00:00hi today I'm gonna try and cover a
00:01difficult topic which is how to waste
00:04your life I get a lot of messages from
00:07people that are looking to for help in
00:09their work life their personal life and
00:11it'll start with something like trying
00:13to get a promotion at a job or just
00:14trying to start a small business or do
00:16something similar to what I'm doing and
00:17then when we hit the roadblocks as to
00:19why they can't do that when the last and
00:21follow-up questions what often happens
00:23is they'll discuss things that occurred
00:24during childhood but they'll gloss over
00:26it like it was this really small detail
00:28and I'll think your god that happened to
00:31you because to me to somebody who didn't
00:35go through that specific experience it
00:37is profoundly scary it's profoundly
00:42tragic and terrible and I not something
00:47that I can loss over but the fact that
00:49someone who's messaging making gloss
00:50over that terrible experience tells me
00:52that as much as it hurts it's something
00:54that needs to be revisited if it is
00:56affecting the way people are living
00:57their lives right now so when it comes
01:00to bad childhoods children are going to
01:02feel very alone that is only natural if
01:06that person has gone through awful
01:08experiences so let's say that there are
01:10certain terrible abuses that that occur
01:12you know I've read that in 2011
01:15something like 28 percent of kids within
01:18the US Department of Education system
01:20felt terribly bullied with Noah with no
01:22recourse or solution if you google
01:24statistics on how many parents beat
01:27their children and how frequently they
01:29hit their kids it is it is some
01:31harrowing stuff there are in the me2
01:34movement brought out so much information
01:35on people that were molest or to
01:37sexually abused as kids there is this
01:40there is this complicity in society
01:43where people choose to turn a blind eye
01:47to things going on that are terrible if
01:50you are a teacher at a public school and
01:53you hear what is very clearly a punch to
01:56the face and you turn around only
01:57halfway like this and say stop that and
01:59turn back at the board without turning
02:01around all the way to see that one kid
02:04is crying has a blue mark on his face
02:08and it's small and another kid is
02:10laughing has a sore knuckle and is
02:13it's it's one of these things where it
02:16is easy for the child to see the teacher
02:18is complicit in this occurring when that
02:21kid looks around to the other kids in
02:23the class and sees that there are 30 or
02:2450 students that are all either turning
02:27away like this ignoring it or and then
02:30going back to doing their homework it is
02:32it is easy for that kid to believe that
02:35there are 30 students in one teacher
02:37that think that what happened is okay to
02:40see them as complicit it is easy if your
02:44father comes home at seven o'clock and
02:47walks up to the window where I buy the
02:49chair that you're sitting at screams at
02:51you you talk back a little and he
02:52punches you in the face repeatedly if
02:54there is a neighbor and he's looking out
02:57his window as he's reading the paper and
02:59he sees you that's the moment at which
03:01you think he's gonna notice something
03:03he's gonna say something he's gonna bang
03:04in the window and say that's not cool
03:06he's gonna call he's gonna come to the
03:08door and knock on it and say hey what's
03:10going on he's gonna call 9-1-1 but
03:12instead of doing that the neighbor
03:13closes his blinds and goes back to
03:16reading his paper and drinking his
03:18evening tea there are times where kids
03:21are sexually molested and it may be by a
03:25boyfriend of the mom and this is
03:28something that is sadly more likely to
03:30happen as you know sexual abuse
03:32typically occurs more often with people
03:34that are not biologically related than
03:36are biologically related and the kid
03:40comes home and the kids really sad and
03:42acting entirely different than usual and
03:45the mom doesn't notice any change in the
03:50kids emotional state any change in the
03:52kid's excitement for life and what
03:57happens in these states is what allows
04:00the kid to keep going is the kid thinks
04:03today is the day that someone will
04:05notice today is gonna be the day that
04:07someone is gonna ask me a question today
04:09is gonna be the day that somebody is
04:10going to save me that's what keeps that
04:13kid going and every time the kid really
04:16realizes that there's nobody coming to
04:18save him every time the kid realizes I
04:20can come home and my mom doesn't notice
04:22any difference in me nor does she care
04:24when it is her job to that she is
04:27I'm the teacher looks and turns around
04:29in acts as if the kid is equally a true
04:33at fault as the kid who punched him in
04:35the face with no provocation that kid
04:38realizes that that teacher is complicit
04:40every time the teacher sees that none of
04:42the kids around say hey that's not cool
04:44the teacher knows the kid knows that
04:45those people are complicit
04:47every time the kid no realizes that
04:49instead of knock on the door when they
04:51when the neighbor hears dishes cracking
04:55and faces getting punched and closes
04:58their blinds he realizes that that's
05:00another person that was complicit in his
05:02life being made miserable it is natural
05:04to feel alone because these people were
05:06complicit in your misery they took an
05:08active role in ignoring what was going
05:11on you cannot be expected to be social
05:17with those people you cannot be expected
05:19as a child to like those people you
05:21cannot be expected as a child to relate
05:23to those people because I would dare say
05:25that they were just as much willing
05:28participants in your abuse as the person
05:31who is actually performing the abuse now
05:33if that person ever hints that something
05:37they are screamed at they are absolutely
05:39screamed at silently by people with
05:42looks - shut up - stop talking - stop
05:49letting others know that they need to do
05:51something because doing something is
05:53hard tweeting a hashtag is easy yelling
05:56and screaming about how much you care
05:58about something from the comfort of your
06:00chair and your cell phone is easy but
06:04it's hard to independently advocate to
06:08stop the abuse of another human being
06:09and this is so frustrating to so many
06:13people particularly in the world that we
06:14live in now where I grew up you know
06:18under the concept of diversity is our
06:20strength where there were people of all
06:22religions of all races of all sexual
06:25orientations of all ethnicities in the
06:29same classroom in the same workplace in
06:31on the same block in the same community
06:34so what what we're told is that we care
06:37so much about advocating for the
06:39underdog everybody pretends to
06:41care but all of these diverse different
06:44groups of people equally do not care
06:47about the suffering of one individual
06:48and further they are all pretending to
06:51care about all these perceives and
06:53justices and hashtags while ignoring the
06:55real injustice that's right in front of
06:58this does not prep people to
07:01productively become a member of society
07:03or to productively socialize in a world
07:06of diverse people now the issue here
07:13really comes with how it is people make
07:17decisions within society we often make
07:19decisions based on a subset of the whole
07:22for example if we are looking to approve
07:24a new drug let's just talk about let's
07:26just say you know we're looking at
07:27approving something like Advil for the
07:29first time you will see that it will say
07:31something like Naomi let's just say I
07:33haven't read the side of the bottle of
07:342% likelihood of nausea 5% of the people
07:38have had instances of headaches 0.02%
07:42defend instances of prolonged bleeding
07:44if they get a cut blah blah blah this is
07:46not based on testing the drug on all 350
07:49million people in the United States
07:50that's not what we do to make things
07:53simpler and viable that drug will be
07:55tested on a hundred people than thousand
07:57and ten thousand and a hundred thousand
07:59then maybe a million and then we will
08:01extrapolate those results to guess in
08:04for in an informed manner how that drug
08:07will affect the whole of society the 350
08:10million people based on the subset of
08:12the thousand ten thousand hundred
08:13thousand and so on and so forth we make
08:15decisions based on the subsets so as
08:17this child grows people are gonna say
08:20well you're dealing with new people now
08:22you're in a new school
08:23you're away from your abusive parents
08:25you're away from the person that
08:26molested you but the reality of the
08:28situation is that we make decisions
08:30based on the subsets if we were in a
08:33classroom of 30 people and every single
08:36one of them laughed as a large kid
08:39punched us in the face we can only
08:41assume that the hole is going to be
08:45derivative of the subset if we are in a
08:49situation where 200 of the teachers at a
08:51school all saw what was going on and not
08:55care to intervene in a manner that
08:56actually led to change we can only
09:00assume that the whole is gonna be
09:01derivative of the subset if we have had
09:04five neighbors walk by and see that I
09:06didn't have a black eye five minutes ago
09:09but I have a black eye now and the only
09:11difference is that my father was walking
09:13me to the laundry room we can only
09:15assume that all that the people that we
09:18meet in society is going to be a
09:19derivative of the subset of the
09:21neighbors that close the blinds on us as
09:24we were getting punched in the face as
09:25children so the issue is that that
09:30subset is going to be extracted dried to
09:33the whole and the issue with that is
09:35that people are going to think to
09:38themselves when they grow up if they
09:40were abused as children well I see that
09:43this person appears to be decent but if
09:46that person was Mya junior high school
09:49teacher would they have said something
09:51and we're going to do with most people
09:54would do and say the answer is probably
09:56not you may meet someone a co-worker and
09:59say that seems like a nice person but if
10:01they were in the schoolyard the day that
10:04that kid broke my arm would that person
10:06have said but if they were in that
10:07situation hey that's not cool
10:09or would they have looked by and won and
10:10went back to playing handball you're
10:14gonna say okay that that woman seems
10:16really nice she likes me
10:18but would she have been the neighbor
10:21that called 9-1-1 I ran to knock on the
10:23door but would she have been the
10:24neighbor that closed the blinds you see
10:27for children who have been abused I
10:29believe and I could be wrong here but I
10:31believe that it is very difficult for
10:33them to substitue separate the subset of
10:35individuals who passively watched and
10:38allowed the abuse to occur from the rest
10:41of society it is very easy for them to
10:44ask the question what would you have
10:46done if you were viewing what happened
10:48to me and you can't be around people who
10:51you feel that way about those people
10:54have committed what the child or the one
10:57who is now a grown up perceives to have
10:59been a crime against them and when they
11:01grow up now they're surrounded by people
11:02who they believe would have been
11:05complicit in that crime being committed
11:08if they if that adult were present you
11:12can't be around people if you feel that
11:14way about them and the issue is that I'd
11:18like very good kitty good girl my kitty
11:23is climbing my leg because she wants
11:25I should hopefully edit this out of the
11:28video the thing is a lot of the
11:33questions that I get are related to
11:35direction I don't have direction I feel
11:38like I've wasted my time I'm not sure
11:40how to start I tried all these different
11:42things but I never really knew where to
11:43start and the issue is that direction is
11:45going to come from being a part of the
11:47world being a willing participant in the
11:50world you have to be around other people
11:53you have to be around other situations
11:54to understand what the world needs what
11:56the world does not need more of you need
11:58to be around other people to realize
11:59what it is that you likely may be able
12:02to learn and what it is that's just
12:03gonna be outside your wheelhouse and you
12:05know quantum physics to you you have to
12:07be around other people to see the to see
12:11the opportunities as they present
12:12themselves to you because life is not
12:15this little simple path where I choose I
12:17want to do this then I will read a book
12:19then I will take a class then I will get
12:21a certification then I will do that and
12:23then I will retire with my pension life
12:25doesn't work that way so let mean if I
12:27just look at my life just to make it
12:29very clear that I'm not hyper
12:31intelligent nor am i hyper lucky you
12:33normally even that intelligent or lucky
12:34it's just a case of following what was
12:37in front of me I worked I got an
12:40internship at some recording studio the
12:41recording studio was kind of a dump I
12:44talked to other people who confirmed to
12:46me you know some of my suspicions and
12:48also to people who pointed me at another
12:50studio so I asked well you know what
12:53type of mentality what type of culture
12:56what person do I need to be in order to
12:58get a job at this other studio and then
13:00I get an internship at that other studio
13:02and then I learn a lot from that studio
13:04because there were a lot of other people
13:06at that studio that were they were
13:09hipsters they snubbed their nose at
13:10everybody they and they thought they
13:12were better and I didn't get along with
13:15them at all and I was also one of the
13:16only people that cleaned the bathroom
13:17and then I shared and I learned that
13:20apparently the other tech staff who I
13:21would have loved to learn from
13:23also didn't like the hipsters and they
13:24also noticed that the bathroom that I
13:26cleaned was the one that was cleaner
13:27than all the others and they liked that
13:28so I learned a lot but then I realized
13:31that there was fading opportunity there
13:33this Fania he wasn't gonna go I wasn't
13:35gonna go anywhere so I went back to the
13:36old studio and then that studio closed
13:38and I wanted to still keep working on a
13:40session that I was working on there so I
13:42got a Mac and then I realized that it
13:44was broken and that the options to fix
13:47it we're all outside my budget and they
13:49all sucked so I decided to try fixing it
13:53myself and at that point I wound up
13:56reselling it then I talked to somebody
13:58about buying a drive and I was too cheap
14:02to buy it at Best Buy but and that one
14:04person was talking to me a little about
14:06the repair industry and I was talking
14:08about how I don't think it's viable and
14:09he said I don't know all those
14:10advertisements you're reading are
14:12advertisements that are false when you
14:14call them they raise the price by a
14:15hundred if you don't want to do the
14:17repair yourself and they also take a
14:18week I'm never gonna forget that
14:20conversation that I had because if I
14:21hadn't had that conversation I genuinely
14:23would have never even tried and then
14:25that snowballed into into just that
14:30snowball dance of doing repairs for
14:31individuals getting a store expanding
14:34into board repair expanding into having
14:37you know school district clients
14:39expanded into getting corporate clients
14:41recycling clients and all and then into
14:44the youtubes and all this other stuff
14:46you know and I look back at what I
14:48wanted to do when I was a kid I wanted
14:50to be a psychologist and then I wanted
14:52to be a loud speaker engineer and then I
14:54wanted to be a recording engineer and
14:55then I wanted to be a recording studio
14:56tech and now I do YouTube videos I teach
15:00school districts how an RTC your circuit
15:03works and I sell hot air stations over
15:06not at exactly what I planned but the
15:09reality is that you need to be engaged
15:11in the world in order to find the
15:13opportunities that are going to give you
15:15the direction that are going to give you
15:17those cues as to where it is you need to
15:20start and if you are isolated then
15:23you're not gonna have any idea where to
15:24start because you're isolated from all
15:27the people who are going to give you
15:29those cues as to what opportunities are
15:30available what opportunities you should
15:32take what opportunities you shouldn't
15:33take no one finds their place in the
15:36pointing and going I'm gonna do that or
15:38if they do well frankly they've got to
15:40figure it out a lot better than I do but
15:42if you don't go out there into the world
15:45I think that you're assured that you're
15:47likely never going to find him now the
15:50issue is that for many people who have
15:52gone through these terribly abusive
15:54childhoods is that they cannot go out in
15:56the world they cannot go out and talk
15:58with people they cannot go out and be in
16:00a room with people they cannot go out
16:01and and engage in activities with others
16:05in a recreational basis that are going
16:07to allow them to talk with others and
16:09realize what opportunity exists and what
16:11it is they can do or what is they
16:12shouldn't do or what it is that would be
16:14cool to do because they walk into a room
16:16and all they see are a group of people
16:19that are complicit in their misery
16:21even if those are people that the kid
16:23who was abused never met when he's 20 or
16:2625 or 30 or 35 and he walks into a room
16:28all he thinks is you're somebody that
16:30when I was a kid would have watched and
16:32laughed you're somebody who would have
16:33closed the blinds you're someone who
16:35would have turned around to went back to
16:37the chalkboard rather than spend five
16:39seconds investigating whether or not
16:41what was happening to me should have
16:43been stopped it's impossible to relate
16:46to other people when you have that
16:48reason to hate them when you framework
16:50them in that way where you have a reason
16:52to hate all of humanity now someday that
16:57person may get out of that and they may
16:59decide I'm gonna go to a party this is
17:01what's gonna happen when they're a
17:02little bit older when they're in their
17:04late 30s late 40s early 50s they may go
17:07to a party they may go to some
17:08recreational event and when they go to
17:10that event they may find that they need
17:12wd-40 in their cheap-ass Amazon chair
17:14it's not when they go to that party
17:16they're gonna start talking to people
17:18and they're gonna realize that a lot of
17:20their dreams that they have not achieved
17:22have been achieved by people half their
17:25age that a dream that that person came
17:28up with when they were 20 it has been
17:30achieved by somebody else and that that
17:34you came up with that dream while that
17:37person was still a fetus and that person
17:39has then become an adult and then
17:41achieved the dream that you have yet to
17:42achieve they're going to be wearing
17:44their accomplishments in the form of the
17:47person that they've married or that they
17:48have on their arm they can
17:49be wearing their accomplishments in the
17:51form of the job that she has that you
17:53don't they can be wearing their
17:54accomplishments in the form of the
17:57activities that they talk about being
17:59involved in that you can only imagine
18:01taking 10 years to become confident
18:03enough competent enough to be engaged in
18:06they're gonna talk about everything that
18:07they've done with their life and you're
18:09gonna be sitting there realizing that
18:11you have done nothing that is incredibly
18:15painful the feeling of a wasted life the
18:17feeling that you have been inside of a
18:18prison of your own making is too much
18:22for anybody to bear that 20 or 10 or 30
18:25years have gone by with no personal
18:28improvement with no accomplishment when
18:31you actually get to contrast what you
18:33have contributed to the world to what
18:34everybody else has contributed to the
18:36world it's going to be impossible it's
18:38going to be overwhelmingly negative to
18:41the point where you may just want to
18:42break down and cry so what is the person
18:44who has abused it when that happens they
18:46decide I cannot do this I am NOT going
18:48out there again I will not brave that
18:50again because I do not want to be
18:52subjected to the truth that all of these
18:57things were accomplished by and other
18:59people did them and I didn't take part I
19:00was in the backseat of my own life so
19:03what happens that person decides I'm not
19:06gonna involve myself with other people
19:07I'm not gonna go or and be around other
19:10people because every time I'm around
19:11other people it's a reminder that I
19:13didn't get to live my life and this
19:17here's the thing I want I want to point
19:19out here if you don't step out of that
19:21prison if you don't step out into the
19:23world then you wind up confirming the
19:28darkest fate of them all for yourself
19:29because remember those people that you
19:31hated because they closed the blinds as
19:33someone was ruining your life remember
19:35those people that you hated because they
19:37turned around and laughed or they turned
19:39around to do nothing as someone ruining
19:40your life now you are one of them you
19:45know that isolation is what caused it
19:46you know that you're making an act of
19:49choice to not be around other people you
19:51know that this will lead to a life of
19:54misery and unproductive nasir sentencing
19:59yourself to it just to not feel that
20:02you have now become one of the people
20:05who is complicit in ruining your life
20:09awful now how do you solve something
20:12like this how do you ensure that your
20:14life is not wasted how do you learn to
20:16see other people in a different way
20:19well there's this psychological concept
20:21called projection it's we will accuse
20:24others of things that we are doing we
20:26will assume that others act in a manner
20:29that we do we and it's something that's
20:34very very difficult to dig into but it's
20:36why people that walk into my store that
20:40have clearly stolen a phone are
20:41jittering and like hey hey do you you do
20:45iCloud lock oh you know how much the
20:48cost how much good they're so scared of
20:50getting screwed because they themselves
20:52have screwed some but it is this a
20:54psychological concept of projection
20:56where you are going to accuse others of
20:58doing things that you have done where
21:00you are going to assume malice and
21:02others are bad and others that you have
21:04done with which is why the person who is
21:07constantly this happen in my dating life
21:10the person who is constantly accusing
21:12you of infidelity is someone who
21:15themselves wants to [Â __Â ] other men by
21:17the way that's going on in your life
21:18dump them when this is it's just a
21:22reality of life so we can use this and
21:26we can reverse this to be helpful so the
21:30abused thinks that everybody else has
21:32this malison that if if they were in the
21:34situation that I that every other kid in
21:37the class was in if that person that I
21:39met when I was 40 was the neighbor when
21:41I was six sitting by the window about to
21:43close the blinds they would have chose
21:45it's impossible for that person to see
21:47the good in others how can we get that
21:50person to see the good in others well it
21:52starts with you starts with us go out
21:56into the world one day and do your best
21:59to make somebody else's life less
22:00miserable in any small way that you can
22:03doesn't have to be grand you don't have
22:05to cure cancer you don't have to donate
22:06fifty thousand to a charity you don't
22:08have to go you know you don't lose your
22:10mind just do something to make it your
22:13goal to find someone who is
22:15Payne find someone is going through a
22:16[Â __Â ] day find someone who's miserable
22:18and make it your mission to make their
22:20life better so what you've done is now
22:23you've tried to be a part of the change
22:25you want to see in the world you've
22:26decided I want to make someone else's
22:28life less miserable that has been yours
22:30that's now your stated goal so through
22:33the psychological process of projection
22:35I believe that eventually you will be
22:38able to see others that way you see
22:41as someone who wants to make the world
22:44better for other people who genuinely
22:45looks to change the lives of miserable
22:47people in some small way so that they
22:48are better so that the world does not
22:50yet get one over on by doing that it
22:53becomes more difficult to see other
22:55people through this negative lens as
22:57people who would have just passively
22:58unlocked during childhood abuse and not
23:01done anything it becomes more difficult
23:02to see others in a complete opposite
23:05manner from the way that you view
23:06yourself and it would be difficult for
23:08you to view yourself negatively if you
23:10are actively taking a role in trying to
23:12make the world a better place so what I
23:15would prescribe is this go out into the
23:17world and try to make the world a better
23:19place in some small way for one person
23:22on a regular basis and then as time goes
23:25on see if your perception of these
23:28people changes see if your perception of
23:30the people around you changes see if
23:31you're at a point where you can walk
23:34into a room of people and see them as
23:36individuals who are not complicit in
23:40your misery not people that would have
23:42done nothing but rather as people that
23:44would have said hey that's not cool stop
23:47see if after partaking in this exercise
23:49when you walk into a room of people that
23:51you can see them as individuals who
23:53would not have closed the blinds as
23:54people who would have turned around to
23:56stop that as a mom who would have said
23:58hey maybe I should break up with this
23:59person because my son seems to be really
24:02bothered around them
24:03rather than somebody who would have just
24:04ignored them went upstairs ate ice cream
24:06and stuffed french toast and watch
24:09Netflix see what you can do see if it
24:12changes your outlook and see if it
24:13allows you to be around other people
24:15because engaging with other people is
24:17fundamentally the best way to find
24:20direction it's the best way to find
24:21opportunity it's the best way to get
24:23from point A to point B it's the best
24:25way to do it just get anywhere
24:27and you're not gonna get anywhere in
24:28life if you're not engaged with other
24:30people if you're not engaged in the
24:32world if you're not a participant in the
24:33world and there are so many people that
24:35get so far that are not that intelligent
24:38that don't have a lot of luck that are
24:42probably pretty dumb because they were
24:45just engaged and paid attention and had
24:48their eyes open and talked and listened
24:50a lot of listening and you gotta be in
24:52him you gotta be in a frame of mind
24:54where you can do that so hopefully if
24:59you are one of these individuals this in
25:01some way has helped you and I would
25:03encourage you greatly to make these
25:05changes as early as you can because the
25:08older you get the harder it is to do the
25:11older you get the more depressing it
25:13will be and I don't want anybody to wake
25:16up and realize it's too late I wasted my
25:19entire life and that's it for today and
25:22as always I hope you learned something
![Welp, Here's what the Fed *Just* Said [Fed FOMC Minutes]](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2Fl8u23oq1E9E%2Fhqdefault.jpg&w=3840&q=75)
