Camila Cabello: C,XOXO, Chanel No. 5, & Drake Collaboration | Apple Music
Apple Music2024-06-27
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š« Short Summary
The artist discusses personal growth, self-discovery, creativity, and collaboration in their music. They emphasize authenticity, emotional depth, vulnerability, and the importance of self-assurance and creative independence. The conversation touches on reinvention, transformation, self-acceptance, and the impact of personal experiences on their work. The artist reflects on their journey towards self-assurance, creative independence, and the significance of surrounding oneself with a supportive community. Additionally, the discussion highlights the emotional depth and contrasts within their album, exploring complex emotions and vulnerabilities through their music.
āØ Highlights
š Transcript
ā¦
Artist's journey towards self-assurance and creative independence.
02:43Emphasis on personal growth and self-discovery in creating the best album.
Importance of trusting their own voice and taking creative risks.
Evolution of identity as a writer and validation for their craft.
Confidence in abilities and readiness to take ownership of work.
ā¦
Importance of maintaining unique voice and personality in music.
04:18Emphasis on authenticity and personal connection in work.
Value of collaboration while maintaining individuality and creative vision.
Reflection on growth as a writer and emotional depth in music.
Drawing inspiration from personal experiences and various forms of storytelling.
ā¦
Importance of embodying emotions in writing through rap storytelling techniques.
07:19Transitioning from traditional storytelling to dynamic and image-based approach, drawing inspiration from Drake.
Experimenting with pop melodies and rap structures to enhance storytelling.
Adopting a persona like cxo XO to explore different facets of identity and enhance creativity.
Emphasizing the benefits of practicing confidence and projecting a strong image, even when feeling unsure or vulnerable.
ā¦
Embracing Change and Reinvention.
10:20Changing hair color as a symbol of embracing change and its impact on artistic identity.
Importance of being ready for personal and artistic transformation, and following instincts.
Self-care practices like meditation for managing stress and maintaining balance.
Listening to one's body and taking moments of pause in a busy lifestyle.
ā¦
The speaker's journey of self-acceptance and growth.
13:36Overcoming self-doubt and anxiety to prioritize fun, freedom, authenticity, and curiosity.
Emphasizing the importance of letting go of past baggage and embracing vulnerability in music.
Love for writing and vulnerability in performances inspired by personal experiences.
Discussing musical influences, including exploring classic albums and genres impacting the creative process.
ā¦
Importance of Networking and Surrounding Yourself with Successful Peers.
17:20The speaker discusses their teenage obsession with celebrities and meeting them as an adult, reflecting on imposter syndrome.
Connecting with other artists and industry friends is emphasized for elevating work and providing a sense of community and support.
Genuine friendships are highlighted as significant for a positive influence on the creative process.
ā¦
Camila's obsession with Chanel as a representation of her album.
21:55Chanel Number Five is seen as the thesis statement and centerpiece of the album.
The song is prioritized as the intro due to its depth and complexity.
Camila values the song as unique, digestible, and unconventional, embodying her songwriter perspective.
The song showcases Camila's personal connection to the music.
ā¦
Discussion on Pop Music Diversity
23:46Pop music is a blend of different elements, creating uniqueness and innovation.
Preference for pop music with diverse influences.
Feeling like an outsider in the music industry when creating unconventional songs.
Example of 'Havana' as a pop song that resonates due to its unconventional approach.
ā¦
Collaboration with Drake
26:55The collaboration started with a direct message and involved sharing music and working on songs together.
Ideas and parts were exchanged for multiple tracks, resulting in a duet-like feel.
Both artists contributed creatively, showcasing mutual musical alignment and respect for each other's work.
ā¦
Collaborating with Drake on music and naming the album 'UG'.
28:49Appreciation for Drake's talent and work ethic.
Compliments on the tempo and effortless vibe of the music.
Insight into Drake's personality and good heart.
Discussion on favorite movie scenes and TV shows like Breaking Bad and 'Hack', and the emotional impact of intense viewing.
ā¦
The emotional depth and contrasts within an album are explored through songs like '20 somethings' and 'June Gloom'.
33:23Writing and expressing raw emotions through lyrics is compared to a therapy session for personal reflection and honesty.
The importance of subconsciously setting the tone and theme of a song through its title is highlighted in the creative process.
The album delves into complex emotions and vulnerabilities, creating a platform for emotional authenticity in the music.
ā¦
Importance of Writing with Honesty and Courage.
36:15Writing should explore gray areas of morality and self-awareness.
Removing ego when delving into human experiences is crucial.
Evolution of self-judgment and moving forward with self-awareness is emphasized.
Impact of judgment, developing a thicker skin, and focusing on internal evaluation over external opinions in navigating life.
ā¦
Overcoming criticism and depersonalizing it.
38:34The speaker emphasizes caring about others' opinions without letting them affect their self-worth.
This mindset has helped the speaker become more empathetic and considerate towards others.
Criticism in the past led to self-doubt and shrinking, but they have learned to nurture their inner voice.
Balancing critical feedback with self-compassion is crucial for personal growth and development.
ā¦
Discussion on crying, songwriting, and growth in life.
41:47Speaker shares personal experience of crying and mentions 'performative crying' as attractive.
Conversation transitions to songwriting and comfort zones, expressing gratitude and happiness for achievements.
Emphasis on the importance of growth, making changes, and evolving in life.
Highlighting the need to show up for oneself and continue evolving.
ā¦
Importance of self-compassion and self-care in avoiding negative situations.
45:23Prioritizing acts of kindness towards oneself and recognizing personal needs.
Reflecting on the fear of leaving loved ones behind while pursuing dreams.
Emphasizing the significance of maintaining relationships with family and friends.
Expressing gratitude for shared experiences and the support network provided by close relationships.
ā¦
Importance of Personal Relationships and Work-Life Balance
48:30Emphasis on not neglecting personal relationships and the fear of missing out on memories due to overwork.
Gratitude towards supportive team and sense of family they provide.
Love for dogs and hierarchy of affection towards different pets.
Encouragement to express oneself and alleviate sadness through humor.
00:00it's more than just a talent CC it's
00:01clear that you know as you go through
00:03this life you extend Grace to others
00:05respect welcome back to the studio it's
00:06great to see you man that's so kind so
00:08do you thank you bro what's going on
00:09clearly literally everything much just
00:12best album of your career today just
00:14actually best album of my career to date
00:16yeah yeah man stand by it live
00:18[Music]
00:26it oh you should it start to finish I if
00:30you're a camil Cabo fan and yeah great
00:32you showed up better than you've ever
00:33showed up before but it's the ones who
00:35weren't sure never looked your way cuz
00:37we all get to make choices in life we
00:39can't love everybody you're going to hit
00:41some new people with this music in a big
00:43big way it's just really modern and
00:46Innovative and interesting but the
00:48writing at the core of it which you've
00:49always had is really is really still
00:51driving and better than ever before yeah
00:52I feel like I really hit
00:55my I mean obviously I feel like you
00:58always kind of in from the beginning of
01:00my career I feel like this is the album
01:02that I always Sofer myself and it took
01:05me a few tries to get there and keep
01:08learning and keep learning and keep
01:09finessing and keep learning the
01:10techniques and I feel like this was the
01:12album where I'm like oh yeah I knew that
01:16I could do this all along and I finally
01:18proved it to myself it sounds like you
01:20let go of some stuff you know absolutely
01:23I think when you come through success
01:24and then you expected to maintain a
01:26build on that success and then you're
01:27like is that my identity this is just an
01:29example this is I'm not saying this is
01:30about you yeah but you know is that
01:32really my Identity or is it some part of
01:33my identity part of someone else's
01:34identity and I got to let some of that
01:36 go and take some risks here totally
01:38and that's generally when you make your
01:40best stuff and it's funny you say let
01:41stuff go because I think
01:43even literally in it let stuff go
01:46emotionally and symbolically but even
01:48practically letting stuff go as in
01:51people like letting you know letting go
01:54of the safety net of other co-writers in
01:58the room I feel like allowed for there
02:00to be more space for me to hear my own
02:03voice letting go of other voices letting
02:05go of other Cooks in the kitchen you
02:07label situation right now for lab
02:09situation yeah totally ironically I
02:11think it's like when you are younger you
02:14feel like you need you're looking for
02:17other people to point out the way a
02:19little bit more and that voice inside
02:22you you're listening to but you don't
02:24totally trust and I think as I've gotten
02:27older and older I'm like you know what
02:29I'm actually I'm just going to listen to
02:30myself I I'm comfortable you know doing
02:33the writing by myself on this album I'm
02:36comfortable being like you know it's on
02:38me today and whether it's it uh fails or
02:43succeeds I can trust myself to to do it
02:46cuz the first time we met we spoke about
02:48your writing and I think the first
02:49compliment I ever gave you was through
02:51the lens of someone else who said she's
02:53a real writer that's the first thing I
02:56think I ever said to you was someone
02:57told me you're a real writer not just a
03:00great performer and a superstar and you
03:02know charism matron all the things
03:04people looking for that moves the needle
03:05but if she didn't want any of that
03:07attention she's a writer like she'll
03:09write for the rest of her life at a high
03:11level so and I think as to your point
03:15and please this is we don't do
03:17interviews dude we we we chat we just
03:20chat yeah so totally this is just how I
03:22felt at times not all the way through
03:23Great Moments and I heard your
03:25personality and I heard your writing
03:26coming through on a lot of big songs and
03:27big moments in albums but it's
03:28interesting you point that I think
03:30that's that's a great observation
03:31because there were definitely times I
03:32felt
03:33like I feel like on this album It's You
03:38Well I think you nailed it where it's
03:39like I think my writing and my um my
03:43voice as a writer peaked out in moments
03:46of albums um and that potential kind of
03:49shown through but I think this is the
03:51first time where it's it's not just a
03:54moment it's like the whole album
03:56and you know it's like 100% me and I
04:00think that I think what happens when you
04:02go in and you collaborate with people I
04:04think like your voice as a writer does
04:06kind of get diluted a little bit point
04:09it's the beauty of collaboration totally
04:11compromise totally but that's why I
04:13think I knew for this album I was like
04:16this really needs to be like me waking
04:18up in the morning and writing down
04:20lyrics and like searching for things and
04:23searching for titles and searching for
04:24Concepts and me like saying the trying
04:26the cringey idea and trying the the
04:29cringey title to get to you know the
04:31tasty words that I like like this really
04:33needs to be you know all me because then
04:37it's going to sound like my personality
04:40it's not going to sound like me plus
04:42this other person's personality the
04:44first time I pissed play on Chanel
04:46number five and it was sent to me way
04:47too early shout out to your crew for
04:48doing that I'm okay with things getting
04:51sent to you too early I trust I know I
04:53know and they would have known that they
04:54wouldn't have ever betrayed your trust
04:55like that but they like you got to hear
04:57this and I and I and they play me a they
04:59had sent me a few songs I love it was on
05:01there yeah Smasher great weird
05:04pop song amazing I love it cardi huge
05:06great they played me a couple of songs
05:08one of the songs we'll get to a little B
05:10later on in this conversation and I and
05:12I pressed play on shanan number five
05:13which was listening to when you walked
05:14in my favorite song I've ever written
05:16actually one of one of the one of the
05:18two there's another song on I feel like
05:20that song and June Gloom are like what
05:23the inside of my uh Soul sounds like
05:26like I feel like that is like Peak me a
05:30writer it's like I think boat's up there
05:31too but I think yeah boat's up there too
05:34you know I think you know me because
05:37you've known me for such a long time now
05:38that you can be like oh this is like
05:41this is really her you know so now
05:44number five when you like when it when
05:46you when you I always talk about like
05:48when you're on a when you're on a wave
05:49and you don't when you drop in you're
05:50never sure if you're going to catch it
05:51write it to shore you just catch that
05:53song you ride it flawlessly and it's
05:55like the sprit sprit sprit and the whole
05:57thing is just so playful and yet
06:00emotional I'm like that's CeCe like
06:02that's that's who you are you have this
06:04playfulness to your to your character
06:05but also you you can't help but right
06:07through the emotional lens yeah it's
06:09true because I'm a really emotional
06:10person but I think I also learned
06:13technique-wise what I love what I think
06:16constitutes great writing whether it's
06:18in a novel or you know I was just
06:20talking about this series with my mom
06:22that I rewatch as my comfort show like
06:24girls on on HBO which I feel like is
06:27just like great writing where it's like
06:28it's show don't tell writing
06:30and it's and I think it took me a
06:32littleit to learn as a writer that if
06:35you're a really emotional instead of
06:38just saying this devastated me which you
06:40know so Taylor is a master at this and
06:43all the great writers are masters of
06:44this you don't say like I was jealous
06:46you say like you know I want to wear her
06:50hair on my head or something you know
06:51what I mean like you don't say the
06:53emotion you you paint it yeah you make
06:55an experience yeah exactly and I think
06:58that that's something that I I listened
07:00to so much hip-hop uh and rap while I
07:03was writing this album and I always have
07:05but I think specifically from the
07:06writing perspective um of just like less
07:10kind of Storytelling like uh beginning
07:13of the story middle of the story and
07:15then this is the conclusion and more
07:17like picture picture wrist wrist Spritz
07:19Spritz uh origami shabari omasi blah
07:23blah blah like all these different kind
07:25of fast cut like a movie um which I feel
07:28like rap does so well it's like you know
07:29you're in the car then you're in the
07:31club then you're here then you're you
07:32know this jacket and this thing and you
07:34can it's really just like flashes of
07:36images no you're right as opposed to I
07:39think the way that I started songwriting
07:41which was more I think kind of Nashville
07:43story Telly like songs like first man or
07:45never be the same which were a little
07:48bit more kind of like it's a different
07:50kind of movie and different kind of
07:51writing kind of movie so yeah I think
07:52Chanel Number Five was me really
07:55experimented I was listening to you know
07:57a lot of actually a lot of Drake at the
07:58time yeah yeah experimenting with just
08:01like writing like a song with pop
08:04Melodies but with kind of
08:06rap structure well it's interesting you
08:09talk about the character that is cxo XO
08:11and this idea of being able to which is
08:14very common in the Arts to um embellish
08:17your identity one project at a time and
08:19to find new ways to explore things it
08:21doesn't always have to be how I you know
08:23oh I wrote this when I was in my pajamas
08:25when I woke up in my first cup of coffee
08:27and I feel like and I'm going to
08:28write a song no no no you should write a
08:29when you WR your most fabulous
08:30interesting Innovative self as well and
08:32look for ways to present that um but
08:35it's just fascinating to me when I
08:36listen to this album start to finish
08:37that I'm hearing the real you and yet
08:38I'm looking at the character on the
08:40cover and it feels like you're sort of
08:41like in this beautiful balance between
08:43who you truly are but somehow this
08:45characters helped you get there I think
08:47Chanel Number Five was actually the
08:48first song where I think that cxo XO
08:50character kind of happened which is
08:52you're right it's me kind of zooming
08:54into this moment where I do feel my most
08:57powerful and it is this it's actually
08:59this illusion of of control you know
09:01because I think like that's just a
09:04moment where I do feel this illusion of
09:07um having my completely together I
09:10got it you know and him him her them all
09:13of it I can get it all it's mine look
09:16how I have my together and
09:18you know the rest of the time I feel
09:20like the girl in like 20s somethings you
09:22know where it's like I don't know what
09:24the is is going on but I think that
09:27character of cxo XO like I think I've
09:29learned as I'm as I'm growing up that
09:32it's important to practice being that
09:35character because it makes your life
09:36better and practice having that
09:38confidence and practice you know like
09:41when you're not feeling great dressing
09:43like you do and you know and
09:47decorating yourself to decorate your
09:49life guess what we're born with a with a
09:52with a clear canvas right there's some
09:54definite nature going on and then
09:56there's some nurture going on and over
09:57the course of the nurture element of it
10:00our identity shifts and becomes
10:02something there's
10:04really none of our control we have no
10:06control over what we absorb and don't
10:07absorb and how it sticks in our brain
10:09and sticks in our body and how we end up
10:10absorbing it I love the idea of
10:12reinvention and and I love the idea of
10:14of letting go of old things and and
10:16replacing them with invented things yeah
10:18and it's it's interesting because I feel
10:20like my hair was a really um kind of
10:24interesting metaphor for that because
10:26there is something interesting about
10:28like when you cuz cuz I've had dark long
10:30hair all my life and when you change
10:33something about your physicality and
10:35it's extreme it is kind of this like
10:38physical representation of like
10:39impermanence it's like oh I'm not really
10:42one I'm a work in progress yeah for sure
10:44totally sure you know I'm kind of like I
10:47can change anything about you can change
10:49yeah totally how did you feel when you
10:51did it when you first looked at yourself
10:52in the mirror and you saw and and and
10:54your hair color had changed and you
10:55realized that did it feel like it had
10:58did it feel like a a a fundamental
11:01element in terms of your artistic
11:02identity had changed as well like
11:04this is going to change my music this is
11:05going to feel different yeah I mean I
11:07think it's like a fundamental part of
11:09just my self like as my personality had
11:13changed therefore you know my artistic
11:16self were you ready for a change and I
11:19mean this with with a pure heart like
11:22was was there a part of you that was
11:23ready to let the old you go where you
11:25tied a little bit of of yourself and the
11:27world you built around yourself and the
11:29kind of artist you were and and and did
11:32you feel like man I I'm really ready for
11:34change like I don't want to be that
11:36person with that kind of haircut doing
11:37that kind of thing again yeah I think
11:39that I kind of follow my instincts every
11:42time you've already achieved a lot
11:44around this album moving quick I don't
11:45know how you're doing it I mean you're
11:46everyone there's a lot I I think
11:48honestly because I'm
11:49so uh like proud of it and I care about
11:52it so much it's like the most non-stop
11:54I've like ever been and you know me I'm
11:56like sensitive I'm like how you taking
11:58care of yourself right now I do like a
11:59five minute meditation in the car I
12:01can't do meditation I wish I could I'm
12:03dying to do it how do you do five
12:04minutes in the car what are you like
12:05literally like the drive-thru getting in
12:07and out burger get a quick meditation
12:09it's so it's exactly it's like just
12:11shouldn't even count as a meditation I
12:14think it's like the subconscious thing
12:15where because I'm in an interview and I
12:18feel like I have to be on my body is
12:20almost like
12:22Rebel a flight yeah my body is like
12:25Rebel and like say you need a second
12:27because like that's the thing you can't
12:28do mhm does that make sense yeah totally
12:31and so is your body disappointed now
12:33that I gave you all the time in the
12:34world and didn't go what the do you
12:36mean you want to take a second this is
12:37an interview but that that ironically is
12:39like what makes me feel better is that
12:42like then my body's like no you can take
12:44a second you can do whatever you want
12:45yeah we've been doing this a long time
12:47you and I we've been doing this so long
12:49you're still a very young artist and and
12:50you have a lot of life to live but I
12:52feel like we've covered a lot of ground
12:54I'm always having little panic attacks
12:56in my conversations little panic attacks
12:57are adorable little tiny little ones
13:00little tiny cute ones cute little
13:02adorable can i a p well to me it's like
13:06first of all just means we're alive and
13:08we're sensitive to it's just who we are
13:10we can't I mean you're never going to
13:12cure it why would you cure it it's how
13:13we're wir all you can I love that about
13:15you and you and all of the people that I
13:17meet who I I really appreciate the fact
13:19that I don't want to fix something
13:21anymore just want to learn to live with
13:23it and appreciate it and let it do its
13:25thing and actually acknowledge it and be
13:26with people who are like
13:29love you it is what it is I think it's
13:32letting go of baggage and letting go of
13:36things that I carried in my early 20s
13:39and in my late teenage years of just you
13:41know like self-doubt and a lot of like
13:45you know like mental health stuff and
13:46anxiety and I think that allowed me to
13:49make more space for oh I want to have
13:52more fun and I want to be more free and
13:54be more authentic and I want to be more
13:56curious and I really think that inspires
13:58all of my Musical things is whatever I'm
14:00going through in my personal life so I
14:02really think it because I actually think
14:05that question I was like dang why did I
14:08you know want to go in this direction I
14:10really think it is just that Natural
14:12Instinct of I don't need this anymore of
14:15yeah of just curiosity and and I also
14:17think my first love um I mean I love I I
14:21really do love singing but people ask me
14:24all the time like if it's performing or
14:26singing or or you know what's my
14:28favorite part of this whole thing and
14:31writing is to me my greatest love and WR
14:35dude you're like one of the best making
14:37music right now I I I think if you like
14:39I said if you didn't want to go out
14:40there and deal with all of the
14:42performative elements of this from this
14:45to genuine performance right through to
14:47any other things I like this it's just
14:49vulnerable it's just vulner yeah it it's
14:52just it is vulnerable and I also
14:56think like since I was little I've just
14:58like I you know I used to cry when
15:00people saying happy birthday to me so I
15:02would get like over stimulated yeah
15:04you're in the wrong job I know I just
15:06get day is people are singing happy
15:08birthday to you they just happy birthday
15:09to youit everybody's singing Happy
15:10Birthday to me all the time but yeah but
15:13I I think also like for this album I
15:16think I just I I feel like it was just
15:18like going to school for music like you
15:21know especially with Pablo and with
15:23Jasper like they were just you know they
15:25were I was like first of all I was going
15:28on the on Apple music's like classic
15:30albums and listening to music that I had
15:32never heard before you know I'm an
15:33immigrant child I didn't grow up
15:34listening to a lot of like what did you
15:36discover like what kind of things we
15:37listen to like Illmatic yeah like never
15:40listen to a lot of like classic rap
15:42albums I never listen toally picked the
15:44classic I know I never listened to like
15:47uh Pink Floyd I never like you know I
15:51watched like the whole uh Beatles uh
15:53documentary you watched all of it yeah
15:55who has the time I do during writing
15:57time I'm just kidding it's like hours
15:59long it is amazing though well I thank
16:01God that I was not a teenager during
16:03that time cuz I would have been obsessed
16:05obessive I would have been like showing
16:06up obsessed with when you were who was
16:09it chasing the cars and chasing
16:11down the cars and risking life and
16:13death just to see Ringo who were you
16:15obsessed with as a kid Harry Styles
16:17Harry yeah yeah how was it meting it all
16:20for him yeah and then you meet him and
16:21then what's what's what's that like I I
16:24like probably wrote my my first songs
16:26about Harry Styles amazing
16:29this is time is relative you know we
16:31talk about this all the time about how
16:32like because the the the distance
16:34between being a fan and and and
16:36following your dreams and becoming an
16:37artist now can be very short you can
16:40come face to face with someone who
16:41inspired you to be an artist who really
16:43was your first kind of celebrity crush
16:45that's my life three years after it was
16:46happening you're literally like damn
16:48that was 18 months ago I know I know
16:50well that was my life cuz you know I I
16:52also like loved Taylor I was like the
16:55 biggest Taylor fan and then she
16:58you know became my friend a few years
17:00after and um you know I mean how do you
17:03keep it how do you keep it how do you
17:04keep it together in those moments right
17:05because I imagine if there's ever going
17:07to be a feeling of impostor syndrome
17:09it's when you meet the people that you
17:10were you were obsessing over very
17:13recently in a situation where they're
17:15looking to you as a from a peer level so
17:18that's hard to absorb yeah totally I
17:20mean I feel like I did have imposter
17:23syndrome for a very long time and I and
17:24I do sometimes but I think like the more
17:27that you get to know people and get to
17:29know them on a human level you're like
17:30oh they have the same yeah yeah I
17:33also wanted to say I think it also
17:35surrounding yourself with people that
17:38are at that level like Taylor or Drake
17:41or you know it's like it really just
17:43elevates you even on a subconscious
17:45level like just you know watching them
17:47do what they do or or you know talk
17:49about things you just kind of there's
17:52something about their energy and their
17:55confidence um and their wisdom from just
17:57like doing it so long that I think just
18:00kind of like pulls your game up and also
18:02I think when you make friends with
18:04people like that you're like oh they're
18:05like kind of watching my so I
18:07better like it's exactly what it
18:09is it's a it's a perfect balance between
18:11them wanting you to know that you're all
18:12the same and also are you going to meet
18:15us over here yeah totally but I think
18:17that's why peers are so important that
18:18was really important for me for this
18:20album too is like really connecting with
18:21people and you know the artist community
18:24and just like you know I feel like it's
18:27like it's an industry where I mean I
18:28feel like you have a lot of friends um
18:31but it's easy to like for to be one of
18:34the nicest things anyone's ever said to
18:35me I have a few friends you got a few
18:37friends all right I got a solid bag
18:40right you got a little yeah I got some
18:41friends um you got some real good really
18:43great friends showing up on this record
18:46yeah my friends came through for me for
18:47sure D did they I mean by the way I love
18:49that story that story everyone was
18:50obsessed with that DM Playboy cardi
18:52story you know why CU people don't just
18:53play DM play boy kti when you told me
18:56that yeah I know you do but it obviously
18:57works for you everyone else is like why
18:59did I get to DM play boyy card it's like
19:01cuz you're not CeCe thank you L ax I
19:04collaborated theour I texted him he just
19:07texted him but I texted him and I was
19:09like I I have this song called he knows
19:10and I'm just imagining us uh doing a
19:13music video where we're both fighting
19:15over the same guy I think it would be
19:16iconic yeah and then he was like oh my
19:18God let me hear it I sent it to him and
19:21I think he was busy because he didn't
19:22respond um and then how do you take that
19:26when he doesn't respond do you go into a
19:28do place of like man he hates it or just
19:29like give him space no I just I'm I just
19:32plot and scheme and I'm like no not at
19:35all I usually try two or three more
19:37times before I'm like this is GNA
19:39sacrifice the friendship I gotta this is
19:41going to sacrifice the Friendship it's a
19:43fine line yeah it is a fine line but I I
19:45think I text people after and then I'm
19:46like Hey song yeah you got to be
19:50persistent cuz people are busy yeah you
19:52know and sometimes they don't they don't
19:54know what's good for them sometimes they
19:55don't I'm like I know what's good for
19:57you do this song do the roar do it do it
20:01for me yes but primarily do it for you
20:03but do it for you also do it for you and
20:05he did and he crushed it and it's one of
20:06my favorites and I understand why
20:08there's going to be a focus on that it's
20:09still I mean I feel like I feel like a
20:12crazy person I keep banging on about
20:14Chanel I know I just feel like a crazy
20:16person I'm like where's the video
20:17where's the vibe where's the thing on
20:18Chanel and everyone's like no but
20:19there's so many hits on this album and
20:20you are spoiled with with the with songs
20:22you could choose to represent this let's
20:24let's actually talk about it okay
20:26because I do really feel like every
20:28there's like no fillers on there's no
20:30filler on this record you could
20:31literally CL your pick one I I worked so
20:35hard on on this album do you to
20:37know why myself crazy on this album so
20:39do you want so this is your this this is
20:40your crazy coming out party so do do do
20:42you want to know why I get obsessed
20:44about Chanel is because I think and I
20:46could be wrong I feel like it's the
20:48purest representation of this album when
20:50I hear it it's the it's the one that
20:52just appeared and showed different to
20:56any of the other let me just like take
20:57your sentence and
20:59just you know give it a little step
21:01stool cuz this is how I explain Chanel
21:03Number
21:04Five it is the thesis statement for the
21:07album boom it is the
21:09centerpiece of the table at the dinner
21:12party yeah that is the album yeah I feel
21:15like I love it's almost an intro I'm
21:17sorry I just do I feel like it but it is
21:19but it is and that's why it came first
21:21because it is the intro because Chanel
21:23number five I think that
21:25people wouldn't have under if I put
21:27Chanel Number Five first it's almost
21:30like too good for people to understand
21:33right away honestly like I I think
21:35people would be like I don't get this
21:37coming from Camila not yet anyway and I
21:40just would be like I would just be
21:41frustrated if if people didn't
21:44understand it and I think I love it was
21:45like just digestible but weird enough
21:48for people to understand at first but I
21:51think channel number five is the first
21:53song where especially from a songwriter
21:55perspective I was like oh this is
21:58literally the voice of cxo XO it's like
22:00it's it's exactly it it's playful she's
22:03in control she's like you know putting
22:05on her lip gloss she's like toying with
22:08this guy she's like magical she's
22:11sensitive I was banging on about before
22:13the show today wasn't I but before you
22:15went to air I came in I had 10 minutes
22:16before you were on air and knew you were
22:18coming in and I said there was like
22:19seven of us in the room I was like you
22:21got to hear this you guys don't
22:22even know you got to hear this and
22:23I played Chanel again let's talk about
22:24other ones too don't worry about don't
22:26worry about I'm obsessed I mean I'm
22:27mildly obs obsessed but but but to lead
22:29into the other ones but what I said
22:31about it was and then we can move on was
22:34I was like this is the perfect example
22:37today as it rests today of who to me CAM
22:42actually is which is just like outsider
22:47on the
22:50inside that's exactly thank you because
22:53you understand me Zan L I try I mean
22:55you're hard but I do my best once every
22:57year or two I get shot at it I'm having
22:59a good go figure out okay well let me
23:02ask you a question it's like Mom's Happy
23:04by the way she's having a great time
23:05over there your mom I think I think your
23:07mom your mom likes me there you go wow
23:09she's bopping around over there cuz
23:11sometimes I'm like and I'm going to ask
23:13you this like as a friend I don't know
23:14what the discomfort I feel when people
23:17are like oh like she's like the a pop
23:20girl that's like do you even feel like
23:22I'm like a pop girl thank you I think
23:24you're modern pop girl I think I think
23:25you I have a different take on pop right
23:28there's pop pop where it's like I just
23:29want to be pop and that's fine that
23:31exists and we have great love then I
23:33have the pop which I'm more drawn to
23:35which is the pop that absorbs like a
23:38 tasteful Magpie all these
23:40amazing little elements and puts it
23:42together and makes something new and
23:44that's why pop music is this Everlasting
23:46non-stop infinite Innovative experience
23:49cuz it's so un it's so brazenly like
23:52scissor is is pop yeah cuz she's like
23:54I'm a bit of folk I'm a bit of this I'm
23:56a little bit of that I'm a bit of this
23:58and I make it on me and I think that's
24:00what you do that's what I want people to
24:02see me as so that's why it means a lot
24:03to me when you say you're an
24:06outsider on the to me it's the safe it's
24:09the it's the best place to be and that's
24:10what I feel like I have learned through
24:13my career that I realize how when you
24:15know with songs like Havana never be the
24:18same I feel like those are the songs
24:19that felt like really right for me
24:21because I was like this is pop but it's
24:24like done in like kind of like a weird
24:26like rubbing against way and this makes
24:28me feel like I'm an an outsider on the
24:31end and and the truth is is like I feel
24:33like it's like it's always risky with
24:35those songs because it's either like
24:38they really work
24:40or really don't work yeah but really
24:42don't work what what do really work and
24:44what's really don't work here's the
24:45thing about music right I mean that I
24:47don't care like to me the really don't
24:48Works work eventually they just take
24:50their time they find an audience someone
24:51picks up and goes wow this really
24:53works for me well well I think for some
24:56people like on on the outside really
24:58works
24:59means instant you know
25:02domination like verality so are you done
25:05with that a bit now are you I'm know I'm
25:07I don't cuz I feel like I've I've even
25:10had the really works where I feel like
25:12it wasn't creatively fulfilling for me
25:15well I mean I honestly I didn't mind
25:17that because I was like this is just
25:19such a banger yeah but there has been
25:21songs where I feel like for example they
25:23really worked and I and I and I I tried
25:26it but it didn't feel like
25:28experimental enough or or weird enough
25:31for me and that doesn't feel creatively
25:32fulfilling for me like I would rather
25:34play and and have it feel like I um did
25:38something different than do something
25:42that I you know what I mean yeah I do do
25:44you think that um this friendship you've
25:46developed that's turned into a creative
25:47relationship with Drake is surprising to
25:49people that's a great question um I
25:52don't know is it not when you hear the
25:54music but I think when people because
25:56because Drake doesn't Drake doesn't show
25:57up for lot of people like I mean you
25:59said Dr doesn't he does people think
26:01that he does but he actually doesn't he
26:03doubles on other people's art he'll be
26:05like I might remix this jump on that I
26:06like it and he's very helpful in terms
26:08of giving songs a lot more sort of push
26:10especially with the OVO Sound Radio Days
26:12when he would be like that's a smash let
26:14me see if I can make that even bigger
26:15right yeah I feel like he's definitely
26:17like an authentic music lover like he
26:19puts he puts people on there's no doubt
26:21about that but this is different he
26:23shows up on two songs back to back and
26:25one of them is just his I don't there is
26:28another album where Drake a solo Drake
26:31song Just exists on someone else's album
26:33well he
26:34initially well okay two things I feel
26:38like he based on his catalog I mean tell
26:40me if if you agree but I feel like at
26:43least from what I know of myself feel
26:46like we're kind we're
26:47musical uh musically aligned in in a lot
26:50of ways I think we have a lot of the
26:52same taste and lyrically as well and I
26:55and I actually I slid into his DMS too
26:58and I was like I've been listening to
26:59you so much for this album like a lot of
27:01like the word play and like my
27:04aspiration for bars did you know him
27:06already when you did that was it kind of
27:08did it feel Cold that DM or did it feel
27:10like oh no no i' met him uh once before
27:13uh at a party like during Havana times
27:16right right right and then I think I
27:17like plus you got he's got to follow you
27:18to slide I mean everyone does but the
27:20other thing you got to no no he did he
27:21had he he followed me because I think I
27:24I think I like posted a picture like
27:26with like song lyrics like right right I
27:29know well let me let me let me explain
27:32that so I dm'd him and then I played him
27:35my album and he with it and then
27:38I think it was like a week he
27:39with Chanel yes he with Chanel
27:42with Chanel he with Chanel he
27:44 with um June Gloom and he
27:46with 20-some yeah
27:49yeah um and he sent he uh sent the idea
27:53for hot Uptown and I wrote uh my parts I
27:55sent it back to him and we kind of
27:56chopped it so it felt kind of like a
27:58duet and then when he reworked on his on
28:03like kind of his uh Parts again he gave
28:05me an an outro which was the ugly part
28:09but I was like you don't want to so
28:11that's a twofer it doesn't matter which
28:13way you spin it you can say it was an
28:15outro for for hot Uptown that's a twofer
28:18it's a twofer because it was like he
28:19didn't really need to give me an an an
28:21outro right but I was like you don't
28:23want to for me it's like I don't want to
28:26hear a song like hot up toown and then
28:28have it like go into like this like one
28:30minute like you know thing where he's
28:32like talking his so we decided to
28:34just like make it another song we just
28:36decided to like basically put a whole
28:38other Drake song on my record cuz you
28:40know what I was like is this
28:43cool that's awesome I love it because
28:46because the whole thing uh there was
28:47this premise of the album that we
28:49started with where basically because it
28:51was kind of this very collaborative Vibe
28:54there's pink XOXO where pink pantheris
28:57kind of wrote her letter to people Koshi
29:00writes his letter and then Drake writes
29:02his letter but we didn't want to call it
29:04Drake XOXO because it's like that would
29:06be problematic potentially as well so we
29:08decided to call
29:10itug and he goes the off yeah yeah
29:13he starts talking about pulling out
29:14credit card receipts and all kind of gly
29:15 yeah I mean that's like py Drake
29:18man petulant Drake chip on shoulder
29:20Drake man yep it's one of my favorites
29:21yeah me too um to and hot up Town's a
29:24serious Jam I know right I love
29:26it can I just play a little bit of that
29:28yeah play it play play a little bit of
29:29that all right hang
29:31[Music]
29:35on all right all right all right all
29:37right okay so he um like had sent me the
29:39song and then I think I remember like I
29:42literally booked the studio that same
29:44day and sent him back like my verse like
29:47my part literally straight away 3 hours
29:49later show off you're such a showof that
29:51is a flex that's a huge Flex right I was
29:54like I don't think you're worthy of A
29:55Love Like Mine
29:59I love that it's such a it's just
30:01like oh I know that you sent this over
30:02to me you're like I'll get back to oh
30:03she got back to me I was like honey let
30:05me Flex my pen for a second that's
30:06amazing so now you
30:11list and it's fast too it's Up Tempo
30:14it's got serious Tempo he is so great at
30:16I feel like a Tempo that feels
30:18effortless pretty everything for real
30:20he's one of those human beings I think
30:21when you know him um and I don't know
30:24him but I've met him a few times and
30:25enough to know that he's got good heart
30:27you know like I you can just you know
30:28what it's like it's what movie is is it
30:31from is it Scarface where it's like it's
30:32in the eyes
30:34Chico like he's got a good yeah yeah no
30:37you're
30:38right I know that sounds like a joke but
30:41but it is in the eyes I feel like you
30:42can tell when a person is it's kind do
30:44you know my other favorite scene is
30:45scotf face where are you from Baltimore
30:49Baltimore where is Baltimore that line
30:52when they're dancing on the dance floor
30:54can't super remember that I'm not going
30:55to lie that's iconic scene whatever this
30:57really good acting feel like that could
30:59be a good what are you watching right
31:00now apart from girls um I just finished
31:02Breaking Bad I'd never seen it isn't it
31:04amazing it's really isn't it great to
31:05have a show that doesn't let you down at
31:07the end after that amount of time the
31:09season closer was just so incredible the
31:10season closer was really good but it was
31:12I I needed to a light watch after that
31:14cuz I was like I'm emotionally do you
31:17know what's really good hack is really
31:18good I just started that hack is good
31:20stick with it okay I'll stick with it
31:22it's really cute and it's quite deep and
31:24and everyone made out like it was going
31:25to be a Aristo development it is not W
31:26to wall humor like ARIS development but
31:28it's it's cute it's good and can I just
31:29say one more thing please I feel like
31:31I'm like I'm Chanel Number Five girl and
31:33then I feel like my little mini panic
31:35attack is like my 20 it's like I'm 20s
31:36something but you're not still hung up
31:38on that right no yes no don't be no
31:42don't be because because do you know how
31:44many okay you can come out and be shaan
31:46number five all day and a lot of people
31:48are going to get great energy out of
31:49that and appreciate the fact that you
31:51wrote that and perform that and it's you
31:52and it's a banger but you're actually
31:55weirdly whether you mean to or not you
31:57probably shouldn't mean to just should
31:58be an instinctive thing helping more
32:00people by being honest about you
32:02flipping me off intentionally by the way
32:03you know you like that like is that
32:06is that CC sign is that cxo XO coming
32:08through no you're like sorry what were
32:10you saying about that um you you helping
32:13more people by being honest you're right
32:16than not and can I ask you another thing
32:19we can talk all day what's your other
32:21favorite song I love day County dreaming
32:23oh that's a bang
32:26just goes and doesn't stop I love how
32:28the second half of it or the I don't
32:29know what the percentage of it is but
32:31the the latter part of it is is so
32:34emotive that's one of the things I love
32:35about this album is how you it's it it
32:38it has super interesting contrasts
32:40between going up and coming home and you
32:43know what I mean after the club and so
32:45it's like in that whole one song I feel
32:46like you know that the piano moot Motif
32:49at the end and the way you Rite that
32:50even though seem it's the same song I
32:53just love it yeah I feel like we really
32:54tried to intentionally make it an album
32:57of contrast I feel like there's so many
32:59parallels where sonically it's like you
33:02know if it was um a piano then there's
33:05like you know like a really like hard
33:08rap flow over it and if there's like a
33:10really hard beat then I'm like doing
33:11this super like gentle falsetto like
33:13there's constantly this these kind of
33:15rubs cuz I feel like this is an album
33:17also where emotionally I'm exploring a
33:19lot of rubs you know what I mean like in
33:21songs like 20 something things where
33:23it's like dang like I'm with you but
33:26like I feel shitty like you know what I
33:28mean like just kind of complex like
33:30rubbing against each other what was the
33:31hottest part of yourself to acknowledge
33:33on this record to write about on this
33:34record any songs where I felt really
33:37really vulnerable like 20 somethings or
33:39June Gloom you know I had to like kick
33:41Pablo and Jasper out of the room to like
33:43write those songs
33:46because you know I'm like really talking
33:48my my on those yeah and I feel like
33:52I
33:54can't because because well because the
33:56way that I that I right is I like free
33:59like kind of freestyle I feel like I my
34:02body can't like sometimes totally relax
34:04and go there and talk about things
34:06complet it's like a it's really like a
34:08therapy session but when you but when
34:09you subconsciously open a song talking
34:12about it says June Gloom tool fog okay
34:15that's you've immediately laid out the
34:19the the the like the outline of the
34:21painting on the canvas first thing you
34:23say is the song title so you know where
34:25you're going subconsciously it's a
34:27obviously a situation whether it's
34:28entirely specific it's inspired by a
34:30real situation because well that that
34:32situation happened the night before the
34:33song C Beach you walk yeah the
34:36whole meet me and mon talk situation
34:38like wow yeah but like the chorus of
34:40that line I could not have written with
34:41other people in the room you know what I
34:44mean I would just like be
34:46too self-conscious yeah it's a super
34:49honest record I don't need to go through
34:50the lyrics my line by line on that but
34:51people should when they get a chance and
34:53they hear the album listen to that one
34:54with an open mind and understand the
34:56courage it takes to write that song cuz
34:58also it's it's not just about um it's
35:01one thing to to to write through the
35:03perspective of pain it's the other thing
35:04to also uh take some accountability and
35:07be self-aware enough to put to put
35:08yourself in the situation as well 100%
35:11that's a big big growth moment for any
35:14writer totally and I feel like that's I
35:16I really like shows that speaking of
35:19girls or speaking of um you know like
35:22that show like I the last show I loved
35:25um that I watched I love baby reindeer I
35:27too anxiety ining for me the idea of a
35:29stalker and it's just no I feel you it's
35:31a lot but I love like exploring the gray
35:33area too the gray areas of like morality
35:37and like I'm like you know I'm I'm doing
35:39the wrong thing and I know I'm doing the
35:42wrong thing and I'm aware of it exactly
35:43exactly and I know that I'm kind of like
35:46indulging in something bad in in this
35:49moment or I don't know I think as a
35:51writer it's important to remove in that
35:54sense remove your ego because you're
35:55just exploring Humanity you're exploring
35:57exploring
35:58the that those parts in in all of us I
36:01feel like that's what makes interesting
36:03writing like if you want to be just like
36:05the uncomplicated like hero all the time
36:07then it's not really very interesting
36:09okay CC we got to a point now where
36:11we're in the last we're in the
36:13last phase of this conversation this
36:15time around and I feel like this is a
36:17the roads have led us here and I'm not
36:19going to shy away from the question I
36:20think you're going to be okay with this
36:21so if you're writing from that
36:23perspective and you're willing to
36:24acknowledge that life is not black and
36:25white and that there are great areas
36:27every human being is fully capable of
36:29consciously or subconsciously of finding
36:31themselves in areas where whether you
36:33acknowledge it or not you're up
36:35or you're doing wrong or or you might be
36:36being done wrong but you're also doing
36:38wrong all that sort of and you've
36:39been through a lot and you've been
36:41through a lot of stuff in your life
36:42where for all the success and all the
36:43Triumph you've had challenges what is
36:45your general feeling toward judgment now
36:47how do you process judgment do you care
36:49do you have a thicker skin are you able
36:51to move forward in your life and judge
36:52yourself more than others will judge you
36:54what was the last part of the question
36:55do you feel more comfortable moving
36:56through life with self with
36:58self-awareness and self-judgment and
37:00less concerned about how the world sees
37:02you now you're now you're 27 and you're
37:04moving forward yeah I think it's a it's
37:05a process I don't feel like I I was just
37:08talking about this yesterday um with my
37:10friends like I
37:11think you know in another 10 years I'll
37:16probably be like wow when I was 27 I
37:18used to let get to me way more than
37:21I let get to me now yeah um by the
37:23way you will huh you will at7 yeah and
37:26you will say it at 47 again and you will
37:28keep saying it exactly um I definitely
37:31still
37:33struggle um you know if I see uh
37:37criticism online um it'll still get to
37:41me and I have to process it whether it's
37:43with friends or with my mom or uh by
37:46myself but I feel like kind of growing
37:50up in the public eye and dealing with
37:52those things has also led me to other
37:56great
37:58tools like whether it's like you know
38:00Buddhist philosophy or not to sound like
38:04no you I think people should be entitled
38:05to explore all kinds of mantr you know I
38:08just read I was reading in this book
38:10yesterday there's like a it's this book
38:12that talks about like it's like holding
38:14your seat through the eight worldly
38:15winds and the eight worldly winds are
38:17like you know Pleasure and Pain praise
38:19and criticism I don't know like all
38:21these kind of opposites and these winds
38:22kind of constantly blow and and I was
38:24reading through the praise and criticism
38:26hold your through them yeah brilant like
38:29hold your seat cuz we kind of lose our
38:32yeah I think I'm getting better at I
38:34think
38:36depersonalizing criticism and I think
38:41before I I would just take it too
38:42personally um and now I'm kind of like
38:46okay who is saying this to me like if
38:48it's not somebody who personally knows
38:51me and who I personally know then I
38:54don't really I don't have to take it to
38:56heart so much I also
38:58heard from somebody which I I love this
39:00advice I think it was Michael D who said
39:03you should care about what other people
39:04think but you shouldn't worry about what
39:06other people think that's a great that's
39:07a different that's a great distinction
39:09and I I think that's really helped me
39:10because I think it's like I'm never
39:12going to get to a point where I don't
39:13care about what other people think that
39:14would you know that's like sociopathic
39:17Behavior like if I feel like I'm you
39:20know hurting somebody's feelings or
39:21offending people like of course that
39:23hurts me and I and I care about that but
39:25I think it's like the worry where I
39:27start to like beat the out of
39:28myself for it or or BL one you can one
39:31you can actually translate and and
39:34action and action and work on which is
39:37to care the worry gets you nowhere
39:39exactly and one one I think has made me
39:42a more empathetic person a more
39:44thoughtful person and a a person that is
39:46like a a better listener um but I think
39:50for sure criticism I'm like a person
39:52that if I'm being totally honest I have
39:54friends who you know with criticism
39:56they're like you like you don't
39:59 know me and I think because I
40:01was so young with criticism I like
40:04 I shrink and I'm like are they
40:08right and I've had to work on being like
40:12 you you know what I mean yeah so
40:14you've had to give your nurturing voice
40:15more power and allow your critical voice
40:17to act when it needs to act and not in
40:18default totally totally so Same by the
40:22way you too are are you like that too oh
40:25my critical voice is always ready my
40:26critical voice is just jacked ready to
40:29like beat the out of it's
40:31just doing constant pull-ups and press
40:32UPS it's like Linny crevice it's
40:34just my critical voices doing pull-ups
40:36on the side of the road just cuz like
40:38it's ready to go like at all times which
40:40is ironically why I needed cxo XO yeah
40:42cuz that's that's your nurturing voice
40:44that's like it honey life is short
40:47go put on a cute outfit and
40:48enjoy your life I already call
40:49foul on one observation on this record
40:51no one's pretty when they cry everyone
40:52cries ugly come on man maybe with the
40:55exception of like Ryan goling and Rachel
40:56McAdams they were when they cried and I
40:58imagine probably Beyonce is pretty when
41:00she cries it depends on what kind of cry
41:03I'm an ugly cry if I'm really like
41:05balling sometimes I look at myself in
41:06the mirror when I'm crying I'm like God
41:07and I start laughing cuz I'm like God
41:09damn that's not a good look I'm not a
41:10good-looking crier when I'm really
41:12crying I'm like it's a it's a it's a
41:15body thing like I'm like and that's not
41:17pretty but if it's like a like a movie
41:22cry or something then like a single tear
41:25lip yeah like exactly like my my lips
41:28get like extra has time to cry like that
41:30huh who has time to cry like that do you
41:32really in a situation where you're
41:33feeling that kind of emotion Cece and
41:34then you just like let me just let me
41:36just do a little Amo Bo cry before I
41:38actually sit down and give him the main
41:39course let me just give you a
41:41little a a performative cry for yourself
41:44and a and a selfie camera is very C
41:47[Laughter]
41:50XOXO performative crying it's a whole
41:52new thing I might try it when I get home
41:53tonight I might just see if I can stare
41:54in the mirror and performative cry yeah
41:56exactly
41:58exactly or just like bite your lips or
42:00something that's sexy crying that's not
42:02the same you kind be like yeah that's
42:04what I mean no bite your lip to make
42:06your lips red what it's like bite your
42:09lip and make it bleed or this is getting
42:10into like some you know what we'll do it
42:13a little tutorial you'll see it it's
42:15very cxo C cxo XO I like boat
42:18too I love boat that's a very mean song
42:21that was like one of the fastest songs
42:22to write too yeah because I feel like
42:24that's your comfort zone pushed into
42:25into uncomfortable territory don't
42:27 read me like that Zan Lo Jesus
42:30Lord Jesus I can do that but should I do
42:33it that there or should I do it over
42:35here my God yeah man it's exactly true
42:38that is my that's a that's that's
42:40Comfort my my the easiest songs for me
42:42to write are emo
42:45MMOs the queen of ladies and gentlemen
42:47the queen of emo mid tempos with 808s
42:51and for the dance floor for real I'm
42:53really happy for you I'm grateful I'm
42:54happy for all of us I mean I don't know
42:57if there was any alternate future for
42:59you a few years back I wouldn't have
43:01been surprised though if you decided to
43:04write a book or go into acting or direct
43:07something or do something else because I
43:10know you're a very curious human and
43:12you're a student of life I know you like
43:14to learn so I wouldn't have been
43:15surprised if you thought you know what
43:17um and your mom gave me permission to
43:19swear um this music game it's kind
43:21of I'll come back to it when
43:22I've got a little more layers of skin
43:24and I've learned a little bit more and I
43:26think that's probably what you have have
43:27done I think that is yeah that's kind of
43:29what I did yeah because it you're right
43:30I mean I think unless little ways yeah
43:33and I think unless you make those
43:34changes right it just stays being
43:35 and and you just kind of have
43:37to keep showing up for a job
43:38totally totally and I think especially
43:40when you start out young it's so easy to
43:42like stay the same age that you became
43:44famous do you know what I mean I really
43:46have have to like dig
43:48out uncomfortable situations like you
43:51know the movie or new friend groups or
43:55whatever so I can keep growing cuz I
43:57have to find my own version of college
43:59are you good at saying goodbye though am
44:01am I good at saying goodbye to like
44:03different experiences people you don't
44:05want in your life anymore we started the
44:06conversation you said you let go of a
44:08lot of things and it takes me a second
44:10it takes me a second because I feel like
44:13I I really always I want to see the best
44:17in people and I
44:19always give things and everything the
44:21benefit of the doubt and like multiple
44:23chances um but I think I I'm realizing
44:29the gift of
44:31self-compassion and I think and I'm not
44:35trying to sound like you know
44:37Mother Teresa or whatever but no
44:40disclaimers just straight up yeah but
44:42but straight up I I think that I I gave
44:46a lot of like I think like a lot of the
44:49times prioritized and and gave kindness
44:53to sometimes like other people like
44:55before me and now I'm like well if this
44:59person
45:00is making me feel bad making me feel
45:03anxious or whatever I got to take care
45:04of me first and I love this quote that's
45:07like I think it's like a Buddhist quote
45:08that or I think it's this quote by this
45:10Buddhist teacher Sharon salsburg who's
45:11like you as much as anybody else in the
45:14universe are worthy of love and
45:17compassion and I think like a lot of the
45:19times like I
45:20practice giving that to other people and
45:23it's like no but include yourself in in
45:26that equation and yeah I I'm I try to be
45:29more mindful of how things feel in my
45:31body if things are making me feel bad or
45:34small or like not good situations or
45:37people if they're not making me feel Joy
45:40if they're not making me feel safe have
45:41enough self-awareness to recognize the
45:43pain yeah in the moment change in the
45:45moment CU otherwise you can you can be
45:47back here four years later and you've
45:48been living with that pain 100% 100% and
45:51being of course like super kind to
45:53everybody but it's like include yourself
45:56in that equation like if you're not
45:57feeling safe if this person is or this
45:59situation is not making you feel good
46:01have enough self-compassion to be like
46:03even when it comes to for example
46:05like even like when it comes to guys and
46:08stuff like that like just being like you
46:10know if this person texting this person
46:12or whatever is not making you feel good
46:16listen to those cues in your body and
46:18have enough self-compassion to be
46:20like I'm going to take care of myself
46:22like I would take care of my sister yeah
46:24you know you take care of each other and
46:26I'm always really encouraged whenever I
46:27see you especially around here um and
46:29you're with your mom and I know you've
46:31got a great relationship with her and I
46:33know it's really important um that you
46:35get to share this experience and there's
46:36a great like any sort of family scenario
46:39or great friendship in life there's a
46:41great support network there but how much
46:43fun as we're coming to the end of this
46:45how much fun is it to know you can look
46:47back on your life in 50 or 100 years and
46:49know that you shared a lot of this
46:50experience with with your family and
46:52because a lot of times artists go and
46:53follow their dreams and Ambitions and
46:54they leave people behind oh hell no
46:57that's my worst fear and you
46:59know and and honestly I was talking to
47:01my mom about this a few days ago because
47:02I've been like like I was telling you
47:04like going so hard with like you know
47:07just like working non-stop and um I
47:10haven't been home like for for a second
47:12and um I'm always I try to have that
47:16alarm Bell in my head of like oh I
47:18haven't seen my my dad or my sister and
47:21my dogs like I don't mean my dogs like
47:24my friends like my real dogs and also my
47:25friends but you know my dogs and my do
47:26dogs yeah um dogs and dogs my dogs and
47:29my dog my dogs um and I was like you
47:32know I always want to be mindful of like
47:35oh I want us to like spend more time
47:37together or have them come over here or
47:39whatever because I just like that's my
47:42worst fear is like cuz I've heard
47:44stories of of of people that are like I
47:46don't remember that whole year you know
47:49people being like that was like my most
47:50successful year and I don't remember
47:53because I was like working so hard and I
47:54didn't share it with people so but I
47:56think I'm really lucky too that I feel
47:58like my my team and like you know my my
48:01choreographers and like the people that
48:02I dance with and you know they really
48:05feel like friends and they it feels like
48:07a family so it it does feel like we
48:10really like share in whatever the
48:12successes I never feel like it's like
48:14you're happy I love my dogs your dogs or
48:16your dogs all my my da awgs but in that
48:20moment when I said that sentence I truly
48:22love dogs missed the out of my like
48:25animal dogs how many dogs have I have
48:27four but I really have like two hang on
48:30what's up with the other two how can you
48:32have four but really two like what's
48:33wrong with the other two these are my
48:34two like the big ones yeah that's
48:36adorable what about the other two
48:38they're small and they're more like my
48:40parents dogs and by the way dogs are
48:42actually you have you have two real dogs
48:43and two default default dogs yeah two
48:46default dogs you kind of have default
48:47dogs I do I just feel more connected
48:50rock you can't love your dogs and then
48:51have a hierarchy of which dogs you love
48:53more than the other dogs I have such a
48:55hierarchy it's crazy like I could kind
48:56of ignore the other two honestly you
48:58know what it's going to make me
49:02cry and I just want to say one last
49:05thing just one last thing okay well make
49:08I'm trying here I can't get there will
49:10it
49:11help you know what'll help just get out
49:14of your your s your sad crying thing
49:17just say look into the camera and say
49:19I'm a dog woof woof I'm not going to do
49:22that
49:23[Music]
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