00:03I have always been drawn to community --
00:08being in community,
building communities that I believe in.
00:12I've been a lifelong learner,
seeker, total joiner.
00:17Brownies, drama club, summer camp.
00:21I was raised by fantastic hippie parents
00:24who taught me the importance
of making the world better.
00:30Be ready for sing-alongs.
00:32I'm incredibly organized,
I'm a big connector.
00:35I've been told I have
big cruise director energy.
00:43I was also in a cult for 12 years.
00:48And I’m here today to protect you all
00:49from the same shit show
that I went through.
00:54Yeah. You want this.
00:56(Cheers and applause)
01:00My talk is rooted in awareness.
01:03I want to help you to navigate
all the culty groups out there
01:07so that you can seek safely.
01:13I was an aspiring actress slash waitress,
01:17when I was invited to Nxivm.
01:22A personal and professional
development program
01:24with a seemingly altruistic mission
to change the world,
01:28one person at a time.
01:33And I truly found an incredible community
of like-minded humanitarians,
01:38and a place where I could help people
set and achieve goals
01:41and bust through their limiting beliefs.
01:45But it was also a facade
for something sinister,
01:49something that would take over
my life slowly, over a decade,
01:53with a slow build of coercion,
obligation, gaslighting and control.
02:00It wasn't just a highly toxic workplace.
02:03This was a high-control group,
02:08But I couldn't see it.
02:09There were so many great things
about the community
02:11clouding my judgment.
02:13I rose up the ranks,
02:14became one of the company's
star recruiters.
02:18I thought that I had found
the best club ever.
02:22My people, the chosen family.
02:25But more importantly,
02:26a place where I had
community and belonging.
02:29Those were things I was looking for
ever since I was a little girl.
02:32I had actually wandered onto the path
of self-reflection and transformation
02:36without any tools for navigating
or protecting myself.
02:43My actual friends and family
saw less and less of me,
02:47as I’d spent more money
on time and trainings,
02:51and my worldview got more narrow.
02:54My language became coded,
I sounded like a Nxivm robot.
02:58I was on the top of this grifty
iceberg, a Nxivm pyramid,
03:04and it truly haunts me to this day,
03:06how many people I brought in,
my friends and family,
03:08who in turn brought in their friends
and family through leveraged trust?
03:12Till I had grown an organization so big,
I could open the first center in Canada,
03:16which was something
I used to be incredibly proud of.
03:19Some of those people are still loyal
to the cult to this day.
03:23It all came to a head when I was invited
to a secret Nxivm offshoot ...
03:30A badass boot camp for women only,
03:32sold to me as empowerment,
03:35when it was actually enslavement.
03:38Just a way for Keith Raniere,
the company's founder,
03:44As if he owned them.
03:48He also blackmailed many of them into sex.
03:50I managed to dodge that bullet.
03:52Thankfully, it was the branding
that woke me up.
03:55I mean, one minute,
you're selling a goals program,
03:58and the next, you're sweaty
and naked on a table,
04:00being branded in a secret sorority.
04:02And it wasn't the moment
of the branding itself.
04:05No, not when I was sliced open
without anesthetic.
04:09But later, when I found out
04:11that the symbol on my body was not
the four elements, as I'd been told,
04:15but actually Keith Raniere's initials
in a cryptic monogram.
04:19Yeah, I had his initials on my body.
04:23He literally thought he could own me.
04:29But -- yes, thank you.
04:30(Cheers and applause)
04:34Wait, what happened to me
was just the beginning.
04:38And when we found out what else
was going on behind closed doors --
04:41crimes ranging from
blackmail, forced labor,
04:44child pornography, sex trafficking ...
04:50So I went to the authorities with a band
of fellow shocked ex-members,
04:54and we blew the proverbial whistle.
04:58But they didn't do anything.
05:00because they didn't know
what they were looking at.
05:03So we went to the press.
05:06I’m on the front page
of The New York Times.
05:09It's not exactly what I was
imagining my life would be
05:12when I started out as an actress,
05:16After that, the rest is cult history.
05:19A dramatic arrest in Mexico.
05:21A six-week trial,
a four-hour deliberation,
05:24and ultimately, a 120-year prison sentence
for Nxivm's founder.
05:30Yes, thank you. Thank you.
05:38And just for the record,
by all cult expert assessments,
05:41Keith Raniere is now known
05:43as one of the most dangerous
cult leaders of all time,
05:46on par with Jim Jones,
05:48whose rise to power culminated
in the death of 900 people,
05:51300 of which were children,
05:53for drinking poisoned Flavor-Aid,
05:54which is where "drink the Kool-Aid"
comes from, by the way.
05:58And FYI, if they hadn't have drank it,
they would have been shot.
06:02It wasn't a choice,
we don't use that phrase properly.
06:06It's called a bounded choice.
Coercive control.
06:12Needless to say, Keith Raniere
was not the noble, humanitarian,
06:15ethical genius I thought
I was vouching for all those years.
06:21Quite the opposite, actually.
06:22Nobody signs up for trauma
and tragedy on purpose.
06:25In fact, a wise man once said,
"Nobody joins a cult on purpose."
06:29They join something good.
06:32I was on my path,
I was a seeker, and I got burned.
06:38Blackmailed, branded, humiliated.
06:42But I couldn't just leave.
06:44I had to be as loud about why I was
leaving as when I was recruiting.
06:49And I've been out for six years
almost to the day, actually.
06:52Happy uncult-aversary to me.
(Applause) Thank you.
07:00And you could say
my story is out there. (Laughs)
07:04In raw, gritty, personal detail.
07:07I have been to hell and back
in high definition.
07:11And I could definitely glean some nuggets
for you about resiliency and trauma,
07:16turning lemons into lemonade.
07:18But today, I'm here
for a different reason.
07:22I want to share with you cult literacy.
07:26New thing for all of us.
07:28I want to share some lessons learned
so that you can seek safely.
07:33I want to show you
how cults prey on your humanity
07:36and leave no one immune.
07:40So first you have to know
that these things are everywhere.
07:43Cults are everywhere, and they don't
look like what you think anymore.
07:47We’re not talking about shaved heads
and drinking goats’ blood
07:50in some Stanley Kubrick
horror movie, “Eyes Wide Shut.”
07:52Masks and robes? No.
07:55Cults thrive by disguising themselves
as something wonderful
08:00that appeals to your total,
normal humanity,
08:03your desire for connection,
meaning and purpose.
08:06All of those things are really beautiful.
08:08It might look like a hot yoga class
where everyone is so friendly afterwards.
08:13"Thank you so much for coming.
Can I get you a kombucha?"
08:19A course on leadership and communication.
08:24A retreat on wellness and spirituality.
08:27An incredible business opportunity
to sell a life-changing product
08:31from the comfort of your own home.
08:33Hashtag financialfreedom.
Hashtag bossbabe.
08:36You know who I'm talking about.
08:39Or a Sunday coffee hour
08:41where the congregation
or the sorority sisters,
08:47are all so quick to welcome you
and shower you with praise.
08:50"Oh well, bless your heart.
08:53Oh my God, I love your hair.
08:55Welcome to the family."
08:59I'm not condemning
any one of these things, trust me.
09:02I just want you to see the precursors.
09:05I want you to be able to tell
the difference
09:07between a healthy human thing
09:09and something with a malignant endgame.
09:13Which brings me to the second
thing I want you to know.
09:16Cults prey on your humanity
in a way that is predictable and textbook.
09:22Do people keep telling you
how special you are?
09:25Yeah, well, the "special" part
is probably true.
09:28But if that's combined with a lot
of eye-gazing and effusive smiles ...
09:33That might not be love, but love-bombing:
09:36a manipulation strategy
that’s designed to reel you in,
09:39something that's been used
by so many people,
09:42from sex traffickers to David Koresh,
09:45the infamous and ultimately doomed leader
of the Branch Davidians
09:49that led to the Waco tragedy,
09:52to your next-door neighbor
selling essential oils
09:54the back of her trunk.
09:56All that love is designed
09:58to make you feel
like you're part of something.
10:00The best yoga, the best fraternity,
10:04Am I right? Best TEDx?
10:06This is the best TEDx, just be honest.
10:09(Laughter and applause)
10:10Thank you, yes, Dave.
10:15All of that love is designed
to make you feel
10:17like you are part of something.
10:20Are you part of a course
10:21or a group that's telling you
that they've got the answers
10:24to life's questions?
10:28the answers and the solutions
to the world's problems?
10:31Careful. That's dogma or doctrine.
10:34And those courses you're buying
could just be classic indoctrination.
10:38You feel righteous about a group
being the right way or the only way?
10:43That's basic "us-versus-them"
mentality that's baked right in,
10:48that's a very convenient way for culty bad
guys to isolate you from other people
10:52and the outside world.
10:54All of these tactics,
offering answers and solutions
10:57and community and love
and all these good things,
11:00it's just what binds you
to the group slowly, over time.
11:03Just like the frog in the pot of water.
You know this cliché, right?
11:07Throw the frog in a pot
of boiling water, it jumps out,
11:10it knows what's going on.
11:11But if you put it in cold water
and turn the heat up slowly,
11:14it stays in, it doesn't notice.
11:15Just like you don't notice,
because it feels so good to be loved
11:18and be part of something.
11:20Or maybe you're just trying
to get your money's worth.
11:23Or, like me, prove your friends
and family wrong.
11:26"I'm not in a cult."
11:28And if and when that you notice ...
11:31that it's not what you signed up for
in the beginning,
11:34it's too late, you're just a frog.
11:36You're bought in and you've been boiled.
11:38So how do you know the difference
between love versus love-bombing?
11:42The helpful tools versus
the tools of coercive control?
11:47And something altruistic
11:49versus smoke and mirrors
to hide something shady?
11:52How do you do that human
thing called seeking,
11:55when cults are insidious
11:56and any group can become culty?
11:58That's right. Any group.
12:01OK, first, you can write this down.
12:05You're not immune
to cultic influence. Nobody is.
12:08And I know some of you are thinking,
"That will never happen to me."
12:12If you think you're not susceptible,
12:14you're more susceptible than you know.
12:17You might see some red flags
and think you're just going to a carnival.
12:22Nxivm fooled some really brilliant people.
12:24Captains of industry, business leaders.
12:27It's because this stuff isn't so obvious.
12:31It's called an abuse of power.
12:34Ever had a boss ask you
to work late and weekends,
12:37asking you to prove
your commitment to the company,
12:39and you felt like you couldn't say no?
12:41Or a significant other text you
constantly and love-bomb you,
12:45make you feel special,
12:46only for them to ghost you
and have you question your own worth?
12:50Or been a part
of a demanding social group?
12:54And you knew that if you missed
even one night,
12:56you might be on the outs for a while.
12:58It could be anything from a group
of college friends to a book club.
13:02And remember, it doesn't matter
how rational and skeptical you are,
13:05you're all susceptible.
13:07Fair enough, you might not have been
interested in Nxivm, in my cult,
13:12But with the right place
at the right time
13:14and the right trusted person inviting you,
13:16you may say yes to something else.
13:18Everybody's got
their something, their hook.
13:21Remember, it doesn't look like what you
see on your streaming platforms.
13:24It could be as fun and friendly as ...
13:27"Want to check out a spin class?"
13:30A makeup party with wine and cheese.
13:32"Hey, let's go phone-bank
for our favorite candidate."
13:34"Have you ever tried cold plunging?"
13:37I see you, Portland.
13:41That's why it's so important to know
the signs and red flags of cultic abuse,
13:44especially in this day and age.
13:47We've all had to become hip
13:48in regards to internet safety,
catfishing and hacking.
13:52How about we learn some cult literacy?
13:54So I'm going to teach you
a couple of red flags.
13:57Not all of them, but a couple,
so you can spot the signs.
14:00And remember, not any one of these things
in and of itself is the problem,
14:03it's the whole package.
14:12there's an assumption of your neediness.
14:15You're a broken bird, you're unwhole,
14:17and they have all the tools
to make you whole again.
14:19That's very convenient.
14:21Secondly, it's expensive.
14:23And please know that it might
cost you more than money.
14:26It could cost you in time
and relationships.
14:30Also, loaded language.
14:31If they're using pretentious terms
to sound holier and smarter ...
14:38Be aware if there's rumors
that they're a cult already,
14:40or if there's lawsuits or bad press.
14:43Where there's smoke, there's usually fire.
14:45And finally, if they're claiming to have
14:47the definitive answers
to life's mysteries --
14:53Oh, my green flags are up already.
14:54It's important to also see green flags
that can signal this is a safe group,
14:59like questions are welcomed,
15:00you can ask things without being gaslit.
15:03Also, you can leave
without being excommunicated,
15:06shunned or trash-talked.
15:09Finally, there's a healthy
amount of commitment.
15:13Not an all-consuming change
of your entire lifestyle.
15:20Now, one more thing.
15:23It doesn't pop up in Google,
with articles from legit publications,
15:26if you type in "is blank a cult."
15:33You'd be surprised
how many people miss that one.
15:36I personally never Googled Nxivm.
15:38I mean, it was 2005, but I never did.
15:40And look where that got me,
15:42so do your research, people.
15:49(Cheers and applause)
15:57Yay, plastic surgery. (Laughs)
16:00And part of that healing is ...
16:04I'm just trying to clean up
the mess that I helped make
16:07as the golden goose for Nxivm.
16:11And I'm also trying to,
16:13just as loudly as I vouched
for Keith years before,
16:16I'm loudly trying to educate
my fellow joiners out there
16:19about seeking safely.
16:22So, ultimately,
the best advice I have for you,
16:26to avoid a culty nightmare,
16:28is just remember
that all of these programs
16:31and communities and tools and answers
16:35it's just a tool, not an answer.
16:38Nobody has all the answers.
16:42And I'm not here to point fingers and say,
16:44"you're in a cult" and "that's a cult,"
16:46or throw that word around loosely.
16:47You don't even have
to use the word "cult."
16:50I just want you all
to be able to determine
16:52if whatever you're part of
or thinking about joining
16:58Because of course,
it's great to have new ideas
17:00to put into your tool belt of life.
17:02That's likely why you're here today.
17:04Just don't make the tools your life.
17:07Maybe you don't need a guru.
17:09Maybe you don't need a fancy retreat
or an essential-oil starter kit
17:15You're on a path
of self-discovery and knowledge,
17:18but you're already whole, right now.
17:22So this is my idea for you --
(Voice breaking)
17:25and I hope you remember it
on your journey.
17:28Because to seek is so human,
17:31and to seek wisely is a very smart idea.
17:34I want only the best for all of you,
17:39(Cheers and applause)
