00:09oh yeah today I want to talk about how
00:11you're not traumatized you're probably
00:13just hurt there's a disturbing Trend
00:15lately where psycho Babble and the
00:16Zeitgeist has been distorted twisted and
00:19sometimes even weaponized this has given
00:21the people the idea that they can
00:22prioritize selfish uncommunicative
00:24behavior under the guise of self-care
00:27misused psychological Concepts like
00:29trauma abuse and diagnose others who
00:31have hurt them in order to dismiss their
00:34own pain now terms like gaslighting and
00:36attachment and emotional labor have like
00:38bled into the social lexicon giving
00:41people so fact every time there's a word
00:43that comes out there's a group of people
00:46that take that word and run with it
00:50toxic masculinity and they put that
00:53clip and went outside and
00:56went it went Oprah on everybody you got
00:59toxic masculinity you got toxic why you
01:01put in a vest on you put your toxic
01:03masculinity on that's not tox that's
01:06toxic that's not toxic mascul no cuz
01:07you're trying to no I if you go show up
01:09in chill you're yelling you're yelling
01:13St no bro you can't keep just showing up
01:16here looking like you just murdered
01:18something in Russia and then think I'mma
01:20just come out here in my manscaped
01:23donated clothing okay and then we going
01:26to be fine it out talk about and that's
01:28and that's and that's that's I want you
01:30to feel like your emotional labor is
01:31recog him right now right now
01:33interrupting me toxic masculinity you're
01:36pushing me it's not that it's not that
01:38it's like I'm engaging in emotional
01:40labor and I feel like you don't
01:40recognize the effort I'm putting in so
01:42it's making me feel neglected and as a
01:44result of feeling neglected there's a
01:47part of me that's being hurt this is a
01:49form of emotional abuse you don't
01:50recognize it no no I'm not even joking
01:52when someone's trying to connect with
01:53you and you cut them off before they get
01:55a chance that is a form that's what you
01:57do of emotional trauma that's what you
01:59do that's trauma that's what do you're
02:00trying to get close to me by
02:02traumatizing I'm just trying to make
02:03money and explaining my [ __ ] okay talk
02:06about cuz I feel like it's so hard to
02:08get you to open up you're so patronizing
02:09right now no I feel for me it's hard to
02:11get you to open up no you know you know
02:12that's what you're doing right now
02:13you're you're you're so patronizing all
02:15the time or you try to be like this why
02:17don't you spell patronizing uh p a t r o
02:32hostile I said you know what you need to
02:34start doing the next time someone says
02:35gas out you'll spell that [ __ ] if you
02:37can spell it I'mma say I did it that's
02:40what we going to do that's what we going
02:43do gaslighting go ahead [ __ ] spell it
02:46and even if they guess right just say
02:51them stay toxic my friends it's a evil
02:57in yeah let's do that let's do that
02:59let's do this the core of what humans
03:01want m is knowing exactly and being able
03:05to to predict and know exactly that's
03:09why there's people that are fans of
03:11astrology where they I know I know this
03:15I I can I agree I remember saying that
03:18that that that the cycle Babble is just
03:20another form of astrology yeah I know
03:21that I know the signs people everywhere
03:24permission to cut out the toxic people
03:26at the slightest hint of discomfort
03:28conflict or disag agreement people are
03:30literally slinging armchair diagnoses of
03:33narcissism PTSD or sociopathy around
03:36like they're an Oprah themed popped open
03:38pinata right you get a diagnosis you get
03:40a diagnosis and though this trend has
03:43its upsides it encourages people to get
03:45help it gives them the tools to
03:46recognize patterns that aren't working
03:47for them it provides language to more
03:49accurately communicate their feelings it
03:51also has a really uh Stark downside
03:54which is that this blunted lens has
03:56warped our view of relationships we're
03:59not seeing them as nuanced and complex
04:01dynamics that require an ongoing
04:03dialogue but as a one-way transaction
04:06there has been so much rhetoric online
04:08lately that encourages disconnection
04:11over communication or language that
04:13insists your needs be placed Above All
04:16Else and this kind of black and white
04:18thinking completely ignores that we live
04:20in a messy world and sometimes our
04:22relationships will require compromise I
04:25don't think you can go into any
04:26interpersonal Dynamic expecting that
04:28your needs are going to be met 100% of
04:30the time that's just not realistic and
04:32because there's so much like Instagram
04:34therapy going around I want to clarify
04:36my personal philosophy of what I believe
04:38our approach should be so I think you
04:40should put your own needs above other
04:43people's wants but put other people's
04:45needs over your wants I think putting
04:47other people's needs over your own needs
04:49is at times necessary and it's also a
04:51very kind loving sacrifice to make
04:54however putting your needs over other
04:56people's needs is also sometimes
04:58necessary and a kind loving protective
05:00thing to do and this dance of deciding
05:03whose needs take priority this is a
05:06caseby casee basis that should be
05:08balanced based on your best judgment
05:11look boundaries are meant to keep people
05:13in not out well that's pretty cool that
05:17that feel like we only posi to be like
05:19[ __ ] but I'm like I don't mind
05:22that I'm still thinking about it but go
05:26ahead if there not a need for you you
05:28should consider your part's needs so if
05:31she needs you to shut the [ __ ] up but
05:33you just want to talk then you should
05:35shut the [ __ ] up right but if you need
05:38to talk and she needs you to shut the
05:40[ __ ] up sometimes you need to still keep
05:42talking you know what I mean yeah yeah
05:45same way if you if someone needs to talk
05:47to you but you don't you don't want to
05:49talk to them sometimes you have to talk
05:51to them because that's your
05:52responsibility yeah but sometimes they
05:54really need no sometimes no sometimes
05:56they want to talk to you they don't need
05:57to yeah they don't need to right but
06:00the way the way the way they say the way
06:03they say it is no I need to talk to you
06:06no it's it's key word is need but you
06:08really have to exert no you really want
06:10and there's a difference between really
06:12want and need that's fact that's facts
06:13why I say some people don't know the
06:14difference between they want they need
06:16some girl wants a man that will walk
06:19with her on the beach every week but she
06:21don't need that but she might say she
06:22does I need a man who's hyper romantic
06:25you don't need it no you don't need it
06:26you want it you want it it's different
06:28and you really really want it doesn't
06:30mean you really need it okay all right
06:31speak on that so communicate your
06:34feelings instead of avoiding conflict
06:36and being triggered look that's actually
06:38a gift to see what you need to work on
06:41not to not a way to censor other people
06:43like yes we should all be very
06:44considerate but if you're seeing
06:46triggers more in terms pause pause pause
06:48I like I like yo at some point those
06:50words when they when they get used a lot
06:52at some point it becomes a an insult
06:55just like triggered I remember at some
06:57point people was like was saying to me
07:00yo okay you're triggered and I was like
07:03yes no yeah yeah that [ __ ] triggers
07:06me eating with your mouth open triggers
07:08the [ __ ] out of me okay shut your
07:13triggered you be triggered I'm triggered
07:16you be triggered oh yeah absolutely 100%
07:18AB there's some [ __ ] that triggers you
07:20as well no I'm composed I don't know
07:22what you're talking about just because
07:23I'm sweating don't mean I'm nervous just
07:32preach chinchilla you playing it's it's
07:36Mr chinchilla to you okay Miss preach
07:39yes Miss preach and Miss ABA
07:43okay if you're seeing triggers more in
07:45terms of like censoring others rather
07:47than an opportunity for self-exploration
07:50you're doing yourself a huge disservice
07:53all of these tools are meant to help us
07:54navigate relationship Dynamics they're
07:56meant to help us repair inevitable
07:58ruptures they're meant to protect our
08:00ability to remain engaged but if you're
08:03using therapy speak as an excuse to ice
08:05people out diagnose someone postmortem
08:07your relationship or set rules for
08:09another person's Behavior you are
08:11misusing them in an attempt to justify
08:14your own victim mentality insecurity or
08:16ego like okay all right I don't want to
08:20play the whole thing I think that's a
08:21good point to stop it at but some
08:24short-term thoughts what I would say is
08:28this I understand the
08:31need to self- diagnose not everyone can
08:34afford therapy or go to figure things
08:35out on a professional level so trying to
08:37make sense of the pain that you feel
08:39that's very real is difficult Y and who
08:42is anyone on the outside to tell someone
08:44who's hurt that they're not
08:46traumatized very difficult you don't
08:48know their experience you don't know
08:49what's going on internally for example
08:51two people can get in a car accident one
08:53person's traumatized the other one's not
08:55someone can look at the situation
08:56neither of you traumatized someone else
08:58can look at it in both of you
08:59traumatized but the truth is only the
09:00person who's going through it who can
09:02explain their symptoms to a professional
09:03actually will be able to engage with the
09:06traumatized so diagnosing others to me
09:10unproductive I think it if you're going
09:13to do it do it so very it's like salt
09:16add it to the dish don't drown the
09:19[ __ ] people are drowning they drown in
09:23salt all of a sudden they look little
09:26thirsty but they cause their own
09:29yeah all I'm trying to say is in an
09:33to make sense of the world you actually
09:36shroud it in more Darkness because by
09:38diagnosing something with PTSD you lose
09:40the Nuance of the situation so you don't
09:42actually come to an understanding of why
09:43that behavior was actually there instead
09:45you project it onto some trauma that
09:47happened in the past and you're saying
09:48this is why that happened or maybe
09:50there's a result of your own behavior
09:52maybe it's a result of something else
09:53that happened to that person maybe it's
09:54a result of work stress but when you
09:57make everything about this diagnosis you
09:59leave at there's no room for that Nuance
10:01to come into play I you know what
10:04sometimes your partner wasn't a
10:05narcissist they were just an [ __ ] to
10:08you and the next person they get with
10:10they're extremely kind with them but
10:12that happens maybe you trigger some [ __ ]
10:14maybe you bring out a part of him that
10:15reminds him of his mom or his sister or
10:17his first crush and he has unresolved
10:19feelings or sometime it was just you or
10:22sometimes you the shitty person and you
10:23bring out the bad things out of people I
10:25mean I got to say this I know some girls
10:27who want to convince me that all their
10:28exes were narcissists then I'm like
10:30[ __ ] what are you the narcissist
10:32catcher like a dream catcher but for
10:34narcissist is that you are you the one
10:36who's just like like like like a rat
10:38trap but for narcissist everybody just
10:40falling into your [ __ ] and you suffering
10:42from that what what are you doing to
10:44constantly attract narcissist if I'm to
10:46believe the diagnos or the more likely
10:48thing since narcissists are so rare is
10:51that maybe that's what I'm about to say
10:52just maybe you have a bad pattern with
10:54who you're dating but maybe they're not
10:55all narcissists maybe there's just
10:57certain patterns of behavior that are
10:58bad and a partner well narcissists are
11:00like 5% of the population I mean even
11:02all the 5% of the population fall in
11:04your lab I think it's even less than
11:07that I think it's even less I'm just
11:08being 5% is an insanely High number yeah
11:11but I think it's even less than that let
11:12me look this [ __ ] up even less than that
11:15and people throw that [ __ ] around like
11:17everybody's a narcissist well I mean my
11:20narcissism is that we all have a certain
11:23level of narcissism is that some people
11:25who end up really really high on the
11:27Spectrum are actually like
11:29diagnosed between .5 and
11:341% that's not that high no it's very
11:37very you hey [ __ ] everybody can get a
11:39lottery ticket your 5% landing on it
11:42every time not everybody can be a
11:44narcissist in your life no no so
11:46sometime it got to be you and here's the
11:48crazy part too this is something that
11:49people don't know not all narcissists
11:51are bad people not all narcissists are
11:53[ __ ] Partners there's plenty of
11:55narcissists who get married have kids
11:58and mitigate a lot of their narcissistic
11:59Tendencies to be able to have a
12:00functioning reality MH I'm pretty sure
12:03that narcissism just relates to the fact
12:05of the way your brain's wired and the
12:07way you relate to emotions or empathy in
12:10that regards right it doesn't
12:12necessarily mean that you're inherently
12:13going to act out those behaviors all the
12:15time or you can't mitigate that oh like
12:16the sociopath or the
12:18psychopath this some [ __ ] up but even
12:20people who didd kids or people who have
12:22that attraction yeah not most people who
12:24have that attraction don't actually do
12:25it no that's a kind of [ __ ] up thing
12:27to even think about so all this to say I
12:30understand why people do it but you have
12:33to recognize short and quick answers
12:36rarely exist often times the problems or
12:38the things that we want to solve are
12:40complex they take time they take
12:42reflection they take life experience
12:44people just want to slap a label because
12:45just like PRI said earlier it just makes
12:47them feel comfortable and makes them
12:49understand the world what do you want to
12:51say nothing I want to feel like I
12:53understand the world I know what's going
12:54on see this is the part that frustrates
12:55me about our Dynamic cuz I do all this
12:57emotional labor and then pass it on to
12:59you it's like you don't even recognize
13:01it and I think it's okay and this is why
13:05I feel neglected in this Dynamic it's
13:06fine and that would be emotional
13:09abuse a partner who doesn't acknowledge
13:12your pain your suffering your labor
13:14that's your pain that that's your pain
13:17you don't see it cuz you think I'm
13:19sweating but these are tears I just I
13:25lights you you cry from your forehead n
13:30yo that [ __ ] was Fu this [ __ ]
13:32crying like this nah B when they say
13:34Ethiopian men are sensitive this is what
13:35they talking about but nobody nobody
13:37said that ever ever that's true that's
13:39true nobody said that nobody said that
13:41but I can't tell they are very s um
13:43moving on from that point um me
13:46personally when I meet a girl she starts
13:47throwing out oh he's a narcissist or
13:49gaslighter this and that I start rolling
13:51my RS those are eyes not ours but I do
13:54roll my ours you know what I mean no you
13:59when I see a girl and she throws away
14:03all those affirmations okay I'm fuing up
14:06I think when she's saying the person is
14:12gaslighting I think I rolling my arms I
14:16[ __ ] it up I'm just say it's cring
14:18don't do it okay roll your arms not your
14:21eyes you know what I mean you try to go
14:24you really try to go with
14:27it when live gives you lemons roll yours
14:31so that's all I got anything else you
14:34want to say about narcissism gaslighting
14:37nah I didn't actually
14:41sneeze God all right
