00:00For better or worse, when you're in school, your social circle is kind of on autopilot
00:04in that your friends are gonna come from the class
that you're in or at least this school that you are in but
00:08once you graduate, it can be very hard to figure out
where you're supposed to go to meet cool new people
00:12or how you're supposed to actually make them your friends.
00:15And that's why in this video I want to give you three awesome ways to meet cool people
00:18after graduating and this is gonna be really useful if you've just graduated or
00:23you may have graduated a long time ago but you're
moving to a new city and you have to start over
00:27or quite frankly, anywhere in between; because these
are the principles for making friends in any situation.
00:32So first one is this — be the hub.
00:35Now, what I mean by this is if you think of a bicycle wheel,
00:37it's got a bunch of spokes coming into a central hub.
00:40And the question is — in your friend group, are you more
like the hub — the person who is organizing events saying,
00:47"Let's go to my house," or "guys, do you wanted me to this restaurant at 7:00?"
00:50or "go to this movie on Wednesday night," — or are you the person who is the spoke?
00:55— sitting at home waiting for the text to come in
which sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.
01:00That is the downside of being a spoke. Yes, you don't have to take charge
01:04of organizing events but you're only invited some of the time and even worse,
01:08when one of the other spokes has a party or a cool event
01:11and they can't invite everybody, who is the person that they invite?
01:14It's inevitably the person that invited them; it's that hub.
01:18And this is why people who tend to organize events or just have dinners
01:21where they invite a bunch of people over tend to make friends
01:24exponentially faster than the people who are just invited.
01:28So if you want to kickstart your friend group, this is a really easy thing to do
01:31Think of something this week that you can invite your immediate circle of friends to
01:35or even your family and also encourage them to bring anyone that they might like —
01:40it could be a dinner, could be movie, or it could be game night.
01:42The second thing — I'll admit is the one that I do because I'm not an organizer;
01:46I hate planning things and I've really almost never do it so I have to rely on this one —
01:52and it's to be the beacon.
01:54And what I mean by this is to stand out in a way that makes you stand out
01:58in people's minds as a little bit different but then they
associate you with other people like you concretely.
02:04When I first left my job along with Ben,
02:07we were dealing with a lot of conversations from our friends trying to talk us out
02:12of quitting our jobs becoming entrepreneurs and moving to Brazil with no plan.
02:16When that inevitably failed and we said, "No, we're going,"
02:19they said, "Alright, at least talk to my buddy who quit his job last year
02:22and is an entrepreneur" or "alright, you should talk to this guy
02:25who moved to Brazil last year; he can help you sort of get your bearings."
02:29And that's how we met our best friend in Brazil and I've met countless entrepreneurs
02:33from other people who maybe didn't necessarily approve of what we were doing
02:36but because we were so different in their mind, they kind of set up like friend dates
02:41where they put us together and that had never
happened to me in my life until I started to stand out.
02:47Now, you might not be an entrepreneur and you may be wondering how do I do this.
02:51If that's the case, there's actually a very easy way.
02:54And it's to take a hobby of yours — preferably something you really like or
02:57that is very different — and put it early in conversation and I've seen Ben do this a ton.
03:03People say, "What do you do?" when you can of course say your job
03:06but then you can say, "Also, on the weekends, I like surfing.
03:09Now, some people won't respond to that but some people very enthusiastically will go,
03:13"Oh, my god, man. Me too. I've been looking
for a surf partner. Do you want to go sometime?"
03:18They go surfing; if they're friendly, they hang out outside of that.
03:21Or they'll say, "I'm not into it but my buddy is.
You guys should meet," and the same thing happens.
03:26Quite frankly, this is how I have met 95% of the people in my life;
03:31they have come into it through Charisma on Command since I graduated college
03:35and I am forever thankful of this — those of you who have emailed me,
03:39my friends and my roommates, guys who came to the first ever class that I held,
03:43a guy one of my roommates was a guy who came to the first ever class
03:47of Charisma University which is our online course. Shameless plug —
03:49if you want to check that out, it's in the link below.
03:51But all of these people came in because we were
the beacon and I highly recommend doing this.
03:56If you're curious for more, I'm also going to put a link to a video
03:59that is on finding and identifying your passion so you can put it out there —
04:03in social media, Instagram, blogging, and YouTube.
04:07You will be surprised and you can feel awkward and strange putting your music out there
04:10or whatever it is that you love but inevitably, over time, people do tend to go
04:15to the one that's raising their hand and saying, "This is what I like."
04:18So consider being the beacon.
04:21The third thing is going to be the easiest one and also one that can have
04:25the funniest events which is saying yes to things that you'd never say yes to.
04:31And when I got to Costa Rica, this is exactly what I did. I thought salsa dancing
04:35was super lame and I also had no friends when I got to Costa Rica so
04:39I kind of had to do what they did and I took a salsa dancing class.
04:43I wound up meeting almost all of my friends in Costa Rica and the girl that I dated.
04:47Later on in life, there's a ton of things that you can do; you've got improv comedy,
04:52you've got rock climbing, you've got theater groups, and you've got all sorts of things
04:55if you go to meetup.com and just sign up for something that you wouldn't before.
04:59I actually did this — I went to meet up and it was called Skillshare back in the day
05:04and there was a class on life hacks and it was held by this guy named Scott and
05:09it looked like a cool class; it wasn't something I do but I decided to go.
05:13And I got there and was a cool class and I actually
really liked the guy giving it; I wanted to be his friend.
05:18Now, at the event, he was the beacon.
05:21He was the person standing there, everyone liked him, and after class, like eight people
05:24ran up to go talk to him which I was like, "Alright, this is not me," so I had to leave.
05:28And this is what happens when you say yes — friends aren't made automatically
05:31just by showing up to Toastmasters or improv or some Meetup but
05:35a few weeks later, I came across an interesting life hack and I emailed him.
05:39And then I went back and I was the hub; I said, "You and me and my buddy should meet
05:44up on dinner and talk because it sounds like we have a lot of common interests."
05:48And so me and him and Ben went out to the club and went out to dinner together,
05:51became friends... long story short, he eventually quit his job and moved to Brazil with us.
05:55But the point of that story is that you can't just say yes.
05:59When you go to these events, you eventually have to be the hub.
06:02So if you go to improv and there's a handful of people you want to make friends with,
06:05the way to do it after is to say, "Hey, my friend" or "I" or whoever it is "is going to go out
06:11 to dinner after class next week; do you guys want to come?"
06:14If they say yes, you go to dinner; now you're the hub — you've started a new social circle.
06:20So we have those three things — be the hub, be the beacon,
06:23and say yes the things that you might not have said yes to before but
06:26what that does, of course, is it puts you in a circumstance
where you're surrounded by new cool people
06:30when you're still going to have to make a good first impression on them.
06:34So in order to help you do that, we have set up a video
06:37that teaches you the four emotions you can make in any individual in any culture
06:41that will make them like you respect you and want to get to know you better
06:45and eventually to be your friend so if you're curious with those four emotions
06:49that you're going to want to create in the other person are, you can go below
06:52or click the link around here which I will set up. It's going to take you to a page,
06:55you drop your email, and you'll get immediate access to that video.
06:59If you like this and want more let me know in the comments below what kind
07:03of stuff you'd like me to cover in future weeks;
if this is the first time, welcome to the channel.
07:07I hope that you decide to subscribe and of course to hit that notification bell
07:10so that you don't miss any new videos like this one.
07:13I hope that you enjoyed this and I will see you in the next video.
