I'm going to walk you through the Lion King today.
07:30The woman encounters this mysterious and aggressive male and tames...
07:36...that's the female hero myth as far as I can tell; it's Beauty and the Beast.
07:40The point of using archetypal stories aside from being a fun way to reference
07:43Disney movies is that they connect with people on a deep level.
07:46They intuitively feel true and if you could relate a point
that you're trying to make to an archetypal story,
07:52you are going to be more persuasive.
07:54That's actually how Peterson is able to take the
unappealing advice of clean up your own room
07:59and make it into a piece of advice that probably thousands of people have applied.
08:03Now for those of you unfamiliar with his work, cleaning up your room
08:06is meant literally but also to say that you need to clean up your own mess
08:10before you go telling other people all the things that they need to fix for you.
08:14It's really not appealing advice on the face of it which is why
08:17so many of us ignored our mothers when they told us to do it.
08:21But here is how Peterson leads into this advice.
08:23You probably have all watched Pinocchio and Pinocchio is about how...
08:26...marionette; someone who's whose strings are being pulled by forces
08:30beyond his comprehension but it's the situation of the undeveloped individual.
08:34...Geppetto who's a benevolent father — so a benevolent symbol,
08:39a symbol of benevolent culture, makes a puppet his son and then wishes on a star.
08:44Now a star is something that glitters up in the sky
and it's and it's associated with the transcend—
08:49I can't grab all of this in one clip and that's kind of the point.
08:52If Peterson had just told people, "Focus on yourself. First,
clean up your room before you tell other people how to live,"
08:57well, he'd have been about as effective as a motivational poster.
09:01But in couching this advice inside of an archetypal story,
09:04he makes it truly connect and actually changes people's lives.
09:08That's why I think the ability to tell a good
story is the most underrated charismatic trait.
09:13If you can build the story in an archetypal structure, that's even better.
09:17Now this is a big topic and one that I spend probably over an hour on
09:21in Charisma University course but for now, I'm just going to link to a few storytelling
09:24videos that we've done in the description below if you want more on this.
09:28I do want to touch on one more point though.
09:30And that's that Peterson can win respect without
being a bully because he encourages dialogue.
09:36Now one of the first clips that put him on the map and his most viewed to this date
09:40was a heated argument and throughout this clip, he calms students then
09:43when they start getting in shouting matches with one another.
09:45Female voice: ...because they're not integrated into society.
09:49Female voice: We are not looking for special treatment; we are looking
09:51Female voice: to be able to integrate ourselves into society and if you refuse...
09:56He also pays careful attention to the students
who do engage him without screaming.
10:01[Student softly speaking]
10:11Add all this up and what you realize is that perhaps
10:14the biggest thing you can learn from Dr. Peterson is that
10:16if you want people to respect you and you don't want to do it in a domineering way,
10:20you have to consider the other person, you consider their reality
10:24and you pace it in your speech; you consider their attention span
10:27and you wrap your points in engaging stories;
10:29and you consider that they may have something to teach you
10:32so you speak with them rather than shout at them.
10:35Now, we focused a lot on respect in this video but that's actually just one
10:39out of four emotions that are going to create an
amazing first impression on anyone cross-culturally.
10:44Now, if you're curious with the other three emotions that you want to create
10:47in that person are to make an amazing first impression, I made a video on that
10:50that breaks down what those four emotions are so that you can start using them
10:54today to consistently make killer first impressions.
10:56If you want to see those, go ahead and click the link in the description,
10:59drop your email in the box and you will get access to that video.
11:02Also, as we've grown it has been harder and harder for me to respond
11:06to all the YouTube comments that we get but I do have a solution now
11:10and that is that for the first hour after I upload a new video,
I'm going to be responding to your comments
11:15so feel free to write in if you're watching this or if you want to catch me next time,
11:19go ahead and click Subscribe and then click that notification bell
11:22so that you get an announcement as soon as the
video goes up and you can write me in the comments.
11:27That way, we can converse and dialogue! Whoo-hoo!
11:29So anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this video
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.
