00:06Carl Yung once said until we make the
00:10unconscious conscious it will direct our
00:14life and we will call it
00:17fate I want you to ask yourselves for a
00:21moment how conscious are you of your
00:24motivations and of your
00:26drives how conscious are you of the
00:30emotions that impact your decisions are
00:33you aware of them or do you have a
00:35tendency to suppress
00:37them this year and a half at the GSB
00:40I've learned that as a leader I have to
00:43be able to recognize my emotions for the
00:47potential they have to lead me to make
00:50better decisions and to forge stronger
00:54connections growing up my parents made a
00:58big effort to teach my brother and me
01:00important values I recall two of them
01:03today the importance of being genuinely
01:07caring and the importance of being
01:11resilient but very early on I started to
01:15suppress emotions that contradicted
01:17these values I started to suppress for
01:20example fear because it contradicted
01:25resilient and this tendency to suppress
01:28emotions has led me to wrong and
01:31sometimes catastrophic decisions and I
01:34want to share a couple with
01:37you thck nuta a Vietnamese Buddhist
01:40leader also said something that
01:42resonates a lot with this value of being
01:44genuinely caring he said the most
01:47important gift you can offer anyone is
01:50attention and yet I was Finding
01:53challenging for me to offer my full
01:56attention to my friends and this became
02:00last quarter when I took tou
02:02Philly during this 3-hour long sessions
02:06I was finding it difficult to connect
02:08with the problems my friends were
02:10sharing I was finding myself being AB
02:18friends in this class helped me
02:20recognize an emotion that I was feeling
02:22all along for some of the problems they
02:25were sharing and this emotion was
02:30I was feeling it and I was unconsciously
02:33suppressing it because it contradicted
02:36this value and this IM image I had about
02:39myself and that I had learned from my
02:40parents being genuinely
02:43caring but just being able to recognize
02:46it completely changed my experience in
02:49touchy feeling I was no longer reactive
02:53to it but I was being conscious of it
02:56and being able to regulate my reactions
02:59when I felt it and I found myself being
03:01able to pay increased attention to my
03:03friends and I found myself being able to
03:06build stronger connections by being a
03:10listener when being a better listener
03:12not only helped me there it has also
03:14helped me in the most important
03:15relationships of my life for example
03:17with my wife who's here today with with
03:19us you can ask her how being a better
03:22listener has improved a Rel a
03:27much but it's hard to tolerate and
03:32emotions by suppressing them we create
03:35the fiction that we are under
03:38control but this is not true when we
03:41suppress them we act
03:43reactively and this is not being in
03:45control let me share a second episode in
03:47which suppressing an emotion led me to
03:51make costly decisions before coming here
03:54I was supervising various projects at a
03:57recycling company I had started with my
03:58brother's 10 10 years before one of this
04:01projects was in a new field for us in
04:04which we had no previous
04:05experience and our partner on this
04:07project started having
04:10delays however at the moment I reasoned
04:13that I shouldn't pay increased attention
04:15to this project given the other
04:17important things I had to attend
04:21to but the truth is that it wasn't this
04:24logical reason this reason that drove
04:28decision it was an another emotion I was
04:30suppressing It Was Fear I was afraid of
04:33looking deeper into things and of
04:36finding out that perhaps I didn't have
04:38the solution the perfect solution to
04:39this problem I was afraid of looking
04:42deeper into things and finding out that
04:44our partner could not deliver which is
04:47happened but things should not have
04:49gotten to this extreme I should have
04:51acted earlier I should have made
04:54ear but I was suppressing fear and
04:57because I was suppressing it I was was
04:59also denying the importance of this
05:02situation I was suppressing it because
05:05it contradicted and it challenged my
05:08strength had I recognized this fear I'm
05:12sure I would have acted sooner I would
05:14have acted differently and things would
05:16not have turned out this
05:18way but here is an important thing at
05:21the moment when I suppressed this fear I
05:23was able to come up with all sorts of
05:26logical reasons to back up my decision
05:29to substantiate what why my decision to
05:32keep my attention span on change was the
05:34correct one you see we're very good at
05:38justifying our decisions and at
05:41rationalizing everything we do and and
05:43rationalizing our choices as the correct
05:47ones but when we exclude our emotions
05:51from our decision making process we deny
05:54ourselves from the important information
05:56they convey about us and about the
06:02face but fortunately not everything in
06:06my case is bad news I want to share a
06:09final story in which being able to
06:11recognize my emotions LEDs to more
06:14positive outcomes last quarter I also
06:17took the negotiations class with
06:19Margaret Neil highly recommended
06:22class but the most important learning
06:24was not the theoretical component of the
06:26class it was again about myself
06:31negotiations I had always an eagerness
06:36agreement and in re in wanting to reach
06:40that rapid agreement I always made fast
06:42concessions to my counterpart and I saw
06:44myself as an effective negotiator
06:46because I could reach an agreement
06:48rapidly but the reason why I was making
06:51so fast concessions to my counterpart
06:53was not because I was being effective
06:56but because I was feeling anxious and
06:58uncomfortable able with perhaps the
07:01underlying notion that a negotiation you
07:03take something away from your
07:04counterpart which is not true because
07:06you you also give something to your
07:08counterpart and both parties emerg
07:10better than what they
07:11were and I had the opportunity this past
07:15winter break to test this awareness back
07:18home I had the chance to Le an important
07:20negotiation for my company and I
07:22anticipated this usal emotional
07:24reactions and became comfortable with
07:27them and was able to self-regulate and
07:31accordingly and we Clos the deal in
07:34better on better terms than we had
07:38expected so the first conclusion
07:43is that feeling fear feeling
07:48anxiousness feeling disdain feeling
07:53jealousy doesn't make you a bad leader
07:57nor does it make you a bad person
08:00it is our actions that Define us not our
08:04emotions but by suppressing our
08:07emotions we can make wrong and sometimes
08:13catastrophic decisions and take the
08:15wrong paths and the wrong
08:19actions so finally let me share with
08:22you ways in which you can increase your
08:26awareness that have been personally
08:27helpful for me first first of
08:30all if you're a student here take
08:33advantage of the opportunities you have
08:35GSB take a look at the courses that
08:37offer you opportunities to increase your
08:39awareness some very helpful ones
08:41personally have been of course tail high
08:44performance leadership pass to power
08:47another one across the street called
08:49stress and awareness that teaches uh
08:52mindfulness meditation which is a tool
08:55that helps you to sit comfortable with
08:57your current emotions
09:00second build personal and professional
09:02relationships that are conducive to
09:05honest feedback the best way to learn
09:08about yourself or one of the best ways
09:09to learn about yourself is by letting
09:12others help by enabling others to do
09:15so finally and most importantly give
09:18yourself time to reflect to take a step
09:21back and gain deeper understanding of
09:24your emotions and of your motivations
09:27and in light of the initial quote
09:30to shed Consciousness to your decisions
09:32so that you can choose your fate thank
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