00:00today we're going to talk a little bit
00:01about wanting to become disciplined but
00:12I enjoy video games YouTube staying up
00:14late and scrolling but I wish I was more
00:16responsible and self-disciplined
00:18whenever I think about changing myself I
00:21start to think in a very serious mindset
00:23and I start to feel like I might lose
00:25all the fun and goofiness that I feel
00:27right now I know I have to change
00:29someday but I never feel ready and so
00:31this is a really common problem that a
00:33lot of people face it's absolutely
00:34something that I struggled with myself
00:36and if we really stop and think about it
00:38why should we change right if you're
00:40living a life today where you're
00:42enjoying yourself you're having lots of
00:44fun you're like waking up every day
00:45playing video games I remember in my
00:47case I was failing out of college but
00:49boy did I love every single second of it
00:51I'm waking up every day I'm playing
00:53video games I used to order fried rice
00:55two pounds at a time to save on delivery
00:58costs and then I could fuel myself for a
01:0124-hour gaming binge and I was just
01:03having such a blast and so sometimes we
01:05kind of look at life and we start to
01:07think to ourselves okay I should be
01:08doing more right like at some point I
01:10need to get disciplined I need to start
01:12working I need to start exercising I
01:15should be doing all this stuff but I'm
01:16just not ready to right I actually kind
01:18of enjoy my life and that can be so
01:20frustrating but if we really sort of
01:22think about it what's going on why is it
01:24so hard to become disciplined in the
01:25first place so let's play that tape
01:27through to the end so in your mind
01:28what's going on okay I should exercise I
01:31should put my life together I should get
01:33a job I should gun for promotion I
01:35should go to graduate school why what's
01:37the point of all that stuff so let's
01:38kind of think about it right okay so if
01:39I get a job then okay I'm gonna make
01:42more money if I make more money I'm
01:44gonna work really hard I'm going to
01:45grind I'm gonna spend all these years
01:46I'm gonna work 60 hours a week I'm gonna
01:48make more and more money I'm gonna get
01:49more and more promoted for what reason
01:51so I can retire early and then once you
01:53retire early what are you gonna do I'm
01:54gonna have fun well what do you enjoy
01:56what do you enjoy doing what's fun for
01:58you it's playing video games and
01:59watching YouTube and scrolling and just
02:01like relaxing and chilling and not doing
02:02anything and this is a really common
02:04problem we all struggle with sort of
02:06having things that we want but feeling
02:09like we should be more disciplined so
02:11this is the really wild thing thing
02:12right is we like kind of know we should
02:15get disciplined we know we should be
02:17studying harder maybe applying for more
02:19jobs gunning for promotion whatever but
02:21the truth of the matter is that
02:22oftentimes we're just not ready for it
02:24right we actually really enjoy our life
02:26right now so let's say that okay you did
02:28get disciplined right let's say you did
02:29it hey I'm gonna like wake up every day
02:31I'm gonna work out I'm gonna go to work
02:33early I'm gonna be like grinding for
02:35like you know I'm grinding at school I'm
02:37gonna get straight A's I'm gonna get
02:38promoted I'm gonna go graduate school
02:39whatever you do that for a while you get
02:41paid more money right you get paid more
02:43money you grind you get promoted again
02:45and again and again and what's the point
02:46of working so hard so that you can
02:48retire early and let's say you make so
02:50much bank that you can retire early and
02:52then what are you going to do with your
02:53time well then I'm gonna have fun like
02:55okay so what do you what do you enjoy
02:56doing well I enjoy playing video games I
02:58enjoy watching YouTube I enjoy like
03:00sitting around and scrolling on my phone
03:02and so then your brain is kind of
03:03thinking well hold on a second like if
03:04the goal of grinding really hard is so
03:06that you can retire early and have a
03:08good time but what you do enjoy doing is
03:10like actually sitting at home and
03:11playing video games like why on Earth
03:13would you go through all that trouble
03:14when you can actually do that right now
03:16because our brain has this like circuit
03:18that constantly calculates the cost and
03:22benefit of our actions so this is the
03:24circuit that sort of tells us okay hey
03:25we need to go to the bathroom now
03:27because we're going to be in the car for
03:29three hours and going to the bathroom
03:31now even though I don't feel like it
03:32it's going to cost me more down the road
03:35to go to the bathroom later than it
03:37would to do go to the bathroom now so
03:39this is a really basic circuit that like
03:40is integrated with all kinds of
03:42physiologic signals like hunger and
03:43thirst and needing to use the restroom
03:45but it also does things like abstract
03:47tasks right so it thinks about okay
03:49what's the cost of studying versus the
03:52benefit of playing video games today and
03:55anytime you you're looking at that cost
03:56benefit analysis that part of your brain
03:58is like why would one I want to grind
04:00when I and enjoy the rest of my life
04:03when I can just enjoy my life today I
04:05can just have dopamine today I can enjoy
04:07myself and it's going to be great and so
04:09this is the really tricky thing is that
04:10your brain is actually kind of saying
04:11and if you run really kind of think
04:13about it right you say you're not ready
04:14to change yet which is a really really
04:16good self-aware kind of statement and
04:18why because what's the point because at
04:20the end of the day we're going to end up
04:21just doing this anyway and so how do
04:22human beings actually get disciplined
04:24right because when you've got the joy of
04:27Doom scrolling watching YouTube and
04:29playing video games versus all of its
04:31hard work like what's it for and what we
04:33sort of discover is that there's one
04:34really important thing that actually
04:36causes human beings to be disciplined
04:38and that's something called a competing
04:40interest and we know this because we've
04:42done lots of research on people with
04:43addictions and I'd love to tell you all
04:45just a simple example of this okay and
04:47so I had this patient who had had a
04:49skiing injury and then started on opiate
04:51medication and they had a genetic
04:52vulnerability to it so they got addicted
04:54to it super high functioning person
04:56really really capable and so I kind of
04:58told him I was like hey you know if you
05:00need to withdraw if you need to get off
05:01of opiates like we probably need to like
05:03hospitalize you and like give you pain
05:04medications and things like that but
05:06they were in a situation where they
05:07couldn't afford to do that if people
05:08found out that they were getting
05:10substance use treatment their job would
05:11have all kinds of problems and stuff so
05:13they're like you know what I'm gonna do
05:14it cold turkey I'm going to do at home
05:16and the nice thing about opioid
05:17withdrawal is that it's not as
05:20life-threatening or medically dangerous
05:21as something like withdrawing from
05:23alcohol which can actually be lethal so
05:25they just decided that they wanted to
05:27and it was one of the most painful
05:29experiences of their life and so if you
05:31kind of think about it how is a human
05:32being able to do that so if you think
05:35about the discipline that's required to
05:37withdraw off of opiates cold turkey or
05:39quit smoking or all these other kinds of
05:41things right because if you think about
05:42all that stuff all these addictive
05:44substances what do they do they increase
05:46our enjoyment right they give us
05:48dopamine they give us all the stuff so
05:50how is it that human beings are able to
05:52pay that price and that's the problem
05:55with not being ready for discipline is
05:57we're not ready to pay the price for
05:59discipline we're not ready to pay the
06:01price to get promoted to go to graduate
06:04school to get in shape right we're just
06:06not ready yet and so how do you become
06:08ready you develop something called a
06:09competing interest and so what we learn
06:11from getting off of substances is people
06:13have to have a good reason to do it so
06:16they have to have something called a
06:18competing interest which is that I have
06:20to want something more than the pain of
06:24getting off of this substance and so in
06:27your life if you're not ready for
06:28discipline which you really need to
06:29figure out is what is worth the pain to
06:32you right and this is where we fall into
06:34another trap this is why this problem is
06:36so common right now because right now
06:38where do our wants come from our wants
06:41and our desires come from the outside
06:43and if you're someone who's struggling
06:45to get disciplined because you're not
06:47ready or you do it like kind of
06:49half-heartedly and then you give up
06:50where is your desire for discipline
06:53coming from is it coming from in here or
06:55is it coming from societal expectations
06:58I should do this I should do this my
07:00parents are doing this my friends are
07:01doing this and this is the problem is
07:02that all that crap from the outside and
07:04our world is becoming more and more
07:06focused on fulfilling like external
07:09desires right now it's like we have
07:11advertisements we have personalized
07:14advertisements all these websites are
07:16tracking you right so they're telling
07:17you all the time what you want so this
07:20this game company is like hey you really
07:21want this game and now if you kind of
07:23think about it we have these like big
07:24launches for video games where like
07:26we've got three trailer and there's so
07:28much hype and we have conventions and
07:30they're like hey you want this game hey
07:31you want this game and now all these
07:33like streamers get early access codes to
07:35games right so for like a year before
07:37the game comes out the world is telling
07:40you hey you want the stuff hey you want
07:41this stuff and your parents are telling
07:43you you should do this you should do
07:44this your friends are telling you you
07:45should do this you should do this you
07:47look at everyone else around you and
07:48everyone's telling what you should do
07:49what you should want but none of that
07:51stuff is a competing interest because it
07:53all comes from the outside and so we as
07:55a society have forgotten how to find
07:58what we care about so if you're not
08:01ready to get disciplined it's never
08:03going to work as long as you're
08:05developing the discipline for someone
08:07else and some of y'all may have even
08:09grown up in situations where your
08:11parents were very controlling right and
08:13they tried to instill discipline but if
08:15someone is forcing you to study or
08:17forcing you to work or forcing you to do
08:19anything that's not actually discipline
08:21it's actually the exact opposite because
08:23these are external forces that are
08:25controlling your behavior the point of
08:28discipline is that it's an internal
08:29force that overcomes your barriers and
08:32so this can be really confusing for a
08:34lot of people because even if they've
08:35been pressured and they've been
08:36successful they can sometimes have no
08:38discipline at all and anytime they're
08:40left to kind of self-start they struggle
08:42with it so what do we do about this the
08:44first thing is like I said acknowledge
08:46for a moment that a lot of what you want
08:48right not not the games and stuff
08:50because that's actually what you want
08:51that's how you want to spend your time
08:52which is why you move towards it right
08:54and that's also why you're willing to
08:56sacrifice things like external respect
08:58or money because you're actually
09:00fulfilling your own desires there so how
09:02can we start to cultivate healthier
09:04desires that sort of qualifies this
09:07competing interest that allow us to pay
09:09the price to develop discipline so the
09:12first question that I have for you is
09:13what do you want and if your answer to
09:16that question is I don't know then
09:19that's a diagnostic sign that your mind
09:21has been so clouded by external desires
09:24you've been so influenced by advertising
09:26and personalized cookies that you don't
09:28even know what you want the world is
09:30telling you what you want okay so then
09:32the next question that we've got to ask
09:33you is do you want to change and if you
09:36really pay attention to yourself what
09:38you may find there is actually you're
09:40going to say no I don't want to change
09:42yet I don't want to change now and then
09:45you may sort of say well okay if I don't
09:47want to change then I'm screwed right no
09:48no don't worry about it we're going to
09:49help you out so then there's one more
09:51question you can ask yourself do you
09:53want to want to change do you wish you
09:57did want to change and then you may find
09:59a slightly different answer right
10:01chances are we're moving closer to yes
10:03and if the answer that question is yes I
10:06wish I was different I wish I wanted to
10:08change so now we found something
10:10actually really really important even
10:11though you don't want to change you wish
10:13that you wanted to change and now we
10:15found something the world is not telling
10:17you that right the world is not telling
10:18you hey you like need to change maybe
10:20they are but they're not sort of going
10:21one level above do you wish you were a
10:24different person and that you wanted to
10:25change and if the answer to that
10:27question is yes now we've got something
10:29really important so usually when we
10:31think about the person that we want to
10:33be there's a laundry list of stuff I
10:36want to exercise I want to eat healthy I
10:37want to put more money in my savings
10:39account I want to go to graduate school
10:40I want to grind more I want to write a
10:42book there's this laundry list of crap
10:44okay that we come up with and what you
10:46want to do is write that stuff down on a
10:47piece of paper and then go through it
10:49and then ask yourself okay is this
10:51something that I actually want or is
10:53this some something that was instilled
10:55Within Me is this a want that was
10:57transplanted from advertising or
11:00parental expectations or societal
11:02expectations or does this really come
11:04from me and what you'll find is that
11:06ninety percent of the stuff on your list
11:08doesn't actually come from you what
11:10you're going to end up with is hopefully
11:11one thing just start with one thing that
11:14you actually want and if you can find
11:15that one thing that you actually want
11:17stop and just like sit with that for a
11:19second and then what I really want you
11:21to focus on is try to do whatever you
11:23can to start that thing in the smallest
11:25way possible think for a moment about
11:27the person that you want to be not the
11:30person that Society wants you to be how
11:32do you want to be different and I'm not
11:33saying giving up video games or YouTube
11:35or any of that stuff I'm saying like
11:36Okay so if you want to be a little bit
11:38physically healthier then go for a walk
11:40every day start with the smallest thing
11:42do five push-ups do two push-ups do one
11:44push-up whatever that smallest thing is
11:46do something pick something that you can
11:49do and that you can actually be like
11:50sort of satisfied with yourself at the
11:52end right because now you're actually
11:53moving towards something that you
11:56genuinely want now if you try to do this
11:58you're going to run into a pitfall and
12:00maybe you're running into it already and
12:01that Pitfall is but it's not enough so
12:03this is where your mind is going to be
12:05super sneaky and it's going to tell you
12:06like this doesn't make a difference
12:08because what difference does two
12:09push-ups make right we have all this
12:12laundry list of things to do and so we
12:13have to be really careful here and this
12:15is like so kind of twisty and sneaky
12:18that it's easy to lose y'all so really
12:19try to pay attention to this okay when
12:21your mind tells you that the first thing
12:24is what is your mind telling you to do
12:26your mind is telling you is trying to
12:28convince you that you should want all of
12:29this stuff because all of those habits
12:31or all those desires have been implanted
12:33within you right so it's kind of trick
12:35you into telling you that this isn't
12:37enough the other thing that's really
12:38interesting though is that when it tells
12:41you those things what is it actually
12:43gonna trying to convince you to do it's
12:45trying to tell you oh you can't just do
12:47one percent you need to go a hundred
12:49percent or nothing because your mind
12:50knows you're not going to go 100 so what
12:52your mind is actually doing in that
12:54moment is trying to convince you to do
12:56nothing and just continue doing exactly
12:58what you're doing because it's doing the
13:00cost benefit analysis and it's kind of
13:02saying hey actually we can get a ton of
13:04benefit by just watching YouTube and
13:05playing video games every day so don't
13:06bother with that other crap it never
13:08works we've tried it before right and so
13:11we know it's not worth it so you've got
13:12to be super careful about that Pitfall
13:14just notice what it's kind of trying to
13:16accomplish notice that it's kind of
13:18trying to keep you stuck and the reason
13:19that's kind of trying to keep you stuck
13:21because the mind does this really
13:22interesting trick is that it convinces
13:25you that you don't want to change that's
13:27what it's trying to do right saying it's
13:29not worth it and if it's not worth it
13:31then we don't want to do it and if we
13:32don't want to do it we can continue
13:33doing what we're doing so this is what's
13:35so tricky is that that that sort of lack
13:38of Readiness actually comes from the
13:39mind there's one Pitfall that we have to
13:41worry about though if you pick one thing
13:43and you start to do a tiny little amount
13:45that is aligned with what you want your
13:47mind is actually going to try to pull a
13:49really interesting trick on you the
13:50second you start to move forward with
13:51something that you want your mind is
13:53going to remind you of all the stuff
13:56that you should be doing because it's
13:58going to get all tangled up and it's
13:59going to say you should be doing this
14:00you should be doing this you should be
14:02doing this so doing two push-ups a day
14:04or walking 15 minutes a day isn't going
14:08to be enough so it's interesting because
14:09the second you start to develop forward
14:11momentum the mind will actually trick
14:13you by sort of telling you hey it's not
14:15enough and what your mind is going to
14:17tell you is that it has to be all or
14:19nothing and we can kind of see that in
14:21the post and if you pay attention to
14:22yourself usually when you try to make a
14:24change you try to overhaul your life so
14:27why does the Mind do this why does the
14:29mind tell you that it's all or nothing
14:30because the mind knows hey if I make it
14:33all or nothing this dumb ass is going to
14:35choose nothing and if this person
14:37chooses nothing remember it's got that
14:39cost benefit analysis running if we
14:42don't bother with all this crap what do
14:43we end up doing instead we end up
14:45playing video games we end up watching
14:47YouTube we end up scrolling we end up
14:48having a great time getting a ton of
14:50dopamine and by the way because we've
14:52already done the calculation right so if
14:54we start to do all of this catastrophic
14:57amazing change we're going to end up in
14:59this place anyway so I'm gonna I'm
15:01looking out for you that's what your
15:02mind is saying I'm Gonna Save you all
15:04the trouble and we're gonna jump right
15:05to the end of the movie right now we're
15:07gonna just retire right here right
15:09because if you're a degenerate who's
15:10playing tons of video games and you
15:12don't want to change what are you
15:13actually doing you're retiring at the
15:15age of 22 and who wouldn't want to
15:17retire at the age of 22. everyone wants
15:19to retire at the age of 22 and your mind
15:21is like hey you don't need to actually
15:22make any money because this stuff is
15:24cheap there's free to play games we're
15:26actually set I'm going to help be retire
15:28right now all you need to do to retire
15:30right now is don't worry about all that
15:31crap that you should do so I'm going to
15:33convince you that you don't need to do
15:34any of it so you've got to watch out for
15:36that Pitfall because it's waiting for
15:38you and it's what's kept you stuck this
15:39entire time so just to kind of summarize
15:41it's really normal for us to enjoy the
15:45life that we have right now because our
15:47society is designed that way right games
15:50are getting like more interesting when I
15:51was growing up when I was like seven
15:52years old eight years old you couldn't
15:54game 24 hours a day because you had
15:56limited access to games you had to go
15:58and buy a cartridge and put it into your
16:00Nintendo Entertainment System you could
16:01play that game for 20 30 hours and then
16:03you're done and then there aren't more
16:05games to play nowadays we have an
16:07endless amount of entertainment and then
16:09what we sort of tell ourselves is okay
16:11like I should do all of this stuff right
16:13but then there's a part of your brain
16:15that's actually playing that tape
16:16through the end even if you haven't and
16:18it's saying okay why should we do that
16:19stuff so we can get more money why do we
16:21want more money so we can retire early
16:22why do we want to retire early so we can
16:24do what we want what do we want to do we
16:25want to play video games why on Earth
16:27what I waste 30 years when I can
16:29actually jump straight to that right now
16:31and this is why we're not ready to
16:33change the other thing to consider is
16:35that if we really do want to develop
16:36discipline that comes at a cost right
16:39exercising eating healthy working hard
16:41those come at very high costs so how is
16:45it that human beings develop the
16:47capacity to pay those costs develop the
16:50willingness to pay those costs that
16:52comes from a competing interest and this
16:54is why things are so hard right now
16:55because it's so hard to know what you
16:57want why is it hard to know what you
16:59want because the world is brainwashing
17:01you to want other things right but when
17:04a video game company is trying to sell
17:06you stuff they're thinking about their
17:08own interests they don't care about
17:09whether you stay at home and you know
17:11become degenerate so our society has
17:13made it so that we've forgotten or lost
17:15the capacity to even know what we want
17:17and so start with that list of shoulds
17:19and parents can kind of do that kind of
17:21stuff too right where they tell you you
17:22should look a certain way you should
17:24have this kind of job in society
17:25Instagram and like all these other
17:27social media things magazines movies
17:30they're telling you you should look a
17:31certain way or dress a certain way so
17:33they're shoving what you want at you but
17:35it's not really what you want it's what
17:37they want you to want and so how do you
17:40get around that there's a really
17:41important question you can ask yourself
17:42is even if you don't want to change
17:44today so be honest with yourself do I
17:46want to change no am I ready to change
17:48no do I want to become disciplined no so
17:51be it do you wish you were someone that
17:53wanted to change and if the answer to
17:55that question is yes then come up with a
17:57list of all the crap that you should do
17:59and try to find a single thing that you
18:01actually care about and move one step
18:03towards it but be careful because your
18:05mind will create a pitfall because it'll
18:07tell you it's not enough we have to do
18:09everything so be super careful about
18:11that Pitfall of your mind really focus
18:13on what you want and try to implement
18:15the tiniest change possible
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