00:00so I want you to meet two hypothetical
00:01students we've got Harry and Percy now
00:04both Harry and Percy are ambitious and
00:06conscientious and hardworking they enjoy
00:07cting goals for themselves and they feel
00:09motivated when they make progress
00:10towards them but when they get feedback
00:12on their work they react quite
00:13differently Harry appreciates
00:15constructive criticism and he's willing
00:16to learn from his mistakes but Percy
00:18only sees this feedback as a failure
00:20Percy holds himself to excessively high
00:22standards he's ashamed of his mistakes
00:24and he worries a lot about what others
00:26around him will think now the key
00:27difference between these two students is
00:29that Harry is is a healthy striber and
00:31pery on the other hand is a
00:33perfectionist so if you're anything like
00:34me you can probably relate to this
00:36feeling of perfectionism and feeling
00:38this need to be perfect in the things
00:40that we do and I recently had a really
00:41interesting conversation about
00:43perfectionism with Professor Thomas
00:45current who is a world leading expert on
00:47perfectionism at the London School of
00:48Economics perfectionism is not kind of a
00:50black or white it's not I am a
00:52perfectionist or you aren't a
00:53perfectionist but it's really you know
00:56where we sit on the perfectionism
00:57spectrum and some of us will be more
00:59perfectionist IC on that Spectrum some
01:01will be a little less most will be in
01:03the middle and the big contribution I
01:06think of my work is showing that that
01:08middle bit of the perfectionism Spectrum
01:09where most of us sit is slowly creeping
01:12upwards and we're seeing growing levels
01:14of perfectionism over time particularly
01:16among young people so in this video
01:17we're going to go through why being a
01:19perfectionist is generally not actually
01:21a good thing and then in the second part
01:22of the video we're going to look at some
01:23of the ways that we can overcome
01:25perfectionism and strive towards being
01:27more like a healthy striving Harry and
01:30less like a perfectionist
01:33Percy now on the surface it's easy to
01:35assume that perfectionism leads to
01:36increased productivity and more success
01:39compared to those people who don't see
01:40themselves as perfectionists but this is
01:42not true at all Serena Williams Victoria
01:45Pendleton Steve Jobs Demi lvat you know
01:47all these people who self-confessed
01:48Perfection made it to the top of their
01:50professions clearly really talented and
01:52high achieving and therefore it must be
01:55the perfectionism that that propelled
01:56them there when we look at the data
01:59however we find no relationship between
02:02perfectionism and performance and this
02:05is really curious because they work so
02:07hard they put everything into their
02:09activities and yet they don't seem to
02:10perform any better why is that so to
02:12help explain this let's look at this
02:14study of student athletes which involved
02:16cycling trials the students were split
02:17up into two groups now within this group
02:19of students some of them had high levels
02:21of perfectionism directed towards
02:22themselves and the rest didn't based on
02:24a survey that they did at the start and
02:25all these students were told to cycle
02:26for 6 minutes and to try to beat their
02:28personal best time but the researchers
02:30in the study were very sneaky and so by
02:32manipulating the information that was
02:34shown to the students on the screen the
02:35test was set up in a way that ensured
02:37that everyone would fail to meet their
02:39personal targets now the students were
02:41then asked to try the trial for a second
02:43time and the really interesting thing
02:44was that the students who had high
02:46levels of perfectionism did not try as
02:48hard on the second round or in other
02:50words after their first failure their
02:52effort actually decreased whereas for
02:54the group that had the
02:55non-perfectionists in it their effort
02:57stayed the same so this can be explained
02:59by the fact that perfectionists find it
03:00really hard when things start to go
03:02wrong which then translates into
03:03behaviors that avoid further failure
03:06otherwise known as procrastination so
03:08being a perfectionist tends not to
03:09actually make you perform better it
03:10tends to make you perform worse if
03:12you've had a setback but then the second
03:13reason why perfectionism is not
03:15associated with better performance is
03:16because although perfectionists tend to
03:18work very hard they probably work too
03:20hard and this means that they often tend
03:21to start making compromises in their
03:23life like it's very easy to miss a few
03:24hours of sleep just to work on an
03:26assignment to try and make it perfect or
03:27spending way too much time on that
03:29presentation at work to make it that
03:30much better but ultimately even though
03:32this might look good on paper these
03:34sacrifices are what lead a perfectionist
03:35towards less productivity less success
03:37and way more burnout okay so now let's
03:39talk about the perfectionism trap now in
03:42my conversation with Thomas he really
03:44emphasized where perfectionism stems
03:45from and how it traps us in a negative
03:47spiral of Decline and self-defeat it
03:50comes from a place of deficit it's a
03:52sense that I must move through the world
03:53proving to other people that I'm good
03:55enough so in order to do that I must
03:57Excel I must be perfect I must have high
04:00okay but what we're doing is we're
04:02setting ourselves up for failure because
04:03those excessive standards are too high
04:06so when perfectionists set their
04:07standards really high it means that
04:08there is a higher chance that those
04:09standards are not met or in other words
04:11failure this failure then causes
04:13feelings of Shame and guilt and anxiety
04:15and stress and low self-esteem which
04:16means they overcompensate by setting
04:18themselves even higher standards next
04:20time and this Spiral goes on and on
04:21getting worse and worse each time and
04:23this can actually be really hard for a
04:24perfectionist to escape from and It
04:26ultimately stems from this deficit
04:28thinking or feeling like you are not
04:30enough if on the other hand you are a
04:31healthy striver and you're trying to set
04:33a new squat personal best in the gym for
04:35example then you'll enjoy the process of
04:37trying to get there and you'll enjoy the
04:39process even on the days where you feel
04:40like you're a lot weaker than in your
04:42last gym session whereas as a
04:43perfectionist you'll probably set a new
04:44personal best goal that is well beyond
04:46your means and you'll feel like a
04:47failure every time you can't lift that
04:49weight or when you see someone else
04:50squatting a much heavier weight than you
04:52now one fun way to beat perfectionism is
04:54by trying to learn new things which is
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06:20of this YouTube channel and then our
06:21third reason why perfectionism ruins
06:23your life is imposter syndrome imposter
06:26phenomenon is quite strong among
06:27perfectionists particularly
06:28perfectionists that have come from you
06:30know I've come from a working class
06:32background into a middle class world and
06:34you often doubt yourself you wonder if
06:36you deserve to be there you wonder if
06:38your works of a certain standard you
06:39look around and see people are doing so
06:41much better than you or how you think
06:42are doing so much better than you and
06:44you and you think inside I have to prove
06:46every day that I'm good enough that I
06:48deserve to be here and that I'm trying
06:51to disguise this kind of flawed and
06:53inadequate person that I think I am
06:55inside so imposter syndrome correlates
06:58with what we call socially prescribed
07:00perfectionism more so than self-oriented
07:02perfectionism so when I say I'm not good
07:04enough or I need to be better this is
07:06self-oriented perfectionism whereas
07:08socially prescribed perfectionism
07:10originates in a social environment that
07:11is highly expectant so I would say
07:14everyone around me wants me to get this
07:15new job or I cannot fail this exam and
07:18let my family down there are other
07:19people's expectations on me and this
07:21socially prescribed perfectionism can
07:22come from those around you like work
07:24colleagues and teachers and parents and
07:26basically everyone you interact with but
07:27it's also important to be aware that we
07:28do live unfortunately in a highly
07:30competitive Society it's a society
07:32that's designed to make us feel
07:34deficient in some way and therefore
07:36cultivates this feeling of perfectionism
07:37so it can be really hard to escape these
07:39feelings of needing to be perfect for
07:41those around you and as with all of
07:42these things a classic culprate is
07:44social media now research shows that
07:46when perfectionists compare themselves
07:47to others who seem better than them on
07:49social media they feel less satisfied
07:51and confident in their own life and this
07:53is what researchers call upward social
07:55comparison which leads to higher levels
07:56of dissatisfaction and lower levels of
07:58confidence but thankfully this story
08:00does have a more positive side because
08:01there are many ways that we can try and
08:02overcome perfectionism which is what
08:04we're going to talk about in the second
08:05half of this video tip number one set
08:07reasonable standards and start
08:09somewhere and so Thomas talks about
08:11setting reasonable standards here in the
08:13context of writing an essay I just say
08:15just get just just write something write
08:17a letter to your mom like just get words
08:20on a on a on a on a computer screen and
08:23start the process it doesn't even have
08:25to be related to the task at hand
08:27because if you can start writing
08:29it's a nice note to your mom but also it
08:32gets you in that kind of frame of mind
08:34where you're putting words on paper and
08:35then begin and then you know like you
08:38say it doesn't have to be uh you don't
08:40even have to consult the literature just
08:42put down your thoughts on this
08:43particular topic right and then begin to
08:46iterate now there's a concept in
08:47economics that is directly related to
08:49what we're talking about here the law of
08:50diminishing returns this means that up
08:52to a certain point there is an increase
08:54in output with increasing input or
08:55effort but after that point called the
08:58point of diminishing returns the
08:59increases in output grow smaller and
09:01smaller with the same increase in input
09:03there also comes a point where outputs
09:04start to even decline the point of
09:06negative returns and this applies
09:07perfectly to working hours for example
09:09like let's say you're working 40 hours a
09:10week at your job or your studies or
09:12whatever the thing might be those first
09:1340 hours are probably going to be more
09:15effective than the next 40 hours like
09:17your 80th hour is probably not going to
09:19be anywhere near as productive as your
09:2120th hour because you're just getting
09:22tired and actually if you keep working
09:24past the 90th and the 100th hour you'll
09:26probably get to a point of negative
09:27returns I.E you'll be doing actively bad
09:29work rather than very good work and so
09:31if you're a perfectionist then you might
09:33often find yourself in that dangerous
09:34territory past the point of diminishing
09:36and maybe even negative returns and
09:38that's why it's always important to set
09:39our standards to a reasonable level and
09:41not set them too high and the way I like
09:43to think of this is basically lower the
09:44bar whenever I feel like I'm
09:46procrastinating or feeling too
09:47perfectionist about something I remind
09:49myself I have to lower the bar and this
09:50sounds bad it sounds like oh my God
09:52you're embracing mediocrity it's like
09:54yes I am embracing mediocrity because
09:56otherwise I would allow perfect to be
09:57the enemy of good perf ISM and
09:59procrastination would then hold me back
10:01now there's two main reasons why you
10:02should lower the bar and just set
10:03reasonable standards rather than high
10:05standards the first one is that if you
10:07don't set your standards too high to
10:08begin with then it's a lot easier to
10:10start now when it comes to
10:12procrastination as I've written about in
10:13my book and talked about at norum by the
10:15way you should check out my book if you
10:16haven't already link down below and if
10:17you have please leave an Amazon review
10:19LOL anyway we know from all this stuff
10:20that like getting started with things is
10:22often the hardest part procrastination
10:24is a problem with getting started rather
10:25than a problem with doing the thing once
10:27you've gotten started and perfectionism
10:28often leads to procrastination because
10:30perfectionists are so afraid of failure
10:31and would much prefer to avoid failing
10:33and so they don't even start in the
10:35first place therefore what we do is we
10:37lower our standards we lower the bar and
10:39that lets us simply start somewhere and
10:41reason number two for lowering your
10:42standards is that if you set reasonable
10:44standards rather than very high
10:45standards you will also lower the risk
10:47of burnout and so really the way we do
10:49this is that for whatever we're working
10:50on we try and establish the standard of
10:53good enough like what does good enough
10:54mean to you in this specific case and
10:56then once you've met your expectations
10:57of the task and you have satisfed ified
10:59your level of good enough then you can
11:00stop and move on to something else now
11:02it is okay sometimes to set your
11:04expectations a little higher and to
11:05enter the zone of diminishing returns
11:07because sometimes you do want to
11:08challenge yourself and go above and
11:09beyond what's expected of you but it's
11:11important to remember that a we can't do
11:12this with everything so we shouldn't try
11:14because that's a recipe for Burnout and
11:15B especially if you're new to something
11:17or you have a tendency to procrastinate
11:19on the thing high standards are actually
11:21holding you back rather than serving you
11:22in that context by the way one of my
11:24favorite things to do to overcome these
11:26sorts of negative feelings that lead to
11:27things like procrastination and
11:28perfection m is journaling and because
11:30I'm weird I like to collect journaling
11:32prompts and journaling methods and
11:34because people always ask me about it
11:35I've put them all into this journaling
11:37Hub which is completely free for you to
11:38access it'll be linked down below you
11:40just put in your email and then you'll
11:41get linked to this like massive database
11:43of journaling prompts and every time I
11:44come up with a new prompt or discover a
11:45new prompt I added to the database it's
11:47completely free you might as well it's
11:48linked down below all right so tip
11:49number two for overcoming perfectionism
11:51is surrendering and simply letting life
11:54happen sometimes for no good reason we
11:56fail sometimes things happen to us that
11:58we have have no control over and
12:01accepting that fact is really the first
12:04big step in breaking through
12:06perfectionism so letting life happen is
12:08all about being okay with failure and
12:09not trying to avoid it it's also about
12:11being okay with not always making
12:13progress towards a goal but instead
12:14being happy and content with no progress
12:17or even regression which does happen
12:18sometimes now this idea is similar to
12:20the concept of Wabi Sai which is a
12:22Japanese philosophy with Origins and
12:23Buddhism wabisabi is all about accepting
12:25the beauty and imperfection and
12:27surrendering to the constant and flows
12:29of life and the philosophy encourages us
12:31to seek out a simple life appreciate
12:33nature around us accept the challenges
12:35we're faced with and try as best as we
12:36can to live in the moment now if you
12:38think about it there are many
12:39connections today between psychology and
12:40the teachings of Buddhism and we can
12:41trace a lot of this back to the work of
12:43Karen horny who was a psychoanalyst in
12:45the first half of the 1900s and she
12:47sought out the study of Buddhist
12:48principles in her late life
12:49interestingly she also coins the phrase
12:51the tyranny of the shs so when we say
12:53things like I should go to the gym today
12:55or I should make more progress on that
12:56work task or I should spend a little bit
12:58longer on that thing we automatically
12:59create a divide with our imperfect real
13:02self on one hand and then this idealized
13:04perfect self on the other and the thing
13:06that bridges that Gap is this idea of
13:07should I should be more like this other
13:09person and so as a very useful tangible
13:11action point whenever you find yourself
13:12using the word should try and change
13:15that word in your own mind for me
13:16personally I always try and replace the
13:18word should with the word want to or
13:20feel like or could choose to so instead
13:22of I should go to the gym today I could
13:24choose to go to the gym today or I
13:26really want to go to the gym today and
13:27there is something nice about replacing
13:29that should that removes that sense of
13:31coercion and removes this like contrast
13:33between our current self and our perfect
13:35self tip number three to overcome
13:36perfectionism is to try and reframe
13:38failure as success always remember that
13:42whatever you do failure is not
13:46humiliating it's humanizing it's normal
13:49and natural to fail in fact we will fail
13:54way more than we will succeed you have
13:57one success it's followed by infinite
13:59amounts of failure now one way to think
14:01about this is that kind of this idea of
14:03dealing with failure is something that
14:04you level up at over time like most of
14:06us start at level one where we view
14:08failure as being a really bad thing
14:10failure is really bad then at some point
14:12in our life we graduate to level two
14:14which is this idea that huh failing is
14:16actually normal it is normal to fail
14:18then at some point we graduate to number
14:20three which is hey failure is a learning
14:22process I learn something from the thing
14:23and at some point we might graduate to
14:25level four which is just viewing failure
14:27as a success like it's absolutely
14:29fantastic that I failed because now I've
14:30got more data I've learned some things
14:32you know a bad day for the ego is a good
14:33day for the soul all of that kind of fun
14:35stuff and so a question to ask yourself
14:37is where are you currently on this level
14:391 to four spectrum of how you think
14:41about failure and what would it take to
14:42get to the next level tip number four
14:44for beating perfectionism is to step
14:46outside of your comfort zone fairly
14:48regularly those are really important
14:50things to take away because those things
14:52that you can learn that help you develop
14:54that help you become more confident and
14:56and importantly help you break through
14:58your perfectionism is by taking those
15:00small steps out of your comfort zone now
15:02if we think back to Harry and Percy
15:04Percy the perfectionist displayed an
15:05aversion to failure and criticism but if
15:08we really want to overcome perfectionism
15:09then we should definitely challenge
15:11these thoughts by putting ourselves in
15:12situation where there is a high risk of
15:14failure and that means stepping outside
15:16of our comfort zone for example when I
15:17realized that I wasn't particularly
15:19charismatic and wanted to improve my
15:20Charisma levels I realized that I'd be
15:22stepping outside of my comfort zone by
15:23forcing myself to put my hand up in
15:25every single classroom session or every
15:28lecture medical school and to ask some
15:30sort of question and that was good
15:31because initially it was really scary
15:33but it helped me get outside of my
15:34comfort zone and made me realize huh
15:36it's not so bad no one actually cares
15:37starting this YouTube channel in 2017
15:39you know it's kind of weird walking
15:40around University with a big big ass
15:42camera filming people my name is Ali
15:45medical student you should look me up
15:46and now you know vlogging in public is
15:48still kind of scary but I've been doing
15:49this for like 7 years now so I it's
15:51definitely squarely within my comfort
15:52zone now this might go without saying
15:54but stepping outside our comfort zone is
15:57inherently uncomfortable it might not
15:59feel good even though book is called
16:00feel good productivity it's not that
16:02every single moment of your life has to
16:03feel good and has to feel comfortable
16:05sometimes stepping outside of our
16:06comfort zone and embracing that
16:07discomfort drives feeling good in the
16:09long term one exercise I find really
16:11helpful here is Tim Ferris fear setting
16:13exercise which is part of the journaling
16:15Hub that we've talked about so you can
16:16check that down below if you feel like
16:17it and then tip number five for
16:18overcoming perfectionism is to sketch
16:20out your goals if you're especially
16:24perfectionistic having rigid firm and
16:28and what are often lofty goals is going
16:31to be really problematic because you may
16:34not meet them and you may not meet them
16:35for you know no good reason and I like
16:38to think of this as having like vague
16:39sketchy goals rather than very specific
16:41goals and there is some evidence about
16:43this that I do actually talk about in my
16:44book where basically researchers have
16:45tested this difference between specific
16:47goals and more vague goals in the
16:49context of trying to encourage people to
16:50do exercise and they have people set
16:52different goals before they walk for 6
16:54minutes now some of the people set smart
16:56goals which are specific measurable
16:57achievable realistic and time bound and
16:59you would think that their performance
17:00would be best but the distance that they
17:01walked was no different to those who set
17:03what we call open goals now open goals
17:06are those that are designed to be
17:07non-specific open-ended and exploratory
17:10so saying something like I'll see how
17:12far I can walk in 6 minutes instead of I
17:14need to walk 600 m in 6 minutes now
17:16interestingly open goals could even be
17:18better than smart goals in some cases
17:20because in this study these goals meant
17:22people increased their perceived
17:23performance and this can ultimately make
17:25you feel more optimistic and more
17:26confident and in fact those who said the
17:28open goals were more keen to repeat the
17:30walking test compared to those who set
17:31smart goals now the way I like to use
17:33this information is that you know smart
17:35goals are still very useful but if
17:36you're a beginner at something if you're
17:38new to it or if you're struggling with
17:40perfectionism actually making your goal
17:42less smart making it less specific less
17:44ambitious and more vague often that is
17:46the thing that will help you beat the
17:48perfectionism and get started with the
17:49thing and then yes of course if you're
17:51trying to improve your standards and get
17:52better over time smart goals are super
17:54helpful but if not then I like to use
17:55something called nice goals n IC goals
17:57which I talk about in chapter 4 I think
17:59of my book nice stands for NE term input
18:02based controllable and energizing so
18:04what can I do in the next week NE term
18:06what's an input that I can control so
18:08how many steps I walk is an input I can
18:10control whereas like my position in the
18:11race is an output that's outside of my
18:13control because it depends on other
18:14people so NE term input based
18:16controllable and energizing how can I
18:18make the process energizing and
18:19enjoyable so hopefully there was at
18:21least something that you took away from
18:22this video to help combat perfectionism
18:24and if you're interested in the whole
18:25interview I did with Thomas Curran who's
18:26an expert in the topic you can check
18:28that out on my podcast right over here
18:29thank you so much for watching and I'll
18:30see you next time bye-bye
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