00:00I need a sign what like those old
00:03religious movies you want a voice from
00:05above just tell me I'm the
00:22one nothing breaks my heart more than a
00:26woman who has gone astray a girl who is
00:29not not like other girls a girl who's
00:32like you know what I'd rather hang out
00:34with the boys since they're so
00:36drama-free and women are so complicated
00:39and way too much trouble there is no one
00:41who personifies the ins and outs of
00:44internalized misogyny more than the
00:46pikme girl because guess what the pikme
00:49girlwoman of today is the miserable
00:52bitter misogynistic Auntie of tomorrow
00:55so today let's talk about the woman who
00:57despises herself more than she could
01:00ever despise any other woman today let's
01:03talk about the Pik me hello hello hi
01:05guys how is everybody doing I know I've
01:08been gone for what seems like forever
01:11now but man you know those mental breaks
01:13are very very necessary and also there
01:16was a lot of stuff happening in my
01:18personal life as well so your girl
01:20needed that time off in the meantime you
01:23know this channel has had its first uh
01:25anniversary so I've been on YouTube for
01:28a little over a year now so yay I wanted
01:31to say a big thank you to all the folks
01:33my community that continue to support me
01:36and are back here again for another
01:38video I appreciate you more than you
01:41could ever imagine for those of you guys
01:43that are new here my name is ustra
01:45welcome and for those that have been
01:47here welcome back let's get into
01:51it now who's the first woman that comes
01:54into mind when you think pick me let me
01:57guess it's Pearl isn't it I think all
01:59evil kind of comes from women when I
02:00realized all the world's problems come
02:02from women and I'm just going to use
02:05girlwoman interchangeably here because
02:07the pck me girl is the term that's been
02:09coined but think woman okay when I'm
02:11talking about a pickme girl obviously so
02:13the truth is that essentially the pck me
02:15girls are everywhere right it's Kendall
02:18Jenner every time she gets on an
02:19interview and she's like I'm a tomboy
02:22and I'm not into makeup and she's
02:25literally a supermodel you know walking
02:27down runways okay it's Carrie Bradshaw
02:30torturing herself and her friends on a
02:32daily basis just to get Big's approval
02:35and guess what he's going to walk away
02:37from you on your wedding day because
02:39you're never going to get it you're
02:40never going to get that approval and
02:41then of course like I mentioned it's
02:43women like just pearly things right who
02:46are out here fighting diligently for
02:49men's rights while also you know
02:51bringing women down in the process is it
02:54not exhausting performing acting living
02:57your entire life just for male
02:59validation just so you can satisfy the
03:02male gaze an interesting Tik Tok that I
03:04came across recently was um some new
03:07terminology that I had not heard before
03:09it basically talked about how in any
03:11relationship there is a black cat and
03:14then there is the golden retriever if
03:17you want to be happy in your
03:18relationship or dating and you want your
03:19meant to chase you like the loyal golden
03:21retriever you have to become the
03:22ultimate black cat blackhe gold
03:25retriever blackhe golden retriever
03:27blackhe golden retriever blackhe hat her
03:30golden retriever black cat golden
03:32retriever black cat golden retriever
03:34basically the black cat in the
03:35relationship is the person that holds
03:37more power they're the catch and the
03:40golden retriever essentially is you know
03:42the person that's just doting over their
03:44partner they're consistantly doing the
03:46chasing they're the one that you know is
03:48just like can't get enough of the black
03:50cat okay or their partner in a
03:52relationship and what this Creator was
03:54saying that basically in any
03:56relationship if a woman is a golden
03:59retriever and the man is the Black Cat
04:02those relationships tend to struggle a
04:03lot more than if it was the opposite
04:06case Tristan was the ultimate black cat
04:08she was a loyal golden retriever that
04:09would never abandon or leave him and
04:11that's why it didn't work he is the
04:12Black Cat she's the loyal golden
04:15retriever blackhead gold I mean I
04:17thought this was pretty cool terminology
04:19but also I thought it's just another
04:21clever way of saying that if you know
04:23like a woman loves a man more than the
04:26Man Loves a Woman um in that
04:28relationship you know there's a
04:29significant Delta of love between the
04:31two um essentially that relationship is
04:33basically just like you know destined to
04:35Doom right and the thing here is that
04:37you know coming back to what we're
04:39talking about here often times I think
04:42that the pygmies out there they end up
04:44being they're destined to be the Golden
04:46Retrievers in the relationship because
04:48how are you going to be the catch or the
04:49black cat you know essentially if you
04:52live and die for like male validation
04:54and the male gaze right you're telling
04:56me that this man bought a house for
04:59himself by himself you're helping him
05:01renovate it with your bare hands and
05:03helping him pay off his mortgage all for
05:06a house you don't even own where is your
05:08family where are your friends and this
05:10is why I've seen uh you know pikm be in
05:13literally the worst relationships ever
05:15out there it's what a lot of people
05:17often call that struggle love nobody
05:19wants that now more interesting
05:21terminology that I came across on Tik
05:23Tok while I was gone was the concept of
05:26the shut up ring and I thought this was
05:29br Brantly coined okay by this Creator
05:31and I'm going to put their name on the
05:33screen so you guys can go check out more
05:34of her content a lot of her content is
05:37really really good people keep asking
05:39for a definition of a Shut Up Ring a
05:41shut up ring is a ring or proposal that
05:45A man gives you what the sole intent of
05:47buying time he does not intend to
05:50fulfill the promise of proposal you know
05:52he's never going to marry you but he's
05:54given you a ring to shut you up and keep
05:57you calm while he continues to get all
05:59the benefits that he wants from you now
06:01if you are a pikm right and you
06:03basically um you know just want that
06:06male validation like that is what your
06:08world revolves around right um like I
06:11said previously there's a high chance
06:13that you are not going to be in the
06:14healthiest relationship out there
06:16because essentially you want a
06:18relationship more than you know you want
06:20anything else right more than your own
06:22needs more than your own self-respect
06:24more than anything else right you want
06:26that label that essentially you're in
06:28that relationship and often times when
06:31this happens you know your partner can
06:33most likely detect that you have this
06:35lack of self-respect or lack of
06:37self-esteem or however you want to call
06:39it right your partner can see this I
06:42mean it's obvious it's going to ooze out
06:44of you your insecurities and so say
06:46you've been in a relationship for a
06:48significant while now and you've been
06:50this like ride or die for this man and
06:52you're like you know what I have put in
06:54the time I have put in the Years you
06:57know it's time for me to get that ring
06:59well a shut up ring is essentially a
07:01ring that a man is going to give you to
07:04shut you up basically he has no
07:06intention of marrying you but he likes
07:08the convenience of having you around and
07:10so what he's going to do is he's going
07:12to put a ring on it with absolutely no
07:15intention of marrying you and you will
07:17likely just be dragged on in that
07:19relationship for years and years and who
07:22knows how long more to come more
07:25roses put this on what is he doing does
07:30it keep going light the candle this is
07:33so romantic where is this
07:37leading going up oh my God pour a
07:41glass we've been together 2 years you
07:45are the girl of my dreams oh my God I
07:49want to take the next step and ask you a
07:52huge question follow the Roses babe what
08:00will you do my laundry all just for this
08:04all right hold on open it up for the
08:06rest of our lives if you're the type of
08:09woman that is a pikme essentially you
08:12are providing so many benefits to that
08:15man that he's not going to want to let
08:17you go but at the same time no man
08:19really wants to pick me right because
08:21you're not essentially the catch and so
08:24before you know it you've been serving
08:25this man's needs for God knows how long
08:28and years go by years go by and maybe
08:31he'll end up marrying you but is it
08:33worth it I can assure you that a woman
08:36that has a good amount of self-esteem a
08:38good amount of self-respect for herself
08:41she would never be found in such a
08:43situation and yes love is blind and you
08:46know a lot of us you know want to fall
08:48head over heels for our person and want
08:50to live you know that fairy tale life
08:53but how long can you stay blind to the
08:54fact that what your needs are and what a
08:57certain relationship is providing to you
08:59they are miles apart I talked about this
09:01in another video where there was this uh
09:03you know girl I know she was in a
09:04relationship with a guy for like 6 years
09:067 years whatever and she really really
09:09wanted to marry him she really really
09:11was like you know marriage I want that
09:13label I want us to just be you know like
09:16together and you know she had put in all
09:18the time and effort and that guy
09:20randomly one day decided to break up
09:22with her and he was remarried within
09:24like I don't know 6 seven months or
09:25something after he broke up with her I
09:28mean is this the type of love that
09:30anybody wants to fall for I don't really
09:32think so I don't recommend it and I want
09:34to go on a tangent here right and have a
09:37side discussion right because under that
09:39video in the comment section and also a
09:41couple of subscribers mentioned to me
09:43basically saying well is marriage even
09:45necessary and do we as women really even
09:49need that label and to me I think that's
09:51a very good question right because I
09:53know this uh couple that they're they're
09:56they're essentially like very very happy
09:58they've been together for I think nine
10:00years at this point and they're they're
10:02not married right and they're also like
10:03a child-free by choice kind of couple
10:06and they're very very happy they're very
10:08satisfied and they've basically said hey
10:10like we don't need uh to sign any
10:12paperwork or to put a label on it and
10:14they're they're they seem genuinely
10:16happy at least from what I can tell
10:18right for someone else you know maybe
10:20someone who wants to feel a little bit
10:22more secure in their relationship a
10:23little bit more protected they may look
10:25at the legal benefits that marriage
10:27provides and they might be like you know
10:29what what I need this label on my
10:31relationship in order to feel secure
10:33with this person you know and so I
10:35really think that there's no right or
10:37wrong answer here I think as I always
10:39say there's no games or rules or
10:41whatever I think every single person has
10:44their own needs and their own desires I
10:46often meet men who are like oh but what
10:48if I'm supporting a woman paying the
10:49bills taking care of her and I fall down
10:52on my luck and she leaves me and I would
10:54automatically be like well is this woman
10:56your wife if she's not your wife I don't
10:59understand why you're expecting her to
11:00ride it out with you through the hard
11:02times no if you want someone to Be With
11:03You For Better or For Worse for richer
11:06or poorer then you need to marry that
11:08woman if you're not married to her stop
11:10expecting a marriage benefit when you're
11:13only a boyfriend or God forbid a
11:15situationship for me personally like I'm
11:17a Capricorn with a lot of Scorpio
11:20placements okay so I like to do things a
11:22little bit more like traditional if you
11:24will or more like I need the finances to
11:26be set I need those protections to be in
11:29place place and because of my Scorpio
11:31placements I'm kind of intense about it
11:33you know what I mean so for me like if
11:35I'm in a relationship and I love that
11:37person and he loves me uh you know and
11:39we we have a really good relationship
11:41like why not put the label on it so that
11:44the legal benefits you know are there
11:46for both of us for someone else things
11:48might be totally different and they
11:49might not care the truth of the matter
11:51is that I often think that a lot of the
11:53dating games and rules and tips and
11:55tricks out there I feel like you know
11:57they're silly because how are the needs
11:59of a Capricorn ever going to match the
12:00needs of a Gemini for example right I
12:03think if two people in a relationship
12:06are on the same page right whether they
12:08are on the same page about wanting a
12:10label or not wanting a label right I
12:12think it's all good as long as the two
12:14are in agreement I think the problem
12:16occurs where one person is like I want
12:18the label and I've given you this many
12:20years of my life and the other person is
12:23just not willing to give that to them
12:24and so I've often seen that with pikm
12:27because their needs come second to their
12:30desire to be in a relationship then
12:32that's just what it is your needs will
12:34always be secondary and they will most
12:36likely never get fulfilled and isn't
12:38that a tragedy the Tweet was a
12:40screenshot submitted by a man to an
12:43advice column type of thing I think I
12:45should have screenshotted but I forgot
12:46I'm sorry but basically in the
12:48screenshot he was saying that he has a
12:49wife who's eight months pregnant and for
12:50her whole pregnancy she has not had any
12:52pregnancy craving or so he thought turns
12:54out she has had pregnancy cravings
12:56obviously she's pregnant she's just been
12:58paying their neighbor to help her with
13:01these cravings when the time comes
13:02instead of going to her husband who she
13:05got pregnant by so he confronted her
13:06about it and she basically said that at
13:08some point like prior to her pregnancy
13:10uh he expressed to her that women who
13:12complain about things like that are
13:13whining so she didn't want to be a wher
13:16so now she doesn't emotionally depend on
13:18him for things like that because she
13:20doesn't want to make him feel bad and
13:21this is why I always say that it is so
13:23important for women to Des centure men
13:26from our lives like we have to centure
13:28ourselves and our own needs and really
13:31just be strong within ourselves our own
13:33self-esteem have a lot of self-respect
13:36so that when we're out there you know
13:37looking for a relationship we actually
13:39land in healthy relationships that
13:41fulfill our needs rather than a [ __ ]
13:44relationship where you're basically just
13:47secondary to the person you're in a
13:51with now I wanted to have a bit of a
13:53serious discussion because you know if a
13:56Pik me decides to you know be in a bad
13:58relation ship and continue to you know
14:00give her time to somebody that doesn't
14:02value her or you know cherish her or
14:04whatever and she just ends up ruining
14:06her own life right that's one thing and
14:09again those are her own life choices but
14:11now if that same pikme has lived a very
14:14very unhappy life and now she's actively
14:17becoming a negative influence to other
14:20women around her and to society well
14:23that's a totally different thing
14:24altogether so very recently I actually
14:26watched this uh you know Netflix
14:28documentary and oh my God it was so good
14:31I highly recommend that everybody you
14:32know check it out it's called to kill a
14:35tiger and it's actually a very very
14:37sensitive documentary on the story of a
14:4013-year-old girl who essentially got sa
14:43by three boys and her father actually
14:46goes to the courts and tries to fight
14:48her case um you know to get her justice
14:50throughout this journey right throughout
14:52this father and daughter's uh Journey um
14:55you know there's lots of ups and downs
14:57but this one thing I just could not
14:59forget essentially the defense attorney
15:01the attorney that was basically
15:03defending the monsters that did that to
15:06this girl right it's her words that I
15:09just I just couldn't get out of my mind
15:11you know cuz it's a documentary right so
15:13a lot of these producers and stuff like
15:14that they are asking questions from
15:17everybody uh you know that's a part of
15:18the documentary and so when they come to
15:20the defense attorney and they're like
15:22you know what do you think happened why
15:24are you defending these boys she
15:25basically went well one thing we really
15:27have to question is why was it that this
15:30girl was out late at night you know by
15:32herself when I tell you this line
15:35infuriated me okay to my core okay it
15:39just because how is it that it's a woman
15:43a woman that's uttering these words when
15:45you see you know what these monsters
15:48have done to this 13-year-old girl how
15:51can you say that even being a defense
15:53attorney I don't I don't care okay you
15:55can there's different ways you can word
15:58what you're going to say Okay victim
16:00blaming is not it and that's the thing
16:02it's vile and it's disgusting okay and I
16:05would go as far as to say that this is a
16:08woman this defense attorney is a woman
16:11that has a lot of self-hatred because
16:13when you're internalized misogyny runs
16:16this deep okay your self-hatred runs
16:18even deeper many girls who grow up in a
16:21patriarchal uh Society are trained
16:24basically to believe that you know male
16:26validation is the end all be all and
16:29even me okay when I was young I fully
16:31rejected the color pink okay because I
16:33was like oh no I don't want to be pink I
16:35don't want to be feminine okay I want to
16:37be taken seriously I want to be known
16:39for the fact that I have a brain and
16:41opinions and you know I just don't want
16:43to be a girly girl and so while I have
16:45empathy for where the pikme mentality
16:48actually stems from but if you as a
16:51fully formed adult woman still seek
16:54validation from men while simultaneously
16:57being harmful to the women around you no
17:00do better you perpetuating and
17:02continuing this cycle is a massive
17:04failure within you as a woman the pikme
17:08girlwoman to the bitter uh misogynistic
17:11Auntie pipeline is a pretty dangerous
17:14one and yes it is that deep the thing is
17:17that it's almost natural for a lot of us
17:20girls when we're growing up and on our
17:23you know path to Womanhood to have
17:25internalized misogyny in our system okay
17:28because that's Lally the systems that we
17:29grow up in but it is also our job to
17:33actively recognize it and once we
17:35recognize the internalized misogynist
17:37that exist within us to then actively
17:40try to fight them and get those out of
17:42our system so that that cycle just
17:45doesn't continue because the last thing
17:47that anybody wants to be is a pikme all
17:50right guys that's all from me today I
17:52hope you guys enjoyed this video let me
17:53know your thoughts in the comment
17:55section below and I will see you in the
