00:07it was September 2006 and I found myself
00:10sitting in a New York City Starbucks
00:12waiting for someone I'd never met before
00:14a couple months earlier I put my job at
00:17the big Manhattan law firm and decided
00:19to set out and explore new career
00:21opportunities in doing so I jumped feet
00:24first into the New York City tech scene
00:26I started attending tech meetups and
00:27going to networking events tryna just
00:29get to know as many people in the space
00:31that could in the process I met a
00:33computer programmer who after hearing my
00:35interests offered to connect me with
00:37another person that he had recently met
00:38it was in a similar exploratory phase of
00:40his career so I accepted and here I was
00:43City the Starbucks waiting for this
00:45person Dan to arrive about 15 minutes
00:48after I got there Dan showed up we
00:50exchanged pleasantries we grabbed our $5
00:54cups of coffee sat down and had what
00:57ended up being the first of dozens of
01:00conversations at this same Starbucks
01:02where we swap business ideas shared
01:05resources and generally supported one
01:07another in our entrepreneurial efforts
01:10my relationship with Dan over the next
01:12seven years really influenced much of my
01:15subsequent business success and really
01:18solidified my belief in the power of a
01:21strong network my name is TJ Duane I'm
01:24an extrovert I love meeting new people
01:27over the last 35 years
01:29I've accumulated a lot of education and
01:31my wife hopes that this is my last
01:33degree but in the process I've really
01:38come to appreciate that my education has
01:41only done a little bit to bring me to
01:43this point to influence my success the
01:45people I know and those in my network
01:47really have brought me here today it's
01:51not what you know it's who you know it's
01:56not always what you know it's who you
01:59in fact I imagine that most of us here
02:03in this room today are at the GSB
02:05because we share this sentiment a lot of
02:08us were probably motivated to come here
02:10to broaden our professional network
02:12however while we may recognize the value
02:15in a strong Network sometimes we don't
02:18always know how to do it well for
02:21introverts networking can be a
02:23terrifying proposition it can be
02:25paralyzing networking situations really
02:28can be hard to get through and they need
02:29a lifeline to pull them along for
02:32extroverts like me networking also has
02:35it challenges I for one sometimes in a
02:37little too confident in networking
02:39situations and that is causing to step
02:41on some some landmines along the way so
02:44over the last 15 years I've spoken with
02:45hundreds of students and professionals
02:48about networking and in the process
02:50identified a few strategies that I've
02:52seen others use that I've tried to
02:54employ myself some of these are like
02:56lines that have helped me through
02:58situations and I think would help
02:59introverts through similar situations
03:00others are landmines that I
03:03unfortunately have stepped on from time
03:04to time so I hope you'll let me share a
03:07few of these with you today probably
03:10those fundamental thing about a
03:12networking interaction the first thing
03:14that I try and do is establish a common
03:16connection a similarity people like to
03:19be around those who are similar to them
03:21for introverts I usually do that sort of
03:24for introverts the lifeline here is
03:26identifying something early in the
03:27conversation something you may have in
03:29common with the other person and
03:30establishing a connection on that
03:32whether it's you know you've traveled to
03:34the United Arab Emirates or you you know
03:35you've worked in microfinance this
03:37Harshman and and Rob have or whatever it
03:39may be find that connection early
03:41establish that similarity and it'll make
03:43you memorable for that person it's
03:45something that I value the landmine here
03:47for extroverts is being a bit too
03:50confident or too comfortable or making
03:51assumptions too early I used to have a
03:54colleague who was recently divorced and
03:56would start out engagements or
03:57interactions by mentioning that fact
03:59thinking it would like engender sympathy
04:01let's just say it was a bit awkward next
04:06be centered you know be focused be in
04:09all too often we're in networking
04:11situations and there's a lot a lot else
04:12going on in fact you know just last
04:14evening I was having coffee with Camilla
04:16and we were in town square and there
04:18were so many people walking around that
04:19I would find myself sort of looking over
04:21her shoulder glancing around the
04:23landmine that's a real landmine you know
04:26don't take your attention from the
04:27person that you're engaging with don't
04:29wave and nod at someone walking by it
04:31shows that you're not really in the
04:32moment like one here or introverts could
04:35be you know taking the person's name
04:36remembering their name appreciating who
04:39you're talking to and using their name
04:41in the conversation it will show that
04:43you're you care and that you're you're
04:44in the moment and you're focused in
04:48addition you know listening to their
04:49story why are we in these networking
04:52situations we're in these networking
04:53situations because we want to broaden
04:55you know the people that we know and
04:58Huson add value to our careers and our
05:00lives so you want to know how this
05:02person's gonna be able to add value to
05:03you you want to listen to their story
05:05and sometimes it's hard for people to
05:07so the lifeline here is you know ask
05:09questions sincere questions draw out
05:12their story their expertise identify
05:14ways that they'll be able to add value
05:16for you the landmine here as I've been
05:19known to do in the past is asking too
05:20many questions this is a conversation
05:23it's a networking interaction it's not
05:24an interview and on occasion I may have
05:28veered into the realm of interrogation
05:30definitely not an interrogation I've
05:32been talking people who've hit me with
05:33like gunfire questions one after another
05:35it's a little bit of a turn-off and I
05:37know I've done it myself so that's it's
05:39something totally in addition to
05:41listening to their story and seeing how
05:42they can add value to your network you
05:44want to make it clear how you're gonna
05:45add value to their network why do people
05:47network again it's to see how they can
05:49broaden their influence and
05:51and the value that people can add so in
05:53speaking with someone a lifeline here is
05:56you know telling your story getting it
05:58into the conversation you know talking
06:00about your experience your expertise
06:01your education the different things that
06:03you know that may be valuable to them
06:06the landmine of course is telling your
06:10story too enthusiastically sometimes
06:13sometimes talking about your expertise
06:15and your experience can come across as
06:16bragging we've all talked to people who
06:19early on in the interaction with them
06:21they talked about all the great places
06:23they visited and the houses they owned
06:24and the cars they owned and all this
06:26expertise they have and it can be a bit
06:27of a turn-off so be mindful that fifth
06:32just as important is starting out the
06:35conversation by established by
06:36establishing similarity is booked ending
06:39with a follow-up lifeline and following
06:43up and following through a lifeline here
06:45clearances try to identify something in
06:47the conversation where you can add
06:49immediate value you know think of when
06:51personally when you're talk with the
06:52person think of a way that you me may be
06:54able to make a connection for them
06:55straight away much the same way that
06:57computer program I did with me and Dan
06:58seven years ago if you can add value
07:02immediately do it if not you can add
07:05soon after do that as well one thing I
07:07like to do is if I'm reading a newspaper
07:09article or seeing a you know I see a
07:11product that I know someone in my
07:12network may be interested in I'll go
07:14ahead and send it to them in fact you
07:15know just yesterday Sabrina and I met
07:17with the CLO over Evernote and I was
07:19great great meeting was for a class
07:20project and this morning in the Wall
07:22Street Journal there was a quote from
07:23the the co-founder the chips for the
07:26co-founder of the charter schools hip
07:28charter schools saying how he loved
07:31Evernote it was his favorite app I was
07:32the one to use all the time so what I do
07:34this morning I shot an email off to the
07:35CLO saying hey look you got some you got
07:37a nice shout out in The Wall Street
07:38Journal this morning it shows people
07:40that you were in the moment in that
07:42networking engagement you're thinking
07:43about them and you're you know you're
07:45being mindful about what they may need
07:46and you're showing how again you can add
07:49value following through is super
07:51important we've all been in situations
07:53where someone says they're gonna do
07:54something and they don't someone says
07:56they're gonna call and they don't that
07:58doesn't work in the dating world doesn't
08:00work in the networking world don't over
08:02promise and under deliver follow up
08:05follow through so these are just a few
08:09strategies to help make networking
08:12situations one-on-one networking
08:14situations a little bit easier a
08:16big-picture networking isn't
08:19transactional it's not about numbers
08:21it's not about how many LinkedIn
08:22connections you have or how many
08:23Facebook friends you have networking is
08:26about building real relationships
08:27relationships where you add value and
08:30the other person adds value for you I
08:32didn't know seven years ago when I sat
08:35down with Dan that first time that the
08:37conversations we were gonna have and the
08:39ventures we were gonna work on together
08:41would one day lead me to stand here
08:43today but they did and the relationship
08:47with Dan and dozens others over the
08:49years have put me in a position to be
08:51able to speak with you this
08:53for some of you in the room maybe a
08:55little shocked more shy I hope some of
08:57these landmines that I discussed will
08:58help make the next networking
09:00interaction for you a bit more
09:01comfortable for some of you who are
09:03extrovert seen maybe a bit overzealous
09:06like myself I help talking about some of
09:08the landmines I've stepped on will prove
09:10cautionary in the end when we're
09:14finished with the GSB we'll all have
09:16accumulated a lot of Education long know
09:19a lot and although that education will
09:22take us a certain distance the people we
09:26know those in our network the
09:29relationships we've built will determine
09:31our ultimate success thank you
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