00:13hello I'm Elizabeth and I am a
00:18undercover serial self-
00:22sabure now as intriguing as that might
00:24sound it is not a very fun way to
00:28live I say self- sabure because like
00:32probably many of you I have
00:34self-sabotaged myself out of so much
00:37potential so many dreams I say serial
00:41because I do it over and over and over
00:45again my parents even enrolled me in a
00:48class when I was a teenager on how to
00:50overcome self- sabotage and I really
00:53wish that I would have paid more
00:55attention to those lessons because it
00:58would have saved me a lot of Ang anguish
01:03say undercover Because unless you live
01:07with me or you're in my inner circle you
01:11would have no clue that I do this to
01:12myself and I say recovering because I
01:16can see it so quickly now and nip it in
01:18the bud or I can if I do it then I can
01:23really bounce back much faster but I
01:25still fall back I mean I cannot tell you
01:28how many times I almost self-sabotaged
01:32opportunity I rewrote this speech so
01:35many times and I kept layering layer
01:40layer layer on top of it simply because
01:42I was afraid of my deepest passion and
01:45my deepest fear would be that I have
01:50say and so I kept writing until someone
01:53a very beautiful and exquisite Soul said
01:58stop what is the one gift you want to
02:04audience it is enough and you are
02:08enough and so I took about 24 hours I
02:11stepped back I started sloughing off all
02:14the layers all the layers until I got to
02:16that core message which was there the
02:17whole time I was just afraid that it
02:20enough but it's enough it's way more
02:24than enough and that is that I'm going
02:27to teach you how to turn yourself SA
02:32superpower so what is self-sabotage
02:35self-sabotage is when you take part in
02:37the behaviors that undermine your
02:39process your progress and your success
02:43and it stems from feeling
02:47undervalued underwhelmed fears of
02:51inadequacy fears of the the future and
02:55the unknown and it shows up in so many
02:57different ways one when it shows up in
03:01procrastination this is when you have
03:03things that you need to do but you put
03:05off you stress yourself out while you're
03:06not putting it off and then when you
03:07finally get to it you still stress
03:09yourself out and either you have an
03:11amazing result or a satisfactory result
03:16no matter what your confidence goes down
03:21another one is perfectionism this is
03:23where you set the bar so high you work
03:26towards it you get maybe right beneath
03:28it or maybe even h it and boom instantly
03:32you raise that bar higher and all that
03:34does is to diminish your self-belief and
03:39it reinforces your belief that you're
03:42enough and the third one that I want to
03:44share with you today is self-medicating
03:49with drugs alcohol pulling out that
03:52credit card for that quick little
03:55hit this stems from wanting to avoid to
03:59to just really get away to numb out
04:05enoughness so here we do here we are we
04:08stay in this little bubble of
04:10self-sabotage we're in pain we have both
04:12our foot on the accelerator and the
04:15break we stay in this pain place because
04:18our soul is so is hurting so much
04:21because it knows it is not fulfilling
04:24its Destiny so we stay in this pain
04:28simply to avoid a potential pain over
04:30here of really going for
04:39tragic so I want to go back to
04:431975 I feel like I need to do that
04:501975 I'm four years old I'm in the
04:53basement of my parents home in Lincoln
04:56Nebraska and those of you who were
04:59raised in in the 70s and 80s will
05:00probably relate to my exuberance and my
05:03excitement it was Saturday morning
05:07cartoons I sat down on the basement
05:10floor I pulled my night gown over my
05:12knees because it was so comfy my parents
05:14always told me to stop doing that's
05:15going to stretch your shirt out but I
05:17still did it anyway because I loved it
05:20and I cannot say for certain if this is
05:22what I ate but it was one of my favorite
05:24breakfasts and that was grap nuts
05:27covered with a really thick layer of
05:30sugar and just enough milk to make that
05:33Sugar crispy and gooey just enough so
05:36here I was sitting on the sitting and
05:38watching TV on this auspicious Saturday
05:40morning eating probably my grape nuts
05:43and all of a sudden Fantasia from Disney
05:46came on so I'm sitting there watching
05:49and all of a sudden on the screen came
05:52this most amazing image of a dancer she
05:55was Exquisite and I was
05:58mesmerized and it was in that moment
06:01that I knew that everything in my life
06:04made sense I knew in that moment that I
06:08what my passion was and my
06:10purpose and all of a sudden I totally
06:13professed to everyone that was right
06:15there my mom and dad I am going to be a
06:19dancer and who was on that screen none
06:26hippopotamus isn't she gorgeous
06:31her dancing was Exquisite she danced
06:33with such exuberance and joy and and
06:38freedom you see at this point in my life
06:41at four years old I was deathly
06:44shy and all and when when I was shy
06:47during this time my parents would take
06:49me out and anytime anyone would come
06:51around I would hide behind them teachers
06:54sent notes home saying she's doing so
06:57well in school she gets along and is
06:59having a blast with her friends we just
07:02wish she would speak
07:04up and it was in this moment of seeing
07:07her dance that I found a way that I
07:10could connect I could communicate and I
07:12could express my full
07:15self without ever having to say a word
07:21brilliant and so I got to work I trained
07:25my body I pushed my limits and my dreams
07:28started coming true this is me when I
07:31was 12 years old in Germany doing my
07:34pad fast forward and numerous years I
07:37had an amazing career where I where I
07:40was able to perform choreograph and
07:44teach I was able to perform at the
07:46Kennedy Center and DC and all throughout
07:49the United States as well as over into
07:53Scandinavia and it was a Priceless
07:57experience and I do know how what a
07:59privilege it is and how fortunate I am
08:03that I knew what my purpose and my
08:05passion was from a very young age I knew
08:08in that moment as I was growing into BEC
08:12becoming a dancer and all throughout the
08:13years I knew that this was a way that I
08:17myself and I still cannot put into words
08:21what it feels like to dance it's when I
08:23feel most connected to God it's truly a
08:26spiritual experience it's where I can
08:29to fully unleash my full potential where
08:32I can leave it all out and I'm fully
08:41shyness evolved into self-doubt feelings
08:45of unworthiness asking my myself
08:48questions I think I'm broken am I broken
08:52broken and so at various points in my
08:56career I self- betrayed
08:59I self-sabotaged and I
09:02self-medicated and my drug of choice was
09:06food and with that I would gain weight
09:09my G my weight would
09:14purged I would not Purge sorry I did not
09:17Purge I binged never purged but I did
09:20binge I overate and so I could go out to
09:22dinner with friends come home to an
09:24empty apartment and eat an entire box of
09:28myself physically I felt
09:31disgusting mentally I felt disgusted and
09:33disappointed in myself because once
09:36again I created more evidence that I did
09:38not have what it takes to thrive in an
09:41industry where skinny was the
09:44norm I blamed my weight for sometimes
09:47potentially not reaching my goals
09:49instead of really focusing in on my fear
09:53that maybe my talent wasn't enough and
09:57so I became a self-fulfilling prophecy
10:00I went on tour with a company in Finland
10:02we were in Helsinki performing at the
10:04theater where the Helsinki ballet
10:06performs and the director there pulled
10:09my director to the side and
10:12said H how are you letting her perform
10:15she's fat she doesn't deserve to be
10:21there I still feel those those
10:25words now what he said is indefensible
10:28but I was doing this to
10:32myself now you might think that night
10:34maybe that's when I probably quit dance
10:37I almost did it's a night of constant
10:42sobbing but that's what's kind of cool
10:44if you want to say it's cool about self-
10:45sabotage is it is not an end all Beall I
10:48still went on and had a very successful
10:51soloist I went did my masters in dance
10:54anthropology and Analysis and another
10:56Masters and almost PhD in dance pedagogy
10:59and dance performance Theory and then I
11:02went on and was a professor at TCU so
11:06sabotaging doesn't have to end
11:08everything so I want to turn it back on
11:10to you where are you self-sabotaging in
11:13your life where are you possibly wanting
11:16to get fully healthy you're doing
11:19everything you need to do but at night
11:21you're sneaking the candy and self-
11:25betraying where are you maybe you have a
11:28promot that you really really want you
11:31know you were made for that position but
11:33instead of doing the self-work and
11:35everything that you need to do to really
11:37shine instead you sit back pull up that
11:40remote control and watch Netflix binge
11:43watching your favorite show all
11:45weekend so where are you doing that I
11:47want you to get really real with
11:48yourself right now you probably don't
11:49have to think much about it probably
11:51comes up really fast so I want to teach
11:53you something on how to turn your self-
11:56sabotage into your superpower so so I
11:59ask you to raise your left
12:01hand this hand represents your no one's
12:05watching you so don't worry see
12:08this this this hand represents your
12:11potential and the energy behind your
12:13potential now this hand is you putting
12:17your foot on the gas pedal towards your
12:20potential now press into each other now
12:23there's communication there there's a
12:25dance that be created there is
12:28communication like a said and also trust
12:30a little fear a little
12:32vulnerability it's in this moment where
12:35there's beauty that can happen now with
12:37this right hand visualize that
12:39self-sabotaging behavior coming in
12:42putting a break on it if you push right
12:44up against there's no movement right the
12:47thing is in this moment you can relax
12:51moment this is a beautiful moment where
12:54you get to see and have an awareness of
12:57O this behavior is popping up I'm about
12:59to step into my potential I can now
13:04continue or I can release and yield a
13:07little bit and take the right action and
13:10allow that potential to take me on my
13:14way like for you to sit up please sit up
13:17on the edge of your seats feet flat
13:19sitting nice and Tall close your eyes
13:22I'll tell you when to open them not for
13:25long hands down by your sides and get
13:27close your eyes breathe for a moment
13:28become very present with
13:31yourself think of that one
13:34self-sabotaging behavior that you
13:39visualize replacing that with just one
13:44little step that is more empowering that
13:47self-sabotaging behavior popped up you
13:49become aware of it you make a mental
13:51note and you say I'm going to switch it
13:54to a better choice and now visualize the
13:58result of that maybe just you took that
14:00one step maybe you got the promotion
14:02whatever it is visualize that and feel
14:05what it's going to feel like to attain
14:08that you are attaining it right
14:15eyes it's in that moment I want you to
14:18now make a commitment that
14:21whenever that s sabotaging that little
14:24jolt comes in you take a mental note and
14:27you commit to making a choice to say I'm
14:30G to let that go I'm going to make a
14:32small choice to do something different
14:34it's going to be scary you're going to
14:36make mistakes you're going to fall
14:37you're going to fail it's okay that's
14:39where you learn embrace
14:42it because if you do this one thing so
14:48change because if this shy little
14:52four-year-old who choose CH who chose to
14:55dance so that she could
14:57communicate is now standing before
15:01you fulfilling a dream speaking my
15:07truth you can too take those small
15:11steps so that you set yourself up to
15:15dare to fully unleash to your
