00:14>> I am really excited to be here.
00:16So, thank you all, for having me.
00:17>> Well, we're thrilled to have you,
thank you so much for being here Cheryl.
00:21So, there's a lot to talk about today,
you're new book, Option B.
00:25But where I'd really love to start,
is with the early part of your career.
00:28So you left the Treasury in 2001, and
00:32you were contemplating various different
opportunities here in Silicon Valley.
00:37One of which was to join Google as
its first Business Unit Manager.
00:41And Eric Schmidt is a lecturer here.
00:43He was also a view from
the top guest recently.
00:46Did he really tell you, to don't be
stupid, just get on the rocket ship?
00:53I mean it's an interesting
day to be here because today,
00:55Mark Zuckerberg, my boss is
giving the Harvard Commencement.
00:58Where he and I both went, but I graduated.
01:00>> [LAUGH]
>> Just saying, only one of us finished.
01:07>> [LAUGH]
>> But he gets his degree today,
01:08but I was working on my post and I'm
going to do a post after his graduation
01:13speech finishes in an hour or so.
01:16And what I said is that when
I graduated from college,
01:19Mark Zuckerberg was in elementary school.
01:21>> [LAUGH]
>> And the lesson you draw from that, and
01:24I really mean this so deeply,
is two career thoughts.
01:28One is do not try to draw a straight line.
01:31And the second just find it,
find the rocket ship that matters to you.
01:36>> [LAUGH]
>> On the first, and
01:38you know what really matters here is
if you try to plan out your career,
01:43anyone who thinks she know exactly
what you're going to do for
01:45the next 30 years, here's what I promise,
or 40 years, it's going to be boring.
01:50And you're going to
miss all the good stuff
01:52because all the good stuff
hasn't been invented yet.
01:55The thing that's really going to change
the world, you don't yet know what it was.
01:58And so if I had mapped out my career,
you know Mark was in elementary school and
02:02there was no internet.
02:03>> Right.
>> [LAUGH]
02:04>> There was no internet when I graduated
02:06from college and so I tell people you
want to have a really long run dream
02:09>> And you want to have a short run plan.
02:11And that short run plan, it is important.
02:13It's not about what you accomplish,
especially in the early days.
02:18It's about what you help other people
accomplish and about what you learn.
02:21You invest in yourself,
02:22you invest in the success of your
teams of other people, and that works.
02:27And the second is the rocket ship lesson,
so
02:30I without the treasury I didn't really
ever think I'd live in California.
02:34But from the point of view of
the US Treasury, all the exciting stuff
02:38was happening out there and
these companies that didn't exist.
02:40And so I wanted to work in Silicon Valley.
02:43But it was actually hard,
it was 2000- 2001,
02:47lots of people said I would never
hire anyone like you to my face.
02:53There was a huge bus, the first
Tech mobile had just burst and so
02:56it was actually hard to get a job and
when I finally got one at Google,
03:00it felt like the wrong job.
03:01I had a spreadsheet,
some of you have those.
03:03It had my criteria from my jobs, and
the problem with the Google job is
03:07other than loving the company,
it met none of the criteria.
03:11I was a business unit general manager.
03:12But, I'm not that dumb.
03:14There were no business units.
03:15>> [LAUGH]
>> So that job title didn't mean anything.
03:17It was also a couple levels lower than
other job offers I had elsewhere.
03:24And Eric did, he put his hand on my little
spreadsheet when I showed him my criteria
03:28and how Google met none of it,
except that I loved the company.
03:32And said, you love the mission.
03:34This is a rocket ship.
03:35When you get offered a seat on the rocket
ship, you don't ask what seat.
03:37And this is one of the most common career
mistakes I see people make all the time.
03:43Someone coming out of government,
or someone who's in legal, or
03:46someone who's in marketing and
they want to change careers.
03:49They want to move from marketing
to sales and it's not hard,
03:52maybe that's not a good example.
03:53>From legal to marketing or
from politics or industries and
03:57then you'll say okay we're willing to
take a chance on you, you'll start here.
04:00And they're like but that's three
levels lower or two years behind.
04:02And I'm looking at them if
you're going to work for
04:05the next 40 years, why do you care?
04:08Get yourself and
the job I took at Google and
04:11the job I took at Facebook were more
junior than every other job offer I had.
04:17>> But they turned out to be
much bigger opportunities.
04:20>> And so, when your facing that
decision of joining Mark when he was,
04:24I think 23 at that time younger
than most of us in the room.
04:28What advice could you offer to us,
04:29those of us who find ourselves in
a non founding leadership position
04:33about respecting the founder's culture
while also making your own impact?
04:39>> So there are a lot of a founder driven
companies out here they are all elsewhere.
04:44But I think it's broader than that.
04:45I think the lesson is about how
to you build the relationship
04:48at work that are going to last.
04:50And it turns out it's an immensely similar
to building relationships at home.
04:54You know what matters for
relationships and friendships.
04:58What matters is that you
care about the other people.
05:02You have aligned goals, right?
05:04When you've had friends,
think about friendships in your life.
05:06We've all had this, where you have friends
that you kind of wanted the same things
05:10and you stayed good friends for
a long time, or a boyfriend or girlfriend.
05:13And sometimes that doesn't work but
if you want the same things and
05:17then you're willing to
care about the person and
05:18really know the person,
you can make it work.
05:21Probably the best advice I got from
this was from Dave, my husband.
05:25When I was interviewing with Mark, Mark
and I actually had a lot of stuff we had.
05:30It's not that we didn't agree,
it's that we couldn't figure it out.
05:33What was going to be
Facebook's business model?
05:35You know,
what were we going to do on these things?
05:37And what Dave said to me,
05:38is he said don't even bother sorting out
the substance before you take the job.
05:43Because all you have done is sorted out
today's substance and it will all change.
05:48What you need to sort out before
you take the job is the process.
05:52Can you and Mark disagree on something and
work it out?
05:56Can you convince him of
something he didn't believe and
05:59does he convince you an awful lot
06:01I thinks he believes because a lot of
the stuffs is going to go his way.
06:04Pay attention to the process and we spent
a couple months really spending a lot of
06:08time together and
in that time I learn a lot.
06:11And he convince of lots of things I
hadn't thought of before and there one or
06:14two times where I convince him and
I watched him accept may point of view.
06:18And then on the way in
I didn't ask him for
06:22anything except a commitment to
the process of our relationship.
06:26>> S all I asked for is we would sit
together, we would always have meetings.
06:30So we agreed we would have
the first meeting of the week and
06:32the last meeting of the week
just the two of use.
06:34>> Ummh.
>> And we would, and
06:35I asked him, he would always
give me feedback once a week.
06:38And he jumped in and said as long
as you give me feedback one a week.
06:42And that was when I took the job,
was when he said that.
06:47So pay attention to
the process by which you're
06:50going to work with someone on the way
into a job, along with values alignment.
06:54Alignment of what the purpose
of the company is,
06:56I think is the most
important thing you can do.
06:58And he has really grown into a friend and
it sounds like he and
07:01his wife Presella where incredible to you,
following Dave's passing.
07:07Can you share little bit more
07:11about how that friendship
has evolved over the years.
07:13>> Yeah, people used to write
about us that we where like
07:17the silicon valley odd couple.
07:18And And maybe in some ways we were,
but we're not now.
07:23He is one of my absolutely closest friends
in the world, and so is Priscilla.
07:29Mark's an incredible person and not
just the brilliance we see in Facebook.
07:34But if you have a chance to watch his
commencements speech today watch it.
07:39Because it has a very clear vision of
what a global and connected world is.
07:44That is a vision that he really has, and
I think would be very good for the world.
07:49And is feeling like it needs more
support than it has right now.
07:55And he is putting that up there into the
world in a very brave and a very bold way.
07:59And I am proud of him for doing that.
08:03As a friend, when Dave died Mark
08:07he didn't just helped me but he really
helped build my self-confidence back up.
08:12And it was one of the most surprising
things about losing Dave was that,
08:16I wrote Lean In, I thought about
self-confidence an awful lot.
08:20>> Right.
>> And I spent years running around,
08:22we have 32,000 Lean In
circles in 150 countries.
08:25I've spent years giving other people,
08:28other women advice on how to
build their self confidence.
08:30And in giving that advice, I really
thought I understood my own and had built
08:34my own up, I was pretty open in the book
in areas where I didn't have enough.
08:38But when Dave died,
I didn't think I was capable of anything.
08:42I could barely go to work and
not cry, I was parenting on my own,
08:45two grieving children.
08:47And what happened before
Dave died is that,
08:50when someone was having
a problem at work and
08:52people have real hardship that they're
going through and then they come to work.
08:56I would think my job was to
take the pressure off them.
08:59I'm so sorry this is happening,
do you not want to be here?
09:02But what I figured out is that, when I
came back to work and people said to me,
09:05this is the kind of things I said to them,
don't worry, of course,
09:08you can't concentrate with
all you're going through.
09:11That really undermined.
09:13>> Right.
>> My self-confidence
09:14because it made me feel like,
my God, that's exactly right.
09:17What Mark did was,
take as much time as you want.
09:21And companies need better policies
I'm very proud of Facebook.
09:24So take as much time as you want but,
he also did but
09:28you really made a good point today.
09:31And so what I learned is now when
people are facing hardship at work.
09:35I will both give them time off but
I will say, but
09:37here's the project if you want it.
09:39We still believe in you.
09:41And that's true not just with death,
09:42it's true of people who have
been diagnosed with an illness.
09:45I've talked to so many people
who are working through cancer.
09:48And they'll talk about, I have chemo
brain, no one thinks I can do anything.
09:52So if every time you interact with them,
you say, don't worry.
09:56That's helpful, but throw in a couple of
good things they did as long as they're
10:00true and legitimate and
that's even more helpful.
10:05And so let's take a step back.
10:08So, you're on vacation with Dave and
friends.
10:14The unimaginable as you say happens, and
10:17you fly home to tell your two young
children that their father was gone.
10:22The morning of his funeral you
decided to start writing a journal and
10:25that turned into a very famous and
widely seen Facebook post.
10:32Why did you decide to share your
very personal stories so publicly?
10:38>> I never thought I would.
10:41After Dave died it wasn't just the grief,
which was so
10:44overwhelming, it was really this
pretty deep sense of isolation.
10:48Before Dave died when I
drop my kids off at school,
10:50they go to local public school here in
Mendel Park, everyone would chit chat,
10:53I'd go to work and
everyone would chit chat.
10:55But, after David I was walking
around I felt like a ghost.
11:00Everywhere I went was just silence and
that's because people were so
11:03afraid of saying the wrong thing that
they didn't say anything at all.
11:06And so I'd been keeping this journal and
when they Jewish period of mourning
11:09which is Shloshim 30-days was coming
to a close, I thought about like
11:13writing what I would say if I were
just honest and I wrote the post.
11:16And then I went to bed
the night before thinking,
11:18there's zero chance I'm posting
this it's way too honest.
11:21And then I woke up the next day and
it really was so bad,
11:23I thought to myself can't get worse,
might get better and I hit post.
11:27And it helped, it didn't take the grief
away and it didn't bring Dave back, but
11:31it took away the isolation because
people started talking to me again.
11:34A friend of mine at work said she've
been driving by my house every month,
11:37everyday, actually for a month.
11:40And had never come in, so
she started coming in.
11:42Strangers started talking to strangers.
11:45And what I've realized to this
process of my own grief but
11:49also talking to other people,
11:50is that, all of these challenges usher
these huge elephants into the room, right?
11:54You want to silence the room?
11:56Say you have cancer.
11:59You will completely silence
any room you are in,
12:02your dad just went to prison,
you just lost your job.
12:06Any of these things, you lost a child,
your child is sick, your husband died.
12:09Just any of these things, you can even
feel the quiet in the room when I say it,
12:15And so that means that we don't help each
other when we need each other the most.
12:19And one of the reasons I wrote, Option B,
and I'm glad that, out of desperation,
12:23I did share publicly.
12:24Is I want to try to kick those
elephants out of those rooms.
12:28Because they're not helping
anyone get through it.
12:30And it doesn't mean everyone has
to talk about things all the time.
12:33But looking at someone and
saying, I know you're suffering.
12:37I know this is hard and
I'm here when you want to talk,
12:40when you want to cry or
when you want to just be, I am here.
12:44We can have an awful lot more of
those conversations than we do.
12:48The other thing I learned through this is
that one of the ways we offer help and
12:52I did this all the time was we say,
is there anything I can do?
12:57When we offer to help, that's actually
the most common thing we do, right?
13:01That's what I used to do.
13:02The problem is,
when you're on the other side of that,
13:05it kind of shifts the burden to
the person who needs the help,
13:09to come up with something and most of
the time you have no idea what to say.
13:11What runs through my mind every time is,
can you make Father's Day go away so
13:15I don't have to live through it?
13:17Like, not going to happen.
13:18So there's a really nice story in
my book about Dan and Esther Levey.
13:23They're community members
of our community here and
13:25they had a child who died very tragically.
13:28They were in the hospital for
many months and
13:30a friend of his showed up at the hospital
and texted from the hospital lobby and
13:34said, I'm in the lobby for a hug for
the next hour whether you want it or not.
13:37And so a friend of mine read
this in my book Option B and
13:41a friend of hers who this is the important
part of the story, she is not a very close
13:45friend just a friend, went into
the hospital with her daughter and so
13:48she said what she would have
done is exactly nothing because
13:52when a friend goes to the hospital you
don't show up, that's totally imposing.
13:57But she read my book.
13:57So she went the toy store,
she bought a big stuffed giraffe,
14:00she went to the lobby of the hospital and
said,
14:02I'm here with a toy I could just leave
it downstairs, but in case you're free,
14:05and the woman immediately texted back and
said please come up stairs.
14:09And she gave the four year old
who has Leukemia the toy, and
14:12she was unwrapping it and the mother's
standing behind her crying the whole time.
14:16Saying thank you for showing up, and
in the hour she was there no one else did.
14:20You don't have to be someone's
best friend from the first grade.
14:24And you don't have to be a personal
friend, you can be a work friend to show
14:27up, and we can do a lot more
to show up for each other.
14:30To feel each other's pain, acknowledge,
kick elephants out of the room and
14:33be there for one another.
14:34And it'll make us stronger,
as friends, as family,
14:37as a community, and
as colleagues wherever we work.
14:41>> One of the interesting things
that you write about in Option B is,
14:46that children are naturally
more resilient than adults are.
14:50What have you learned from your own
children about how to bounce back
14:55>> Yeah, children are sometimes,
14:57just to be clear because it's
very important to understand.
15:01Children can be more
resilient than adults, but
15:03children also need a lot of support.
15:05So children need to build resilience,
they need to build a resilience for
15:08trauma like mine have faced.
15:11They need to build resilience for
a lot of the things we don't provide.
15:16We have a problem in this country where,
15:18we have 37% of single moms living in
poverty, 40% if you're Black or Latino.
15:23And the poverty line is low.
15:25So many, many more people are facing real
challenges of putting food on the table.
15:29And so, these children are not
getting a good education.
15:32They're not getting the support
they need from our government.
15:35They're not getting the support
they need from communities.
15:37And so,
those children need more than resilience.
15:39They need actual support,
an actual education, an actual healthcare.
15:43And we need to provide that.
15:44And then there's the everyday challenges
and children need resilience for that too.
15:49And so there are very specific things
we can do to build resilience in our
15:54And one of them and
probably the most important,
15:55is something some colleges
called mattering.
15:58Tell kids they matter.
16:00Your opinion matters to me.
16:03What you do matters to me.
16:06I care about your opinion and
I want you to know mine.
16:10Treat them like the people they are.
16:13Another thing I think is really
important in building resilience, and
16:17we wrote about it in a book but
I see it a lot in the workplace, is,
16:19don't do too much for your kids.
16:21And for you guys, please don't let
your parents do things for you.
16:24If your parent is about to email a friend
to get you a job, don't let that happen.
16:27>> [LAUGH]
>> People do not want to hire people whose
16:30parents apply for them.
16:32I get three of these a week.
16:34>> [LAUGH]
>> I am dead serious.
16:37Do not let your parents do stuff for you.
16:40You're communicating to your future
employer that you can't do it yourself.
16:46It is a generational thing that did
not exist in my generation, but
16:50it is a big deal that's
going on in the workforce.
16:53I promise, if I get two resumes
from someone directly and
16:56from someone's parent,
I'm always going to hire the first.
17:00We have to let our kids, and you guys have
to let yourselves, do things on their own.
17:05Because that is how you build resilience.
17:09>> You grew up in a family
of very strong women.
17:12What from your upbringing prepared you for
17:15this level of success
that you've achieved?
17:21>> Working on things that matter.
17:23My parents were very
non-profit focused and
17:25very focused on doing the right thing for
the right reason.
17:28And I think hard work.
17:31I mean, all the stuff out there
on grit and determination and
17:35working on things that
are challenging is all true.
17:38And something that's
just super important for.
17:41There's no substitute for hard work.
17:45And I think one thing that I see
generationally that's happened, and
17:48I think we can do a better job on this,
17:50is we need to remind kids that they're not
just doing for them, they're contributing.
17:56And we need to remind people
of that in the workplace.
17:58The best hiring story ever, that I
ever had experienced, is in Lean In,
18:04She called me when I went to Facebook and
she called and said the following.
18:08She said, I think I want to
come work with you at Facebook.
18:10She was at Ebay in marketing.
18:12So I thought I'd call you and
18:13tell you all the things I like to
do an all the things I'm good at.
18:17But I figure everyone's doing that.
18:19So instead, I'm going to call you and
say what's your biggest problem and
18:26So you know Lean In sold a millions
of copies as millions of people have
18:29hopefully read at least part of the book,
right?
18:32At that story, but I don't see that
many people coming into the workplace
18:36asking what they can do for the company.
18:39Ask what you can do.
18:40I promise, you will get mentors, you
will get sponsors, you will get results,
18:44you will get promotions, you will
get opportunities by contributing.
18:48If it is about you, it won't happen
because organizations are not about you,
18:54organizations are about
the organization and their mission.
18:58And when you serve that mission and
19:00when you work hard towards the betterment
of the people around you, and
19:04I think I learned that at home,
that's where real success comes from.
19:08But you can't fake it.
19:09You can't be like, I'm going to pretend to
care about everyone else in our mission to
19:15You actually have to care.
19:16So you have to work some place
with people you can care about and
19:19with a mission you can care about.
19:21>> You published Lean In 2013,
and as you said,
19:24it's gone on to sell millions of copies.
19:28In it, you wrote a chapter called
make your partner a real partner.
19:32And you share an anecdote about Dave
taught you how to diaper your son, and
19:36also that 26 of the 28 women who've
served as Fortune 500 CEO's were married.
19:44And so,
do you still view it as essential or
19:47really important to women's
success that they have a partner?
19:51>> I mean, it was definitely
a chapter I regretted once Dave died.
19:55I wrote about different forms
of family structure in Lean In.
19:58But I wrote a whole chapter called
Make Your Partner a Real Partner.
20:02And then when I didn't have one I thought
about how hard that would be to read.
20:05Just like the father daughter
dance is just brutal for
20:07the kids who don't have a father.
20:08And I wish they could just
call it something else.
20:11Katie Couric, her husband died as well.
20:13So at her private school in New York,
she tried to get them to change it.
20:19And they told her it was tradition.
20:22And she spoke back on a whole bunch of
other things that were also tradition like
20:25slavery, that are long gone.
20:26>> [LAUGH]
>> But she was like just because
20:30something's traditional does not
mean it's a good idea, right?
20:33And so, not to compare the two,
let's be clear.
20:36One is far worse than the other.
20:38But just because we've
done something the wrong
20:41way doesn't mean we
should continue to do it.
20:44I don't have a partner.
20:46I can no longer say that.
20:48I never said Lean In you had to have one,
and I was clear about that.
20:52I did say you should pick the right one.
20:54That if you're going to have a partner, if
you're going to have a same-sex partner,
20:58same-sex partner's share
tours more evenly so
21:01it's actually less of an issue on average
>> It's always an issue for
21:04any two people in the world to work out.
21:06But if you are going to have a partner,
and you're a woman, and that partner is
21:09going to be a man, picking someone who
supports your career is a really big deal.
21:13And it does make me pretty sad, the data
21:17on your generation is your attitudes
are not that much better than mine.
21:21The data in my generation.
21:22They're getting better a little bit,
right?
21:24The base step dub is the expert.
21:26They're getting better a little bit.
21:27But we don't take surveys and
21:29find out that 98% of the men who
are graduating from college and business
21:34school this year think their wives
should have the same career they have.
21:37That's not what it says.
21:39It should say that, it doesn't say that.
21:41So you might as well know
that about the dating pool.
21:44find the ones who are answering
the question the right way.
21:49>> [LAUGH]
>> I'm serious.
21:51I'm dead serious on this.
21:54>> And you do advocate in the book that
your friends date all different types of
21:57>> Date whoever you want,
don't marry them.
22:01>> [LAUGH]
>> If you are a woman and
22:04you are an ambitious woman,
and I hope you are,
22:06because men have run the world for
a long time and it's not going that well.
22:11I hope every woman in here is ambitious.
22:13And I hope every man in here is
ambitious for the women in his life.
22:15But if you're a woman, and
if you're ambitious, and
22:18if you want a leadership role, which I
hope you all are, don't marry the guy who
22:22when they fill out the survey and no ones
there says my career is more important.
22:27Because you know what?
22:28His career's going to be more important.
22:30There's a lot of societal pressure which
still exists which is reinforcing that.
22:35And while we work to change it
society because we owe you that,
22:38you can change it in your own home by
picking the right home in the first place.
22:43>> Many of the stories that you share
in Lean In are about men who've
22:46championed your career,
from Secretary Summers, to Mark and Dave.
22:51What role have women played?
22:53>> Well, I've never worked for a woman.
22:56And most women have never worked for
a woman.
22:58Because especially the more senior you
get, because we still have basically 5% of
23:02the Fortune 500 CEO jobs or
their equivalent every where in the world.
23:05And so the first thing we could
do is change that by all of you.
23:12But women played a really
important career.
23:15And I think it's worth really
understanding how important it is for
23:18women to support each other.
23:20And also getting rid of what I
think is largely a myth now,
23:22that women don't support each other.
23:24I also think when we look for
support, looking to our peers is much
23:29more important than people talk about and
give credit.
23:33There's endless classes and seminars and
23:35breakout sessions at every
conference on finding a mentor.
23:39And that's important.
23:40And mentorships and
sponsorship's important.
23:41And you have to go about it the right way.
23:44But peers can be just as important and
just as effective.
23:47Lean In circles were founded with
the idea that our peers could mentor us,
23:51based on a lot of research.
23:52And there are now almost
33,000 in 150 countries.
23:55We grow by almost 100 a week.
23:59And we find that the people in them
Do you take on more challenges
24:03are able to fulfill their
dreams at a higher level?
24:11And I believe they're
supposed are helping them.
24:12So when you look for
24:13that support women play that role
in your career, Lean In Circle or
24:18some structure where you are relying on
people explicitly can be really helpful.
24:22And it doesn't have to be people
above you, it can be your peers,
24:24they can be incredibly effective.
24:26>> You offered some interesting
advice backstage that,
24:29having a personal board of directors or
branding yourself is horrible advice.
24:34So [LAUGH] I would love to
hear a little more about that.
24:36>> Yeah,
these are two really bad pieces of advice.
24:38I don't know if you're getting them
here so, if anyone's giving them here,
24:40I apologize in advance.
24:43>> I wrote in Lean In,
24:44don't ask someone to be your mentor.
24:46Don't walk up to someone and
say, will you be my mentor.
24:49Here's why, that doesn't work.
24:52Because a mentorship is
a real relationship.
24:54It is a relationship where someone invests
in you and you invest back in them.
24:58And I've mentored lots
of people over many,
25:00many decades, not one of which
started with, will you be my mentor.
25:04The way it started was, I learned from
someone and they learned from me.
25:09I mean, I would say Deb Gruenfeld is here,
25:10she's been my mentor in
learning all the data on women.
25:13And I sat next to her at a dinner.
25:15She was the first person who,
we have never had this conversation,
25:18we're having it publicly.
25:18>> [LAUGH]
>> She was the-
25:19>> That's the best possible way, right?
25:21>> She was the first person,
Deb was the first person who told me
25:25that likeability and success for
women were negatively correlated.
25:29I felt like the lights went on,
25:31I understood something, I followed
up I then gave a tac talk on it.
25:36I'm doing one side of this but I think
what happened is she taught me something.
25:40I paid her back by
investing in those ideas.
25:42She really care that
people know those ideas.
25:45She now serves on the Lean In Board,
and she mentors me in that way and
25:48hopefully I've given back in lots of
ways and it's a real relationship.
25:53It started with substance.
25:55The real relationship
start with substance.
25:57Being on someone's personal board of
directors what you're saying is, hi,
26:03And I'm going to come to you for
your advice.
26:05People don't have Boards of Directors,
companies do.
26:07>> [LAUGH]
>> People have relationships, and
26:10those relationships go both ways.
26:13I promise, if you are Lori Goler, and
26:15you solve the problem of the senior people
around you, they will mentor you all day.
26:20They'll probably never call it that,
but they will do it.
26:24And if you asked for a lot of help but
you don't give back, it won't be real and
26:28you will not get the support
that you're looking for.
26:31So asking someone to be on your personal
board of directors it's just way worst
26:35than solving a problem for them.
26:39which you have the opportunity even as
the Miss Junior personnel in organization.
26:45And the personal branding,
yeah I feel strongly about this.
26:48>> [LAUGH]
>> People don't have brands.
26:51Colgate has a brand.
26:52>> [LAUGH]
>> This water has a brand.
26:57And I think it's really important because
branding is a very specific thing.
27:02I do a lot of work on branding.
27:04I think about how Facebook's brand
evolves, I think about I'm an advertising
27:09business so I work with companies
all over the world on their brand.
27:13And when you are selling a product, you
are trying to package it and explain it,
27:17I'm going to walk by on a shelf and
I'm going to decide what toothpaste and
27:22It's a decision that's important to me.
27:24I use toothpaste many times a day and
it's a very important decision for
27:28the companies and
how that value proposition is packaged,
27:31explained clearly and simply, is how I'm
going to make that decision along with
27:36pricing convenience of where it's sold.
27:40That's what products need to be.
27:41They need to be packaged cleanly,
neatly, concretely.
27:46People aren't like that.
27:48If you are trying to package yourself,
you're almost certainly false.
27:52And by the way to be fair to
people who do give this advice,
27:55I don't think that's what they mean.
27:56I think they are giving more nuanced and
careful advice.
27:59I just think in it's interpretation,
28:02it's having a negative
effect because we are messy.
28:07I am the CEO of Facebook,
a company I deeply believe in.
28:11I'm the founder of Lean In and Option B.
28:12I'm an author, I'm a mom, I'm a widow.
28:17At some level,
I'm still deeply heartbroken.
28:20I am a friend, and I am a sister.
28:23And there are people in my life
I am not in touch with any more.
28:25Like, I am a lot of very messy,
complicated things.
28:30And if I put myself out there,
or even with a friend,
28:33sit and I am not honest about all
of those things, I am not real.
28:39And I don't think people should try
to package themselves up because
28:44So, Scotty McQuillan is here.
28:45He's been one of the most
important people in my life.
28:47I took his class when I
was in business school.
28:49I think some of you are fortunate enough
to be, you're taking his class right now.
28:53And that's what your class is about.
28:55It is about who we are as people, and
nowhere in there would you ever give
29:00anyone advice to simplify, or package,
or put one face out to the world because
29:05that is exactly the opposite of what we
need from each other and from ourselves.
29:09>> In Lean In you write about how it's
a fallacy to that you can have it all.
29:16That people don't have it all it's
a question of, can you do it all?
29:19And the answer is often no.
29:20But in your case it does seem like from
the outsider's perspective you do it all.
29:26And so from your own point of view,
what have you given up or
29:31what choices have you made
to do all that you have?
29:34Founding Lean In and Option B,
29:36and leading one of the biggest
tech companies in the world?
29:40>> Well, the most important thing I do is,
I hire really well.
29:44I have amazing teams.
29:46As one person,
you couldn't do what Facebook does.
29:48We have 16,000 unbelievable people and
I have an unbelievable boss, and
29:53leader, and partner in Mark.
29:55And, my foundation, Option B, launched,
I don't know, a month ago and
29:59we have 350,000 people in the community
and the community's really helping people.
30:05That's because my foundation team rocks.
30:08And so it's never about one person.
30:10I could never do all this.
30:11But if I have a great team and
30:13great working relationships with people,
together we can do an awful lot.
30:17The having it all concept is so
problematic.
30:19You know, you are all a little young, so
30:22I'll try to do the younger
view of this subject.
30:24But for the men who are older.
30:27For men in the room, has anyone
ever questioned should you work?
30:32You sure you want to work?
30:37>> We're also at a business school, so
30:39>> [LAUGH]
>> But again,
30:40this may not work because of age, but
30:42I promise it'll work with
the older women here.
30:44For women who are here, has anyone
ever said, should you be working?
30:49And so what you guys can't see is,
keep your hands up.
30:53Every woman in this room who's
above 40 have your hand up.
30:58There's no woman,
you cannot no matter what you can do.
31:01You can have my career or any career.
31:04You cannot get to the age of
40 as a woman in United States
31:08without someone asking
you if you should work.
31:11Okay, 70% of mothers in the workplace,
most women have to work.
31:15We never ask men how they have it all.
31:17I get asked that by reporters all
the time, I always say the same thing.
31:22I want to answer that question,
because you don't ask men.
31:25>> They say, Yes I always ask men.
31:26I'm like, great show me the article
where you've asked the man,
31:28I didn't write it in the article.
31:30>> [LAUGH]
>> But I always ask them-
31:32>> It's not news worthy.
31:33>> Right, I stopped answering
that question, and I just said,
31:35show me the interview where
you've asked a man that question.
31:38There is no, how do you do it all?
31:40To a man, No ne asks that.
31:42Because what we're saying is that you
can't have a career and you can't
31:47have a family and this is so important I
think of the age of most of you are which
31:52is we tell women they can't do it all and
they leave before they leave.
31:57They leave before they leave that
we I am watching woman after
32:02woman after woman Lean back because
they're going to have kids one day.
32:06I've given a lot of talks at
a lot of companies, and I'll say,
32:10to rooms full of people like this, stand
up if you want to be CEO of your company.
32:15And some of the men will stand up,
very few of the women and if you ask why?
32:21A lot of the women will say, well, I
want to have a family and then I say okay,
32:25who's had a meeting with the CEO?
32:28And they raise their hand,
32:29I say keep your hand up if
the meeting was set on your schedule.
32:33Turns out that meeting was
set on a CEO schedule.
32:36People miss that as you get more senior,
you often have more control not less.
32:41No, not all the time and
there's always exceptions but
32:44what's really is that men are being
told to keep their foot in gas pedal,
32:47women subtlely,
subtlely often leaning back.
32:52And then fast forward ten years in the
workplace they're both working full time.
32:55The woman is just making less,
32:57less senior and has less control
over schedule for their scheds.
33:03And so, even if you're not a 100%
sure you're going to stay in.
33:06Even if you've been told over and
over again you can't do it all,
33:10even if I watch a man like me be
interviewed and asked that question or
33:13because people have said it directly
to you just stay in until you leave.
33:17Because I gave you the optimal choices and
then you can decide and
33:21I've never said everyone
should say in the workforce.
33:24I really want people to follow
their own dreams and for
33:26a lot of people working in the home is
the most gratifying thing they can do.
33:29I just want women to make that
from a place of strength.
33:34I want them to have the best job they
can possibly have and then make that.
33:38I want them to have partners who
are doing their share in the home, and
33:41then make those decisions.
33:44>> In Lean In you write and
33:45encourage the readers to make
decisions as if you were unafraid.
33:50What is one thing that you're
afraid of that you have yet to do?
33:56>> Well, I just did option b so
I feel like that counts for right now.
33:59I'm in the middle of doing it.
34:03I wrote a book on my husband's death and
what it's like and
34:08what is grief and what is resilience and
what is trying to rebuild.
34:10And so,
that's actually a pretty scary thing.
34:13So I don't think I have my next thing yet,
but I knew why I did it.
34:20I did it because I want
something good to come out.
34:23I mean John was right, Dave was
beloved and beloved in this community.
34:29At his funeral and I know somebody
in the front row were there with me.
34:32Our friend Zander asked the crowd,
34:34raise your hand if Dave Goldberg
changed your life.
34:37And so, I mean a sea of hands went up,
it was extraordinary.
34:43And I know if Dave were still alive he'd
be doing so much good for so many people
34:47and so from his staff we can do option
b and we can help other people recover.
34:52I feel that it honors the life he led.
34:55And so, it is still hard and
still scary sometimes to talk about it but
34:59I feel like I'm trying to do some good.
35:02My favorite story in the book, the book is
my story, a lot of really good research
35:06and a lot of stories of other
people who have faced resilience.
35:09And some pretty important stuff
on resilience for companies and
35:11careers in case you're interested.
35:16My favorite story is
a guy named Joe Casper.
35:18And he lost his son, but he was a doctor,
so he dealt with other people's life and
35:22death all the time, but then his son died.
35:24So now along with being a doctor,
he counsels other bereaved parents.
35:28And he says that it feels that
it extends his son's legacy and
35:31even his son's life,
by doing good in his son's name.
35:35And I think the reason I did when I was
not was afraid to do which is be this open
35:38about it was because I think it
extends day for work legacy.
35:43And I do think that there's a lesson
in there and not when you ask guys to
35:46question all the time what would
you do if you weren't afraid,
35:48the point is not do stupid
things you're afraid of.
35:51>> [LAUGH]
>> Like my sister jumped out
35:54of an airplane once.
35:56I was terrified and angry.
35:59I'm like that just seems stupid to me.
36:01Sorry for all you airplane jumpers.
36:03>> [LAUGH]
>> I mean,
36:03some people have to do it because
they're serving in the military, but
36:06do you have to jump out of a plane today?
36:09Maybe it's your dream and you want to
do it, but what I don't mean is,
36:12what would you do if you
weren't afraid and go do it?
36:14You take risks for reward, so you do
something challenging and hard like write
36:19this book because I'm trying to make
something good come from tragedy.
36:23You take the hard job because
the company has meaning,
36:27you take the hard role because you
believe you can make the team better.
36:32Ask yourself what you would do if you
weren't afraid, but ask yourself why?
36:35And there needs to be a really
good why for most of us.
36:41>> Many of us are graduating,
36:43next month as you think back on your own
graduation from Harvard Business School.
36:47What's something that you know,
just in your gut,
36:49that you're capable of today that
you wish that you knew then?
36:56Leading to tragedy.
I mean I never would have thought.
37:00I gave the Harvard Business School
commencement speech 2014 maybe.
37:08I don't remember, looks like three
years ago, further back, 2012?
37:14And the day I gave it, the day before
one of the members of that class died.
37:18He drowned suddenly and
the whole class was in mourning.
37:23I wore the pin, we all did, and I sat
there giving this speech thinking, My God,
37:26there's a woman in this audience
whose husband drowned last night.
37:28I think she was there.
37:32And I would have never,
in a million years,
37:34thought that I would be that person.
37:35And I just met her, she's in Houston
now and she's incredible and
37:39she's going back to her, yeah,
it's the 5th year reunion, so it was 2012.
37:44She's going, I think, this weekend or next
to her husband's class five year reunion.
37:49Which I think is incredibly brave.
37:53>> Thank you so much.
37:55We'll open it up to the audience for
a few questions.
37:58Reminder if you have
a question please stand and
38:00state your name when
they bring you the mic.
38:08First year MBA student at the GSB.
38:12Especially here at the view from the top
when we hear business leaders speak
38:15they often speak about what
makes them successful.
38:18But you're different in that you
choose to inspire people about
38:21speaking about overcoming loss and
overcoming your doubts.
38:25How did you choose to become
this kind of a leader?
38:31>> It's funny, I don't know if I chose
to become this kind of leader, or
38:34that I thought there were things that
weren't being said that needed to be said.
38:39So I graduated from undergrad in 91,
from business school in 1995.
38:43And I looked above me and it was all men,
and I looked alongside me and
38:46there were all these great women.
38:48And I just thought by the time I
got where I was, it would be half.
38:54And so there were two thing,
bunch of things I wanted to say.
38:59That I thought people weren't saying one
was that men still run the world and
39:04Like put a stake in the ground
that it's not okay.
39:06When I'd gone on the TED stage and
I said men still run the world,
39:09everyone gasp as if that was a surprise.
39:12>> [LAUGH]
>> And to this day,
39:13I can go into rooms and say,
men still run the world, and
39:16people are like yes they do,
what a shocker.
39:19You're like, guys you have 95% of the top
shops this isn't that hard, right?
39:24But the answer is why, like what are the
cultural things that are holding us back?
39:28Ready men in the audience, men only.
39:30Raise you hand if anyone
ever called you bossy.
39:32>> [LAUGH]
>> There's always one or two.
39:38Women in the audience, raise your
hand if anyone ever called you bossy.
39:43I wanted her to turn around and
look at that, put your hands back up.
39:50So next time you see a little
girl called bossy, and
39:52it will be this weekend if you look for
her, you walk right up to the people
39:55who called her bossy,
probably her parents, and you say,
39:58that little girl is not bossy, that little
girl has executive leadership skills.
40:11>> Okay, I want you to wait, ready?
40:14I'm going to try that the other way.
40:16That little boy has
executive leadership skills.
40:21I have done that, exactly that way, and
gotten a huge laugh out of every audience,
40:26in every country I have ever done that in.
40:29But here's the bad news.
40:32That's bias, and if you don't think
you have it, I just proved you do.
40:38Because the reason we laugh is that it's
funny that a little girl has executive
40:41leadership skills, because it goes
against our expectations and type.
40:45So in case you sit here at
the Stanford Business School,
40:49thinking that other people have the biases
that hold women back, it's you too.
40:54I laughed, you laughed,
it's me and it's you.
41:01We all have the stereotype that
is keeping women from leading.
41:05And you just got through two years
at Stanford and it didn't change.
41:09No, let's be honest,
that's what I wanted to say.
41:15And then I wanted to say there's a whole
bunch of stuff women are also doing to
41:19hold themselves back.
41:20So I don't think I chose to be any kind of
leader, I chose to say those three things.
41:25We need more women in leadership,
the culture is holding us back, and
41:29there are things we can do.
41:30And again I think, if you're looking for
what kind of leader you're going to be,
41:34you are too inwardly focused.
41:36Focus on what you want to say, because it
matters, or what you want to build, or
41:41what you want to make, or
who you want to serve.
41:44And that's how you become the kind of
leader you are, if that makes sense.
41:56>> I'm Paul, I'm a second year student,
41:58and I'm not trying to ask you if
you're going to run for president.
42:00>> [LAUGH]
>> Which means that I am asking you that,
42:04but let's just frame it as career advice.
42:07So you worked in the Clinton
administration and
42:09you're obviously very interested in
public service and the public sector.
42:13And for those of us who are interested in
both government and private sector work.
42:17How do you think about the pros and
cons and going forward in your career,
42:21how do you think about blending those?
42:23>> [LAUGH]
>> That's a business school question!
42:27>> That's a good question.
42:28>> [LAUGH]
>> So for me, for my answer,
42:32is I really love my job at Facebook and
it gives me what I want to do.
42:36And then, but I do have a loud voice, an
increasingly loud voice on public policy.
42:42I know what I think a whole
bunch of policies work and
42:44I'm increasingly using that voice.
42:46And I think I have the ability to have
that voice, and it's one I'm using loudly.
42:53Going in and out, look,
there's two paths in the US government.
42:56There's civil servants, where you really
go in and you move up the ladder, and
42:59there's going in and out.
43:01I think being open to doing that,
thinking about running for office,
43:04all of that stuff really makes sense.
43:07And I think we need the country's best and
brightest to do this.
43:09I also think we'd be well
served by having more
43:12people who were in business in office.
43:15I think about some of the things
that I thought at the U.S.
43:18Treasury that really changed once I had to
make payroll, and that was the Treasury,
43:22which is the finance department.
43:24And so I do think having more business
leaders, like all of you, running for
43:27office and
serving in government is really important.
43:30Bob Rubin, who is the chairman of
Goldman Sachs and then the secretary of
43:33the treasury, made that point for a very
long time, and I think it's a good one.
43:38So I'm glad to hear you ask that question,
and I hope a lot of you are open to that,
43:42because you could do a lot of good.
43:52>> A serious answer to the question is,
43:54I feel like I'm trying to
do all the good I can, and
43:57there's always different ways to do it.
44:00But I really believe in what
Facebook's doing, I really do.
44:03I believe that we need global companies,
I believe that we need global voice.
44:07I believe there are 4 billion people who
aren't connected to data that we can help
44:11connect, but it's because I believe that,
that I stay.
44:19>> My name is Kristof Meyer,
I'm a second year here.
44:22As COO of Facebook, you led
the company through tremendous growth.
44:26There's another rocket ship that's
facing a few problems right now,
44:30that I hear is also looking for a COO.
44:32What would you do if you
were the new COO of Uber?
44:37>> [LAUGH]
>> I mean,
44:42it's a really hard question
to answer from the outside.
44:46>> [LAUGH]
>> It's a really hard question from
44:48the outside, I don't understand their
business deeply enough, I mean, at all,
44:52at all to answer, but
here's what I would do.
44:54I would take that job if I had
the relationship with Travis,
44:57that could really make an impact.
44:59And I felt there was a real desire to
45:02address the issues that
needed to be addressed.
45:04And it's not just the COO job.
45:08as you take every role you're going to
take, and you guys, I'm so honored and
45:12excited to be here as your, I guess
your last speaker before you graduate.
45:15Because how exciting, you've studied
at one of the best institutions,
45:19you have these tremendous
classmates around you.
45:22You're asking all of
these amazing questions.
45:24Like, go out and make a difference.
45:27And you're going to do that by finding
things you really care about, and
45:31building relationships with the people
around you that make you care.
45:35I say at Facebook to this question, it
does get asked with some frequency, right?
45:39a half years because I'm doing something
I care about with my best friend.
45:42That's a pretty special thing to do.
45:45So whoever takes that job, if someone
takes that job, they have to believe in
45:48what Uber's doing, and they have to
believe in their relationship with Travis.
45:52And then they have to build
the team around them,
45:54and it's the exact same thing for
your jobs.
45:57Whatever you're about to go do,
if you haven't figured it out or
46:00you are figuring it out.
46:01Do something you care about
with people you believe and
46:05focus on what you contribute, that's it.
46:08And be willing to move around, I wrote in
Lean In that careers are a jungle gym,
46:13Careers are a jungle gym.
46:15I moved sideways, I didn't always move up.
46:18If I had insisted on moving up,
46:19I never would have taken
the number two job at Facebook.
46:22I could have been CEO,
46:23everything else that we're talking
about I would have been CEO.
46:26If I took another job now,
I would run the company.
46:28But, I'd rather be number two at Facebook,
if that's even a concept, right?
46:33I mean, we have a team,
it's not just me and Mark,
46:36than be number one on
something I don't believe in.
46:38And I think the number two and the number
one is the wrong way to think about it.
46:42It's the relationship, the purpose,
the mission and what you can contribute.
46:46Same thing, your job decision is the same
as whoever's going to go be CEO of Uber.
46:52>> We have time for one final question.
46:56>> Hi, my name is Josh and
I'm a first year MBA student.
46:59And kind of following on to that,
47:00you mentioned how you navigated
these different career decisions?
47:03And so with getting to these rocket ships,
47:06what really made those companies and
teams that you've joined stand out?
47:12>> Well I've only done it twice, right?
47:13I did Google and Facebook.
47:16With Google, I really believed in a
mission of making the world's information,
47:21giving the world information.
47:23And I could see how much easier it was,
I mean when Google started, you know,
47:27I used to go to the library.
47:28Like, go to the library.
47:31>> [LAUGH]
>> Literally,
47:32I grew up in Encyclopedia Britannica
in my dad's little study.
47:36It was just spell bounding how you could
just get information on your computer.
47:43I really believe there was an unmet need,
and
47:44with Facebook I felt like it turned
the lights on on who people were.
47:48Before Facebook, they had that,
you probably don't remember this,
47:51there was the famous cartoon of a dog
sitting in front of the computer.
47:53And it said, on the Internet,
no one knows you're a dog.
47:56>> [LAUGH]
>> I mean Facebook was the first time
47:58there was real identity on the Internet.
48:00So everything I believe about
being authentic and who you are,
48:04was going to become true because of
this company run by this 23 year old.
48:09It was pretty amazing, and so
48:10it was really that I thought
they were making these needs.
48:14The other think I'll say is it's not,
along with passion, I do think it's really
48:19worth investing in your own skills, and
trying the things you're not as good at.
48:23Try the things that matter,
take a sales job.
48:27I think too few people out of
business will take sales jobs.
48:30I sell all day, I sell ads for
Facebook, I do BD deals where I sell.
48:35Every time I'm recruiting
someone I'm selling,
48:38when I'm trying to convince people,
we all do that.
48:40Take those jobs where you're
really rolling your hands up.
48:43I have a poster in my office
that I got from Howard Schultz,
48:46I served on his board.
48:48Of two dirty hands, and it says,
the future belongs to those
48:52of us still willing to get our hands
dirty, and it's in my conference room.
48:58Do something you care about and
get your hands dirty doing it.
49:02You'll be able to do anything, I promise.
49:05>> Sheryl, thank you so
much for being here.
49:06>> I want to say good luck!
![Welp, Here's what the Fed *Just* Said [Fed FOMC Minutes]](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2Fl8u23oq1E9E%2Fhqdefault.jpg&w=3840&q=75)
