A Talk On Romantic Relationships-Sadia Khan
Soft White Underbelly2024-02-28
soft white underbelly#swu
113K views|4 months ago
💫 Short Summary
The video delves into the complexities of modern relationships, discussing the impact of childhood trauma on partner selection, the challenges of long-term commitment, and the cultural differences in dating dynamics. It also explores how successful men struggle in relationships, the dynamics of infidelity, the rise of paying for intimacy, and the importance of maintaining physical attractiveness and emotional intimacy. The speaker emphasizes the need for gratitude, avoiding entitlement, and investing in relationships with genuine appreciation and shared interests to foster long-lasting and fulfilling connections.
✨ Highlights
📊 Transcript
✦
Impact of Childhood Trauma on Partner Selection
00:40Broken homes and increased choice have influenced individuals to allow insecurities and brokenness to dictate partner selection.
Feelings of unworthiness from childhood trauma can influence adult decisions, leading individuals to seek validation from partners who reinforce negative beliefs.
Benefits of Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages are viewed as more successful than self-selection, as parents can choose partners based on similarity and compatibility, resulting in more successful relationships.
✦
The importance of recognizing and navigating healthy relationships in parenting and personal life.
03:13Late bloomers may feel the need to explore relationships later in life, leading to erratic choices.
Long-term marriage success lies in accepting life's monotony and changes in attractiveness.
Relationship struggles often stem from entitlement issues and unrealistic expectations for constant desire.
Authenticity, acceptance of life changes, and more than physical attraction are crucial for real relationships.
✦
The speaker emphasizes the importance of responsibility in transitioning from boys to men.
06:24Lack of wars and traditional milestones like fatherhood and marriage are contributing to a generation avoiding responsibility.
Fear of commitment and labeling relationships is viewed as a sign of weakness and hindrance to personal growth.
Older men dressing like young boys in Los Angeles is attributed to a lack of maturity and responsibility.
The impact of the current generation being spoiled on men is discussed.
✦
Importance of therapy in tough times and the benefits of BetterHelp.
07:56BetterHelp offers convenient and effective therapy sessions with a quick matching process and the option to switch therapists.
Encouragement to take responsibility for past relationships and avoid labeling partners as narcissists.
Promotion of self-accountability for making better choices in relationships and emphasizing personal choice in selecting partners.
Urging against victim mentality in abusive relationships and stressing the importance of personal empowerment.
✦
Importance of Taking Responsibility in Relationships.
10:59Acknowledging faults and red flags can lead to positive changes and breaking harmful patterns.
Discipline and accountability are key for personal growth and self-improvement.
Behaviors and energy can reveal the truth about a person, even if they speak lies.
Pay attention to early signs of toxicity in relationships to prevent future harm.
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Importance of accepting reality over superficial attractions in relationships.
13:16People tend to show their true selves rather than lie when seeking a partner.
Media influences society's perception of attractiveness, leading to consequences in relationships.
Emotional toll of rejection, especially for overweight women whose treatment changes based on appearance.
✦
Impact of rejection on women and men in dating situations.
17:21Women feel inadequate and competitive when surrounded by more attractive women.
Men often focus solely on one attractive woman and may ignore friends in pursuit.
Rejection by an attractive woman can be seen as a judgment of worthiness to reproduce.
Hispanic and African Caribbean men are noted for handling rejection well and finding success with women.
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Cultural differences in dating dynamics between men in South America and African-American communities.
17:44Men in these communities approach women confidently and move on quickly if rejected, emphasizing not personalizing rejection.
Handling rejection well demonstrates confidence and success with women, maintaining a charming attitude.
Men who possess knowledge or understanding that women may not have successful interactions in dating.
The impact of attitude on romantic pursuits and the importance of cultural differences in dating dynamics.
✦
Dynamics of romantic relationships between men and women.
21:55Men are expected to show stability and emotional control while setting boundaries, which can be challenging.
Women test men's tolerance levels and ability to handle emotions, seeking a balance between emotional stability and assertiveness.
The video emphasizes the difficulty men face in navigating these expectations and maintaining composure in challenging situations.
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Impact of aging on relationships.
22:55Men may increase in value as they age, but may struggle more in relationships due to poorer selection.
Women's interest decreases as men get older, leading to more gold diggers.
Men tend to seek younger, more attractive partners as they age, resulting in a decrease in relationship substance.
Financial security may increase access to relationships, but not consistency.
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Challenges faced by hyper-successful individuals in finding suitable romantic partners.
25:16Loyal women seek emotional consistency and attachment from a partner with clear direction.
Disloyal women may prioritize material goods or seek fulfillment through other partners.
Divorced successful men often experience significant financial losses while their ex-partners benefit.
As success increases, access to quality partners may decrease due to limited compatible individuals available.
✦
Challenges of romantic relationships for hyper-successful individuals.
27:46Importance of maturity and acceptance in long-lasting relationships, with personal anecdotes shared.
Benefits of distance in relationships to keep things fresh, but potential negative impact of technology and distance on modern relationships, leading to temptation.
Insights into male perspective on relationships and the misconception that men only want sex.
✦
Reasons why men cheat in relationships.
30:31Lack of appreciation from their partner can lead men to seek validation and connection elsewhere.
Successful men may cheat more as they feel less appreciated with increasing success.
Seeking novelty sex is not the main reason for cheating, emotional connection is often the driving force.
Men may turn to sex workers for validation and boosting their low self-esteem.
✦
Struggles of sex workers with intimacy and monogamy post-experiences.
33:20Difficulty in associating exclusivity and loyalty with sexual performance.
Challenge in returning to traditional relationships and grappling with self-worth and authenticity of love.
Dynamics of relationships between sex workers and partners, some remaining loyal to those who exploit them financially and emotionally.
✦
Harmful power dynamic created by men paying for access to women's bodies.
36:35Criminalizing prostitution is not enough, focus should be on the men who pay for these services.
Men seeking non-consensual encounters by paying for intimacy.
True attraction and mutual consent essential in relationships.
Money exchanged for intimacy can lead to exploitation and manipulation.
✦
Reasons older men seek out escorts.
39:36Older men may seek escorts for convenience and to avoid negative experiences with women their own age.
Men using escorts to bypass feedback on their sexual performance, potentially due to porn addiction or lack of skill.
Harsh feedback from women in the real world influencing men's behavior in seeking companionship.
✦
Implications of dissatisfaction in relationships are discussed, including avoiding communication and seeking escorts as a response to negative feedback.
40:28Men may turn to escorts to avoid criticism, potentially due to issues with sexual performance.
Personal struggles with anxiety before meeting a supportive partner are shared, emphasizing the calming and transformative effect of a supportive relationship.
Making good decisions, especially in relationships, is highlighted as beneficial for overall well-being.
✦
Importance of Healthy Relationships in Emotional Well-being and Longevity.
44:49Doctors stress the positive effects of relationships on recovery and survival rates.
Holding hands during childbirth can increase pain tolerance.
The biological need for love and connection is crucial for overall well-being.
Cultivating meaningful relationships is emphasized for a fulfilling life.
✦
Impact of infidelity on relationships.
47:04Infidelity leads to loss of respect and trust between partners.
Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is difficult.
Authenticity and transparency are essential for overcoming challenges.
Keeping secrets from a partner creates a divide and feelings of inauthenticity.
✦
Importance of Authenticity and Honesty in Relationships with Sex Workers and Mistresses.
48:03Being with sex workers or mistresses allows individuals to be themselves and drop their masks, fostering feelings of love.
Emphasis is placed on staying connected and nurturing relationships to prevent affairs from occurring.
The key to maintaining a strong connection is finding a balance and communicating effectively.
✦
Importance of Intellectual Intimacy in Relationships.
50:24Emotional intimacy and connection are crucial in preventing affairs, not just physical attraction or good sex.
Engaging in activities that keep both partners mentally sharp and creative outside of the relationship is essential.
Intellectual compatibility is key for long-term relationships, with conversations and shared interests playing a vital role.
Seeking intellectual stimulation and shared interests helps prevent boredom and maintain a strong connection in relationships.
✦
Impact of sexual images on youth and predatory behavior.
52:50Media shapes behaviors and the difficulty in addressing intimacy in modern culture.
Reflection on gratitude and reclusiveness in social media, emphasizing mutual respect in relationships.
Insights on job-related stress, including interactions with drug addicts and prostitutes, leading to feelings of being worn down by constant demands and expectations.
✦
Importance of charging for services to attract higher quality clients.
56:37Emphasis on the effort and time spent honing skills and knowledge.
Need to charge for tailored services despite offering free content online.
Addressing common client complaints, including issues of men falling for gold diggers or escorts and women dealing with husbands spending money on such services.
Stress on the prevalence of these issues online.
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Men falling in love with escorts due to changing societal attitudes towards escorting.
57:26Instagram models viewed as a catalog for escorts, but men overlook the signs.
Speaker highlights the harmful effects and addiction to pornography as an underlying issue.
Many people are unaware of their addiction to pornography, using it as a coping mechanism.
Men attracted to women in pornography for the fantasy of being with someone unattainable.
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Importance of mutual desire in sexual interactions and the fine line between being a protector and a predator in relationships.
01:00:15Speaker's personal views on avoiding pornography due to discomfort and religious beliefs.
Speaker's decision to never try drugs or alcohol, attributed to a restrictive upbringing.
Contemplation of watching pornography for insight but expressing reservations.
Discussion on personal values, upbringing, and the impact of societal influences on individual choices.
✦
The impact of substances on the speaker's life and his avoidance of drugs and alcohol due to his fearless nature.
01:02:25Avoiding drugs and alcohol is attributed to the fear of jail time.
Negative effects of pornography on men, diminishing courage needed for approaching women.
Emphasis on the importance of courage in masculinity and the suggestion that avoiding fears can lead to a loss of masculinity.
Advocacy for resilience against fear and the willingness to walk away from situations, particularly in relationships with women.
✦
Importance of Physical Attractiveness in Relationships.
01:06:12Maintaining physical attractiveness is crucial for sustaining attraction in a relationship.
Challenges like children and busy schedules can make it difficult but discipline and hard work are essential.
Lack of physical attraction can hinder the sexual aspect of a relationship.
Neglecting appearance may lead to seeking attraction outside the relationship, emphasizing the need to uphold initial expectations.
✦
The significance of physical intimacy in a healthy marriage is emphasized, with a focus on resolving conflicts.
01:07:50Couples who recognize their mistakes and work on enhancing their relationship can overcome challenges.
Responding positively to your partner's emotions, even in small ways, helps nurture love and affection.
Building intimacy through small gestures and bids for affection is essential for maintaining a strong relationship.
Ignoring emotional responses can result in tension and distance between partners.
✦
Importance of Emotional Communication in Relationships.
01:09:51Ignoring emotions and not sharing them can lead to resentment in relationships, causing breakups.
Partners who criticize each other excessively are more likely to divorce.
Research suggests giving five times more praise than criticism for a healthy relationship.
Finding flaws in every scenario can ruin the fun and lead to divorce.
Accepting the flat and boring moments in a relationship is crucial for long-term success.
Conflict is necessary for expressing emotions and maintaining a healthy relationship.
✦
Importance of Appreciation in Relationships
01:13:14Gratefulness motivates men to work harder for their partners.
Lack of appreciation can result in relationship problems, potentially leading to divorce.
Men value verbal expressions of appreciation more than gestures.
Gratitude is a key trait for women to possess, as it encourages men to exceed expectations in pleasing them.
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Men tend to invest more in entitled women who expect a lot, while grateful non-entitled women receive less because they ask for less.
01:15:20Men may reward entitlement over gratitude, leading to unbalanced relationships.
Grateful women who don't ask for much may not receive the same level of treatment as entitled women.
The speaker advises men to keep women physically attracted and to reward grateful women who appreciate the small things, rather than those who constantly demand more.
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Importance of Rewarding Gratitude in Women
01:17:41Women deserve rewards even if they don't ask for them.
Contrasts entitled women with grateful ones, advising to invest in the latter for better relationships.
Being generous makes the speaker more attracted to others.
Invest in the right women to ensure a successful relationship.
00:01why does so many of us choose partners
00:03that are elusive or or just make us
00:04chase you know it seems like it's it's
00:07an epidemic where everybody's just they
00:09want somebody that doesn't want you back
00:11I I would say that it's probably the
00:13generation above is responsible for that
00:16I would say that the there might not
00:18have been uh what happened before in
00:20Generations before and before and before
00:23you may not have the most idic
00:25upbringing but you would choose somebody
00:28who's relatively local to you and you'd
00:30be limited in options and so you'd find
00:32someone who's also Limited in options
00:34and you just stick to that person and
00:35then you'd get on with life the rise of
00:38the broken homes and the rise of like
00:40Choice means that now we allow our own
00:44kind of insecurities to make our
00:45decisions where our deepest darkest
00:48insecurities and Brokenness is now our
00:50decision maker we are no longer confined
00:53by time space parental approv approval
00:57nothing so we just allow our tra to
01:00decide our partners and so if we grew up
01:04with any kind of Brokenness or any kind
01:05of trauma or anywhere where we felt like
01:07we had to earn love the only thing we'll
01:09look for is someone that can recreate
01:11and reincarnate those feelings of not
01:13feeling good enough and when we meet
01:15somebody who makes us feel good enough
01:17we start to question their judgment
01:18because we're thinking this why are you
01:20making this so easy for me but somebody
01:22who reminds us that we're unlovable
01:24we're unattractive we're not the only
01:26one is probably the person that we're
01:28going to select because that's where
01:30we're coming from we bring this
01:32childhood into our adult lives it's
01:34interesting cuz last time you spoke
01:35about arranged marriages it's almost
01:38like that's a better formula for Success
01:40than letting people choose who
01:43they're who they think is a good mate
01:45and weirdly it seems to be the only
01:48formula that might work in this day and
01:50age because your parents your parents
01:51are going to know what's best for you
01:53and they're going to choose they're not
01:54going to allow you to let your ego
01:56decide yeah they're not going to allow
01:57instead but they're going to look
02:00similarity so they'll look for someone
02:02who they think is similar to you and
02:04think that will fit in with them and as
02:06a result we be more compatible so I'm
02:09not I'm not saying that it's the only
02:10way but I don't know what the
02:12Alternatives could be because leaving
02:13people to their own free will hasn't
02:15been working no would you ever do that
02:18for your
02:20daughters um I mean it's not acceptable
02:23it's not socially acceptable my youngest
02:25daughter had a boyfriend that my her
02:27mother and I just loved a just thought
02:30he was the greatest yeah uh ultimately
02:33that that was her first love and it
02:34didn't didn't work out
02:36but it was like we we were both
02:38approving even though this is her first
02:40boyfriend how you know how often do you
02:41marry your first boyfriend yeah but you
02:43know as a parent can you get an instinct
02:44when someone's right and wrong for your
02:46child yeah I think so yeah it's like a
02:49natural
02:50judgment yeah I think so I think so you
02:53can do it for anybody and your friends I
02:55guess so yeah you can do it pretty much
02:56right I'm a very good judge of character
02:57so you can sense when somebody is real
03:02yeah that good judge of character extend
03:04to your own personal relationship or
03:05more when for uh yes but I I still will
03:09I'll still get involved with with Shady
03:11character included Les less than uh
03:14honorable intentions
03:16sometimes you know all kinds of crazy
03:18things happen in life and uh I was a
03:21late bloomer I was a really late bloomer
03:22so I didn't have my fun in my 20s and
03:2530s and then I got married MH so I'm
03:28having it
03:30that can be a lot of men's Journey
03:32they're a late bloomer and um so their
03:34teenage years they didn't access many
03:37women and as they age and they become
03:39more successful and they become more
03:40handsome they get a plethora of options
03:43that they never had before and it's
03:45almost like the child in them is feeling
03:47that they have to explore this they have
03:49to explore this and they have to explore
03:51the girl that they could have never got
03:53when they were a teenager she becomes
03:55the most attractive person the person
03:57that like she would have never looked at
03:58me when I was a kid she becomes the most
04:00um important person in the room to him
04:02them now so it can lead to a um a
04:06sequence of erratic choices because
04:09they're almost doing teenage stuff as
04:10they get older I'm not saying you did
04:11that but a lot of people and would you
04:13recommend being married in your 20s and
04:1730s for me no I mean if you meet that
04:20right person absolutely y but you you
04:23got to be so ready to grow and change
04:25cuz you're you're going to change the
04:27relationship is no longer going to be
04:29like oh you're
04:30you're really sexy and hot and I like
04:32spending time with you which is a big
04:33driver for men probably for women
04:36too but then after a while I see my
04:38parents relationship it
04:39wasn't that my mom is gone now and my
04:42dad misses my mom terribly he doesn't
04:44miss her because she was so hot which
04:47she was yeah when she was younger but he
04:49misses her cuz she was just so real and
04:51so great I think that sometimes the key
04:53ingredient for men to get through the
04:55long stages and the Decades of marriage
04:57is you almost have to accept the Mony of
05:00life it's going to get monotonous and
05:02women are going to get monotonous and
05:04they aren't going to be so sexually
05:06attractive the men that struggle are the
05:08ones that just can't come to that
05:10realization and we have this entitlement
05:12men and women that you should always be
05:15Desiring your partner and be desirable
05:18but desirability is
05:19unsustainable we're a generation of
05:21spoiled breath spoiled unfortunately
05:23desirability has to be replaced with
05:25duty duty of care but because we've got
05:28this idea that we should always desire
05:30our partner and they should always
05:31desire us and if that's missing the
05:32whole relationship is useless we forget
05:34the duty of care and then we just start
05:36again we're looking for the novelty of
05:37new relationships rather than the uh
05:39monotony of existing stable ones
05:42sometimes I look at like in the United
05:43States I'll look at what young men had
05:46to go through in their lives like my you
05:48know older Generations they they were
05:51lucky to not go to Vietnam or lucky to
05:53not go to World War II maybe their
05:54timing was such that they didn't have to
05:56go off to to war
06:00and then maybe they met a nice girl and
06:01maybe they got married and had some kids
06:02and had a job and and grew old together
06:05yeah but now we're so spoiled we have we
06:07have no Wars that we're going to unless
06:09you list there's not enough
06:11responsibility yeah no responsibility
06:13men without courage men without balls
06:15men without a backbone yeah and
06:18responsibility is really essential for
06:19men I think the um men in order to
06:22become a man what separates them from
06:24being a boy to a man is responsibility
06:27and because we're prolonging the age of
06:29when theyve become fathers or prolonging
06:31the age they become providers or
06:32prolonging the age they become husbands
06:35they've become old teenagers for a
06:37really long time and they're avoiding
06:39responsibility it's a strange generation
06:41where men really avoid responsibility
06:44and are terrified of like commitment and
06:46Terri and you're just thinking before
06:49men would be terrified of going to war
06:50which was a real thing now they're
06:52terrified of labeling their
06:53relationships and it's we've weakened
06:56them they they're terrified of
06:57responsibility I'm not saying that
06:59there's lots of plenty of great women
07:00but I'm just saying the avoidance of
07:03responsibility will stop you from
07:04entering your manhood mhm no in Los
07:06Angeles you'll see it's the state bird
07:08in Los Angeles is the uh 40 50 year old
07:11man dressed like a 12-year old boy yeah
07:13is that a real thing because I always
07:15think that's like cartoon stuff but that
07:17really happens no it really happens it
07:18really happens yeah that's R true so I
07:21think that's probably one of the key
07:22problems that we're
07:23facing I'd like to thank better help for
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08:52thank you for watching and now back to
08:53the video what advice would you give to
08:56somebody who's going through a breakup
08:58um my always my advice of people that
09:00when they're going through breakups is
09:02literally leave the relationship as if
09:03the whole relationship was your own
09:05fault it's entirely your fault and the
09:08reason I encourage um kind of unwavering
09:12accountability is that's the only way
09:14you'll make changes one of the trends
09:16that we've kind of seen in the latest
09:19last couple of years is everybody's
09:20ex-husband or ex-wife is a narcissist
09:23everybody's a narcissist and the reason
09:24why I'm so against that is it kind of
09:28devours person responsibility you are no
09:30longer responsible for your poor choices
09:32that person's simply a narcissist that
09:34person's a you know a psychopath it's
09:37got nothing to do with your selection
09:39when really the only reason we find
09:41ourselves in bad relationships is
09:42because we select poorly outside of your
09:44relationships with your parents and your
09:46children everybody else is selected so
09:49if you're selecting a narcissist you
09:52have an addiction to being a victim you
09:54like the abuse you're choosing it I'm
09:56not saying it as an insult I'm saying
09:58there is a part of you that is selecting
10:00this level of abuse now if you leave
10:02every relationship as if it's just their
10:04fault you did nothing wrong I was just a
10:06victim of narcissism you're not going to
10:09learn the traits that caused you to
10:11attach to this toxic person and then
10:13you're not you're going to repeat the
10:14pattern and this is one of the reasons
10:16why women that um get divorced and
10:19deprive their partner like from an
10:21abusive partner for example that when
10:23they deprive or separate from the man
10:25and they don't allow him to have access
10:27to the children the children are more at
10:29danger and they're more likely to get
10:31sexually abused and they're more likely
10:32to be physically abused and women will
10:34say I I blocked access because I was
10:36trying to protect my children but we
10:38know those children are more at risk and
10:39the reason being is because that woman
10:41didn't reflect on her choices she didn't
10:43reflect on her decision making she just
10:45simply chose abusive partner oh my God
10:47he's so bad you're never seeing the kids
10:48again never doing this I'm protecting
10:50the kids the children are now exposed to
10:52a different form of abuse so if we don't
10:55reflect we repeat mhm no you know when
10:59when I got divorced I guess it was like
11:00seven seven or eight years ago now I
11:04rather than pointing a finger blaming
11:06this person that person anyone I just
11:08took 100% of the responsibility for
11:10everything yeah everything all my fault
11:13yeah and by doing that I mean it wasn't
11:15all my fault but but that's how I looked
11:17at it for many years up until just maybe
11:19recently and by doing that I was able to
11:23do things very differently and change my
11:25life and I'm in a better position now
11:26than I think I've ever been what did you
11:28learn from that just not to be re not to
11:31be careless not to be Reckless to
11:34be
11:36um you to have discipline yeah that's a
11:41good one to discipline is a great one I
11:42it's like I probably I've always had
11:44great discipline but now I have
11:46tremendous discipline like I'm not going
11:47to let
11:49anything get to me that they shouldn't
11:51be and when I mean what I mean by
11:53accountability it's not like oh my God
11:54it's all my fault let me try and fix it
11:56with that person it's all my fault
11:58because I I ignored every red flag every
12:01single red flag and one thing I always
12:02say is women they never lie neither do
12:06men men and women do not lie they tell
12:09you the truth they always lie you think
12:12that but they show you the truth oh I
12:15see verbally they might lie verbally
12:17they might lie but you know what it is
12:19your behaviors your mannerisms your aura
12:21your energy your um habits they don't
12:24lie at all so every time I have a man or
12:27a woman that come to me and they say I
12:29was you know with a narcissist and they
12:30were this and they were that blah blah
12:32blah and I said what happened on the
12:33first date what happened in the first
12:35week and they say no they were great
12:38they were fantastic and I said no no
12:40think carefully what actually happened
12:42well the first time I met him he was in
12:44a relationship he was married at the
12:46time there you go they showed you they
12:48were they were able to live two lives or
12:51the man will say the first time I met
12:52her she was in a strip club she was a
12:53stripper but like there you go did she
12:57lie to you or did she show show you who
12:59she was she showed you and men and women
13:02we all do this we all show every red
13:05flag that we're going to bring to the
13:06table and we pick the person who is
13:09either naive enough to believe us or
13:11compatible with our red flags yeah it
13:12could be either or and we pick that
13:14person so we don't need to lie we show
13:16them and they accept the truth they just
13:17don't accept it literally sometimes I
13:21think it's not just social media it's
13:23also like there was magazines and
13:25television that exposed us to so many
13:27people so many so many Attractive people
13:30yeah only Attractive people only
13:32Attractive people really and and we just
13:34got used to looking at that and that's
13:36what
13:37we longed for and we got to a point
13:40where we're not going to accept anything
13:42other than that yeah and that's not
13:43meant for a lot of us it's not meant for
13:45you and here's the thing if you have to
13:47pay for an attractive partner in
13:49installments of your self resect because
13:51they keep degrading you they keep chaing
13:53on you it's not worth it I don't know
13:56you know what I I have to say and I
13:57really want to preface this I understand
13:59sometimes some people are a privilege
14:01because they might just have the options
14:03that and a lot of women I'm not talking
14:04about all women but a lot of women
14:06majority of the time when they walk into
14:07a room and they like the look of a man
14:09chances are he'll like you back so we
14:11don't really know what the rejection
14:12feels like and we don't know what it's
14:13like to long after somebody that is not
14:15interested in you but one thing I can
14:17guarantee you it's not going to feel
14:19good no matter how beautiful she is the
14:21treatment you receive is what you should
14:24focus on as much as you she might make
14:26you look good in public if she treats
14:28you badly in private it's never worth it
14:30do do do women feel the pain of
14:34rejection the way a man does overweight
14:36women do and I know this sounds really
14:38un offensive overweight women do what
14:41happens with overweight women they'll
14:42only tell you this when they lose the
14:44weight and they'll see a huge difference
14:46in how men treat them they go from being
14:49either invisible or treated like one of
14:52their boys and given some like human
14:54kind of interaction to now being really
14:57really stared out and adored and all
14:59these things and that jump makes them
15:01realize how much of a difference
15:04reaction you get from men based on your
15:06body so and it can really really mess
15:08with them yeah because they almost have
15:10the self-esteem of somebody who is
15:11really overweight but they're getting
15:12the attention of somebody who's really
15:14beautiful and they don't know how to
15:16select they simply don't know how to
15:17select because their self-esteem is
15:19still low but their appearances is still
15:21attractive so I think women have that
15:23experience of rejection and here's what
15:25it looks like more for women and this is
15:27why they compete with each other women
15:28are only truly rejected when they're
15:30around more attractive women if you're
15:32just by yourself as an unattractive
15:34woman you walk down the street nothing
15:35happens no worries you go home mind your
15:37business but when you walk down the
15:38street with a beautiful woman and you
15:40see how she's treated by other men or
15:42you go to a club with a beautiful woman
15:44or you go for dinner with a beautiful
15:45women and men are just flocking to one
15:47that's when they experience the
15:48rejection the most which is one of the
15:50reasons why attractive women tend to
15:51flock together because when you're with
15:54women that are considerably less
15:55attractive they feel uncomfortable with
15:57that disparity in treatment that and men
15:59are so they're so forgetful they'll see
16:01a beautiful girl they'll ignore a lot of
16:03friends and just home in on one they
16:05might throw the odd compliment here and
16:07there but really they mean it to one so
16:09they can be quite harsh with that as
16:11well so that's when they feel it the
16:12most yeah for men I I can tell you it's
16:15like when you get rejected by by an
16:17attractive woman
16:18you I remember I can remember this
16:21happening when I was younger it's it's
16:22like you are being judged like you are
16:25not meant to reproduce on this planet is
16:28that how you that's how you feel like
16:29you're just not you're it's like you
16:32you're it's not like this girl is just
16:34not right for you it's like no girl is
16:36right for you well one thing I would say
16:38this is going to sound super offensive
16:39and I'm going to be careful with how I
16:41word it I grew up in London very very
16:43Multicultural and I'm because of my
16:46ethnicity is not very clear I could
16:48essentially be some from Middle East I
16:51could be from Pakistan I could be from
16:52India I could maybe even be parts of
16:54Eastern Europe whatever people can't
16:55really tell so what would happen is I
16:58would get interest from men from all
17:00different cultures and I noticed such a
17:03big difference in men from that and one
17:06thing I always have noticed and I know
17:09this sounds really offensive I tell men
17:12that the there is a huge difference
17:14culturally and how men handle rejection
17:16now when a man and I it's same in
17:19America what I have noticed is men from
17:21Hispanic culture or more African
17:23Caribbean culture when they get rejected
17:26they handle it perfectly
17:29and that's why they have so much success
17:30with women they laugh that you're saying
17:32no to them and they go back and try
17:34again and that's why they're so desired
17:36by women if you meet one of the things
17:39that you hear online yeah I've seen this
17:40in South America you'll see it in South
17:42America this is what happens when you go
17:44South America or when you go in in areas
17:46where there's a large African-American
17:48Society whatever it is you you go walk
17:50past damn you look great sorry I have a
17:52husband he's a lucky guy have a great
17:55day and they move on to the next simple
17:58and and as a result they have there's
17:59always women in their world what happens
18:02to other men from different kind of
18:04cultural backgrounds they Place their
18:06social validity on her response if she
18:09says no to him oh my God she's the only
18:11girl in the world I'm never going to get
18:12a girl again oh my God I'm never doing
18:13this again I always say to them just
18:16emulate that behavior that you see in
18:18Hispanic men that you see in if you
18:20emulate that behavior cuz what what I
18:22found fascinating when I was in South
18:24America I'd have a man literally
18:25proposing to me making me feel like I'm
18:27the only woman in the world 2 minutes
18:29later turn over and he's talking to
18:30another girl and I'd be like I didn't
18:32even finish rejecting you how did you
18:33move on so fast they move on so quickly
18:36because they realize there's more humans
18:38in the world and because they have that
18:41mentality they never ever allow a woman
18:44to make them feel like you know he's
18:46nothing and they never get too attached
18:48to quick yeah or or I've seen a guy
18:50approach a girl yeah you know make it
18:52clear that he's interested she'll she
18:54turns him down he just laughs at it and
18:57doesn't he's not even phased by her
18:59rejection he just keeps at it keeps at
19:00it and she's just laughing at him yeah
19:02and eventually he becomes so Charming
19:04because he's fun and he's he doesn't
19:06personalize and eventually she gives in
19:08he he doesn't personalize here's what
19:10happens when we reject a man we're
19:11seeing whether our rejection confirms
19:14what he thinks about himself or it
19:17disproves what he thinks he knows he's
19:19worthy he knows he's worthy so what
19:21happen in some men you reject them and
19:23they'll be like Bo are you sure you're
19:24missing out you know there's a great you
19:26know wait are you sure you want to say
19:27no it's a great resp it's that kind of
19:29response that we're feeling like he
19:31knows something I don't and as a woman
19:34and this is going to sound very crude
19:35there is something that a men know that
19:37we don't yeah biologically physically if
19:40you know what I'm talking about so when
19:41he gives that attitude like are you sure
19:43you don't want to this because you're in
19:45for a treat if you do we get the
19:47impression that this person's successful
19:49at women not in life at women but when
19:52he's like oh God he gets all nervous and
19:54now he's upset for a couple of days and
19:55he can't stop beating himself up and
19:57replaying we're just we're confirming
19:59the belief that he has about himself
20:01that he's not good enough so we're
20:03looking to see what your self-belief is
20:05with the rejection and again this is all
20:07unconscious women don't know that get
20:09testing from women too yeah they testing
20:11to see your self-belief when you act
20:13like my rejection is my loss there must
20:16be something about you that's
20:17interesting and that's what we attached
20:19to tell me tell me about women testing
20:21men well unfortunately it's what we kind
20:24of are designed to do here's the thing
20:26biologically we having child with
20:28somebody just remember there's no
20:30anesthetic in evolutionary times there's
20:32no hospitals there's nothing like that
20:34child birth could literally very
20:35literally mean death so if you're going
20:37to reproduce the man which is one of the
20:39reasons I think like the Advent of
20:41contracep have really changed women's
20:43attitude but before that it would be if
20:45I reproduce with you it's life or death
20:48this is a really really important
20:50decision so we would have to test him to
20:53see his tolerance levels and his
20:55boundaries and his ability to you know
20:58kind of soothe emotions we're testing
21:00everything to see if he can lead the
21:01situation now the problem is to pass the
21:05test you have to have more stable
21:08emotions than her and what I mean by
21:10that is if I say to you [ __ ] you do
21:13something you [ __ ] you that and it
21:15becomes a whole big mess we don't like
21:17that but at the same time if you just
21:18sit back and take it we don't like that
21:20either because then we need somebody who
21:22won't be as emotional us but won't allow
21:25us to get excessively emotional because
21:27he has boundaries and it's finding that
21:29balance which is so hard for a man I
21:31completely I don't know how I would
21:32handle it if I was a man but it's a case
21:35of you want to show her that you're not
21:36as erratic as her but at the same time
21:39you don't tolerate this level of
21:40erraticism even though she's pushing you
21:41and pushing you and it's a really hard
21:43thing to do because some women will
21:44really really tou you and you want to
21:46explode but we're looking for you to
21:48stay calm in those situations but also
21:50not accept those situations we don't
21:51mean so calm that you roll over and let
21:53us do it again and again you don't
21:55accept it but you also don't stoop to it
21:57and that's what we're kind of looking
21:58for in that moment which is very hard to
22:00achieve yeah the Dynamics of of romantic
22:03relationships are so so different from
22:05men and women yeah with men they almost
22:06increase in value as they get into their
22:0830s 40s 50s and 60s and and with
22:12women it's the opposite it is the
22:15opposite but here's what I would say as
22:17men age they might increase in value but
22:21they still struggle more in
22:22relationships because their selection
22:24gets worse so what happens is like as
22:27they increase in value at 30 at 30 years
22:30old attractive successful whatever it is
22:32lots of women are interested in as it
22:35gets to 50 more successful less less
22:38attractive but more successful but
22:40you're go you're going to have more
22:42women you might have more women but
22:44you're going to have more gold digging
22:45women so what happens is as they get
22:47older they think that their options have
22:49increased no no no your money has
22:52increased so the options are getting
22:55bigger but the quality is dropping where
22:58is when a woman turns 40 50 years old
23:00she's going to stick to men around the
23:01same age and look for something with a
23:02bit of substance usually when men get
23:05older and older they want someone
23:06younger and younger and more attractive
23:08so the substance in the relationship
23:10decreases so even though their options
23:12might increase as their age the
23:14substance of the relationship might
23:16decrease if they make bad decisions do
23:19you agree or do you disagree you look
23:20perplexed no no no but I I I remember
23:23when I was I mean you tell that story
23:26and it reminds me of when I
23:30like you know you I asked you a question
23:31I think last time about are
23:32relationships romantic relationships
23:34transaction transactional MH and
23:38uh yeah to some extent they are
23:41but the answer is yes and no come
23:44increasingly as you age yes and but but
23:47I also like I remember my my first
23:49girlfriend I was 27 I think when I when
23:52I was young younger and I remember just
23:54I was heartbroken couldn't get off the
23:55bed I was just crushed and I remember
23:57talking with my older sister on the
24:00phone back in Chicago and she
24:03says she has a way of summing up an
24:06entire conversation with one sentence
24:10and she said I'll never forget it she
24:12said there's just something really
24:14attractive about a successful man
24:19yeah I heard that said [ __ ] it I'm just
24:23going to become successful and and that
24:25that has paved the way
24:28with for romantic relationships for me
24:30ever since just makes them flow so much
24:33better yeah and yes that's because I'm
24:36offering Financial Security or a better
24:38lifestyle or
24:40whatever but isn't that what men offer
24:43yes but the thing is Financial Security
24:45increases access but it doesn't increase
24:48consistency from the woman because
24:51here's the thing like I said to you ear
24:52like look in my personal experience I
24:55the more successful a man is the worse
24:58relationships get for him but his access
25:01increases he gets more so he thinks it's
25:03almost like Fast fashion you can have
25:04more but the quality is really bad and
25:06here's why here's a couple of things
25:08that cause it first of all when he is
25:10hyper successful he doesn't have the
25:13time to vet women properly when you're
25:16running a few when you're at home by
25:185:00 p.m. every day you can see what
25:20she's up to from 5:00 p.m. every single
25:22day and as a result you get a real
25:24insight into what kind of human being
25:25she is when you are running two
25:27businesses you're flying from this area
25:29and that area and she leaves you alone
25:32in those days you're just like oh thank
25:33God she's not nagging me no part of you
25:35is thinking what is she doing in those
25:36two three days that I'm aware how come I
25:38haven't heard from like what so
25:40essentially what happens is they get
25:42better they get worse vetting a woman
25:45they don't get an insight into a true
25:46character so that's the first thing that
25:48happens now women who are genuinely
25:51loyal good women they are incapable of
25:54being with men who are so busy they need
25:57emotional connection daily and regularly
26:00in order for them to be loyal so what
26:02happens is loyal women naturally can't
26:05attach to the man that doesn't know
26:06where he's going to if he's going to be
26:07home on Christmas is he going to be here
26:10in Thanksgiving they attached to the man
26:12that says okay Wednesday we'll go to
26:14your mom's house and Friday we'll go
26:16here they attached to that man because
26:17they need consistency they need
26:19emotional consistency disloyal women
26:22will be distant so they don't mind if
26:25you're going away and going away going
26:26away but she'll feel that void in some
26:29way shape or form either through using
26:31your money and but like using it with
26:34luxury goods and think oh it doesn't
26:35matter at least I get to go shopping but
26:37after a while how much can you buy and
26:39then they form an attachment with their
26:41unemployed or a personal trainer who's
26:44available every day so then so that
26:46happens there's a disconnect and the
26:48other thing that happens is they've got
26:50so much more to lose when you get
26:53divorced as a successful man you I've
26:55seen men successful men move out of
26:57their beautiful homes into a little
26:59apartment while she moves in with her
27:03sidan that she was sleeping with
27:04throughout the marriage and they're
27:05living on his money and he's funding
27:08that and so I just think your access
27:11increases as you become successful but
27:13your access to good women
27:15decreases there's fewer available also
27:18fewer available they they've weed
27:20themselves out they don't have a
27:21lifestyle that's compatible with a man
27:23that's hyper successful they usually are
27:25like home by a certain time but the men
27:27women that have a lifestyle that's
27:28compatible tend to be women who are um
27:32either doing nothing or they may have
27:34been in the sex industry at some point
27:36they may have been in sex work at some
27:38point in stage because here's what they
27:40learn they're always around successful
27:41men usually sex workers and the other
27:44thing they learn is if you tell them
27:46what they want to hear and then leave
27:48them alone tell them what they want to
27:50hear leave them alone tell them what
27:51they want leave them alone you're like
27:53their perfect match and they can play
27:55that role very well romantic
27:58relationships are a mindfield aren't
27:59they oh I I sound so negative and doom
28:02and gloom can I preface that by saying
28:04that's not true I'm just saying this
28:06because worst case scenario these are
28:08worst worst case scenario majority
28:09relationships tend to be healthy doable
28:12because I'm talking about the 1% the
28:14hyper successful man and the hyper
28:16beautiful woman that's usually what I'm
28:18talking about when I'm talking about
28:19these things it can transcend to the
28:22average person but usually this is the
28:24the scenario in that end and the reason
28:26why I talk about them is because when
28:28you are a therapist you only work with
28:30people who have disposable income you
28:33only work with people who can afford to
28:35just pay for a conversation so as a
28:37result you get an insight into a
28:39different mindset you don't get an
28:40insight into you know the average man
28:42who might just be a teacher and his
28:43girlfriend is also a nurse and so I I
28:46have to make that very clear that I am
28:47talking about a minority it's it's so
28:49beautiful when you see an older couple
28:51in their 70s or ' 80s and they're
28:54clearly still in love with each other
28:55yeah it is beautiful beautiful what do
28:58you think what is behind
29:00that I think maturity on both sides
29:03probably they they understood that they
29:06are growing and changing and getting
29:08older and they still accept and love
29:11each other and find each other
29:13interesting my parents who were married
29:15for Jesus so many decades I can't
29:18count they always said you know my my my
29:20dad traveled a lot when he was working
29:23early in the relationship and then my
29:24mom traveled a lot later when she found
29:27a new career and started working more um
29:30and they all they both said that time
29:32apart kept the whole thing going oh
29:35that's good CU it just keeps it fresh
29:37and and I believe that that like a
29:40healthy amount of distance is actually
29:41really good it's only problem is now we
29:44live in a time where distance invites
29:47the devil because there's pornography or
29:49there's like you know there's
29:51Alternatives but before it wouldn't
29:53necessarily lead to that but now because
29:55of the Advent of the smartphone distance
29:56can invite the
29:58devil what kind of things do you think
30:01like like like as a man I can tell you
30:04like so many so many women think men
30:05just want sex you give your man sex and
30:07he'll be happy and I don't think that's
30:09accurate I think what men really want is
30:11to feel appreciated I I agree I think
30:14that the core Foundation behind every
30:15man and his core reason for cheating is
30:18a lack of appreciation I see men
30:20cheating with women that are less
30:22attractive or I see men cheating with or
30:24falling in love with women who are
30:26clearly not good for him but because she
30:28made him feel appreciated and desired in
30:31in a tiny way he became attracted and
30:33what I find with successful men the
30:35reason why they cheat more is not so
30:37much I don't I wouldn't say they cheat
30:38more but if they if there is a idea that
30:40they cheat more I would honestly say it
30:42boils down to because success the more
30:44successful you become the less
30:45appreciated they feel because what
30:47happens with the average man who's
30:49splitting the bills and they're
30:50splitting the housework he doesn't feel
30:53he's deserving of as much appreciation
30:54so say if she's not as grateful it's not
30:56the end of the world he might not also
30:58be so grateful and they kind of can
31:00accept that but when you're a man who's
31:02provided a really great life for your
31:04wife and she's got a really luxury life
31:07and she's never had to work or if she
31:08does work it's only up to her and she
31:10gets to travel the world in first class
31:12and yet she can't even get your a glass
31:13of water when you need it or can't even
31:15iron a shirt for you so you won't be
31:16late in the morning or does who resents
31:19cooking a meal for you you feel less and
31:21less and less appreciated and it's the
31:23lack of appreciation that leads to
31:26looking elsewhere
31:27it's not novel sex and that's what
31:30they'd like to think and sometimes the
31:31men think that's what it is they think
31:33I'm craving novelty and Novelty sex but
31:35then they'll attach to that one
31:38prostitute that made them feel made them
31:40a coffee after they finished or they're
31:43attached to that one you know coworker
31:45that noticed that they cut their hair
31:47differently so they're not actually
31:49seeking novel sex as much as they think
31:51they are what what is it about sex
31:54workers that are attractive makes them
31:56attractive to men um um because they
31:58know how to work low
32:01self-esteem with sex just like how I
32:03have a very skewed vision of
32:05relationships because of the work I do
32:08women who work with men who select um
32:11sex workers canand can say every single
32:14one of them comes to them with either
32:17low self-esteem or loneliness something
32:19is driving them to this connection and
32:22it's becoming more normalized but
32:23essentially usually those are the
32:24fundamental components there's a low
32:26self or there's a loneliness or an
32:28inability to access the women that they
32:30find desirable on their own they can't
32:32access that girl so they'll pay for it
32:34so when you know you're working with low
32:36self-esteem what you have they know
32:39exactly how to manipulate that and
32:41engineer that connection into one which
32:45they will fall in love and they know
32:47exactly how to make that man fall in
32:48love they know that it's simple
32:49compliments telling them that they're so
32:51good at what they do reminding them that
32:54they're so attractive these kind of
32:55compliments remember most of these men
32:57haven't heard that naturally so if you
32:59say it to them synthetically they attach
33:02very quickly and also they they use the
33:04same lines as well a lot of the sex
33:06workers will say I hate this job I wish
33:08I could get out of it and he's thinking
33:10I'll get you out of it but she's
33:12thinking oh this is a lifelong career in
33:14her mind is something you don't really
33:15come out of it's very hard to come out
33:17of because you lose here's a here's the
33:20biggest thing that what sex work does is
33:23you no longer attach exclusivity and
33:27loyalty to sexual performance so it
33:29becomes very difficult to be to see sex
33:32as that serious like if I have sex with
33:34another man why it's not that serious in
33:36their mind they've kind of reduced the
33:40significance of sex so much that it
33:42becomes easy to cheat I think it's
33:43impossible for these girls to go back to
33:45just regular no monogamy is impossible
33:47and intimacy is impossible intimacy is
33:49very very impossible and I tell you what
33:52I really think it is when when a woman
33:53has been a sex worker and you as a man
33:56know know that she's been a sex work and
33:58you fall in love with her in her mind
34:00she knows what she's been doing and in
34:02her mind she knows the depravity that
34:04she's been through she can't believe you
34:06love her and if you do love her you must
34:09love a different version of her because
34:11if you knew the true her you would not
34:13be able to attach to it so part of her
34:16feels like it feels like it's not real
34:19when somebody tries to love that I heard
34:21you say once like she has a hard time
34:23respecting a man who is going to pay her
34:24for sex and that's why so many of these
34:27girls end up with pimps CU that's the
34:29only man that she can respect yeah I did
34:31say that I well in my personal
34:33experience of working with them i' look
34:35I I work with girls who have um only
34:37fans and I it's so B it's so funny to me
34:41I'll have an only fans model and she
34:43might be making 80,000 a month 70% of it
34:47goes to her boyfriend because he's the
34:48one that's in charge of the only fans
34:50he's the one that's got all the hired
34:52the Bots and you know drove the traffic
34:5470% goes to him and he'll use that money
34:57and start sleeping with other girls and
34:59she's hugely loyal to him like she's
35:03obsessed with him now if this is a woman
35:05who's got an only fun she's obviously
35:06beautiful and she obviously has options
35:08there's men paying for her but she's
35:10fiercely loyal to the man that is taking
35:13all her money and she's fiercely loyal
35:15to her boyfriend and the reason being is
35:17she has far more respect for the man
35:19that refuses to pay for the only fans
35:21but will take money from her but the man
35:23that might be subscribing would actually
35:24treat her well she would think you're an
35:26ID
35:27you can't you can't respect the man that
35:30has to pay for you to access you you
35:33can't respect that you'd rather respect
35:35the man that you have to pay and this is
35:37something I always tell men because
35:38there's a lot of talk that oh men women
35:40just want Financial Security they all
35:41want that but when women are truly
35:44attracted to a man they pay for him
35:46they'll they'll get Uber to his house in
35:48the middle of the night they'll bring
35:50food to him he won't have to spend a
35:52penny it's the me the more attracted she
35:55is the less you have to invest
35:57financially I I I interviewed a an old
36:01slightly older sex worker
36:03prostitute um and she said something
36:05that I thought was really fascinating
36:07she said that criminalizing a woman's
36:09ability to monetize society's most
36:12valuable
36:15commodity is just a way to keep women
36:18powerless I disagree I disagree I don't
36:22100% but there's some interesting I get
36:25what she's trying to say like don't make
36:26me criminal because I'm finally using my
36:28power but the reason why I disagree with
36:31I I think we need to criminalize
36:33prostitution but I actually think we
36:35need to criminalize the men that pay and
36:37the reason I say it is they are just
36:39rapists with
36:40loopholes because the mentality is still
36:43the same you're seeking a woman that
36:45doesn't want to have sex with you what
36:47about the wives that are no longer
36:48interesting I understand that but if
36:50you're a man of caliber you'll still
36:52select a mistress not a sex worker I see
36:55if you're a man of caliber and your wife
36:57is no longer interesting you will still
37:00find a mistress she'll come to you and
37:03the reason why I think the issue is more
37:04the men that pay than the women that
37:07monetize is the men that
37:10pay the it they are they are still
37:13essentially trying to access a woman who
37:16doesn't want them she's given you
37:18permission because you put money in the
37:21envelope but she doesn't truly want you
37:23and then what you're doing is you're
37:25paying for violation
37:27you are now putting money in an envelope
37:29and now you can violate this woman as
37:31much as you want and yes she's agreed so
37:33you've got that permission but the
37:36mindset is still that of a rapist you're
37:38paying a stranger who wouldn't normally
37:40want to be have sex with you to now have
37:42sex with you because you have
37:44manipulated consent yes she's agreeing
37:46to it but most healthy women don't agree
37:49to that so you you are taking advantage
37:52of her traumas you're taking advantage
37:54of her poor financial decisions you're
37:56taking advantage of her low self-esteem
37:58and using that as a way to pleasure
37:59yourself I just think the mindset is
38:02still similar to that of men that would
38:05have 200 years ago when this wasn't as
38:07available would have been that man that
38:10broke into somebody's house and taken it
38:11and a lot of men were say no no it's
38:13nothing like that and I agree I I know
38:14I'm being extreme it's not like that
38:17because you found a loophole but the
38:19underlying mindset I find
38:22similar usually it's men who might be
38:25like I I don't know what they and
38:26nowadays I think it's become very common
38:28but usually there is a considerable age
38:30Gap there's a considerable Gap in
38:32attractiveness or there's a considerable
38:34Gap in performance one thing I noticed
38:37is young men who pay for escorts young
38:40men um as you get older I can understand
38:42it's far more convenient and why would
38:44you go on a date with a woman who's 50
38:46who's going to be hard working not that
38:47great in bed when you can do the same
38:49with a 22y old and it makes total sense
38:52I do understand it makes total
38:53rationally it makes total sense I I can
38:56tell you as a as an older male I can
38:58it's it's crazy how many guys that are
39:01old older and married yeah that have
39:04little things on the side yeah yeah and
39:05paid paid situations probably yeah yeah
39:08they have and I I don't know all the
39:10details but I just yeah and I understand
39:12that because sometimes I'll meet men who
39:13are older and you know you'll go on a
39:15date with a woman that's maybe 40 50 and
39:17she's so jaded and so negative and you
39:20just like oh and she's so difficult and
39:22then he's just like I actually don't
39:24care enough to start a marriage with
39:25somebody I just want to have a nice
39:27vacation with a girl so I can understand
39:29why he does that but I would say young
39:31men in my experience I've worked with
39:33some young men who have an addiction to
39:36escorts and I whenever like a wife might
39:40come to me and she husband's may be 30
39:41years old handsome enough not terrible
39:44and he's going to escorts the first
39:46question I say to the woman I said is he
39:47bad in bed and she says um well I don't
39:51I haven't got much experience I go he's
39:52bad in bed I said I promise you he's not
39:55good at sex and she said say do you
39:57think so I don't personally have that
39:58much experience so I don't know I'm used
40:00to him and I said look I promise you in
40:02this day and age a 32y old man can jump
40:05on Tinder and find a girl that day day
40:07if he's resorting to escorts he has
40:11either a porn addiction or he's not good
40:14he's not good at sex and he wants to
40:17bypass the feedback he wants to skip the
40:19feedback women give you in the real
40:22world which is very harsh by the way in
40:24the real world what happens is
40:26particularly when you're like 30 to 35
40:28or 20 to whatever young boys girls can
40:31tell you they're they're Shameless
40:33they'll say to you all they'll imply
40:35that they're not pleased with what
40:37you're doing they'll imply it by never
40:39calling you again they'll imply it by
40:41getting back with an ex they'll imply it
40:43by their facial expression whatever it
40:45is they'll imply their satisfaction men
40:47who have received negative feedback more
40:50than once will then skip that and go to
40:53an es school if they when you're older
40:56slightly different reasons behind it but
40:58young men who are going to escort are
41:00trying to avoid their negative feedback
41:04and there is something in their sexual
41:06performance that has caused negative
41:08feedback in the past I would either say
41:10it's porn addiction or it might just be
41:12size related I'm really sorry to be
41:13crude but usually because I know women
41:15can be really harsh it's usually that
41:18and they want to skip that and that's
41:19why they go to the escorts who give them
41:20no
41:21feedback or they give them positive
41:24feedback mhm do you think that might
41:26make sense this is just my own Theory no
41:28I think you're right but you also get
41:30you know given what you do for a living
41:32you're probably seeing a much more
41:34negative yeah segment of society because
41:38I know there are plenty of people that
41:39have really wonderful fulfilling respect
41:41filled relationships yeah are so many I
41:44mean loving and being loved is an art
41:47yeah it really is and one thing I would
41:48say I not everyone can I suffered with
41:51really bad anxiety before I met my
41:54husband really really bad really anxious
41:56really and I thought this is a disease I
41:58thought this is just in me forever I'm
42:00always going to be horrible I'm always
42:02going to be mean I'm always going to be
42:03jealous I'm always going to be insecure
42:04it's just what I'm going to be but when
42:06you meet somebody that soothes you every
42:09day feels Cala every day feels better
42:12every moment feels better and you know
42:15as much as we might say our
42:16relationships are so scary and there's
42:18this that and the other they're scary
42:20when we make bad decisions they really
42:22are everything is scary when we make bad
42:23decisions even the food we eat can be
42:25really traum izing to our bodies and
42:27stuff if we make the bad decisions but
42:29when we make good decisions it's it's
42:31like um it's it's literally cleansing so
42:35when you do find somebody that you can
42:37be feel safe with and make you feel safe
42:40um you won't believe that your nervous
42:42system can calm down so much so if you
42:45are a woman who's always experienced
42:47anxiety in relationships and always
42:49experienced stress and you just
42:50convinced yourself you're just this
42:51jealous anxious person have a look at
42:54your selection because when you do find
42:55something more soothing you will become
42:58unrecognizable you'll be a lot calmer
43:00it's hard to find but you'll be a lot
43:02calmer there's so many different types
43:04of relationship some people are into
43:06more I hate to say abuse but they're
43:08they're into a little more violent style
43:11but for me like when you feel like like
43:16what you just described where
43:19your your brain waves your your whole
43:22mood changes when you're around this
43:24person yeah that's that's what you s
43:27better you sleep better everything is
43:28better you make better decisions than
43:30what you eat just just by them being
43:31around you yeah by just them being
43:33around you and we can cultivate that we
43:35can really cultivate that and I think
43:37one thing that I think men underestimate
43:40is if you can avoid pornography and you
43:42can avoid liking pictures and you can
43:43avoid creating insecurities doesn't work
43:45on every girl but if you can generally
43:47try and avoid that it will really help
43:49similarly women if you can avoid taking
43:51out all your traumas onto this person
43:53and using him as an emotional punching
43:54bag it will also help and you be
43:57grateful rather than being ungrateful
43:58which we we all myself included have a
44:01habit of doing you can find something
44:03really really valuable in marriage and
44:05relationships is they're they're
44:06medicinal you need it one of the things
44:08I've noticed and especially my dad is
44:10getting older and doctors in general one
44:12of the things they always say and do as
44:14soon as a man gets a bit older and he
44:15comes into the doctor's surgery the
44:17doctor will say have you got a wife and
44:20the reason they say that is because they
44:21know the chances of survival for
44:23anything is higher when you're in a
44:24relationship and your marriage and I've
44:27had met so many doctors now the first
44:28thing they'll say is oh if he doesn't
44:30have a wife oh it's going to take
44:31forever to recover from this surgery or
44:32it's going to take longer to so it's
44:34really it's really helpful if you can
44:36find someone really good for you you
44:38really do need you really do need it we
44:40all do you probably live longer yeah you
44:42live longer and even for women when
44:44they're giving birth if they hold the
44:45hands of their mother or they hold the
44:46hands of their husband the pain nerves
44:49can tolerate more so we're just
44:51biologically designed to love and be
44:54loved yeah you can talk about
44:57relationships all day long I feel like
44:59I'm so boring I feel like I I'm like a
45:02one trick pony and I just talk about
45:03this all the time no this this is
45:04something we all need to sort out in our
45:07lives yeah I'm so sorry if I'm like no
45:09without without advice and knowledge
45:11like you have praise be to God I think
45:13people would just struggle even for it
45:15no I hope so I I think I was just and my
45:18only motivation for coming online is I
45:20kept seeing advice that would definitely
45:22cause a divorce I kept seeing advice
45:24that you know that was going to destroy
45:27marriages and I as much as I love um
45:29Andrew's message Andrew Tate's message I
45:31really do overall I do really admire
45:34what he's kind of done for masculinity
45:36but one of the key things that is really
45:38going to destroy relationships is
45:40teaching the idea that you can be with
45:43multiple multiple women and she can just
45:45be she just has to accept it and that's
45:47how you be the man unfortunately those
45:49days are gone where a woman will just
45:51let you cheat on her and just stay at
45:53home you want to cheat on her she'll
45:55cheat on you 10 times I think a lot of
45:56what Andrew Tate was doing earlier on
45:59was just being controversial just to get
46:01a big name yeah he understood that
46:04probably better than anybody but now as
46:06you listen to him he actually makes a
46:07lot of sense a lot of sense and I think
46:09that you know the um Chang in religions
46:13and just the whole experiences does kind
46:14of help you re-evaluate your values and
46:17then they usually come back to um more
46:20Traditional Values they usually are the
46:22only thing that heal you when you gone
46:23through a lot he's super intelligent
46:25yeah I I agree very much so and a very
46:28good like orator can speak very well I
46:31important no agree very important
46:35charismatic speaker and he's he's wise
46:37on top of it I yeah I mean in your
46:39experience do you think it works if
46:40somebody's cheating if the man is
46:42cheating can a relationship loss never
46:44it can't can it not for
46:46me even as a man you don't think that it
46:48can if if she was cheating or me no me
46:52neither way neither way how come as a
46:54man still wouldn't work for if you a
46:56cheat it it's like i' I I have
47:00tarnished what I had what I have and it
47:04no
47:05longer I don't respect it as much
47:08anymore after I do that can a man love
47:10the woman the same amount even if he's
47:12been cheating on her I don't think so I
47:14don't think so either the respect the
47:16respect is gone I mean maybe it can be
47:18built back somehow but it would be
47:19tremendous amount the duty of care has
47:21gone you would you would have to really
47:23own up to man you really [ __ ] up and
47:25you just
47:26lay yourself bare and and admit
47:29everything and then start over from
47:31scratch and maybe you can rebuild it but
47:32it's going to take a long long time and
47:34I think the main reason why it is so
47:36hard to love the person you're cheating
47:37on is because now you can't be yourself
47:40with them you're inauthentic you're
47:41living two different lives they don't
47:43know 50% of what you get up to so much
47:45of your life is hidden from them now
47:47yeah you you want your secrets to be
47:48theirs you share only with them you
47:51don't want to have secrets from them
47:52yeah so now the person you live with you
47:54have to wear a mask in front of and hide
47:56so much of your life from you can't be
47:57yourself and I've noticed one of the
47:59reasons why men actually fall in love
48:01with sex workers or Mistresses so much
48:03easier is they can drop the mask they
48:05can be themselves I can say to her oh my
48:08god I've cheated on her so many times
48:09when she used to do this and she said
48:11this to me and I did that and they can
48:12be themselves and they think they're
48:14falling in love with the person but
48:15really they're falling in love with the
48:16idea of being themselves again and they
48:18haven't done that in so long so I think
48:21when you are having an affair and this
48:23is men or women if you think that your
48:25partner one of the reasons I don't
48:26encourage you know getting back after an
48:29affair or you can get back but don't
48:32believe that they'll never do it again
48:33and don't believe that they you know it
48:35was they truly loved you just remember
48:38in order to maintain that affair they
48:40had to wear a mask in front of you and
48:42you had to be not curious about what was
48:44going on in their life it had to be two
48:46people that were disconnected one person
48:48was so disconnected that they met
48:50another person the other person was so
48:51disconnected that they didn't notice
48:53that they met another person so t people
48:55are disconnected when I see sometimes
48:57somebody will say to me he was having an
48:59affair for a year and a half he got
49:00another girl pregnant or she was having
49:01an affair for 2 years but in my head I'm
49:04just thinking how did it get there how
49:06are you so disconnected from your
49:07husband or wife that you don't notice
49:10that they haven't slept with you the
49:11same way or they've changed their
49:12hairstyle or they bought a bunch of new
49:14clothes or they've been out more often
49:17how have you how is that disconnected
49:18has that disconnect has to be from
49:20coming from two people one person's just
49:22used a cothing mechanism but the other
49:24person has just ignored the red flags so
49:27I do think that a whole new connection
49:29has to take place in order for them to
49:31rebuild from an affair yeah no that's
49:33why I said a little while ago I said
49:36love being in love loving another person
49:39and being loved is is an art yeah
49:42because
49:44to understand how to nurture that
49:47respect and that purity of that
49:50connection you have yeah
49:52is something you can never let go of and
49:55it's it's not not easy just to keep that
49:57and and not be
49:59too it's like everything's a balance M
50:02you can't be too much of this way but
50:04you also have to you can't be too
50:05connected but you have to you have you
50:06have to let go but you also have to stay
50:07connected at the same time and it's
50:09really hard but the art of staying
50:11connected is the only thing that can
50:13stop you from having an affair um a lot
50:15of people think if we just have good sex
50:17or if we just stay on top of our figure
50:18and then they won't have an affair but
50:20it really is the art of staying
50:22connected and uh you know trying to see
50:24that person making sure that you're the
50:26person that they come to when they feel
50:28an emotion whether that's sad tired
50:30hungry upset happy you're the person
50:33they share that emotion with and when
50:35you can create that emotional intimacy
50:37it acts as a barrier for um for Affairs
50:41yes things like pornography can have a
50:43big influence but even the fact that you
50:45have a husband that watches so much
50:46pornography and you don't pick up on it
50:48it should be it should be evident either
50:51in their sexual performance or in the
50:52things that they're into or the way that
50:54they're behaving the Rel the sex should
50:56feel distant so if you're not picking up
50:58on these addictions or these double
51:00lives you're also to blame for the
51:02disconnect it's so two people
51:04jum that's why I think it's important
51:06for both men and women to to do
51:09something in their life that is to keeps
51:11them mentally sharp keeps them vital
51:13keeps them creative yeah I agree because
51:15what happens because if you're just a
51:16partner yeah it just gets boring quick
51:19it is really really boring and I I can
51:21say this even with my own experience
51:22when I wasn't doing this and I was a
51:24teacher beforehand there's only so much
51:26I could talk about there's only so much
51:28that was I was that was invigorating me
51:31I loved the kids I loved everything that
51:33I was doing but I just wasn't that
51:35inspiring to be around and to talk to
51:38I'm not saying everybody is a superhero
51:40not everybody's inspiring but have
51:41something that gives you a purpose
51:43outside of your relationship in order to
51:45bring some value to the relationship and
51:48sometimes what men you know especially
51:50this is one of the advices that I used
51:52to hear online a lot oh we don't care
51:54what a woman does as long as she's looks
51:56beautiful I don't care what kind of
51:57career she has but if you're an
51:59intellectually successful man you should
52:01care what career she does because what
52:03do you talk about over dinner if she's
52:05done nothing all day it gets super
52:07unattractive when a man's been busy when
52:10when she's 70 years old what what are
52:12you going to talk about what are you
52:13going to talk about and so I think that
52:16the lack and this is one of the reasons
52:18why I'm always curious when men you know
52:20want to go to another country and they
52:21want to find somebody that's like a
52:23quarter of their age like but what do
52:24you want to talk about how can you talk
52:26about it because it's important to keep
52:28that intellectual intimacy after a while
52:30I know it's really hard when somebody's
52:32super beautiful and somebody else is
52:34really intelligent naturally you're
52:35going to want to go for someone really
52:36beautiful but you got to remember both
52:38of them are going to be less beautiful
52:40in time anyway so the glue to the
52:42relationship has to be some intimacy
52:44that is outside of the
52:47bedroom yeah but how do we tell that to
52:50a culture that has been exposed to
52:52sexual images from 10 years old our job
52:56is cut out for us yeah I think young
52:59boys are getting exposed to this stuff
53:00yeah and young boys are becoming more
53:02predatory than ever before uh sexual
53:04assault victims will report that the a
53:07lot of the time the perpetrators are the
53:09same age because they're so curious
53:11their kids they reenact everything they
53:13see so if they watch Power Rangers they
53:16repeat that but if they're watching porn
53:18they're going to be curious to repeat
53:19that and we can't blame them because
53:22what what really is is the popups that
53:24come up they and they're cartoons with
53:26big boobs and they just naturally touch
53:28and accidentally they're onto they're
53:30catapulted into porn there there's
53:33working with people who are going
53:34through all these kind of problems
53:36constantly day in day out does it get to
53:37you if I'm honest it makes me grateful I
53:41know that sounds really pompous and I
53:42hate saying that I really I don't mean
53:44that in a pompous way but you know when
53:46you zoom out cuz you can fight with your
53:49partner over the smallest things you can
53:51fight with your partner if they didn't
53:52call you at the time that they said and
53:54they this that and the other when you
53:55zoom out and you look at the world and
53:56you think on the whole do I have
53:59somebody that respects me and do I
54:01respect them if I have that the grass is
54:04not greener and I think if anything what
54:06it's done is even though my social
54:09media's grown my exposure is grown it's
54:11made me more reclusive and more stick to
54:13the people I already knew rather than
54:15expanding my net because you realize the
54:17grass is not green outside you know like
54:20how my job exposes me into some of the
54:22things your job also
54:24does make you more grateful or did it
54:26make you more like miserable no it it it
54:28stressed me out
54:30how cuz you know especially when I was
54:33interviewing lots of drug addicts and
54:34prostitutes and people from the
54:36streets along with
54:39those interviews comes a lot of hustling
54:42and deceit and conning and just just
54:46stuff that I'm not normally exposed to
54:49and and you get 50 phone calls a day or
54:5150 texts a day of people like trying to
54:53angle for this trying to get that
54:55everybody wants something from me
54:57everybody wants something from me and it
54:58just it just wears on you I wouldn't be
55:00able to do your job because I can't do
55:02my job I wouldn't be able to do your job
55:05because I have the luxury this is a very
55:07luxury version of mental health concerns
55:10because there people that can afford to
55:11pay and it's people that have the the
55:14self-a awareness to your people have
55:17nothing and in my experience when I used
55:18to be more accessible and a lot cheaper
55:21before when I became a bit bigger the
55:23quality of people were people that
55:25didn't want to pay even though it was
55:26super super cheap they didn't want to
55:28pay and they were trying to scam me out
55:30of things and so and as I got more as I
55:32raised my prices the calor of people
55:34just happen to be people who happy to
55:36you know pay so I found it the high end
55:40was just easier to work with yeah I'm
55:42trying to do the same thing it's so hard
55:43in your industry but but by branching
55:45out I'm getting a better better quality
55:48better because they must pull out your
55:49heartstrings a bit because you know they
55:51have nothing it's not like they're
55:52pretending you kind of know they have
55:54nothing but then at the same same time
55:55you're not everybody's but I've I've
55:57done I've done thousands of these yeah
55:58it's enough and that's how I feel
56:01sometimes people will come to me and say
56:03oh you charge so much for on to once I'm
56:04not you know that bad but they'll say
56:06you charge so much or you're trying to
56:07make money out of it and I'm just
56:09thinking I give enough content online
56:12that is more than what you would get
56:15from people that make those kind of
56:16comments don't understand all the years
56:18and effort and work and time that you
56:21spent Hing your skill and and building
56:24this base of knowledge you have that
56:25you're sharing I don't feel any guilt
56:27from it only because I've done enough
56:28free stuff I genuinely think if you
56:31can't afford it I have the reason I have
56:33no guilt towards it is because I put so
56:36much out there for free yeah you can you
56:37can learn everything you need to learn
56:39just from the videos you put out just
56:40from the videos but the funny thing is
56:42every time I have a client they'll leave
56:44the call and saying I didn't expect you
56:45to say that I've watched all your
56:46content I didn't think you would say
56:48that and I said yes but I tailor it to
56:50the circumstance I'm in so cuz you know
56:53they sometimes they'll think I'm I'm
56:54going to discriminate against them what
56:56are the most common things a client will
56:58will complain to you about most common
57:00situation I do experience is men falling
57:02in love with gold diggers or escorts
57:05because this this is the rich man's
57:06problem and from a woman's perspective
57:08the most common is she is on the
57:10receiving end of that she's on the
57:13receiving end of her husband that's you
57:14know she's caught him spending money on
57:17escorts and this that and that's the
57:18most Comm these are one of the reasons I
57:19talk about it so much so many so many
57:20rumors online is it like an epidemic of
57:22men that are is for sex workers there is
57:26an epidemic because either they not only
57:29are we got men that are falling in love
57:31with escorts now what's happened is
57:33women have because they see that women's
57:37um shame towards becoming an escort has
57:40disappeared so I would say most of the
57:43Instagram models that you see it's a
57:45catalog for escorts because every
57:47holiday that they've been and the
57:48problem with men is that they're so
57:50blind to the signs they're so blind
57:53they're like oh no no no she would never
57:55she's not like that and she doesn't even
57:57work she doesn't have money that's why I
57:58gave her money and but her Instagram
58:00will be full of um she's in Italy she's
58:03in Paris she's in this and they don't
58:05connect any of the dots so the the
58:08problem I'm I see most is that that's
58:11the problem I see that's a mod but the
58:12bigger problem the underlying problem is
58:15pornography the reason I talk so much
58:18about pornography is you can come to me
58:20with any problem and I the first
58:23question I'll ask is is there porography
58:25I've had couples that have come to me
58:26and they said I've been we've been to
58:27three or four therapists every you're
58:29our last hope and when I have one of
58:32them alone I say you tell the truth are
58:34you addicted to pornography but once a
58:36man has been exposed to some hardcore
58:39stuff uh pornography do do you think he
58:42can ever straighten out and I think it
58:44takes a long time of no you have to like
58:47be pure you have to be pure so that even
58:49the slightest sexual interaction becomes
58:52and and it's hard even with Instagram so
58:55they think I don't know I haven't
58:56watched porn for a while but their
58:57Instagram feed is terrible or their
58:59Twitter feed is terrible so it really
59:01takes a detox and the other problem
59:03here's the bigger problem people don't
59:04know when they're an addict so I'll have
59:07a client maybe he's 46 years old and I
59:08said do you watch pornography not that
59:11much just twice a week or something once
59:12a week I said okay when did you start
59:15well when did the internet start 2001 he
59:17okay about 20 years I like 20 years of
59:21watching pornography and and he think
59:24they think that I'm not an addict
59:25because I can stop anytime but why
59:27haven't you and then like go just helps
59:29me sleep they don't realize that when
59:31pornography starts to be used as a
59:33device for something out that that it
59:35should never it's not really got a
59:36purpose but it's helping you sleep or
59:38it's helping you avoid relationships
59:40it's serving an extensive purpose and
59:42therefore it's an
59:43addiction it's no I don't think it has
59:46any purpose but if it did have a purpose
59:48it's going beyond that now what do men
59:50see in these kind of women uh in the
59:52pornography yeah the ability to see a
59:54woman that would never want to be naked
59:56with them a woman that would never
59:58choose to be naked in front of them they
01:00:00now get an insight into that which is
01:00:02why only fans does so well because they
01:00:04get these influences that they could
01:00:06never get in a million years but now
01:00:08they get an access to see what she looks
01:00:10like naked and I genuinely think men you
01:00:13tread a fine line between being the
01:00:15protector and the
01:00:17Predator we are looking for the
01:00:19protector the guy that we've chosen to
01:00:21protect us Predator is we haven't chosen
01:00:23you you want us so when you are paying
01:00:26for this you are treading down the
01:00:27predatory line because I know she's
01:00:30given you permission but she she doesn't
01:00:32desire you so you know that this is not
01:00:35reciprocated why do you want to engage
01:00:37in sexual relationships or sexual
01:00:38satisfaction where you the desire for
01:00:41you is not
01:00:42reciprocated I I know I sound like a
01:00:45grandma saying this but it's just I
01:00:48can't understand the concept I don't
01:00:49know if it's my pride or if it's the way
01:00:52I know I'm a woman it's different there
01:00:53would be no part of me that takes joy in
01:00:56seeing the nudity of a man that doesn't
01:00:58want me part of my attraction to you is
01:01:01that you want me equally but it's like
01:01:03an addictive drug you know once you're
01:01:05exposed to it it was a pleasurable
01:01:07experience so you want to do it again
01:01:09yeah the pleasure overrides The Pride
01:01:11mhm and you don't even see the price
01:01:13right then and there yeah you don't see
01:01:14it but and also I have to really preface
01:01:16this with the fact that I've never
01:01:18watched pornography and I talk so much
01:01:20about it sometimes I think I should
01:01:21watch it just to get an insight into
01:01:23what I'm talking about but I just can't
01:01:25sit there the voyerism makes me feel too
01:01:28uncomfortable but that also might be
01:01:30because of my religion I I'm personally
01:01:33I never feel like it's a secret I always
01:01:35feel like oh God's going to watch me and
01:01:36I'm going to be in trouble blah blah
01:01:37blah so I still got that kid in me that
01:01:39thinks it's Haram and I'm going to get
01:01:41in trouble so I've never actually
01:01:42watched pornography but I definitely
01:01:44should at one point I might watch it
01:01:46just to see what it does and you also
01:01:48haven't done drugs oh no never done I've
01:01:50never tried alcohol so tonight's we're
01:01:52going to have some fun tonight
01:01:54impossible I think the gateway to drugs
01:01:56is usually alcohol if you've never tried
01:01:58alcohol it's very difficult to then go
01:02:00on to drugs I'm going to get you drunk
01:02:01we're going to get good luck
01:02:04with so no I think that's what's kept me
01:02:07but please don't take this to me that
01:02:08I'm a good person in any way shape or
01:02:10form this is simply because of the
01:02:11restrictive upbringing I had and me the
01:02:13type of person I am because I feel like
01:02:15I'm so full of vices anyway the last
01:02:17thing I need to do is add substances to
01:02:19me because I'm so Brazen as a human
01:02:21being and I'm so Fearless that if I ever
01:02:25started indulging in drugs and alcohol
01:02:27I'd be in jail no but I I believe you I
01:02:30agree with you 100% on the porn thing
01:02:32yeah how come you agree with that I I I
01:02:34just see how it it over sensitizes men
01:02:38but it's to me it's the courage thing
01:02:39yeah courage is a huge part of being a
01:02:41man yeah and what courage is needed when
01:02:45you're watching porn exactly none but
01:02:47you go to approach a beautiful woman
01:02:49like like yourself it takes all the
01:02:51courage you guy guys will shake in their
01:02:54boots before they'll approach a woman
01:02:56and it's always I you know it's I know
01:02:58it sounds terrible but sometimes I can
01:03:00tell by looking at a man if he's
01:03:02watching too much pornography and and
01:03:04they'll say how can you tell by looking
01:03:06at a man and I said listen if I can see
01:03:07a man that's single and he's super
01:03:09overweight and he's not taking care of
01:03:11himself and his bedroom is a mess he's
01:03:14addicted to pornography because any man
01:03:16who didn't have that outlet knew living
01:03:19like this means no sex and they would
01:03:21fix it but because they've got that
01:03:23outlet they can continue to live in a
01:03:25way that's unattractive to humans not
01:03:27just women humans so I can almost tell
01:03:30by looking at a man that he might be
01:03:32addicted to pornography it's always good
01:03:33I think to look back at how humans lived
01:03:38before all this technology before all
01:03:39you know all this advancement that came
01:03:41in our our
01:03:43world and and that's probably how we
01:03:45should be living and what did what were
01:03:47women most attracted to courage because
01:03:49it would take courage to go hunt and
01:03:50gather it would take courage to come and
01:03:52impregnate it would take courage to work
01:03:54building tribes you would never be in
01:03:57tribes with a man that had no courage so
01:03:59um I think anything as a man if you kind
01:04:01of think about all the things that scare
01:04:03you and youve lean more towards
01:04:06avoidance you're losing your masculinity
01:04:08and if women scare you you that's the
01:04:10big You've Lost Your masculinity try and
01:04:13try and make that something you're not
01:04:15afraid of and you can only build a res
01:04:17resilience against fear against women
01:04:19when you have a willingness to leave
01:04:20them willingness to walk away if it
01:04:22works it works if it doesn't it doesn't
01:04:24but if you're a man that's just itching
01:04:25to be with a woman unfortunately you
01:04:28lose all your courage and she can smell
01:04:29that off you and the the breakup is
01:04:32inevitable yeah so hard being a man
01:04:35isn't it it is it's really hard what I
01:04:37wonder what's hard about being a woman
01:04:39what you what do you think is hard about
01:04:42being a woman getting older getting
01:04:43older that's true getting older here's
01:04:45the thing I would say the hardest thing
01:04:47about men and women I think men you have
01:04:49to really work on yourself
01:04:50psychologically to be attractive but for
01:04:52women as it's more physically and if we
01:04:54don't have that it's very we're very
01:04:56limited and it's and it's depreciated
01:04:59but I but I've seen women at my gym who
01:05:01are late 30s 40s 50s probably 60s too
01:05:04that are just unbelievable oh that's
01:05:07good to hear unbelievable I but I would
01:05:09say to women in general and I always say
01:05:11this to women is I'm I'm in Los Angeles
01:05:14I'm I'm in Dubai so everybody's
01:05:17Instagram but what I do say to women I
01:05:19was like it's unreasonable to expect
01:05:21your husband to still be attracted to
01:05:22you when you let yourself go it is
01:05:24totally unreasonable and if you've
01:05:27really gained a lot of weight and you
01:05:28become a different woman and then he has
01:05:30an affair and you're shocked you can't
01:05:32be shocked you I know it's not nice to
01:05:34hear and I know a lot of them are going
01:05:36oh you're such a misogynist it's just a
01:05:38fact of life if I let myself go
01:05:40completely and I'm a completely
01:05:42different person to the mon that my
01:05:43husband signed up for it doesn't make it
01:05:46right but it's inevitable that he's
01:05:49going to not be attracted to me now some
01:05:51men will stick with you and never be
01:05:53unfaithful but that doesn't change the
01:05:55fact that they still aren't attracted to
01:05:57you some men won't cheat they literally
01:05:59won't cheat but they do lose attraction
01:06:02and they've just almost kind of
01:06:03castrated that part of themselves but no
01:06:06man is going to be attracted to that
01:06:08over the years so if you feel like you
01:06:10can deprive men of the thing that they
01:06:12probably value a lot in a relationship
01:06:14which is attractiveness then
01:06:16unfortunately they're going to seek it
01:06:18elsewhere so and I'm not saying that's
01:06:20every man but we owe it to our partners
01:06:23to remember someone somewhat in the
01:06:25ballpark of what they signed up for but
01:06:28having a bunch of kids and then becoming
01:06:29a different human being and then
01:06:31complaining that he's not interested in
01:06:33you is just a little bit
01:06:36neglectful discipline courage and hard
01:06:38work could could you be attracted to a
01:06:40woman if she totally changed
01:06:42physically meaning like put g a lot lot
01:06:45of weight no yeah
01:06:47unfortunately I could still be a TR I I
01:06:50could I could appreciate her as a friend
01:06:53or as a part partner but as a sexual
01:06:56partner no it won't happen no it just
01:06:58won't happen and here's the thing when
01:07:00you let yourself go and it's so hard I
01:07:02completely understand when you've had
01:07:03kids who like some of them don't have
01:07:05time for the gym and they're working and
01:07:07they don't have time for it I completely
01:07:08completely understand that it's not easy
01:07:11but life's not easy and the reason why I
01:07:13say it's important to stay on top of
01:07:14that is because then they can't you know
01:07:17the porn excuse can't be used that I had
01:07:20to and the other thing is what intimacy
01:07:22between couples does like usually when I
01:07:23have a couple that really are fighting
01:07:25and they're really not seeing eye to eye
01:07:27usually the physical intimacy is gone
01:07:29when you fight with somebody day in day
01:07:31out but you have physical intimacy you
01:07:34start to become neutral again you almost
01:07:36get to a state of neutrality but without
01:07:39that physical intimacy it's almost like
01:07:40living with your annoying sibling like
01:07:42you just they're so annoying you hate
01:07:43them and you don't even have any
01:07:44physical connection so you just end up
01:07:46building more and more Frozen anger
01:07:48towards each other so physical intimacy
01:07:50is really really important in keeping
01:07:51that marriage alive and you have to put
01:07:53the ingredients in place for good
01:07:54physical intimacy it's not always going
01:07:56to be exciting it's going to get
01:07:57incredibly boring at times but you at
01:07:59least take care of yourself enough to be
01:08:02as pleasing as you were relatively in
01:08:05the beginning do you see people in your
01:08:07practice couples who actually fix things
01:08:10and get get back to where they should be
01:08:12yeah a lot of the time they can and the
01:08:14and the main thing what really helps
01:08:16that get them back on track is when they
01:08:18both acknowledge where they let each
01:08:19other down couples that don't get back
01:08:21on track are the ones that believe they
01:08:23did nothing wrong in a partner is just
01:08:25inherently a bad person they think he's
01:08:28just bad or she's just bad but couples
01:08:30that think our marriage broke down
01:08:32because certain things weren't in place
01:08:34they can really recover and they make
01:08:36little steps to make the relationship
01:08:38better and those little steps we call
01:08:40them bids for affection what a bid for
01:08:43affection and how this often needs to a
01:08:44divorce is any emotion your partner's
01:08:47feeling your partner should receive it
01:08:49and what I mean by this if I come home
01:08:51and I say oh I'm so tired today and if I
01:08:53have a partner that just just ignores me
01:08:54or says oh what are you tired about I'm
01:08:56the one that did this immediately we
01:08:58build friction but if I have a partner
01:09:00that says hey why what happened are you
01:09:02okay do you want to set rest for a bit
01:09:04that builds intimacy again and having a
01:09:06partner them shift from being negative
01:09:09about that to responding to each other's
01:09:11emotions no matter how small it might be
01:09:13that builds love and affection
01:09:15again so there is hope always so every
01:09:19emotion your partner feels you just
01:09:20respond to it doesn't mean you fix it
01:09:22you just respond to it I'm so tired why
01:09:24what's wrong hey watch this look at this
01:09:26video look at this picture okay give me
01:09:27one second I'll come and look at it it's
01:09:29that interaction that keeps people
01:09:31together but when you have a partner
01:09:32that you're trying to talk to them and
01:09:34then they're on their phone the whole
01:09:35day or you look upset and they don't
01:09:36even notice you start to build
01:09:39resentment well what do you think the
01:09:40cause of most breaks breakups is now
01:09:42it's that it's ignoring the emotion it's
01:09:45literally that so what will happen is it
01:09:47might be like um a woman might feel like
01:09:50she was really upset about something and
01:09:51her husband just didn't notice and the
01:09:53man might say say he was did really well
01:09:54at work and she was never proud of him
01:09:56it's just these little emotions makes it
01:09:59makes a big difference makes a big
01:10:00difference he might have been really
01:10:02excited about a deal and she was just
01:10:04either indifferent or negative and it's
01:10:07just not sharing each other's emotion
01:10:08makes you look for somebody who does
01:10:10share that emotion with you or just
01:10:12build resentment to your partner that
01:10:14and excessive
01:10:16criticism sometimes Partners they
01:10:18criticize each other a lot what we
01:10:20really what the research has found you
01:10:21have to give five times as much praise
01:10:23as you do criticism you can criticize
01:10:25your partner but just make sure there's
01:10:27more towards praise and then you can
01:10:29always find praise if you want to it can
01:10:31be a simple as oh babe thanks for making
01:10:33the bed or oh um can you make that tea
01:10:36the way you make it you make it so good
01:10:37small things you can easily add praise
01:10:40but how people set themselves up for a
01:10:42divorce is they find the flaw in every
01:10:44scenario and is that the fun out of the
01:10:46relationship I've heard it said before
01:10:50where in in romantic relationships you
01:10:52want to have five positive interactions
01:10:55I think to one that's the Gutman study
01:10:58yeah they're they're really if you are
01:11:00struggling I recommend not watching me
01:11:01watching the Gman institution because
01:11:03they really do teach you all about
01:11:04repair I kind of am like the apocalypse
01:11:07like this is how bad it is but they
01:11:08really really relationship is just too
01:11:10perfect and smooth it becomes flat and
01:11:12boring the the thing is the flat and
01:11:14boring for people that grow up with
01:11:16healthy environments flat and boring is
01:11:18all they knew they only knew consistency
01:11:20and monotony so that's why they have a
01:11:22head start for a relationship because
01:11:24relationships to get really the success
01:11:26comes when you can accept the flat and
01:11:28boring so so you don't need to have that
01:11:30negative interaction every five times I
01:11:32know people like it they like look you
01:11:34should definitely have some I typically
01:11:36don't you know you need some conflict
01:11:39because no conflict means both of you
01:11:41are not expressing yourselves so some
01:11:43couples have no conflict whatsoever one
01:11:46out of six is would be a lot for me one
01:11:48out of six having a fight you ever
01:11:51fight rarely but but it's happen happen
01:11:54and do you not fight because you don't
01:11:56find anything to fight about or do you
01:11:58suppress it no I don't find anything to
01:11:59fight about nothing bothers you no so if
01:12:02you do start fight or do have something
01:12:04what would it be
01:12:06about um it has ever been a theme that
01:12:09upsets you about women something
01:12:11somebody did that was just like
01:12:13inappropriate or or or like in in a in a
01:12:16business get together she said or did
01:12:19something that really just was it wasn't
01:12:22your night it wasn't your night to say
01:12:24that it wasn't like but you just don't
01:12:27fight generally it's not doesn't come
01:12:28natural you're not confrontational for
01:12:30no reason no no never oh okay that's
01:12:32good then but then in relationships
01:12:33doesn't that make it really easy to be
01:12:35with somebody like you yeah I have
01:12:36really good luck yeah okay and then Rel
01:12:39don't work out what is the
01:12:41cause I've had girls put on weight like
01:12:43you mentioned
01:12:45okay you sexual attraction what that do
01:12:48you lose sexual attraction yeah totally
01:12:50totally and do you lose it fast fast
01:12:52yeah and then um do you express it or do
01:12:54you just wait for them or do you I I
01:12:56tried to say it cuz you know oh you're
01:12:57putting on weight honey like what nobody
01:13:00nobody Express or do you withdraw
01:13:01because men usually go they either say
01:13:03it or they just withdraw sexually I I I
01:13:05withdraw you withdraw yeah the the other
01:13:08thing that would kill it for me is uh
01:13:11not feeling appreciated okay that's
01:13:13probably what led to my divorce and what
01:13:14what does appreciation look like for
01:13:17you I mean like I I tend to
01:13:20set you know the the lifestyle that I
01:13:22provide is pretty great praise be to God
01:13:25yeah
01:13:27and you would think that the person
01:13:29that's receiving that better life would
01:13:32would be like thank you treat you like a
01:13:36king no not that I need to be have my
01:13:38ass kiss but just not feeling like the
01:13:41opposite of that and what would treating
01:13:44you appreciating would that be what what
01:13:47would be a gesture that would make you
01:13:48feel appreciated do you need verbally or
01:13:50do you need acts of service or no
01:13:52verbally verbally okay and that doesn't
01:13:54even happen that goes a long way with me
01:13:57yeah and even that is hard to get
01:14:00sometimes with the wind well I mean just
01:14:01in one case M okay and even when you
01:14:04expressed it would they still struggle
01:14:06oh I I wasn't see I'm not that aware
01:14:09sometimes of what's going on the
01:14:10Dynamics of a relationship you don't
01:14:11know why you're feeling this way all I
01:14:12know is I met somebody else and that
01:14:16appr that yeah it's like that was the
01:14:18end of it but I would say one trait that
01:14:20men need to look for in women is a woman
01:14:23who's naturally grateful grateful and
01:14:26they say oh we don't like entitled women
01:14:28but here's the problem which men have
01:14:30when a woman is not grateful it actually
01:14:32makes a man work harder for her cuz
01:14:34let's say for example you take her to a
01:14:36nice restaurant and she's a bit
01:14:37unimpressed if you're attracted to her
01:14:38enough just take her to even better
01:14:40restaurant and so what ends up happening
01:14:42is you guys put up with a lot of crap
01:14:43they'll put up with a lot of crap so
01:14:45what happen is if they meet a girl she's
01:14:46attracted to and she's just like instead
01:14:49of being like no they're like okay let
01:14:51me do more so they end up investing more
01:14:53in more into entitled women whereas the
01:14:56woman that expects less they give her
01:14:58less so they end up investing in the
01:15:00wrong women and a men we well not we men
01:15:04you guys fall in love with whoever you
01:15:06invest in here's the problem that a lot
01:15:09of grateful non- entitled women find
01:15:13they find that because they are so
01:15:14grateful for the small things and
01:15:16because they don't ask for a lot men
01:15:18don't give them a lot because there's
01:15:20some women out there that would just be
01:15:22happy with the takeaway and just be you
01:15:24know don't need a lot so what they find
01:15:26is men don't give them a lot but that
01:15:28same man might meet a gold digger two
01:15:31years later and you see that he's buying
01:15:33her a car and he's taking her here and
01:15:35he's and she's thinking I didn't ask for
01:15:37anything because I was so grateful to be
01:15:39with you but you didn't reward that
01:15:42gratitude but they reward the
01:15:44entitlement of other women well see to
01:15:46to me to my way of thinking and correct
01:15:49me if I'm wrong but I always feel
01:15:52like it's my job to motivate her to want
01:15:56to motivate me how to inspire me what
01:15:59does that
01:16:01mean be so physically attracted be so
01:16:03appreciative be so fun to hang out with
01:16:06be
01:16:07so whatever whatever great qualiity she
01:16:09has because what women sometimes feel is
01:16:11that the more you kind of have accept
01:16:15the bare minimum just to show him that
01:16:16you're not there for the wrong reasons
01:16:18the worse they treat you and whereas
01:16:20when you are that woman that says is is
01:16:22it you just got one Bentley my ex had
01:16:24two men work harder for that girl so
01:16:27they just learn that men reward
01:16:29entitlement and they don't really reward
01:16:31gratitude there are so many women that F
01:16:34feel like they didn't ask for anything
01:16:37never expected anything whatever it is
01:16:39and they got nothing in return and
01:16:40there's other women who are just by
01:16:42Design gold diggers by Design entitled
01:16:45and they get things straight away and so
01:16:48what yeah I see what you're saying yeah
01:16:50and so that's why it feels a bit like
01:16:53it's so strange what men reward so
01:16:55that's why we we want to be grateful and
01:16:58we want to be low maintenance but we
01:17:00realize when we do that you treat us
01:17:03less
01:17:06well so my advice to men would be you
01:17:09keep the guy physically attracted to you
01:17:10I think you're you're in great shape
01:17:12you're in great shape yeah I would say
01:17:14my advice to men is always to reward gr
01:17:17grateful women reward those women don't
01:17:20reward the entitled woman who wants more
01:17:22and more and more more and more reward
01:17:24that woman that doesn't ask for anything
01:17:26who doesn't might not ask for anything
01:17:28she still deserves it I know men who
01:17:30says oh my ex was such a Golder she left
01:17:32with all my money my new wife is amazing
01:17:34she doesn't ask for anything I don't
01:17:36have to buy her anything stinginess is a
01:17:39not good quality it's not good so reward
01:17:41reward gratitude in women women that are
01:17:43grateful just because they don't ask
01:17:44doesn't mean they don't deserve reward
01:17:46those women rather than the entitled
01:17:48ones because the more you invest in
01:17:49entitled women the more you'll want the
01:17:51relationship to work because you just
01:17:53invested so much so reduce your
01:17:55investment I find because I'm I'm very I
01:17:58tend to be generous when I am generous
01:18:00I'm more attracted yeah because it's a
01:18:03weird I don't understand it and it's so
01:18:04interesting like a fetish yeah it's so
01:18:07interesting because I live in Dubai and
01:18:08I work with lots of different types of
01:18:09women one thing I noticed about Eastern
01:18:11European women is they require
01:18:13investment they require investment and
01:18:15men are addicted to that because they
01:18:16want to see like men are still
01:18:18businessmen at the end of the day when
01:18:20you invest in something you're more
01:18:21dedicated to it if I put $10 into a
01:18:24Bitcoin I don't really care if bitcoin's
01:18:25up or down but if I put 10 million I now
01:18:28am loyal to my Bitcoin same thing
01:18:30applies to women the more you invest in
01:18:32her the more you'll want it to work out
01:18:34so because you don't want to see a loss
01:18:35in your investment so make sure you're
01:18:37investing in the right
01:18:38ones great advice yeah all right Sadia
01:18:42always interesting thank you so much for
01:18:45having me thank you thank you ho thank
01:18:47all right we'll do this again hopefully
01:18:51inah
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