My Testimony | From 17 Years an Atheist to New Age to Jesus
kuroPOLAROID2024-01-01
5K views|8 months ago
💫 Short Summary
Lauren shares her journey from atheism to Christianity, discussing struggles with family, spirituality, and relationships. She reflects on the impact of mental health, divorce, and personal growth, ultimately finding solace and guidance in God. Embracing faith, baptism, and community, she highlights the transformative power of belief and the importance of spiritual discernment in life's journey towards fulfillment and self-discovery.
✨ Highlights
📊 Transcript
✦
Lauren's journey from atheism to Christianity at 33.
03:58Raised Catholic with absent parents, she faced emotional challenges and moved schools frequently.
Exposure to Jewish culture brought discrimination but also new experiences.
A bad influence in grade eight led her astray, impacting her understanding of confirmation.
Key moment in the confirmation ceremony where she refused to reject the devil marked a shift towards Christianity.
✦
Speaker's high school experience:
08:03Speaker faced struggles with anger, depression, and rejection of religion during high school.
Despite being influenced by a Christian friend, the speaker exhibited mean behavior towards them.
The speaker excelled academically but faced challenges due to her parents' divorce in a community where intact families were the norm.
Despite feeling alone and misunderstood, the speaker found solace in her academic abilities and friendship group.
✦
Speaker shares journey through mental health struggles and career change.
10:09Speaker quit corporate job to become a paramedic to help others and find purpose.
Speaker reflects on passion for human body and helping people recover from illness or injury.
Speaker mentions relationship with now ex-husband, who they started seeing during this time.
✦
A woman shares her story of dropping out of school for a boy who didn't keep his promises, leading to a troubled period involving drugs and a tumultuous relationship.
15:02Despite eloping, the couple faced challenges with immigration, causing tensions during a 2020 visa application process.
The global shutdown further complicated matters, delaying their plans.
With extra time due to the pandemic, she decided to focus on personal growth and self-improvement through therapy lessons.
✦
Speaker's Personal Struggles and Spiritual Exploration
18:37The speaker opens up about their battles with anxiety, depression, and fear, which prompted them to delve into spirituality.
Reflection on Failed Marriage and Long-Distance Relationship
They share about their past marriage, difficulties in a long-distance relationship, and the pain of their ex-husband moving on swiftly.
Focus on Healing and Self-Growth
Despite feeling betrayed, the speaker emphasizes the importance of healing and personal growth during challenging times.
✦
Speaker's healing journey post-divorce involves transitioning from New Age spirituality to seeking God.
21:52They experimented with numerology, astrology, tarot cards, and meditation for comfort and answers.
The speaker had a troubling experience with a distance Reiki session, discovering potential dark forces in spiritual practices.
The journey culminates in the importance of seeking God's guidance and practicing spiritual discernment.
✦
Reflections on past experiences with sleep paralysis and spiritual attacks.
26:37Speaker recounts encounters with an incubus spirit and how calling out to Jesus in a dream brought relief.
Emphasis on the existence of the spirit world and a warning against engaging with it.
Discussion on finalization of divorce in December 2020, expressing gratitude for a fresh start and self-reflection.
Lessons learned about self-worth, overcoming challenges, personal growth, and a sense of pride.
✦
Speaker reflects on journey exploring human behavior, psychology, and spirituality, particularly in context of New Age beliefs.
30:17Friend helps speaker see through deception of New Age spirituality, leading to pivotal moment of recognizing falsehood in atheistic beliefs.
Realization prompts speaker to turn to the Bible, starting with Book of Revelation.
Speaker reconnects with Christian friend from high school, who has lasting impact on their spiritual journey.
✦
Personal journey of faith and baptism in Lake Ontario.
34:03Speaker reflects on impact of people in their life chosen by God, leading to baptism.
Importance of personal choice in baptism and reference to Jesus' baptism at age 30.
Discovery of God's unconditional love through reading the New Testament and contrast with other belief systems.
Newfound faith, regular church attendance, and involvement in serving at a church cafe leading to positive changes in the speaker's life.
✦
Reflection on Life Journey and Faith Transformation.
39:59The speaker expresses gratitude for challenges that have shaped their character and faith.
Emphasizes the importance of faith in God in transforming into a new person.
Encourages listeners to open their hearts to God for unconditional love and support.
Asserts that embracing Jesus can lead to fulfillment and desired outcomes in life.
00:00hello uh my name is Lauren and this is
00:03my testimony of how I went from being an
00:06atheist of 17 years um to New Age and
00:10then to
00:11Jesus um at the recording of this video
00:15I am 33 years old and it's been
00:18about 2 years almost three now that I've
00:21been uh saved or born
00:24again and this happened early in 2021
00:28after um after a divorce and uh losing a
00:32job I really liked so and not to mention
00:36you know everything that happened in
00:382020 um so before we go into that I just
00:40want to tell you a little bit about my
00:42backstory and basically where I came
00:44from so um I was raised Roman
00:47Catholic um because my mom side of the
00:51family is Italian and that's pretty much
00:54the um the religion at the time
00:57or that everyone has um and then my
01:01father uh came from a Protestant
01:03background but he wasn't practicing his
01:05faith um so because I was mostly raised
01:08Catholic you know I did all the
01:09sacraments I did the child baptism the
01:12communion the
01:15confirmation
01:17um but I didn't really know or love God
01:21um I went to church every now and then
01:24um out of obligation
01:26and I didn't really understand much I
01:30also went to Catholic school for not my
01:33entire grade school year uh years um but
01:37pretty much from grade 4 to 12 that was
01:40all Catholic
01:41school and um you know my childhood
01:45wasn't the greatest just like anyone I
01:46feel like that's a common thing we can
01:49all um relate to and so growing up I had
01:56um absent parents um when I was about 8
01:59or 9 years old my parents
02:01divorced and I lived with my mother and
02:04my brother and because my mom was a
02:07single mom she was pretty much burdened
02:10with you know having to provide for the
02:12family so she was also not around um so
02:16essentially my brother and I became
02:17latchy kids and um I mean we went to
02:21before and after school programs and
02:22take carees um but eventually we were on
02:25our own so uh that being said you know
02:29my mom was also emotionally unavailable
02:34so um that started a lot of different
02:38things for me too and um growing up uh
02:42my dad got remarried and his uh second
02:47wife and kids were all Jewish so we were
02:50exposed to the Jewish culture so um that
02:53was really cool to have that experience
02:55from you know a different side but that
02:57being said too um we also face a lot of
03:00discrimination because we weren't Jewish
03:03um but you know when you're a kid
03:05everything is
03:07discrimination um and then let's F
03:09forward to grade eight so grade eight uh
03:1213 years old as most of you might know
03:14who are Catholic that's when
03:16confirmation comes around so I don't I
03:19don't even really 100% know what
03:21confirmation was about but I do
03:23remember um you know in the in grade
03:27eight I mov schools right in the middle
03:29of grade 8 too and I met this girl there
03:31and she was a really bad influence on me
03:34but at the time you know I was just
03:35looking for friends because at this
03:38point I had already moved like I've
03:40already been to at least four or five
03:42different schools so I was willing to
03:44take any friend at this point and um
03:48during the grade eight when we did our
03:51confirmation
03:54and um there was a part in that
03:58confirmation where the priest says a
04:01bunch of different things where you're
04:03supposed to say I do too so I remember
04:06distinctly there was one line where it
04:08was something like um you know I refuse
04:13or I reject the devil and his his um I
04:18don't know his workings whatever I
04:20probably should have looked this up
04:21first but I I just remember saying not
04:24saying I do to that and I think at that
04:26point because of this girl um
04:30and everything she was into that's kind
04:32of where Satan entered My Life um and I
04:36say this because this girl I think she
04:39was into Satanism and I say that because
04:42she actually gave me a Satanic ritual
04:45book which I no longer have and actually
04:47stupidly gave away to someone else um
04:50which I hold a lot of guilt for because
04:53now that person's life is probably
04:54really bad um regardless though um I
04:59that's pretty much much the turning
05:00point when I was about 133 years old
05:01that's when I stopped believing in God
05:04and religion and I got angry um so fast
05:07forward to high school I went to a
05:09Catholic High School but I was an
05:11atheist and um I experienced a lot of
05:15deaths in the family for the first time
05:17around that point in my life um so you
05:22know I hated God I hated life I hated my
05:25life I hated my
05:27existence um I be basically became the
05:30school goth like I was black hair black
05:34eyeliner uh listening to uh Satan I
05:37wouldn't say Z but I guess it could be
05:39uh metal music um with really eerie
05:43tones to it like I just remember craving
05:46evil and that's what I loved about the
05:48music was it just felt like it was
05:51filling me at that point um but
05:53obviously not with something good and
05:56during um High School I definit did not
05:59make a good impression with any of my
06:01teachers or fellow
06:04um
06:06schoolmates and um this is the time in
06:10my life where I could say that I became
06:13very mentally ill um I suffered with a
06:15lot of depression um like I said I hated
06:17My Life um I wouldn't say it was
06:20suicidal but I had a lot of ideations
06:25like I really wanted to die hated My
06:27Life um you know I took out all my anger
06:31on God um I was known as the girl who
06:35would go around writing Jesus hates you
06:38everywhere because I just didn't like
06:39the idea like I could not accept the
06:41idea that anything or anyone could love
06:44you
06:45unconditionally um so me saying this now
06:49and and even just my whole
06:52story it's like everything that I was in
06:55high school I would have hated myself
06:57now I would be kicking my own butt right
06:59now if uh if she could see the future so
07:04um even though I
07:07was you know angry and Mis miserable
07:09like I was hurting really badly um I
07:13wasn't I hated my circumstances you know
07:16growing
07:17up being a child of divorce it was still
07:20unheard of especially when I had moved
07:23to a community that was
07:25predominantly um Italian and predominant
07:28predominantly Catholic where a lot of
07:30people had their parents together a lot
07:32of people didn't understand my situation
07:33so I felt very
07:35alone and
07:38um uh it's just it was not a good time
07:41for me but I did well in school cuz I
07:43was one of those kids who was just
07:44naturally smart not to brag but
07:49um smart at least in in terms of school
07:55but one thing about high school that
07:58kind of stuck with me was my group of
08:01friends so I had a one
08:03particular girl in my group of friends
08:06um who was a Christian and she was a
08:08Christian amongst Catholics so at the
08:11time I didn't really know there was a
08:13distinction like I remember she would
08:15bring her own Bible I remember she um
08:18used to wear like bracelets that had
08:20those like cute sayings about like you
08:22know like wwjd or I think there was one
08:24that said uh frog fully rely on God
08:27which still sticks with me and um I was
08:30mean I was really mean to her and I
08:32remember asking her all these questions
08:35basically just being like how can you
08:36believe in God how can
08:38you like like it's all brainwashing you
08:42know and stuff like that and I remember
08:44her faith was just so unwavering at that
08:47time I mean she was probably terrified
08:48of me too um but she was able to answer
08:52my questions and you know I'm I'm I'm
08:57really surprised even you know looking
09:00back now that she she didn't like use it
09:04as a reason to not be friends with me
09:07and um you
09:11know at the time I didn't know it but
09:14she eventually became such a big part in
09:18my walk with Christ now and I will get
09:21to that soon so let's skip to After High
09:25School
09:26um After High School you know every body
09:30went off their own ways so I went to
09:31college I became I went into graphic
09:34design um and I was also still
09:37struggling with mental health issues uh
09:40and my depression but at that point this
09:43was kind of right before you know people
09:45started being all like break the stigma
09:47you know it was still really hard to
09:50shoulder
09:51depression um kind of be aware of it but
09:54also be in denial of it but for me it
09:56was more like I just didn't want to be a
09:57cliche but but I was so unfortunately um
10:03I chose to ignore it for a long time
10:05until about my mid 20s when I was at I
10:09was working a corporate job and um I had
10:15I won't even say it was a breakdown but
10:17I had a point where I was just like I've
10:19had enough of my own crap like I need to
10:21do something I need help so I went to my
10:25doctor uh got a referral for a psychiat
10:29had a psycho Val was told that I had a
10:32major depressive disorder and I wasn't
10:35really satisfied with that because it
10:37just kind of felt like a blanket
10:38statement um so she referred me to this
10:41adult outpatient date program and I did
10:45that for some time like I had to take
10:47short-term disability off of work um to
10:50attend to this and then also I sought my
10:53own
10:54therapist um a psychotherapist and I was
10:57with her for 6 years
11:01so I was very fortunate enough to be
11:04working a job where I was able to afford
11:07weekly therapy sessions because they was
11:09not cheap and um if you don't know um
11:13psychotherapists especially if they are
11:15registered social workers are not
11:17covered by insurance so everything was
11:19out of pocket um and through her I was
11:23actually able to find a better diagnosis
11:25for what I had at the time um and it was
11:28called de IA or I think it's called PDD
11:31now persistent depressive disorder which
11:34by the way I have overcome thank god um
11:38but yeah during this time too I actually
11:40ended up quitting that job at the the
11:42corporate um place I was working at and
11:46um I went back to school to become a
11:47paramedic because I wanted to help
11:50people I hated sitting behind a desk and
11:52feeling like I serve no purpose and um I
11:57was also working a lot of retail jobs
11:59where I was actually serving people so
12:01whether it was like customer service or
12:04um
12:05food um I missed that oddly enough and
12:09so I needed something that would serve a
12:11higher purpose and like I had an
12:13obsession with the human body in terms
12:17of um helping people get better from
12:20being sick or being in pain being hurt
12:24and that's pretty much why I wanted to
12:26go do that but that actually did work
12:29out for me either um at the time I had
12:32started seeing my uh now I guess he's my
12:37now ex-husband but we that's when we
12:39first started seeing each
12:41other and
12:44um he lives in the states he is in on
12:48the west coast and uh instead of
12:51dedicating my life to my studies I
12:54stupidly dedicated to a boy and I
12:57decided you know
12:59I'm I'm going to just drop out move over
13:03there and then go back to school there I
13:05can continue there cuz I'm sure it's
13:07probably easier to get into school in in
13:09the US so um
13:14unfortunately um I was incredibly naive
13:17at the time that he promised a life
13:21together um so I wasn't able to
13:26um to basically pursue that so I had put
13:31all my hopes and dreams on
13:33hold uh for what felt like nothing and
13:39at the
13:40time um he also became a really bad
13:43influence on my
13:44life um because it's just the I like I
13:50don't want to talk any bad about him
13:52because right now I don't Harbor any
13:54negative feelings about him
13:57but the period of time that we spent
14:00together was not a good part of my life
14:02either I think that was probably my rock
14:05bottom um where you know I started doing
14:08drugs uh especially psychedelic ones and
14:11pretty
14:12regularly and um my family didn't like
14:16me either my family didn't like him
14:18either and they never even met each
14:20other um because of certain
14:22circumstances uh so basically I was just
14:25looking for a way out of my miserable
14:26life and my existence and this was in
14:28concurrence with the therapy I was
14:31seeking at the time so there was one
14:34summer where I spent a couple months
14:36with him and that's when we decided to
14:39elope so I was about 28 when that
14:42happened and uh the day that we got
14:45married I literally got back in my car
14:47and drove back to
14:49Canada and um you know I thought things
14:53were looking up for my future so we were
14:55beginning the the process of trying to
14:59get a visa for me to basically immigrate
15:02to the states so let's fast forward to
15:072020 um this was when I was 29 turning
15:1030 and um just like everyone else this
15:14year did not leave anyone in scath um so
15:18we were in what I thought was the
15:21process for getting a Visa and early
15:242020 him and I got into an
15:26argument um basically around you know
15:29like I was trying to help Advance this
15:33process and I'd be like okay we need
15:36this we need I need your this ID I need
15:38this I need that and he wasn't giving it
15:40to me so I became really frustrated
15:42because I'm just like but why like isn't
15:44this what L isn't this what we're
15:46supposed to be trying to do like you
15:49know why are you being so difficult like
15:51why is it that you just you know you're
15:53trying to take control of things but
15:54you're not actually doing them but you
15:58know it just it it was a point where we
16:01almost basically called it quits and so
16:03we decided okay you know what let's just
16:04put this process on hold uh we'll figure
16:07it out later and then a couple weeks
16:09later everything shut down so it it was
16:13kind of weird how that all played out
16:15because everything is shut down it's
16:18like of course like everybody's just
16:19like what's going on we don't know
16:21what's happening so obviously probably
16:23the Visa process is going to be delayed
16:24anyways so it's just weird how it all
16:27played out like that so
16:30um because I had so much time to myself
16:34now because everything was shut down and
16:36um we were all sitting here doing
16:38nothing basically um I decided during
16:41the pandemic to take everything I had
16:45learned in um therapy over the past
16:49couple years and actually put them into
16:51place and Implement them um so I spent a
16:56lot of time smoking weed and this was
16:58the point point where I would talk to
17:01myself because there was what I found
17:03really addictive about smoking was just
17:07the um the way it would make me think I
17:09really love the way it would make me
17:11think at the time because I was not able
17:13to think that clearly because I was
17:16always anxious I was always depressed so
17:20I decided to work on these fears that I
17:22had because I really I was really tired
17:24of just being afraid of everything
17:26especially with everything that was
17:28going on in the world right um so I sat
17:32with myself and I'm like why am I afraid
17:34of this why am I afraid of this let's
17:36explore this let's explore that so one
17:38of those things that I wanted to explore
17:40was my spirituality because um there was
17:44this activity that I remember doing at
17:47one of those outpatient um day Hospital
17:50things that I did for my mental health
17:53it was an activity where there was um it
17:57would look like a a thermometer and it
18:00had every little aspect of your life um
18:04if you know anything about holistic
18:05Wellness you know there's things like um
18:08you know physical health mental health
18:11relational Health
18:14spirituality um I think there's like
18:16environmental or something like that and
18:19the goal of it was to color in like how
18:22well we think we do with each one and I
18:25remember spirituality was the one where
18:27I had nothing cuz I was just like nope
18:29not going there I don't give a crap
18:32about that stuff whatever so that's
18:34something that stuck out with me for a
18:35while and I was like you know what why
18:37don't I actually explore this like why
18:39am I so afraid of spirituality and
18:43that's when I got into New Age
18:44spirituality
18:46and um this was actually right before U
18:50my husband and I called it quits so in
18:52the summer of
18:542020 um our communication was getting
18:57really bad
18:59and um it got to a point where we had to
19:02just end the
19:04relationship um and at the time I didn't
19:08want it to happen because I was a child
19:11of divorce I did not want to also be
19:15divorced so you know it broke my heart
19:17of course because I I tried so hard not
19:20to be my parents and I became exactly
19:24like them so sorry Mom and Dad
19:28but
19:31um it was a very interesting time
19:35because being long distance and trying
19:37to orchestrate a divorce uh cuz we got
19:40married where he lives uh was very
19:43difficult or very challenging so I had
19:45to you know leave everything in his
19:48hands I filled out as much as I could
19:51paperwork wise and I couriered it to
19:54him and um left it in his hands to take
19:58care of care of and it took him about a
20:00month to just even drop it off at the
20:02court which frustrated me but I knew it
20:05was out of my control so all I could do
20:08is really focus on healing at the time
20:11because it hurt and then finally after
20:15he
20:16did
20:18um uh drop the papers off within two
20:21weeks later I found out he was with
20:23another woman
20:26and you know it obviously that breaks
20:28your heart too because you're just like
20:30oh wow he's done one relationship and
20:31now he's into another one but then I go
20:34to find out that they they were together
20:37four months basically around the time
20:39that we almost called it quits uh before
20:42the
20:43pandemic and I will tell you I've
20:47never that's probably one of the biggest
20:50betrayals I've ever felt in my life and
20:52that really sucked but this video isn't
20:54about my relationship and what happened
20:57specifically but
20:59um you know it it really hurt at the
21:02time and but it was like the timing of
21:06everything the fact that I was working
21:08on healing um the fact that I was
21:10implementing all the things that I was
21:12that I was learning through therapy and
21:14even just being in in U session with my
21:17therapist you know a couple times a
21:19month um it was just crazy how it all
21:21just came together and normally a
21:24situation like this something that would
21:26have destroyed me in the past
21:29um I was able to actually pull through
21:31and again this was before I knew God
21:34before I was born again so I even though
21:37now I absolutely thank God for that and
21:40everything at the time you know I was
21:42just like you know the universe wow
21:45amazing
21:46so as a way to heal from my divorce
21:49that's how I got into New
21:52Age um spirituality because I still
21:55wasn't ready yet to accept God like I
21:58was just like okay like I don't have to
22:00it doesn't have to be Jesus like but it
22:02can be something still spiritual like I
22:04should still work on it basically I I
22:07realized you know like I was just
22:09looking for answers
22:10really so that's when I decided to get
22:14into things like numerology
22:17astrology uh birth charts um journaling
22:21and
22:22meditation I became obsessed with
22:24crystals and using them for ritualistic
22:27purposes is um I was exploring a lot of
22:31different concepts esoteric knowledge I
22:34became obsessed with guia TV and all the
22:39things they have on there um you know I
22:42would just follow a lot of people that
22:44would claim to have connections with
22:47aliens or channeled messages and um
22:52things from like 5D beings I think it
22:55was and Angels um I I would listen I
22:58would get into like meditation listen to
23:00like binaural beats uh try to open my
23:03third eye and decalcify the pineal gland
23:06uh and you know balance the chakras um I
23:10also got into tarot cards uh bought
23:13myself I think I had two decks I learned
23:16how to interpret them and then every
23:18single day I would do readings and I
23:21would reflect on my day and be like how
23:23did this card kind of play into my day
23:27um try to make connections that
23:29way um but you know I I won't lie these
23:33things were such a huge source of
23:36comfort for me at the time and that's
23:38why it was so addictive because it just
23:41I just wanted those answers so badly
23:43about everything that I was going
23:44through and what was next for my life
23:46and where I was supposed to go from then
23:49you know all these things that I now
23:51seeking God because I know he has what's
23:55best for me in my life um another thing
23:58I did that kind of weirded me out was I
24:00had a at distance raiki session did done
24:04on me and there was something that this
24:09chick said to me that just stood out
24:10with me and did not sit right with me
24:13and then learning about what raiki
24:15really is later on um it all kind of
24:18made sense so I remember her making a
24:21comment about how my Spirit guides were
24:25very fond of my ex husband and I I was
24:31baffled I'm like what do you mean like
24:33he he literally cheated on me he
24:35literally tried to start another family
24:36with this other woman how could how
24:38could anybody possibly think that be
24:40fond of that but once you realize that
24:44you know these people are actually
24:45speaking with demons and that are
24:47masquerading as angels of light
24:51um it made sense because of course
24:53somebody who has that that Spirit Within
24:58um you know of course they're going to
25:01be fond of that
25:05so I know now that you know these are
25:08things that I should have never messed
25:10with because it
25:11did um it did open
25:15portals to um not so great things in my
25:19life um you know I also one thing I
25:23forgot to mention too is um I did
25:25mushrooms and you know I had a I had a
25:28lot of profound healing experiences with
25:31those like that is still something to me
25:34that I'm just
25:35like but like I healed so much for them
25:38but it's not even something that I want
25:39to do anymore but the way I see it is
25:42like God was using something bad for my
25:45good and you know but I still feel like
25:49other people could experience similar
25:51good things too
25:52but that's not the message here um so
25:55you
25:56know
25:58during this time I was also experiencing
26:01a lot of sleep
26:03paralysis and attacks in my dreams and a
26:07lot of the time you don't really notice
26:09until afterwards when you wake up and
26:11you're like oh my goodness what the heck
26:12was that um but I don't know like there
26:15there was this one where it took on the
26:18face of my ex-husband and I knew it was
26:22an incubus
26:24spirit
26:25and this um um I think this happened
26:29right as I became born again too because
26:32I do remember yelling for Jesus in my
26:34dream and it stopped and I woke
26:37up um but yeah I experienced a lot of
26:39sleep paralysis to um a lot of things
26:43jumping on
26:44me so I have not experienced any of
26:48those ever since I have come to Christ
26:51so
26:53if you don't believe in this sort of
26:56things I'm sorry but they do exist like
26:59you can't mess with the spirit world and
27:01not expect the spirit world to mess back
27:03with you let's take it to the end of
27:062020 in December that's uh when the
27:09divorce
27:10finalized um because in his State uh you
27:13only need three months to wait um in
27:15order for it to finalize whereas here
27:17where I live um it takes a year so I was
27:19actually very lucky in that case so I
27:23felt like I just had like a clean slate
27:25and um you know I bought a cake and some
27:27like sparkling grape juice then I
27:28celebrated because why not you know it
27:31was a shame that I had to go through
27:33such an experience and waste you know
27:36marriage on someone like that because
27:39you know I know the value of it now and
27:44you know it just it it leaves a mark on
27:45you it leaves a scar on you um but you
27:48know I'm
27:49hoping um you know it it it's not held
27:53against me basically like I know I made
27:55a mistake I know I I'm just as
27:57responsible for everything that happened
27:59to I'm not perfect but um it it
28:05definitely go overcoming all of that and
28:08coming out triumphant
28:10just just made me really proud of myself
28:13because you know as someone who who
28:15hated myself for a long period of time
28:17and I was learning to love myself
28:19overcoming something like that is
28:21something to be proud of so let's fast
28:25forward to 2021
28:27um you know during the whole pandemic um
28:30I was one of those people questioning
28:32things um and you know I've always been
28:35into conspiracy theories uh definitely
28:38uh September 1 is the one that uh got me
28:42started um but you know I never made the
28:44connections until this all happened
28:48and one great thing about um going
28:52through my divorce uh was you know being
28:55awakened to deception and manipulation
28:59and just learning you know sociopathic
29:03and
29:04narcissistic behavioral Tendencies like
29:06I got really into human behavior and
29:10psychology ever
29:12since that whole thing happened but I
29:15just learned so much about just human
29:18behavior and seeing it replicated in the
29:20world you know it's like if this can
29:22happen to me from like my ex-husband it
29:25can definitely happen with the
29:28so um you know like I could just see it
29:32everywhere now
29:34and in my search for knowledge and for
29:38love and for
29:40understanding um I
29:43explored quite a bit of them a lot of
29:46different things and at the time I just
29:50like probably anybody I have a bunch of
29:53um online friends and there was one in
29:55particular that just really really help
29:59me see things differently and she's
30:01really good at just questioning
30:03everything and so she started showing me
30:05things about even New Age cuz her and I
30:07were kind of on a similar journey in
30:09terms of the new age thing so she
30:11started showing me things about uh New
30:13Age spiritual spirituality kind of being
30:17a deception
30:18too and um you know it didn't take long
30:22for me to be able to agree with that
30:24because I cuz I could see it everywhere
30:26right like so fresh to me but it was
30:28like I could see it everywhere and um
30:31this was like pretty much the moment
30:32where Jesus became real to me because um
30:36it's that PHA or that um the
30:42um that verse in 2 Corinthians 11:14
30:47about you know for even Satan disguises
30:50himself as an angel of
30:52Light and um you know there's black
30:56magic there's white magic and people
30:57think the white magic is like somehow
31:00Superior or better it's the good to the
31:02bad Ma to the black evil magic but it's
31:06not it's not and that's why it's so
31:08deceiving because it's so addictive it's
31:11so alluring it's
31:13like it's so comforting and I know this
31:16because like I said I went through this
31:18whole new age thing where I was like
31:21seeking answers and it just brought me
31:23so much healing but there was still such
31:26an emptiness within it
31:30so um this became such a pivotal moment
31:33in my journey because this was basically
31:36where I realized everything I thought I
31:39knew was a lie you know being an atheist
31:42um you know hating God running away from
31:45Jesus because I just everything that I
31:49believed in as a teenager I realized
31:52that it was all wrong and that I was
31:54deceived from that moment
31:58and I just remember being filled with
32:02like like a like buzzing or just you
32:07know when you come to a realization it's
32:09almost like a blood rush like a Head
32:10Rush Just So eventually I decided to
32:13read the Bible I started with Book of
32:15Revelation because you know a lot of
32:17people were
32:19comparing um what was happening to you
32:22know the end times right and I mean it's
32:24I think it's still relevant for now
32:27but
32:29um I did that and then I think I started
32:33back up in Genesis and then
32:37Exodus um but then you know I ended up
32:40contacting my friend um the one that I
32:43knew back in high school the one the uh
32:46the Christian one
32:48that um left such a impression on me I
32:52mean her and I kept in touch because um
32:55after we graduated High School uh within
32:58a year or two she ended up moving to
33:00Sweden and so we kept in touch and she
33:03was the first person I pretty much told
33:06and I was so
33:08excited you know like I was so glad that
33:13God kept us in each other's
33:16life uh for so long because
33:21um because just seeing just how
33:24perfectly designed and like how
33:27amazing God Is by placing certain people
33:30in your life whether you knew their
33:32purpose for you at the time or not
33:37so um it was just really amazing to
33:39share that moment with her because I
33:41knew she was one of she would be the
33:42only person at the time who would
33:43actually be excited about that and you
33:46know I'm so glad
33:48because um she was the one who helped me
33:51get baptized too even though she lives
33:54in Sweden some of her family still lives
33:56here and we were able to arrange a water
33:59baptism in Lake Ontario of all places
34:01because all the churches was still
34:03closed at the time including the one
34:05that um I go to now um and I think that
34:10was the most beautiful too because it's
34:12like in nature and like I love nature so
34:15uh the way it worked out you know it was
34:19absolutely amazing and um it was her
34:21recommendation to to start reading the
34:23gospels which are the first four books
34:26of the New Testament
34:27so I actually ended up reading the
34:29entire New Testament in two weeks
34:31because like my heart was just so on
34:32fire for God at the time that you know I
34:36just wanted to know more and more and
34:37and the more I read the more I came to
34:39realize that everything that I was
34:42looking for and New Age spirituality and
34:45any other belief system that I would
34:48have explored in my past um it was
34:51everything that I was running away from
34:53it was all in God you know that
34:56unconditional love that everybody is
34:58searching for it's God like I'm sorry
35:03like like there's
35:05literally you know like one of my first
35:08or sorry one of my favorite verses in
35:10the Bible is in 1 John 4 where it's you
35:13know it's literally just
35:14like God is love you know and if you
35:18don't know God you don't know love
35:19because God is love you know we have our
35:22ideas of what love is and but we don't
35:25realize that some of the ideas that we
35:27have actually end up hurting people or
35:29they're more self-serving than they are
35:32selfless but you know even just the
35:34whole gospel the whole story of Jesus
35:37that is just like true unconditional or
35:40what the Greek call Agape Love like it's
35:43so beautiful um anyways so
35:48um the reason why I did the water
35:50baptism is because um even though I did
35:55the Catholic baptism where you have the
35:57sprinkling of the water as a baby that
35:59doesn't count it's actually not biblical
36:02um and baptism is a personal choice it's
36:06something that you do as an outward
36:08symbol to your faith right um and a lot
36:13of people don't realize too like even
36:14Jesus got baptized and he didn't do that
36:16until he was 30 so um I was 31 at the
36:22time but yeah it was really cool that it
36:24was kind of like um a similar thing
36:28um so you know after that that's kind of
36:31like when I begin my walk with um
36:34God and um now I go to church um pretty
36:39regularly like two times a week
36:42mostly um and I also serve for my church
36:45um we are very lucky to have a cafe and
36:49I am one of the um supervisors or leads
36:54uh helping to manage the cafe so it's
36:56been amazing because I have Cafe
36:57experience and I love to serve I've
37:00always had a servant heart and um you
37:04know I'm just really Amazed by all the
37:06things God has done for me in my life
37:09over these past couple of years um
37:12everything has honestly gotten so much
37:14better like I was able to pull myself
37:16out of depression and
37:18anxiety um I was a I'm more able to be
37:23positive and to be inspiring and to use
37:27my life as a testimony and I have been
37:31put in positions to encourage others and
37:35to you know give back and I'm so
37:39grateful and I am so always amazed by
37:42Just Looking Back how well orchestrated
37:46how perfectly
37:48designed
37:49um my whole life has been because of God
37:53you know and that being said life hasn't
37:55gotten easier either it's it's just it's
37:57gotten easier to
37:59handle and the trials and the challenges
38:02are a lot more enjoyable because of you
38:05know knowing who my Creator
38:07is and
38:10how you know like every trial serves a
38:14greater purpose for my life and my
38:16character and you know I was I'm looking
38:18forward to what he has in store for me
38:20and I have definitely become a new
38:23person because of this like
38:27I used to be one of those people that
38:28had you know blue hair green hair red
38:31hair like I was very much a liberal too
38:35so I'm a completely different
38:38person um you know and I'm I'm so
38:43grateful
38:45and you know
38:48like I hope
38:50that other people can experience this
38:53too because it's the best thing I ever
38:55did for my life it wasn't easy either I
38:57lost friends
39:00um not even just because of my personal
39:02choices
39:03but um because of this and you know what
39:06that's that's fine it is what it is but
39:09I've learned to become a person who
39:10doesn't care anymore because I know the
39:14right
39:15people won't care either and the right
39:17people will have the same
39:21mindset so if you made it this far uh
39:24thank you so much for
39:27listening to my testimony if you have
39:31any questions please let me
39:33know and um I really hope this
39:35encourages you to keep going on and to
39:39keep searching for
39:41god um and please open the door to your
39:45heart to him because he is
39:48knocking and he is the type of person
39:52who will leave the flock the
39:5599 the the herd of 99 sheep just to come
39:59looking for you because he loves you so
40:02much because he loves me so much and I
40:05couldn't even believe
40:07that that someone could you know
40:11especially everybody in my life growing
40:13up didn't show that towards me knowing
40:16that there's something out there greater
40:18for you that actually loves you
40:22and will give you all that unconditional
40:25love that you are seeking for it is
40:27found in
40:28Christ and he can truly do the
40:31impossible and if he was able to turn
40:34someone like me into a Believer he can
40:37do the same for you and uh there's no no
40:41brainwash no brainwashing involved um
40:44the brainwashing is is the stuff telling
40:46you that there is no
40:47God and that he's not then that there's
40:50multiple ways to heaven I'm sorry but um
40:53Jesus is the way the truth and the life
40:57and you will thank
40:59him um for all the things he can do in
41:04your life to make it make it what you
41:07desire so thank
41:14you
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